![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 51. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
...but very, very important, of course.
I'm currently blonde. (Hold your horses, Dr. Bob. No redirecting to Psychobabble Hair Care or anything like that just yet.) In a couple of weeks I have an appointment to go brunette.
If you were me, would you tell your T before the appointment or just show up at your next session with a completely different hair color?
I told you this was important. ;-)
Posted by 10derHeart on August 15, 2005, at 23:32:58
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
Not silly at all, Laurie, and VERY important!
Male or female T? I can't recall...I suppose it depends on if you'd look forward to the reaction on his/her face, just to experience that, OR, if you're maybe worried about certain facial expressions and what they might mean to you....
Me, I would tell. But I'm notoriously chicken about certain things having to do with hair, clothes, weight - all body stuff, really. My T. can look any way he wants (although he's quite the master at neutral expressions) about other, deep stuff, but if I imagine he's disapproving or freaked out by my appearance, I'll end up wanting to crawl under the couch and cry.....yes, I have issues that still need soooo much work!
PS - I think it's so cool you're doing that.
PPS - I'd really like to *see* Dr. Bob "holding his horses,"....lol :-) (uhhh..that's NOT supposed to sound nasty or anything...just silly!!! I swear!!!)
Posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:46:40
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by 10derHeart on August 15, 2005, at 23:32:58
> Not silly at all, Laurie, and VERY important!
> Male or female T? I can't recall...Male. I call him Beefcake for short. ;)
> I suppose it depends on if you'd look forward to the reaction on his/her face, just to experience that, OR, if you're maybe worried about certain facial expressions and what they might mean to you....
>
> Me, I would tell. But I'm notoriously chicken about certain things having to do with hair, clothes, weight - all body stuff, really. My T. can look any way he wants (although he's quite the master at neutral expressions) about other, deep stuff, but if I imagine he's disapproving or freaked out by my appearance, I'll end up wanting to crawl under the couch and cry.....yes, I have issues that still need soooo much work!Yeah, I'm pretty much the same as you. My physical appearance and all feelings surrounding it have been one of the most difficult things for me to talk about in therapy. The only reason I'm hesitating to tell him beforehand is because then we'll have to "talk about it and what it means". Ick. I think it really just means that I'm tired of highlighting my hair and I like the way brown hair looks with blue eyes, but he might think that's not what it's about.
Beefcake's good at neutral, too. That said, it's going to be a pretty drastic change.
> PS - I think it's so cool you're doing that.
Thanks :).
> PPS - I'd really like to *see* Dr. Bob "holding his horses,"....lol :-) (uhhh..that's NOT supposed to sound nasty or anything...just silly!!! I swear!!!)
Mmm hmm...just silly...whatever you say, 10der. ;) ;)
Posted by gardenergirl on August 16, 2005, at 2:17:08
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » 10derHeart, posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:46:40
Hi, I hope you will send along some pics of you with your new haircolor. And of course any new pics of the beav and Ward, too!
Loved that post, btw.
I say don't tell him beforehand. But that's just me. I actually went in with a new haircolor last time, but it was so darned similar, I doubt anyone noticed. It was supposed to be lighter.
But I can understand if appearance is a big subject how any reaction on his part might be stressful. And it is a big change, so if he says nothing, what does that mean?
I think I would avoid telling him so that you only have to process it once. (haircolor pun!)
Good luck,
gg
Posted by annierose on August 16, 2005, at 6:17:56
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
Hi Laurie -
I think that will be pretty on you. Imagine the reaction of your little one. He may be a bit confused by mommy when you come home.Getting back to the therapy question, and maybe this is the "chicken" reply but probably what I would do ...
As I was leaving my appointment I would add, "oh and next time you'll see me, I'll be a brunette."
Posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:33:55
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by annierose on August 16, 2005, at 6:17:56
I wouldn't tell him, just see if he notices or says anything. I think it would be a little funny. Besides if you tell him before, won't it make him feel obligated to say something when you see him next?
I personally like the shock factor! I guess that is why my T calls me challenging! lol ;)
Posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:41:27
In reply to Surprise HIM! lol, posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:33:55
I have therapy tommorrow, it will be 13 days since our last session. It seems like such a long time ago. I think it is hard to go every 2 weeks, I feel so disconnected to him when I go back. But maybe that is a good thing.
I don't know what to talk about. What happens when you can't think of anything to talk about? Has this happened to any of you? What would your T's do if you had nothing to say?
Posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:42:42
In reply to Don't know what to talk about in therapy, posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:41:27
Posted by Dinah on August 16, 2005, at 9:23:06
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
I never mention it. Just show up and leave him wondering whether or not he should mention it. (evil grin)
Dark brunette or light brunette? I think you'd look lovely as a brunette.
