Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1111985

Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 0:37:23

So I didn't sleep very well for a few nights. I had this deadline I set myself of getting documents to the court... I was working on that. Then there was some Windows update and my bottom bar turned into a side bar -- only I didn't know that that was what the issue was. It looked like programmes were disappearing off of my computer...

Anyway...

I went to A&E because my foot was looking infected.

It looked like fairly junior people. Doctors, I mean. Practicing their skills. Was how it seemed / was how it felt. I didn't get my foot examined by a Doctor because I made the mistake, I guess, of saying I had been an inpatient for psychiatric stuff before...

Then it was off to short stay / toxicology for me, for the night. After mid-night apparently I am not allowed to leave because someone is coming to section me under the mental health act.

Large Pacific Islander security guards stationed outside my door. I'm being held involuntarily in a room in the A&E set up with a defibrillator machine. All these laser-like lights. Beeps echoing weirdly from the busier areas outside.

Wall backing onto... Apparently it's ventillation from the Staff bathroom, or something. Smells like urine. Male urine. A vent right behind the head of the bed. Charming.

I actually got terrified for a moment, there... I realised that my armband tag said who my GP (family doctor) was and it said a doctor who works for City Mission. Homeless people. You know. So they would have assumed I was homeless or thereabouts.

Then I get shuttled to Psychiatric ICU. Never heard of such a thing. It's the new seclusion that isn't secluded. Something like that.

It was all really really very bizarre, indeed.

Did I lose it? Meh... Maybe a little. I took the second lock-down very seriously and only went to the Supermarket 2x I think, over 2 1/2 weeks. I didn't see anybody in person. I didn't go for daily walks. I worked on the law stuff... I procrastinated the law stuff while it was stewing around in my head. I got very very lost in the law stuff. Why am I expected to file my own judicial review for the courts? Why can't anybody do any of the things they are supposed to do when it comes to me. Why can't the CE of NZQA do their job? Why can't the TEC do their job? Why can't they process enrolments and work and completions and hand out the f*ck*ng Degrees they are paid to process, already? What's the f*ck*ng problem?

So I find myself on a 5 day treatment order. Olanzapine. That appears to be the new Seroquel. You know the thing. It's what everybody gets put on.

The Psychiatrist was weird. He did not conduct a proper history or assessment. He has no reason to believe me to be a harm or danger to myself or to anybody else. He would hear only what he wanted to hear and he believed I was delusional so as to involuntarily detain and medicate me against my will. There was an element of... Gloating. Triumph. There's something off with / about him. I asked him for his registration number and he wouldn't give it to me. I asked him who he was registered with and he made up stories... He declined to answer who he had been de-registered with...

I phoned a District Inspector. I think it was only because of that and her saying she would look into things that I was transferred out of the Psychiatric ICU into a more open ward. I... I'm actually fairly afraid that if I hadn't have contacted her I might still be involuntarily detained in Psychiatric ICU being involuntarily Medicated... Uh... Indefinately... For another 2 weeks and then...

I started to feel rather a lot like a guinea pig. Or a model. A student model. Yay. A patient who approximates a student enough for the students to practice on a real live patient and have their things signed off on... They seemed to like me being there for that. In no hurry to have me leave.

I don't know that I actually saw a psychiatrist after him. A girl. She looked young. I suppose she did First Year Medicine when she was 18 and then would have been 23 her first year on the wards. Then 24 and 25 for PGY1 and PGY2. And then psychiatry registrar... Not sure how long the training programme is... Let's say 4 years... 28. I suppose she might have been 29 or 29 or 30... I suppose she might have been...

And then a registrar girl. And then a house doctor girl.

And there's me. The patient. And there's them. The people who have the power to involuntarily detain me and force me to take medication against my will. Because, you know, New Zealand picked them to be the ones with the money and the power (let's not forget what it's about really) and picked me to be the psychiatric patient. For them to get to play with. Yay them. They made it in life. Awwwwwwwwwww pooor alex. You lose. Better luck next time.

