Psycho-Babble Social Thread 1106900

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by jay2112 on November 29, 2019, at 19:53:17

Well, as I approach the half-century mark in a couple of weeks, I still find it hard to keep myself up and at the game. I worry about the health of my aging dog, who is about 12, and is the only thing left I am clinging to for dear life. But, I also want to get outta the crappy private rental market, into a subsidized housing complex for people with severe mental illness. See, coming up to 50, I also fear a bit of my life is "over", and I really lost the past 15 or so years to horrific bipolar2. But, I have a hard time keeping my physical space...yes, a 50 year old guy who definitely can't keep his room, apartment clean. I am a social worker who needs a social worker. So, this would provide that, gentle 'persuasion', and some subsidized funding. Thing is, too, I want to work again. I don't want to retire. I feel like it is a zoo out there, and my lack of social upkeep just makes me look older, and bloated. I don't have any hard "technical" skills...just a social workin social worker. The world wants a fat wallet, not a big heart. thank you...merci..

Jay

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2019, at 22:26:53

In reply to Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by jay2112 on November 29, 2019, at 19:53:17

I am not sure I see a dilemma. Do you mean you feel you have to choose between trying to find employment so you have more money or trying to get into a subsidised housing complex which would mean someone may help you keep your apartment clean and you wouldn't need to work?

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please.... alexandra_k

Posted by jay2112 on November 30, 2019, at 13:12:36

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by alexandra_k on November 29, 2019, at 22:26:53

> I am not sure I see a dilemma. Do you mean you feel you have to choose between trying to find employment so you have more money or trying to get into a subsidised housing complex which would mean someone may help you keep your apartment clean and you wouldn't need to work?
>
>

Hey thanks.....you make good sense. I just kinda feel a bit like moving into 'institutionalized' housing is a bit stigmatizing. But, really, who cares...I need to look after me. Mostly, my concern is that I want to have a job, at least part-time, but that should be doable no problem at all. I have this lifelong, nasty BP2 illness that has come close to taking my life on many instances.

Jay

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2019, at 23:31:22

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please.... alexandra_k, posted by jay2112 on November 30, 2019, at 13:12:36

It depends on the complex.

I had a good experience in 'supported living' when I needed my own independent accommodation and the only way that was financially feasible was for that money to go to them and they pay a keyworker and all of that in addition to my actually having my own flat.

I don't know how that worked out cheaper for the government. In fact, I know it did not. But there is a good use for me: Making jobs for other people to look after me.

To start with it was pretty terrific. I got back into reading and writing (after medications mess that up for me) and then started back at University.

At that point they decided it would be a terrific idea for me to move in and share a flat with another client, however. She was very long term schizophrenia with flattened affect and no motivation. She started saying she wanted to go to Uni because that was what I was up to. She liked hanging out with me.

It was too much like hard work for me to live with her. I didn't feel comfortable bringing people back. I started to feel irritable with her that she was dragging me down. Unfair situation. Not her fault. She needed more of a Mother. I needed to live independently. Not a good match at all. I ended up hanging out more with other people from the complex to distribute the people time a bit. Then ended up smoking pot to dull the brain to... Fit in better. I suppose.

By the time they realised it wasn't good for me and I needed to live independetly (like I told them all along) they moved me to another complex... But it was too hard to disintangle from the drug people. Ended up going to rehab for a time to disengage from them and move to different accommodation on the way out / back to stay disengaged.

So again... People get paid to look after me. Because I must never have the funds to live independently.

Sigh.

Sorry.. That is all about me. And about how people profiteer from me - which is why I came to be and why I suppose I am forced to be still here.

You could maybe see about some home help. Lots of people have housekeepers to help them keep their house. Keeping house is a lot of work, to be fair. I prefer to look after myself. But I need to live by myself. So I can make good use of my time. Think about study stuff while I am hanging out the washing or whatever. So it doesn't become all-consuming keeping house.

I can't live with others becuase then they become invested in having me look after them.

