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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Roo on August 7, 2002, at 9:57:47
Gabbi--
Hey, how are you? Sorry I never wrote back to your
last response to my last post, I think I was feeling
overwhelmed and funky (and I don't mean in a good way).I was thinking that you ought to be a writer. Or are
you already? Do you do creative writing? I loved one of
your sentences in an earlier post about feeling alone and how
it feels like "a drawstring in the stomach". that's so perfect.
someday if I ever write the great novel, I might have to steal that.I started this job at Duke's Center for Documentary Studies (part time)
transcribing interviews for this chicks research project. It's very
interesting. All these recovering drug addicts who have been in prison
getting their lives together. It's really inspiring. I get totally into
thesse people. It's like listening to books on tape or something and getting
really immersed in a character...I go home thinking about them, wonder what
they look like, etc.I'm thinking of taking some classes in documentary studies to see
if it interests me...I'm still depressed as hell. It seems pretty unrelenting, and I'm still
just pissed off at it. I really thought it was something that was supposed
to improve with time and age, not get worse. I'm disappointed. Like you
said in some earlier post--it's pretty ego flattening. But maybe there's some
spiritual element in that ego flattening too. Maybe at some point, you just
learn to surrender. Maybe you don't even learn, you just have no choice. Shit,
there's got to be something good about it, doesn't there? Some sort of gift buried
in the shit.I'm trying to decide whether to spend all my money taking
creative classes that interest me and inspire me, or try
acupuncture. I can't afford both. I've only had one
acupuncture session so far, and it didn't do much, but i'm
sure it's one of those things that takes time. I don't know.Anyway, tell me about what's been floating around in your
mind, if you feel like it.Emotionally Promiscuous,
Ruth
Posted by Gabbi on August 8, 2002, at 23:24:08
In reply to Hey Gabbi, posted by Roo on August 7, 2002, at 9:57:47
Don't ever apologize for not responding, I think thats the one thing everyone on the board should forgive, sometimes just making it over to that computer--
nevermind thinking of something to worthwhile to say is just too much. I'm overwhelmed and funky, but hopeful today, (new medication) so bear with me I'm trying to be clear.What you said about my writing was a real life brightener, thank you Roo.
Or were you hinting that if I had pursued creative writing I wouldn't post so much here?
Just kidding I'm not that sensitive! (well not today anyway)
However I think the "drawstring in the stomach" was not my original analogy, I read it somewhere and it being such an apt description it stuck with me.
I actually do write quite a bit, but I'm rarely able to finish what I've started. And I'm sure you'll understand that being a victim of drastic perception changes means something I've done that looks good, I'll think looks pitiful a day later, and I never really know which one is "real"I wish I could offer a suggestion about the acupuncture, I've been stumped by that myself. I know that you need more than one treatment, but I thought "what if I go a few times and spend the money, think its not working and then stop, always wondering if I'd just stuck it out maybe it would have worked? Or spending all that money and find out It didn't work anyway?
An interesting scientific study I read about showed that we store memories in areas other than the brain. I've heard that theorized before but never read about it being tested before,it adds a fascinating reason as to why massage, and accupuncture can be so effective.The actual study was done to research P.T.Stress disorder. Veteran Vietnam soldiers were hooked up to a polygraph to measure the intensity of their brains reaction to films of the war.
7 miles away cells that had been scraped from the inside of their mouths were placed on another electrode. The result was that the electrodes connected to the mouth cells registered exactly as much excitation from the traumatic films
as did the the electrodes registering the brains reactivity.
I hope I made that readable. I can't find the exact article but I remember that it was backed up with enough research to make it as factual as anything we can reasonably trust. It was in Deepak Chopra's ageless body, timeless mind.
A Chinese Dr. told me that accupuncture done properely is virtually alway effective, but to never just pick a name out of the phone book.
The practioner should be researched as thoroughly as you would a surgeon, because there are very few who are gifted in it.
Its not something you can be 'sort of good at' It has to be exact or there is no point at all.Ooh another long one, I always try too hard to make sure people know that I'm really careful about where I get my information from because there are so many 'flaky' claims made.
Sorry about that,
I definately have to learn how to be more precise.
I hope I didn't just add to your overwhelmed feeling.