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:32:58
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
i am always changing my hair, red, blonde, black, long, short... I never would tell my T b/c I would love the look on his face when he would see me. I am not afraid to try new things. I love keeping him on his toes and guessing. Its become sort of a little game!
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 19:13:30
In reply to Don't know what to talk about in therapy, posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:41:27
Ive found that in the past when I had gone to therapy with no agenda or pressing issues, those were the ones that I ended up crying or getting deep in. When you have no fear, no expectations, it is amazing what you can conquer. Theres always something to talk about, always something hidden in our minds little black box. OPEN IT!
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 0:42:06
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by annierose on August 16, 2005, at 6:17:56
> Hi Laurie -
> I think that will be pretty on you. Imagine the reaction of your little one. He may be a bit confused by mommy when you come home.Thanks, annierose! I'm trying to prepare N by telling him I'm going to change my hair color, but being only three, I don't think he's going to grasp the concept until I actually do it. We shall see. My guess, though, is that he'll be nervous at first but then get used to it faster than anyone else.
> Getting back to the therapy question, and maybe this is the "chicken" reply but probably what I would do ...
>
> As I was leaving my appointment I would add, "oh and next time you'll see me, I'll be a brunette."That's pretty much what my gut is teling me to do. It kind of amazes me the things I tell him sometimes, but I'll be a chicken about this. :P
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 0:54:10
In reply to Surprise HIM! lol, posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:33:55
> I wouldn't tell him, just see if he notices or says anything.
Well, I've lost thirty pounds since April and he hasn't said a word about that. I think it might be safe to say he's hesitant to bring anything up, he'd rather I do it.
>I think it would be a little funny. Besides if you tell him before, won't it make him feel obligated to say something when you see him next?
I really do wonder how he would react. It'd be a difficult elephant to get around, that's for sure. Something tells me I've never made him feel obligated to say anything before, though ;).
> I personally like the shock factor! I guess that is why my T calls me challenging! lol ;)
:-)
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 1:01:03
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by gardenergirl on August 16, 2005, at 2:17:08
> Hi, I hope you will send along some pics of you with your new haircolor. And of course any new pics of the beav and Ward, too!
I sure will. :)
> Loved that post, btw.
Thanks, I thought you would with the watches and everything.
> I say don't tell him beforehand. But that's just me. I actually went in with a new haircolor last time, but it was so darned similar, I doubt anyone noticed. It was supposed to be lighter.
>
> But I can understand if appearance is a big subject how any reaction on his part might be stressful. And it is a big change, so if he says nothing, what does that mean?I'm feeling like it would be too stressful for me to just wait for any reaction on his part.
> I think I would avoid telling him so that you only have to process it once. (haircolor pun!)
Boy oh boy...yuk, yuk. One after the other, huh? Thanks for all the smiles, lately. :)
> Good luck,
> ggThanks!
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 1:07:51
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2005, at 9:23:06
> I never mention it. Just show up and leave him wondering whether or not he should mention it. (evil grin)
Well, that's an interesting spin. I kind of like it. (evil grin back)
Is this in your therapist training manual?
> Dark brunette or light brunette? I think you'd look lovely as a brunette.Thanks, Dinah :). Maybe dark medium? I'm not exactly sure. I'm going to consult with the colorist beforehand. I figure this is what she does, so she'll be able to tell me what would look good and what would be a disaster. That said, I'm leaning toward something darker rather than lighter.
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 1:10:14
In reply to Re: Silly question :-), posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 18:32:58
> i am always changing my hair, red, blonde, black, long, short... I never would tell my T b/c I would love the look on his face when he would see me. I am not afraid to try new things. I love keeping him on his toes and guessing. Its become sort of a little game!
Wow! It seems like most of you wouldn't tell him first. I guess I'm just too darn fearful of what that look on his face *might* be.
Sigh. As always, there's probably more here to talk about than I thought.
Posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 1:15:12
In reply to Don't know what to talk about in therapy, posted by happyflower on August 16, 2005, at 6:41:27
> I have therapy tommorrow, it will be 13 days since our last session. It seems like such a long time ago. I think it is hard to go every 2 weeks, I feel so disconnected to him when I go back. But maybe that is a good thing.
>
> I don't know what to talk about. What happens when you can't think of anything to talk about? Has this happened to any of you? What would your T's do if you had nothing to say?I've just sat there for a little while saying nothing. It never lasts very long, though. I always feel under pressure to come up with something. So, we've even talked about that. It might sound kind of cliche, but maybe talk about why you feel you can't think of anything to talk about? What do you think *your* T would do if you had nothing to say?