______________________

I don't know what kind of attitude I am supposed to have about the situation.

I really don't know.

What would a 'normal' response or reaction be? I don't know that there is one. The circumstances / situation is... Uh... Yeah...

I wonder about the meetings they have about me behind closed doors. I don't need to wonder about the meetings they have about me behind closed doors. I know what they say about me behind closed doors. They say I'm institutionalised... That I like being in hospital. They say... They say... They say...

Look at where the money goes.
Look at the people who get to involuntarily detain and force medicate.
Look at the people who are the victims of their 'helping'.
That's sort of everything that I need to know.
That bit there.
It's important to focus on that bit there.

No part of me is having fun playing 'patient' while they get to play 'doctor'. No part of me, at all.

Where were the grown-ups? There didn't really seem to be...

Yeah...

Sigh.

If I do get to study a 4 year undergrad and 4 year Med then... Uh... I think my Visa requires me to exit for 2 years before I can return. That means I might need to do PGY1 and PGY2 in NZL. If they will hire me to do that, even, apparently that is not straightforward if you didn't do Med here... Otherwise... I guess I have a 2 year gap before applying for residency... The match... Might be delayed for me... Not sure...

Anyway... Back to my cold house.

My landlord gave me 3 months notice of a rent hike. From $405 per week to... $455, I believe. Quite the hike. I asked if the hike was because he was planning on installing a heat pump and ventillation since these things were going to be required by law in the very near future and apparently not. He just thinks that since beneficiaries got an extra $25 per week and an extra $40 per week for some of the year to help with heat costs and food costs and things like that... He just thinks that that's his for the taking when it comes to rent.

I don't suppose I have been evicted. But I suppose it lights a bug under my *ss to start looking into alternative accommodation. This building is old and the windows and the doors rattle and the wind whistles through. It feels like a haunted mausoleum, now. Creepy. Cold. Very cold. There is black mold lurking under the paint work in the bathroom / kitchen side of the house. I didn't realise that concrete is a heat sink. When the sun goes down it hoards the heat. It sucks the heat towards it. There's a particular cold in the air from concrete. When I was growing up the house had a concrete floor... Yeah... It's a cold you feel inside your bones.

In other news... I actually threw away my noice cancelling stuff. Well... I put a lot of things into recycling. Simplifying my life. Things that had become a burden. The recycling is sorted by people. And people hunt through our recycling and rubbish bins at any rate. I'm sure that stuff I put out would have gone to a good home... At least some of it...

Simplifying my life...

Yeah.

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 1:07:49

In reply to The Bizarre, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 0:37:23

It's because of the whole 'fan-boy' aspect or element.

Like how when I was at Salmond College they move in a couple people who were accepted to the Medical Programme. I don't know. Thinking that I would be content with meeting people who had been accepted and living things vicariously through them.

There's that kind of an element or aspect to it that I find really squeemish / repulsive. I don't want to marry a Doctor. I don't want to hear all about other people's experiences in Medical School or hear all about other people's experiences seeing patients or whatever. I don't want to live it vicariously by getting as close to Doctors as I can by being a patient.

I just...

Don't get these people, at all...

It doesn't register. It makes no sense...

I can look after myself better than they can look after me...

I don't know what to say... Do I want to stay? Not if it means being under their thumb.

What has NZL done for me / made me? It wants to view me as a Psychiatric Patient who is required to live in an institution only. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. Someone who is delusional about enrolling at University Level... Delusional about being able to do Research...

It's a swampy swamp swamp swamp...

I wish I could help but, uh, they kinda tied me up so I couldn't. Yeah. Are we having fun, yet? I think some people really really really really are. Yeah.