A disordered post from a well-meaning Gabbi..I've already revised this four times so I refuse to re read this one, I'm going to hope for the best and press submit.
P.S
It sounds to me though that you already DO know that documentary studies interest you.
Posted by Roo on August 9, 2002, at 15:45:08
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo » Roo, posted by Gabbi on August 8, 2002, at 23:24:08
Hey Gabbi :-)
Doesn't it make you feel good that so many people on
this board love you? You have so many fans! I'm so
impressed!So you went and saw super doc, what meds did he put you on?
I'm not sure about the acupuncture. I wish I were rich and I
stick with it for sure. This woman has flawless credentials, but
I sort of don't vibe with her. We don't really connect on an emotional
level and she's very no-nonsense and left brained. I guess I was hoping
for some touchy feely nurturing type! I have another appt. on
Aug. 28th (my birthday)...well see how it goes.Well I'm outta here (work that is)...weekend plans: heavy duty
house cleaning and a good long hike.Wouldn't it be great if there were a Psycho Babble Funny Farm
Retreat and we could all hang out and talk? Cabanna boys in
loin cloths would bring us our meds with a daquiri to wash it
down while we sat in lawn chairs and mused about life?Well, maybe not, I don't know...
Posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 19:06:09
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo, posted by Roo on August 9, 2002, at 15:45:08
> Hey Gabbi :-)
>
> > Wouldn't it be great if there were a Psycho Babble Funny Farm
> Retreat and we could all hang out and talk? Cabanna boys in
> loin cloths would bring us our meds with a daquiri to wash it
> down while we sat in lawn chairs and mused about life?
>
> Well, maybe not, I don't know...You don't know if that would be a good idea? My dear girl you have more problems than I do? grin
I can say, and dare I speak for Tabitha too, that sounds delicious. Although I guess you're right it would have to be over a few days, so if we were feeling med-puffy, inorgasmic, or suffering from that incurable depression boredome we could arrive on a different day. Or there could be a "womb room" with the nurturing mothery type where we could just smoke and be told "honey your lovely" and be surrounded with flattering lighting and slimming mirrors
I cried when you said Doesn't it make me feel good about people on the board likeing me... I never quite believe it, but it does hold me together. My Mom sent me a devastating letter yesterday, and My Dad just wishes he had his own apartment back. My sister who was my best friend has decided she's put up with my depression for too long now, she's tired of it, and for me to 'grow up'
So the nice things said here are cherished all the more.
Bless you Roo.
Gabbi
Posted by SandraDee on August 9, 2002, at 20:15:02
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo, posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 19:06:09
I had no idea, why didn't you mention any of that in your email? I'm sorry you had such a terrible day. Not that I can "DO" anything to make it better, but you aren't a bad person, regardless of what your mom or sister say that might make you feel that way. So many people here care and look forward to your posts. Hugs to you, from me.
Posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 21:36:53
In reply to Oh Gabbi... » Gabbi, posted by SandraDee on August 9, 2002, at 20:15:02
I was going to burden you with it believe me...but today it was bad enough living it I couldn't bear to go through it writing again too.
It was one nasty, vituperative letter, with some plain out and lies.
The personal criticisms I can never brush off though, because I always think well my mom can say horrible things and completely believe she's never said them...maybe I do that too?
Posted by Dinah on August 10, 2002, at 2:43:04
In reply to Re: Oh Sandra.., posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 21:36:53
Been there. Found the only thing that helped was emotional divorce. Easier said than done and comes with a lot of extra baggage.
My mother was subject to rages, and would say the nastiest things during them, and could never understand why I just couldn't see it was the anger speaking and forgive and forget. One day I just looked at her, and she changed before my eyes from my mother, who I loved, and who I thought loved me, and who disappointed me over and over again because I expected more from her into this red faced stranger who was really acting like an ass, and who had no ability to hurt me. It actually improved our relationship, oddly enough.
Same thing happened to my dad, who is either the cruelest man on earth or the most colossolly insensitive. I think it's the latter, but it doesn't matter as much any more.
Darn, this is depressing.
I'm sorry you had such a nasty experience with your mom.
And Roo is right. You are much loved and cared about here. Not only because you are charming and funny. But also because you are just plain kind and thoughtful, and your posts show so much caring towards others, that it just makes us want to care back.