If I cook something... They will want some. Or they will want to be cooking something when I want to be cooking something so I will have to wait for them. It would be rude not to offer them some. It would be rude not to take some. Then we end up lowest common denominator on the food options / choices. We must all eat rubbish. The rubbish they want. When they want. Or I can spend my time trying to train them...

It just isn't worth it.

I can't live with other people.

Good luck in the hunt for part time jobs.

I'm sorry I am not in a better mood.

There are Black Friday Sales all over here. But no thanksgiving. We don't do thanksgiving. There isn't anything to be thankful for. Seems to me.

Things look very black indeed.

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2019, at 23:41:37

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2019, at 23:31:22

Sorry to go on about me.

Maybe it was helpful. I don't know what your housing complexes are like. They can be a bad scene if people aren't getting the help they need to take their meds. If people are walking around with baseball bats because they think people are trying to hurt them. If people are walking around with knives because of methamphetamine hallucinations...

Or if they are well maintained and people get the help and support they need.

I think the stigma depends on the above kinds of things. Whether it is a notoriously bad neighbourhood with high crime or whether it is peaceful and quiet and people just potter about and do their thing.

Keeping house is a lot of work. My house gets pretty darned messy quite a lot of the time. Because... Life. Becuase it takes time to vaccum and time to tidy and so on. Because I'm busy doing other things. That's okay. It's just about taking the time sometimes to clean the things.

I like to clean the shower when I'm in the shower. Seems easiest that way.

Maybe it is partly about attitude?

I don't like other people much because they typically have this thing about cleaners being the bottom of the hierarchy and they have this thing about people being treated like crap when it comes to cleaning duty. I don't know... It doesn't feel good cleaning house when that is how the people in the house view the task.

I like cleaning for me because... It's like having a shower. I feel clean. And fresh. And good. For me. Doing it isn't a chore.. It is doing something nice for me. Cleanign my environment is the same thing again. Something nice for me. Because it is nice to have a shower in a clean shower. Because it is nice to cook in a clean kitchen. Nice to relax in a clean lounge. Nice to curl up between clean and relatively uncrumpled sheets.

I don't know.

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please.... alexandra_k

Posted by jay2112 on December 1, 2019, at 0:53:41

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by alexandra_k on November 30, 2019, at 23:41:37

No, no...please..feel free to go on! This is about sharing.

My (still) problem is that I feel overwhelmed easily, sit around, then wait till it becomes a horrid mess, then fall to pieces. I have nothing nice (except a beautiful little dog I love for eternity), and I have lost all interest in life. I used to love music...when I had a job and could drop 2,000 on a new instrument. Now I can't even afford a microwave. I hate the guys who live in my current complex...all's they do is drink beer, drugs, and are ignorant pigs. I was brought up on books, poetry, music....like Fred Nietzsche said.."life without music would be a mistake". Now, I sleep in a dilapidated bed, the box spring caved in, a filthy bathroom (makes me even more depressed), messy kitchen. I barely eat because I not only have no room to cook, but not much gives me pleasure. Sorry to sound so down. I don't have much pride anymore. BUT...I want to go out there and make my make. I am a deeply compassionate social worker. But, experience is seen as baggage, not as an asset. I feel your pain in getting into your profession.

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2019, at 19:31:03

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please.... alexandra_k, posted by jay2112 on December 1, 2019, at 0:53:41

Sounds to me like poverty is overwhelming you. I know how that feels. Lack of options. Cornered. Hopeless / helpless.

My motorcycle died, recently. I have been feeling trapped without it. The feeling of freedom of being able to put miles between myself and everything else. The joy of being on the road.

My mother said she would help me get a new one. She said a dollar amount. That was more than I was expecting. I felt like I had options. I started looking into options. I started researching differnet things and thinking about different things. I didn't feel cornered anymore. Even though my circumstances / situation hasn't changed at all, yet.

I just mean that poverty can take away options and grind you down, for sure.

