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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NthnBrazil on October 24, 2006, at 11:11:49
Greetings all -
I had posted a few weeks back about being new to therapy and concerned that all my therapist did was listen and nod and not offer much. I got some advice to give it 5 sessions and then see how it felt.
Well I just had my 4th session and I'm pretty pissed off and ready to quit this guy but I wanted to see what folks on here thought:
At the very end of my 3rd session I made a connection with an event in my childhood that I think was the start of my anxiety. It wasn't a repressed memory or anything. I knew the story but I had never realized before that the anxiety I had at that moment in my childhood was the same as what I feel now or that it was tied more to social anxiety than performance anxiety. I recounted the story at the very end of the session and made the realizations that night after I had gone home.
So I spent the whole last week waiting for my next session to dig into it deeper. I figured this was when the T would start to make a difference rather than just talking to a wall. When the session started I told my T about what happened and finished by saying "so now I don't know what to do with this" and he just looked at me and nodded. So I firmed it up and said "I guess what I'm asking is, what do I do now?" and his answer was "Talk about it, see where it goes. . ."
So I tried to for the rest of the session, but he offered me nothing, not a single other comment or question. I even purposely changed the subject in the last 10 minutes just to see if he would call me on it and bring me back but he said nothing. Finally I just stopped talking and he let the silence hang for a good 2 minutes until the session was over.
At this point I am completely frustrated with the situation. I do believe that digging into my past is a good thing, but I need more action than this. My original plan was to work with a CBT therapist, and the last 4 sessions seem to confirm to me that that is what I need to do.
I just wanted to use this as a sounding board and see if I'm right to be shocked at the T response to me or is that par for the course. I mean, if he can't offer me any guidance when asked a direct question, what good is he?
Posted by Racer on October 24, 2006, at 12:30:44
In reply to Turning point with therapist?, posted by NthnBrazil on October 24, 2006, at 11:11:49
Well, I've got a bias about CBT, so hold that in your mind while you read this, 'K?
It does sound as though your current T is taking the "Blank Slate" approach to the uttermost limits, which probably isn't a great thing for you right now. Before you make any final decisions, it might be worth talking to him about it, asking if he can be a bit more interactive with you. Otherwise, it's probably worth interviewing a few other therapists to see if you find a better fit for yourself.
If I'd had one of those "aha!" moments, my T would have been asking questions until I got her point, or even saying, "OK, here's what that means..." She wouldn't have sat back for me to talk through it in a vacuum. (Another bias: I think my T is very good at what she does. :-D )
CBT, though, might not necessarily be the fix for it. The more strictly cognitive people I've seen, when I've tried to bring up something that's happened in the past and how I think it might relate to what's happening now, have stopped me to tell me how to stop thinking whatever it is I'm thinking. They haven't had any interest in discussing where anything came from, only how to stop thinking the thoughts that might lead to emotions. It may be that I've only seen less than stellar cognitive therapists, and it is a small sample size, but the results have been consistent.
That's not to say that there isn't value to the cognitive work. My T does incorporate some cognitive stuff into the process, it's just not the focus of the process. That way, our process tends to look more like, "This happened to me; ah, that's what led to me feeling [x] in [y] situation; here are some of the things I tend to think in that situation; here are a few things I can remind myself of, to learn not to react that way, and thus not to feel so bad in that situation." There's cognitive stuff in there, but there's also a recognition that the past does inform the present.
I was about to tell you some of my objections to CBT, but I realized -- you might be right, it might be exactly what you need, and my bias is my bias. What I've written above are my thoughts on what you wrote, and I do hope they help you.
Posted by wishingstar on October 24, 2006, at 14:28:17
In reply to Turning point with therapist?, posted by NthnBrazil on October 24, 2006, at 11:11:49
I dont have a lot of great advice on this, but I just wanted to pipe in and say that I think you're making the right decision to move on. It sounds like this guys style just does not match what you're looking for at all. You've been clear about what you'd like from him, and it doesnt seem like he's willing to do it. Congrats on the new insight you've formed.. I hope you can find a new T who is more helpful to you. Sometimes feelings ("hes just not right for me") are important to listen to. It's just too expensive and important to keep doing it with a T who isnt helpful. Good luck.
Posted by SatinDoll on October 24, 2006, at 22:43:22
In reply to Re: Turning point with therapist?, posted by wishingstar on October 24, 2006, at 14:28:17
CBT had worked great for me, but my T doesn't do only that though because he does go into my past quite a bit because it is still affecting my present. All T's are different even if they practice the same type of therapy, so you have to go with your gut instinct on this.
Do you have another referral to try?
Posted by pegasus on October 25, 2006, at 9:02:00
In reply to Turning point with therapist?, posted by NthnBrazil on October 24, 2006, at 11:11:49
If I had been in the same situation, I would have been very frustrated with the T. The blank slate approach is used by some Ts, but in my experience not by most these days. I've had five Ts, all of whom were reasonably competent, and none of them would have responded in the way you describe. One of them was strictly CBT, two incorporated cognitive therapy techniques in a more pyschodynamic approach, and two were pretty strictly psychodynamic. So, I'm not sure that the theoretical orientation of this T really explains his approach necessarily. (Unless he's a strictly Freudian psychoanalyst, which is a whole different animal that does normally behave this way and I think you've discovered it's not what you want.)
I echo the other advice that you've been given: maybe look for a T that feels right to you, rather than a particular orientation. All of the research shows that the orientation doesn't make a whit of difference in therapy outcomes. What makes a difference is the client's sense of having a positive relationship with the T. So, the most important thing is finding someone that you connect with. Sometimes it takes some looking, but it's worth it.
p
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