And if your mom's letter didn't say all that, then she is obviously doesn't see that clearly when it comes to you. Too much baggage of her own , perhaps? And I can't believe you do what your mom does, because I've seen you stand up to the slightest unkindness on behalf of perfect strangers. You vegetarian, extra sensitive, worker with difficult clients, you. I'm not saying I can't believe you never get angry and say something you regret, but it's hard for me to believe that you don't feel and express remorse for it.
Your sister might be frustrated now, but that isn't a permanent state. And your dad? He sounds like a great guy. Give him a great big hug when he comes back (has he left yet? If not give him that hug now.)
Sorry if I'm rambling Gabbi. Middle of night. :) Forgot to take my pills because I was so groggy earlier.
Posted by Roo on August 12, 2002, at 9:03:28
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo, posted by Gabbi on August 9, 2002, at 19:06:09
>
Or there could be a "womb room" with the
nurturing mothery type where we could just smoke
and be told "honey your lovely" and be surrounded
with flattering lighting and slimming mirrors
I like that, I like that....The motherly types kind of
remind me of this friend of mine...I can go on and on about
my problems and how fucked up I think I am, etc. etc. and she'll
just listen and when I'm finally finished she'll say simply
"You're good". That's her bottom line..."you're good". And it's
oddly comforting, just those two words. I guess it cuts to the
core of the matter...depression can make you feel like you're a "bad"
person.>
> I cried when you said Doesn't it make me feel
good about people on the board likeing me...
It aint nuthin' but the truth, that's all...
My Mom sent me a devastating letter yesterday,
and My Dad just wishes he had his own apartment
back. My sister who was my best friend has
decided she's put up with my depression for
too long now, she's tired of it, and for me to
'grow up'
Why are people so stoopid...I just don't understand...Hope you had a good weekend and that maybe that med
cocktail is kicking in. I was pretty down in the dumps, but
the highlight of the weekend was going with a bunch of friends
to this old hole in the wall called "The All People's Grill", where
this old blues guy plays. It was so great. I drank and smoked and
flirted with redneck men (I can't help it, I imprinted on them in my
formative years growing up in a small town in kansas and sometimes, especially
when I drink, rednecks hold a special place in my heart....he even
offered to take me and my friend 4-wheelin' hee hee).
That blues player had some kind of wigglin' pelvis too :-)I seem to be painfully craving male energy lately.
So that's about it...went with friends on sunday to this
cool restaurant called "Fishmongers"...I live in North Carolina,
but they've got it set up like a New Englandy type fish place...they
cover the tables in newspaper and bring out bucket of steamed crabs
and stuff and just sling 'em on the table...that was nice...I had
an oyster Po-boy (ever had one of those?)...I remember them from
my New Orleans days. It was good.Then I went home and switched into mental patient mode. Slept
all day, woke up, put on some Tom Waits, chained smoked and thought about redneck love.Hope you're doing better, and remember...You are Loved, and Lovely.
See you in The Womb Room--
:-)
Posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 16:16:59
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo, posted by Roo on August 12, 2002, at 9:03:28
>flirted with redneck men (I can't help it, I imprinted on them in my
> formative years growing up in a small town in kansas and sometimes, especially
> when I drink, rednecks hold a special place in my heart....he even
> offered to take me and my friend 4-wheelin' hee hee).Thats so funny, first of all I LOVE Tom Waits
And I have that occasional redneck fantasy too
I always figured they'd be good solid dependable guys, maybe not too bright, but I've dated so many "open minded, intellectual types" who turn out to be hypocrites, and I have much more respect for an honest not-too-bright fellow.Last year I dated a security guard, not actually a red-neck, but I'd known him for years and had begun to appreciate his simple good hearted, solid hard days work kind of character. You know kind to little old ladies, phones his Mom, loves his sisters... And then
And thenafter 15 years of him being nuts about me, decided it was time I stopped dating undernourished artists, and went out(or stayed in) with him. It was really really nice, he poured me a bath, went out and got wine, put on some old swing music, was all nurturing and cuddling as well as an awesome lover, I fell hard. Until the next day over breakfast he told me he believed that the Royal family were shape shifting lizards.