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 14:42:41

In reply to Re: The Bizarre, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 1:07:49

In other news, my skin feels the best it's felt in a long time. 5 days of 3 x per day amoxycillin. Cleared up the infection in my foot. Cleaned up my skin bacteria. No inflammed / clogged pores. I wish I knew what the hospital wash was, too. The generic hand wash / body wash / hair wash. One product that leaves everything feeling clean and soft. Maybe long term use wouldn't leave things feeling so clean and soft. But, generally, my skin does better with whatever it is than it does with whatever I can get my hands on from supermarkets and pharmacies and the like...

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by sigismund on September 9, 2020, at 15:37:38

In reply to Re: The Bizarre, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 14:42:41

> I wish I knew what the hospital wash was, too.

Chlorhexidine surgical scrub?

>One product that leaves everything feeling clean and soft.

Skin is naturally slightly acidic. Soap is alkaline and very drying. There are some skin cleaning solutions that use salicylic acid 2%

 

Re: The Bizarre sigismund

Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 23:28:43

In reply to Re: The Bizarre, posted by sigismund on September 9, 2020, at 15:37:38

> Chlorhexidine surgical scrub?

Hmm. I looked that up. I don't think it was that. It may be, but I don't think it was that. It is some kind of soap substitute, though, that they place in showers so that you can wash your body / face / hair. One product and everything felt clean and soft.

Yeah. Acid mantle and all that. I usually get a giant bottle of whatever bodywash from the Supermarket smells the best. I don't really have sensitive skin -- but my skin bacteria tend to get out of whack and have a field day in my pores.

But then Shampoo and Conditioner... My hair doesn't do so well with being stripped of natural oils all the time. Goes very fly-away. I know some people forgo cleaning products altogether and let natural oils self-clean... But I want to smell fresh and need not to look too oily...

I was impressed how it cleaned hair pretty well.

I got some qv to try... I would love to do away with needing to get shampoo and conditioner...

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 23:31:12

In reply to Re: The Bizarre sigismund, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 23:28:43

Also sometimes the best cleaning product is whatever you haven't been using. I mean to say that sometimes when I get a new moisturiser or bodywash or whatever I think it's the greatest thing, ever, the first or second or third time I use it. But then you get build-up of it, or whatever, and the magic wears off. Then you re-discover what you liked about the previous one. It might be just that kind of effect.

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2020, at 14:35:53

In reply to Re: The Bizarre, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2020, at 23:31:12

I suppose it confirmed, really, that there's nothing here.

I presented with an infected toe... Nobody took a look at my toe.

Nobody did a proper history.

A bunch of studnets got to practice their skills. Practice putting a line in. Practice performing an abdominal examination. All I was was fodder for their skill practice. They did not introduce themselves properly with their name and their title. The most senior person refused to supply his registration number so that I could check that he was in fact registered to practice. It might sound crazy to think that I got a parasite in my foot from walking on fecal contaminated soil -- but such things can and do happen. Nobody looked at my foot. It might have been more probable that I was wrong... But nobody looked at my foot.

People are presenting less to the hospital becuase they are worried about CoronaVirus.

But since returning to this country many things have felt like a bunch of kids straggling themselves up any-old-how. No responsible adults in sight. Particularly in Education. Where we seem to offer places to people on the basis of some combination of them being incompetent or them being not accredited and the like. Them being willing to do things improperly. Them being willing to 'train' the wrong people for the wrong reasons and so forth...

It feels like a playground for certain priviledged people to do whatever they like. It feels like that's about all it is / that's about all there is.

There is no point working in such a system that does not reward (nor desire) work.

I am so tired of trying to help this country develop as it drags it's heels behind and whines and moans and complains and carries on... Time to go.

 

Re: The Bizarre

Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2020, at 0:19:34

In reply to Re: The Bizarre, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2020, at 14:35:53

to be fair they took bloods and eosinophils weren't up. they also regularly took blood pressure / temperature and i didn't go into shock or cytokine storm or anything like that. so i don't suppose they needed to look at my toes, particularly...


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