I know what you mean about people viewing experience as a baggage rather than an asset. It is a difficult thing because experience can go either way. It all depends on what it is that you do with your experience. If you can use them to positively help others. If you unthinkingly reflect your traumas.

It is really hard to put yourself out there. Applying for jobs when you kept getting kicked back. Feels like. Especially for sensitive and kind people -- as you are. But sometimes it takes time for jobs to come through for people.

There is this thing about 'fake it till ya make it' and putting on the act as though everything is okay so that people can see your potential... How you would be, what you would be, if everything was okay. Of course it is hard... Maybe next to impossible to do that when things are not okay. So I don't know.

I guess I meant to say that sometimes things start from within. You have control over your house. Whether it is clean or not. I don't know if you can find a cheap instument? Or play records? I don't know...

If you were your social worker... What would you do? What would you think of to help you help you?

Does that make sense?

I know that for me, cleaning house is symbolic or something.

I clean my house particularly before I settle into a big work effort or similar. A way of clearing my mind. Getting my things in order. Being organised.

Do you have a lot of baggage you need to get rid of? If there is no room in your kitchen, I mean?

Is there an organisation or something that may be able to help you get some kind of instrument if that is important to you... A firmer bed?

Help you put yourself out there to apply for jobs?

Help you with interview clothes or something maybe even?

I don't know if there may be good volunteer organisations / opportunities. They can sometimes be hard to find...

I am just trying to throw out ideas to help you feel less stuck in a dilemma... More options...

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2019, at 19:42:16

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2019, at 19:31:03

Routine is important to me. I think routine is important to everyone. Something that axes as a fulcrum or pivot.

I don't know if there is some kind of exercise group you could get into. So you feel less puffy and bloated and more in control of yourself.

Food can be hard, too, without money. Then food becomes a source of comfort and they are foods that send you on an emotional rollercoaster and have you feeling horrible and bloated and sleepy as well.

I remember how good I feel when my food is in order and my exercise is in order and I have resources to get the resources I need and things feel good and perhaps even a little optimistic or on the up...

But I also know for sure how it feels to be stuck in a swamp. Or how it feels to be sucked down into the bog. Downwards spirals and no idea how to get out or up or off... Trapped. Helpless. Hopeless.

All of those things tangled together... It can be hard to know which needs to change for other things to start to change.

I don't mean to be 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' at all. I know it isn't as simple as that. But I do think there is something to the idea that you do what you can on the things that you can.

Something about having the strength...

Hmm...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom... TO know the difference.

(((Jay)))

 

Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please....

Posted by jay2112 on March 11, 2020, at 1:34:52

In reply to Re: Dilemma..could use some opinions please...., posted by alexandra_k on December 2, 2019, at 19:42:16

> Routine is important to me. I think routine is important to everyone. Something that axes as a fulcrum or pivot.
>
> I don't know if there is some kind of exercise group you could get into. So you feel less puffy and bloated and more in control of yourself.
>
> Food can be hard, too, without money. Then food becomes a source of comfort and they are foods that send you on an emotional rollercoaster and have you feeling horrible and bloated and sleepy as well.
>
> I remember how good I feel when my food is in order and my exercise is in order and I have resources to get the resources I need and things feel good and perhaps even a little optimistic or on the up...
>
> But I also know for sure how it feels to be stuck in a swamp. Or how it feels to be sucked down into the bog. Downwards spirals and no idea how to get out or up or off... Trapped. Helpless. Hopeless.
>
> All of those things tangled together... It can be hard to know which needs to change for other things to start to change.
>
> I don't mean to be 'pull yourself up by your bootstraps' at all. I know it isn't as simple as that. But I do think there is something to the idea that you do what you can on the things that you can.
>
> Something about having the strength...
>
> Hmm...
>
> God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
> The courage to change the things I can.
> And the wisdom... TO know the difference.
>
> (((Jay)))

Thank you for the kind words of wisdom.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.