I made the mistake of thinking he must be kidding and said "of course they are thats why the queen is named Elizabeth, you know Lizzie Lizard.
He practically spat at me! His expression changed into that of a cult member and he told me I was UNENLIGHTENED because I didn't believe this, and it was NOT something to joke about.(and I'm the one on medication?!!!) Oh dear, I guess men come in many disguises. I've got to admit though I still miss the rest of him.
B.T.W that lizard idea I found out later from a friend is not originally his. its a British Soccer players'named David Icke and he has his own website and has published two books and has a huge following...
(I guess there are far more dangerous stupid theories that much of society as truth though, at least he's not advocating burning crosses on peoples lawns)Did you used to live in New Orleans? Thats the only place I've ever truly wanted to travel to.
I swear. I'm jealous.
And a very humble thank you for the overwhelming words of kindness.Garbled Gabbi
Posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 16:34:00
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo ,the real message^^^^, posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 16:16:59
Not that you asked, its because I have too much time on my hands, I'll post something, go have a coffee and rethink what I wrote, and want to add or clarify something, its becoming a pattern.
I just wanted to add to the woman who told you "you're good" and much it meant. I know exactly what you mean.
I was at a small coffee shop a while ago, and they had one of those "bulk bean" dispensers. I filled up my bag and realized I'd gotten the wrong kind. I went up to the owner and said what at happened so she could put them back in the dispenser. She said "you are such a nice thoughtful girl, you know how many people just leave the bags and we don't know what kind they are so we can't put them back and it costs a lot of money, You are so nice have a cup of coffee no charge"
I had my coffee and went home and cried because it had been so long since anyone had said anything nice (of course I hardly went out) as you said the depression makes you assume you are worthless.Its amazing what those few words can do. She could have just said "oh thanks" she has no Idea the effect it had.
Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2002, at 16:45:12
In reply to Re: Hullo Roo ,the real message^^^^, posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 16:16:59
Well, don't give up on that solid sensible type yet. Most really don't believe in shape shifting lizards. (grin)
I've got myself a pretty good one. Not perfect, but pretty good.
Posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 17:31:48
In reply to Re: Oh dear, Gabbi, posted by Dinah on August 12, 2002, at 16:45:12
The thing is I wonder if it says more about me or him.
I am absolutely serious he's a good looking guy but I put him off for FIFTEEN years simply because I thought he was friendly, but just too dull and sensible. Maybe If I start dating men who I think must be serial killers I'll find a sensible one...
Posted by .tabitha. on August 13, 2002, at 0:33:00
In reply to Re: Oh dear, Gabbi » Dinah, posted by Gabbi on August 12, 2002, at 17:31:48
Did he seriously think they were shape shifting lizards, or did he just not like them?
Posted by Roo on August 13, 2002, at 9:30:37
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it... » Gabbi, posted by .tabitha. on August 13, 2002, at 0:33:00
Wow...what a romantic date though...god, now I'm all
drooling and fantasizing...I could really use a night
like that. What ARE shape shifting lizards? I don't understand
the whole animosity about the royal family thing...seems really
weird. What happened after that? Did you ever go out with him
again?I want my next boyfriend to be a really good kisser. What a
rare and wonderful talent that is. The last guy I dated used
to stick his tongue in my mouth and swish it around like a
wire brush in a toilet bowl. He had his other areas of talent
though, so it was hard to ditch him for the kissing.As Always, TMI, but I know you understand,
Roo
Posted by Roo on August 13, 2002, at 9:44:32
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it..., posted by Roo on August 13, 2002, at 9:30:37
See, you're not the only one to do ps's...
Me and my whole family were actually born in New Orleans...
My parents and their parents and on and on....Unfortunately
when I was 4, we moved to Kansas.....hence the fondness for
redneck men....
Posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 15:46:55
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it... » Gabbi, posted by .tabitha. on August 13, 2002, at 0:33:00
Yes he believed that the Royal Family actually turned into lizards at night and when they saw blood. At first I thought the "lizard" idea was an exaggeration too, that it was a concretization of his fears and dislikes. You see this theory also covers things many of us do not trust, large corporations, drug manufacturers,history books
to me the mistrust seems absolutely logical and healthy really. I have no personal dislike of the Royal family what bothers me is that they seem to feel that they deserve to hoard their money simply by the fact that they exist.I could actually understand that part, but both my friend and the Web guru David Icke belief the lizard theory, literally.
