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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Dinah on September 1, 2005, at 22:16:57
In reply to Re: I wish I were dead, posted by pegasus on September 1, 2005, at 9:46:05
But I'm feeling marginally more optimistic. Unless I hear I'm terminated, I think I'll survive. We've started making plans for the next few months. Houston or Little Rock, probably, because of my husband's company. But at least he's got a job.
I'm shocked at how busy we've been. I've had less time than usual on the internet. I thought I'd be stuck here with time on my hands. No such luck.
I reached a boss, need to reach a few more. The plan from that one seems to be to start work when we get back, and not to worry in the meantime.
So maybe I'll get a chance to be a housewife for a while. Husband says not to worry short term. And maybe it'll help my burnout.
Downside is that I'm coming down with what feels like a cold. And my car doesn't seem fixed properly. It never rains but pours.
But I can get through anything but losing my therapist.
Thank you everyone, so much, for caring.
Posted by Poet on September 1, 2005, at 22:26:33
In reply to He sent me a calmer one, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2005, at 23:38:09
Dinah,
Sorry, I have been in my own mental void and just saw your post.
Of course you are good for your therapist. You're good for us, too.
I am mentally sending you a gigantic sponge that will suck up all the water and bad things that Katrina left in her wake.
((((((((Dinah))))))))))))
Poet
Posted by fairywings on September 2, 2005, at 6:30:00
In reply to I haven't heard from him today, posted by Dinah on September 1, 2005, at 22:16:57
Good news that your husband still has a job Dinah, and that you have some short term plans going. I'm glad that you're busy too, it will make time pass more quickly with less time for worry. How's your son doing?
It's good to hear that your boss says not to worry. That must take a load off your mind, maybe your husband is right, time to regroup.Will be thinking about you.
fw
Posted by Tabitha on September 2, 2005, at 12:38:24
In reply to I haven't heard from him today, posted by Dinah on September 1, 2005, at 22:16:57
Thanks for letting us know all that, Dinah. I feel better knowing that you & hubby & son have a plan. And I'm hoping the time off work will do you good.
Posted by Annierose on September 2, 2005, at 16:30:17
In reply to I haven't heard from him today, posted by Dinah on September 1, 2005, at 22:16:57
Dinah -
You do seem to be more optimistic in your post. Having a plan of action must be a comfort. And knowing that you'll have a job when you return is a good thing. I'm glad you are keeping busy.
A cold? Just what you need. It's probably from the stress you are living under right now. Your body just can't recover as quickly. Plus living in a hotel situation is never ideal ... unless it's on a beach in Hawaii.
Will you be able to return to your home to recover any remaining and intact items before you move? It sounds like some of your household items might be okay, especially those home videos.
I'll check in later.
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on September 2, 2005, at 19:48:28
In reply to Re: I haven't heard from him today » Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 2, 2005, at 16:30:17
I know he's busy. I'm not going to bother him.
It hurts so bad. I need to just curl around the pain.
The things that are going on, I just don't know what to do.
I guess it's normal to be up and down like this, especially given my cold.
I think I'm too depressed to hurt myself.
If I could just hear from him. But I can't bother him. I promised I'd wait. I've sent him a few helpful links, that's enough of an intrusion.
Posted by Annierose on September 2, 2005, at 21:12:21
In reply to Two days now, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2005, at 19:48:28
I think you should call/e-mail him if you would like to talk with him. His last e-mail invited your ideas to how to go about meeting for therapy. He may be waiting to hear from you. I don't think it's bugging him. It's probably comforting to hear from people that you are close with. Afterall, his life is upsidedown too.
The ups and downs are normal. And unfortunately, they'll continue for awhile. Nothing is "normal" anymore ... where you sleep, eat, wear, do laundry, read. My daughter and I call times like this "fruit bowl mix-up", when everything is out of sync. Adding to the stress, living in such closer quarters. I don't think my husband and I would fare well under those circumstances. He tends to need "space" and there isn't any in most hotel rooms.
When you talk to other families in your situation, are most looking to move elsewhere?
Do you ever think this is just a bad dream? Were you able to get your in-laws out? and are they staying with you?
If you had an appointment "on the books" so to speak, I think you would feel better, knowing that soon you will see your T. I hope that happens for you soon. Hope is important, on all sorts of levels.
Posted by daisym on September 2, 2005, at 23:48:43
In reply to Two days now, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2005, at 19:48:28
He is busy but I'm sure an email from you would be fine. It might help to pour out your feelings. You write so well, perhaps e-therapy might be the way to go for a little while. It works here...
In the meantime, we are still here for you. I know everything is hard but try to hang in there. Do you have anything to read? Some good fiction might be just the thing right now.
I'm sending you strength and hope.
