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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
So, I send 2 of them (females) a nice letter, a few very nice photos of me looking all snazzy in a shirt and tie...really nice...and they don't even *respond* back to me! Not even a 'no thank you'...or 'let's be friends'...etc. Now I am getting to think I must have some kind of complex, or must be the ugliest guy in the world. But, I am sure the last is not true, not because I am veign, just because I've been in many healthy relationships with beautiful women (all around). Maybe we can make a t.v. reality series out of this....Jay's Quest for an Online Date..lol. Ohhhhh...it does hurt a tad, though.
One thing I found ironic with this last gal I was chatting with (who stopped all of a sudden) is she was one of the few who I believe was not working at a job, but knew that I made a very, very handsome salary and was going to be buying a new house and all of that. So, I could provide internal, psychological tenderness and love, and a solid outside world as well. One thing I will say....I noted in her profile she likes 'sarcasm'....ughhh...I am a meek person who believes in grace and being humble and such. Anyhow...I am rambling again. Sorry.Your virtual-dating strung-out friend,
Jay
Posted by Larry Hoover on January 8, 2005, at 14:51:11
In reply to Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
Dude, there's a concept that might be simply called, "Trying Too Hard". I think you're doing that. Trying way too hard to provide way too much information way too soon.
Lar
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 9, 2005, at 0:40:26
In reply to Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
Hey J I am female and maybe they haven't opened the pics yet, or are busy....how long has it been? You seem like a catch and I just think something else is up....did you talk on the phone with them? What if they were teens or man messing around and not serious till the pic made it real? Just some ideas..I would write ya back :-)
Posted by Dinah on January 9, 2005, at 4:47:37
In reply to Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
In my experience, women aren't so terribly different than men in the ways that really matter.
Is this a recurring pattern for you? If it is, it would seem the ideal topic for individual, or better yet group, therapy. If you live in a large city, perhaps there are even coaches who specialize in that particular area.
Posted by jay on January 9, 2005, at 20:36:36
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!! » jay, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 9, 2005, at 0:40:26
Hi Fallen...thanx...but Larry is right, I've just been "trying too hard". It doesn't matter, this gal was one of a many million out there....as they say, many fish in the sea! Thank you for your kind words..really, support and a shoulder to cry and moan on is often all we are looking for when we post, and I thank you. Please take good care of yourself. :-)
Best,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 9, 2005, at 20:42:59
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!! » jay, posted by Larry Hoover on January 8, 2005, at 14:51:11
> Dude, there's a concept that might be simply called, "Trying Too Hard". I think you're doing that. Trying way too hard to provide way too much information way too soon.
>
> LarYa, I know Lar...been there..done it...bought the shirt...have the Degree..lol. But, our basic instinctual temperments (or just being stubborn:) over-rule logic quite often. Besides, the few I have encountered where not what I where looking for either. I mean, I need quite a few things from them on a much deeper level before I can even consider talking to them.
Thanks bud..take care..
Jay
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 9, 2005, at 20:49:08
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!! » Fallen4MyT, posted by jay on January 9, 2005, at 20:36:36
You're very welcome Jay and if the trying to hard is true than just try less hard <I know it may be hard to do> and go get a good one...a keeper...You are right for sure there are a LOT of people out there. You're a nice person no need to rush,....rushing gets people like me in trouble...you don't need that :)
> Hi Fallen...thanx...but Larry is right, I've just been "trying too hard". It doesn't matter, this gal was one of a many million out there....as they say, many fish in the sea! Thank you for your kind words..really, support and a shoulder to cry and moan on is often all we are looking for when we post, and I thank you. Please take good care of yourself. :-)
>
> Best,
> Jay
Posted by jay on January 9, 2005, at 20:49:57
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!! » jay, posted by Dinah on January 9, 2005, at 4:47:37
> In my experience, women aren't so terribly different than men in the ways that really matter.
>
> Is this a recurring pattern for you? If it is, it would seem the ideal topic for individual, or better yet group, therapy. If you live in a large city, perhaps there are even coaches who specialize in that particular area.
>It's just something I gotta work through Dinah. I have a bit of 'Spring Fever' right now...even though it's January! lol. Like Lar touched on...I tend to 'rush' a bit...plus I've been using my Ritalin over the past few days, so heck, I am hyper-sensative to *everything*!!...but cut back today, realizing Ritalin can't replace sleep..lol. (That explains *a LOT!!*)
Thanks very kindly for the post.....take care and best....
Jay :)
Posted by Shortelise on January 11, 2005, at 0:16:31
In reply to Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
Ok, Jay, I am a woman. And I like men. So I will tell you what I think.
I don't want a man to be interested in me because he is alone and wants to be with "someone". I want to be wanted because of who I am, because of my charm, or wit or intelligence, or style. Or beauty. I want him to notice me, the sound of my voice, my laugh, or the way I walk, and I want him to cross the room to see me better, to smile at me.
I am attracted to men who look me in the eye, and listen to what I have to say, who ask questions about me as much as I do about them, who are as interested in how I see things as I am in how they see.
I am attracted to men whose clothes say something about who they are, not the shirt and tie thing that is really - to me - a uniform. I like to see a man wearing clothes that suit who he is. If you play, say, volleyball, have someone take a picture of you out in the sun in front of the net. Or at a baseball game, or a jazz concert. Get a photo of yourself happy in a place you're comfortable, maybe laughing with friends, or playing pool - you see what I mean?
And most important, I am attracted to men who are respectful. I don't mean the door opening, chair pulling out kind of respect, though that is sweet. I mean respect in the sense that they see me as a human being, as a person first. And they respect people.
I would not like it to be thought of me that I would consider having a repaltionship with a man because he is financially secure. That is not respectful. Money is not the basis of a good relationship. Nor is it going to attract me. Even if I didn't have a job. Most women know that money can't buy a loving relationship. Only the very young or the very foolish believe it might.
Forgive me for this, but I'm not fond of being called a "gal".
There you are, Jay, right out of the horse's mouth! I have written in this straightforward manner because I do believe you are a good man, and sincere, too.
How old are you?
Hugs,
ShortE
Posted by Joslynn on January 11, 2005, at 12:00:45
In reply to Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by jay on January 8, 2005, at 7:13:40
From a female perspective on online dating...
I haven't done it recently because I am seeing someone I met in RL, but when I used to do it and would write nice rejection notes, I would sometimes get hostile replies. Saying, "oh I guess I'm not good enough for you B**CH"! etc. I am not kidding. So then I decided not to send "rejection" replies at all, so as not to encourage any more communication.
Also, I think that on those sites, women get more emails than men, especially if we have a photo up, so it can be overwhelming. Sometimes it is just too time consuming to even read the emails, let alone respond, especially since so many of them are from men much older, who don't fit the things we ask for in our profile, etc.
As a woman, I've also had men mysteriously stop emailing after they initiated conversation. I always figured that was because they met someone else on line.
On-line dating is rough! However, there are some gems there too.
Good luck!
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 11, 2005, at 18:15:02
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!!, posted by Shortelise on January 11, 2005, at 0:16:31
I think those are valuable tips Shortelise, all of them rang very true for me as well.
Posted by Susan47 on January 15, 2005, at 10:08:19
In reply to Re: Oh Gawd..please help me to understand Wimin!!! » Dinah, posted by jay on January 9, 2005, at 20:49:57
Have you seen rainbowbrite is looking for a nice guy, Maybe you can email her your bio and pic. SHe's over on RElationships.
This is the end of the thread.
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