And thats not all, they believe that other lizards live in the centre of the earth, and this is what I think is so funny, They believe these lizards want to turn earth people into SOUP. That part is just so cute. I mean why soup? Why not sandwiches or hoagies or something. Its a very detailed theory, there's more but its all on the David Icke web site.
And you know, I never ever exaggerate a story to try and make it funny, my life is just like this. The date really was that beautiful, he has the friendliest most reassuring voice, and (emotional promiscuity here)
I'd had many violent experiences before I reaquainted(sp)? with him.
And when he got a little to agressive with me I burst into tears and he just held me, no frustration no pressure, no one had ever done that before and I still miss him I do. I did call him recently but he's now a "new age" devotee, which is fine except that he told me that my depression, and previous abuse (the first when I was 3) I brought on by my own negative energy, and that he was working on his 7th chakra and I was bringing him down.....so he didn't want to talk. I think I posted that part before.He probably did me a favor, its just so weird that its like one really bizarre quirk he has that flares up only occasionally, even my sister who hates anybody I date said, wow, he just seems so easy going, and friendly, like a guy you would have no qualms about leaving alone to talk to your Dad cause you know he's not going to embarass you.
Oh well... I guess I've gone on enough, I'm sure the answer to your questions are in there somewhere.
Lovex2 Gabbi-Gabbi
Posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 15:55:51
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is....Roo » .tabitha., posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 15:46:55
While he was out getting the wine, he (on his own) picked up some bubble bath for my bath and it wasn't the no name brand gallon jug kind either...I guess that should have clued me in that something was wrong with him right there!
He brought me in a glass of wine (And he didn't try to join me in the tub. (not that thats all bad, but I just needed to relax, having had no door to hide behind 2years before.) Oh he lit candles too, for me alone to enjoy.
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2002, at 17:17:38
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is....Roo » .tabitha., posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 15:46:55
Gabbi, he did do you a favor. Please believe that and thank him for it if you ever see him again. Thinking that the earth is full of shape changing lizards *might* be considered a charming eccentricity. Thinking that you are responsible for your abuse as a child is a clear sign of someone you do not want to be around. Talk about negative energy!!!
Gee I wish my husband had a little brother for you.
Dinah
Posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 17:45:30
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is.... » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on August 13, 2002, at 17:17:38
I wish he did too. You are some kind of woman Dinah, I needed the reminder as well after writing that I was tempted to call him. Your post reinforced my willpower. Dinah you seem to not discuss your 'issues' much, but if you ever need help, I can only hope that I could be 1/2 as perceptive as you've been. Your timing and what you pick out of my lengthy posts to comment on is uncanny.
Thats sounds so gooey but its the absolute truth.
Grateful Gabbi
Posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 19:36:25
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is.... » Dinah, posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 17:45:30
When you're feeling moderately depressed (this would insult anyone who's already in the pit)
My friend Ann Marie told me, "At least put on red lipstick, smoke, look in the mirror and contemplate just how complex and tragic you are"....:)
Gabbi.p.sx2
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2002, at 20:51:23
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is.... » Dinah, posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 17:45:30
Well, I can't claim any special abilities. Perhaps the sheer volume of my posts allows for serendipidy to occur now and then.
I did think twice about wishing an imaginary brother of my husband on you. Sooner or later I'm going to say something about my husband that will make you think I was giving you a curse instead of a wish. So I'll wish a less rigid version of my husband on you instead. :)
Posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 21:21:47
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is.... » Gabbi, posted by Dinah on August 13, 2002, at 20:51:23
I'll wish a less rigid version of my husband on you instead. :)
That would all depend on what part of your husband is rigid.
Okay, I'm hanging my head in shame now.
Posted by Dinah on August 13, 2002, at 21:24:07
In reply to Re: Wait, I don't get it...well here it is.... » Dinah, posted by Gabbi on August 13, 2002, at 21:21:47
Answers Dinah primly (while hiding a grin). :)
This is the end of the thread.
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