Daisy
Posted by 10derHeart on September 3, 2005, at 0:23:45
In reply to Re: Two days now, posted by daisym on September 2, 2005, at 23:48:43
Hi Dinah,
I agree with Daisy. If he's too busy, he probably just won't read the email right away. Of course, that might bother you more....
I still think you should go ahead. Even in the midst of all this h*ll, it seems you have a reasonable sense of boundaries in tact (amazingly - I wouldn't!). Just don't be too reasonable and deprive yourself! One email a day is hardly too many, IMO, under the circumstances. I think your own brand of steadiness will keep coming through for him in email, and perhaps it'll be healing for you to reciprocate some of the caring he's given you in a way you've never imagined.
Email therapy can and does work. Three+ months for me in 2004 and it was absolutely my life preserver. Okay, so I'm biased...
I am thinking about you so often. I even wrote my ex-T. about you yesterday (very generic references, of course - no identifying stuff) mentioning how an added layer to all this can be the trauma when both client and T. are part of a disaster simultaneously. He said that was a good point, and that although he fortunately has no friends and family affected, he would pray for a good outcome for my friends. See, Dinah, you have a pdoc you've never met including your family in his prayers.
Ex-T also mentioned that what he's learned from much work with PTSD patients (vets) is that what helps them during and after events, really is dwelling on and seeing all the goodness going on amidst the horror. It may sound too simplistic, but he said he's found this to be true, over and over.
((((Dinah and family and your T., of course))))
Posted by fairywings on September 3, 2005, at 5:32:24
In reply to Two days now, posted by Dinah on September 2, 2005, at 19:48:28
If you can get to the store and find Airborne, it always knocks my colds out within days.
I find it at Target.
fw
Posted by fairywings on September 3, 2005, at 5:35:52
In reply to Re: Two days now, posted by 10derHeart on September 3, 2005, at 0:23:45
I agree with daisy and 10der about the emails, esp since you've been with him so long. And, he'd probably have Dianah withdrawl too if he doesn't hear from you. sending (((hugs)))
fw
Posted by terrics on September 3, 2005, at 12:22:06
In reply to I wish I were dead, posted by Dinah on August 31, 2005, at 2:36:16
Dinah, I had no idea what had happened to you. It must be terrifying to lose everything. I pray that some how you don't lose your T. too. terrics
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
In reply to Re: I wish I were dead » Dinah, posted by terrics on September 3, 2005, at 12:22:06
And I emailed him today saying telephone or email session would be fine. No response.
On top of that, one disaster after another is piling up on us in the evacuation. My nerves are at the breaking point, and did in fact break today, causing my son no end of embarassment publicly. Again. :(
I guess I should cold call therapists around here, or else call the hot line. I hate to bother them when so many people have it so much worse. But...
I'm reaching the end of my rope.
(We did find our inlaws after spending a day searching shelters. They're with us now.)
I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:03:31
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
> I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
Dinah? I just don't think that's realistic. I know reassurances from me won't help, nothing really will until you hear from him. But you two have a history, he knows your fears, and that you trust him, you trust him to be honest with you.
If he's any kind of therapist at all, he would know that not being direct with you, if he considers you to be an ex-client, would be one of the worst things he could do. I don't believe he would do that. He knows that you're in crisis, and though he is too, he also knows that feelings don't just shut off out of convenience (or there would be no need for therapists!) so how could he possibly:
1. Think of you as an ex-client, when he hasn't told you, or in fact would have been leading you on by talking about phone or e sessions.2. Think that you're "bugging him" at a time like this? Like your problems were serious enough to warrant his attention before, but now you should be able to handle things on your own?
He's very human, as you've said, but he's not stupid.Time is relative in times of crisis, or when someone is busy, it can seem to be nothing when you're the one preoccupied, but forever to the person waiting on your reply. He's taken time to get back to you before, when things in his life were normal!
This is truly what I'm thinking, I would never say it, just to try and make you feel better.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 18:22:24
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:03:31
Thanks, Gabbi. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I *am* unreasonable right now.
I'm about to take a nap, but I'll tell you later all the pileup of problems.
Posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
In reply to Re: Three days now » Gabbix2, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 18:22:24
> Thanks, Gabbi. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I *am* unreasonable right now.
>I think right now the word unreasonable is meaningless.
> I'm about to take a nap, but I'll tell you later all the pileup of problems.
Your entire year has been one pile-up of heartbreak.
"Spirits are resiliant things"
"Evil will always Lose"
Now, that I trust because it was said by another woman who is a hero of mine, Miep Gies, at age 98. I believe She's earned the right to make statements like that.
