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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 22, 2005, at 19:58:56
About their transference issues?
Probably not i guess. My T advised me not to but i did anyway (Dah). What a mistake that was.
Now hubby is freaking out and wants me to see a different T but i told him it would just happen again and that its suppose to happen, right?
It wasnt my intention to make him uneasy and maybe i expected him to understand it. Now he will be paying attention to what i wear to therapy and how long i am there blah, blah, blah.
Why do I always do the opposite of what people advise? Maybe its the bratty, rebelious teenager in me.
I'm such an idiot :(
Posted by daisym on August 22, 2005, at 23:32:44
In reply to Did anyone ever tell their spouse, posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 22, 2005, at 19:58:56
Spouses and therapy are tricky. I know we want their support but there is so much they can't/don't understand unless they have felt these things themselves. It took me a year to even begin to talk to my husband about therapy. He wanted to know about "that guy" and so forth and so on, and he does ask what we talked about. I tell him very generally. If he feels like being mean, he will tell me how much he hates that I'm talking to someone else about our personal problems. He spouts off that husbands and wives are supposed to do that for each other. Sometimes he tries to make it sound provocative, like I'm doing something wrong. Usually he just says he doesn't get it but if it is helping, then fine.
The hardest part for me is when my husband talks about seeing my therapist too. It freaks me out, even though my therapist is very clear that he wouldn't do that. I get defensive and of course that makes my husband wonder why I won't share. I would never, ever tell him how intensely attached to my therapist I am, though my therapist is sure that husbands sense it and often act out against a perceived threat to the status quo.
I think your husband will settle down. Tell him enough, but not too much and perhaps you can enlist him in helping you solve a problem or two. That should help his fear that you don't need him anymore.
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 23, 2005, at 1:03:43
In reply to Re: Did anyone ever tell their spouse, posted by daisym on August 22, 2005, at 23:32:44
Maybe i should get *him* to see a T so he can go through this transferance too? Then we can both be insecure :) Well he's the one that suggested i do this T thing anyhow but then he complains that i cant talk with him cause he doesnt have "credentials". Well maybe next time he'll be careful what he wishes for :)
Posted by Dinah on August 23, 2005, at 17:46:46
In reply to Did anyone ever tell their spouse, posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 22, 2005, at 19:58:56
I am careful with my word choice, but I have no problem letting him know of my transference. Of course, since it's maternal and I usually mention milky breasts, my husband isn't overly threatened.
Posted by Tamar on August 23, 2005, at 20:08:13
In reply to Did anyone ever tell their spouse, posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 22, 2005, at 19:58:56
> About their transference issues?
> Probably not i guess. My T advised me not to but i did anyway (Dah). What a mistake that was.
> Now hubby is freaking out and wants me to see a different T but i told him it would just happen again and that its suppose to happen, right?
> It wasnt my intention to make him uneasy and maybe i expected him to understand it. Now he will be paying attention to what i wear to therapy and how long i am there blah, blah, blah.
> Why do I always do the opposite of what people advise? Maybe its the bratty, rebelious teenager in me.
> I'm such an idiot :(I told my husband some of it (not the full details of every fantasy!). My husband is fairly astute and had guessed that something was up, and I explained the basics to him. I explained that it was helpful for the problems I was working on, and I explained how it was helpful. It was probably more than he wanted to hear, but I think he was relieved that I didn’t consider it a real threat to our marriage.
In the end, my husband said, rather quietly, “I don’t want you to love him more than you love me.” And I assured him that he had nothing to worry about; that the love I felt for my therapist didn’t translate into real life because I know nothing about the man.
And then I made sure that my husband knew how much I love him.
If you can find a way to demonstrate to your husband that therapy is beneficial to your marriage, he might be able to see the transference as a necessary part of that…
I hope things work out OK for you.
Tamar
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 24, 2005, at 22:25:52
In reply to Re: Did anyone ever tell their spouse » FlyingKangaroo, posted by Tamar on August 23, 2005, at 20:08:13
Wow you told your hubby that much? I can understand him being concerned for sure.
I wouldnt dare tell mine that i even had fantasies let alone any details of them.
And love? ooh noo! I wouldnt mention anything about that word. He is freaking out just because i said the T word and i really played it down.
Sounds like you have an incredibly strong relationship there.
Good for you :)
Posted by FlyingKangaroo on August 24, 2005, at 22:28:22
In reply to Re: Did anyone ever tell their spouse, posted by Dinah on August 23, 2005, at 17:46:46
LOL! That is too funny!
Maybe i can borrow that line from you to put my ol man at ease?
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