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:15:05
In reply to Re: Don't know what to talk about in therapy » happyflower, posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 1:15:12
Sometimes I ask my therapist if there's anything he'd like to talk about since I've run out. He usually comes up with something terribly banal. I'm not sure if that's *his* training manual, or if he really has nothing terribly deep in his mind. But it usually forces me to dredge up something to save him the embarassment of being so empty headed.
I need to get my hair recolored when my scalp sunburn is completely gone. I was really happy with my color for the first time in ages before I went on vacation and was going to ask the colorist to keep that one going. It was sort of the color Jennifer Aniston has right now. But then it got sun brassed a bit, and I don't know what to tell her. Do you think she knows what color Jennifer Aniston has right now?
I can't wait to hear how it comes out. And how your therapist reacts. :) Mine is totally erratic. Mostly he doesn't mention it at all, so when he does I know I either look pretty good, or clownish.
Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:29:04
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » annierose, posted by All Done on August 17, 2005, at 0:42:06
When my son was very very little, he had a nearly permanent grip on my everpresent ponytail. It was his security blanket and he would stroke it or tug it lightly when he was unsure of himself.
When I finally got a haircut, my hair was only long enough to put in a teensy ponytail, and it wasn't long enough to hold onto really. I was sure my son would be terribly distressed. But he didn't seem to be and adjusted easily. I, on the other hand, still miss that stickly little hand lightly tugging my pony tail and wish I had never got my hair cut. :)
Posted by AuntieMel on August 17, 2005, at 15:23:40
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
But you look so good the way you are!!
I want pictures, too.
I wouldn't tell. Ok - I've played around with the color and even screwed it up once and had an orange patch - but I never mention it before or after and he doesn't mention it either.
And that's a good thing. I've got enough issues about what *I* think I look like without having to think about what *he* thinks I look like.
I can't imagine what would happen to my poor brain if I finally came up with a look I like and he said something negative. Best to leave his perception of looks out of the equation I think.
Posted by annierose on August 17, 2005, at 16:24:06
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by AuntieMel on August 17, 2005, at 15:23:40
AuntieMel -
I think you are wise. I did have this sort of conversation with my T (months ago) and no matter what she said, or was trying to convey, I took it as an insult. Couldn't win for losing.Nothing was more scary than just getting back some photos of our family vacation. Can I get those air brushed?
Posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:59:01
In reply to Silly question :-), posted by All Done on August 15, 2005, at 23:08:25
That could be very funny. Don't say anything about it at all and see if your T says anything.
Or you could deny it. No, I've always had brown hair, doc. And look at him strangely.
Oh, I feel evil.
`. -)
ShortE
Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2005, at 8:56:03
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Shortelise on August 18, 2005, at 0:59:01
lol. I like that one, ShortE.
I think I did that once to my therapist sort of inadvertantly. I changed my hair color and he didn't mention it the first time I saw him, but did eventually. And it seemed like a very long time ago to me, so I looked at him blankly and told him that no, I hadn't changed my hair.
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:19:36
In reply to Re: Don't know what to talk about in therapy » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:15:05
> Sometimes I ask my therapist if there's anything he'd like to talk about since I've run out. He usually comes up with something terribly banal. I'm not sure if that's *his* training manual, or if he really has nothing terribly deep in his mind. But it usually forces me to dredge up something to save him the embarassment of being so empty headed.
>
> I need to get my hair recolored when my scalp sunburn is completely gone. I was really happy with my color for the first time in ages before I went on vacation and was going to ask the colorist to keep that one going. It was sort of the color Jennifer Aniston has right now. But then it got sun brassed a bit, and I don't know what to tell her. Do you think she knows what color Jennifer Aniston has right now?The one thing I learned about coloring my hair blonde is that when it gets a bit brassy looking, the colorist needs to add ash blonde. I don't know...it seems to help.
> I can't wait to hear how it comes out. And how your therapist reacts. :) Mine is totally erratic. Mostly he doesn't mention it at all, so when he does I know I either look pretty good, or clownish.
Now that I've been thinking about it, I do remember one time I went to a session right after I had my hair cut and styled. He asked me if I got it cut and then told me it looked nice. That was the session immediately following the session where I first expressed my (not so great) feelings about my appearance. He tries, but on occassion I'd rather he didn't if he's going to be so darn obvious about it.
And for the record, I don't believe you ever look clownish, so I'd assume his silence means you look pretty good :).
Posted by All Done on August 19, 2005, at 2:23:54
In reply to Re: Silly question :-) » All Done, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2005, at 9:29:04
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.