I love you Dinah
Posted by Pfinstegg on September 3, 2005, at 19:21:53
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
Dinah, I'm so sorry this catastrophe has happened to you. Do you know much about the losses and personal struggles your therapist is enduring? He may not be able to move temporarily, the way you, your husband and son are able to- to connected jobs and schools elsewhere- until you are able to return. He may be desperately looking for a place in which he can see patients, and may have lost his house, either temporarily or permanently.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:46:55
In reply to Re: Three days now » Gabbix2, posted by Pfinstegg on September 3, 2005, at 19:21:53
Yes, I do know. We were in contact, and also he lives about ten blocks from me. I've seen satellite pictures of his house. He's out for as long as we are. I also know about what his short term plans are.
I'm not being inconsiderate to him.
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10
I love you too, Gabbi.
I don't know what I'd do without you guys. You've all pulled me from the brink of despair a few times.
Posted by AuntieMel on September 3, 2005, at 20:05:15
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
I've been wanting to post, but I'm afraid I just don't know what to say.
Words escape me now (odd, isn't it).
But you know my place is your place.
Posted by Annierose on September 3, 2005, at 20:16:05
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
Oh Dinah -
I know it doesn't make you feel any better to know that we'd all be at the end of our rope to lose so much, to be displaced, and to lose the constant contact and support of our therapists. It is hell, but I know you have the strength to persevere. But like therapy, this transition will be a tedious and slow process.
If I could, I'd like to be your advance team for your new temporary home. I'd fill your cupboard with dishes and food, make the beds, put fresh flowers in each room and bake chocolate chip cookies. Garden girl would be recruited to insure all the garden beds are weeded, trimed and watered.
It's only natural to guess what your T is thinking. But I don't think he is avoiding you. I think he is in shock. Distracted. And trying to figure things out. His e-mail message to you was very positive; he wants to continue being your therapist. Remember he refered to you as "an important link" to his life.
However, until he does call to arrange a session, it's okay to call for additional support. There is nothing wrong with that. I would call in a second. Afterall, you need all the support you can gather right now.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I know how painful it is. I am so glad you found your in-laws.
I went to a college football game today, a stadium 100,000+ people. They asked for a moment of silence to pray for the people affected by Katrina. I was moved to tears. Within 2 seconds, the place went completely quiet ... could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was emotional. I wish you could feel our love and support.
Annierose
Posted by Tamar on September 3, 2005, at 20:33:12
In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20
> And I emailed him today saying telephone or email session would be fine. No response.
He might be taking it pretty hard. Or he might be really busy trying to deal with practical things. I’m sure he’ll contact you as soon as he’s able to.
> On top of that, one disaster after another is piling up on us in the evacuation. My nerves are at the breaking point, and did in fact break today, causing my son no end of embarassment publicly. Again. :(
Don’t be too hard on yourself, OK? I can imagine that most people affected by this find their nerves are at breaking point.
> I guess I should cold call therapists around here, or else call the hot line. I hate to bother them when so many people have it so much worse. But...
>
> I'm reaching the end of my rope.You are a priority; you have a pre-existing illness that may need attention. You aren’t bothering anyone if you call them. If you need to call someone, you’re allowed!
> (We did find our inlaws after spending a day searching shelters. They're with us now.)
I’m glad you found them. That must have been a huge worry.
> I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?
I very much doubt he’s thinking of you as an ex-client. I really don’t think he’d let you go that easily. And I doubt he thinks you’re bugging him. But perhaps he has to spend a few days getting his own stuff sorted out before he’ll be in a position to be able to help… It’s a strange and unusual situation to be in, for everyone. I’m sure he’ll be there for you, but it might take a little while. I hope he gets in contact with you soon. If you’re really at the end of your rope, I hope you can find some kind of temporary help.
Again, if there’s anything at all I can do, just say the word.
Much love,
Tamar
Posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48
hey. sorry i've been pretty quiet... i don't know what to say. i really don't. but i'm really glad that others are doing better there. dinah, i'm so sorry. and aside from that i am really struggling.
but i do care and my thoughts are definately with you
((((dinah))))
and of course
((((dinah's t)))))
Posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06
In reply to Re: Three days now » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56
Oh Dinah. I'm sorry he hasn't been back in touch. I could speculate about all kinds of reasons, but I won't. I do know it's NOT because he thinks you are bothering him or because he no longers wants to be your T. But who knows what's going on with him and trying to deal with this? And who knows how he's handling it emotionally? It really really stinks that the one person you would need more than anyone else at this time is also in crisis.
Please do consider getting backup. I'm sure in this case he would not consider it to be seeing 2 T's as he's objected to before. And whenever he's available again, you'll be ready.
(((((dinah)))))
Still thinking of you.
gg
Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08
In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06
That if something happens to him, I'd never know. Maybe not even when I get home.
It's almost easier to worry that I'm terminated.
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