![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:02:17
Okay, if I were a therapist and my client told me she went on here, and I came here and found out she was saying all these negative things about me, I'd be pounding my desk yelling "You B*tch""... because, that would just make sense. I mean, who could be normal and know that their side of a situation is being misunderstood or miscalculated and maybe sometimes even right on, but it's not flattering to the self-image, is it, those things are so hard to take. And I've been lucky because he couldn't say what he really thinks about me without being unprofessional. So the thought is, I'll bet I sent him into therapy, or needing it anyway. So then the thought that naturally follows that one is.. chilling. Quite chilling. I don't like it at all.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:18:49
In reply to Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:02:17
And now I have a reallyreally bad headache. I should not have cried so much today, damn it. But I always felt like I was sending my T to the edge of sanity, and I guess I need to say it.
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:27:10
In reply to Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:02:17
Okay, so now I'm scared of myself. How manipulative can a person be and still be called "normal"? Is that what I am? Is that what I do? Because if that's me, I don't like me. I would have to decide I don't like who I am and I'd have to change that. So if I do manipulate, well honestly now is there a difference between conscious and unconscious manipulation?
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:29:31
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:27:10
Okay I knowthis sounds weird but my head is just totally pounding now. Sometimes it recedes, like right NOW then it comes back again but I have to follow this train of thought a bit longer, oh what was it oh degrees, degrees of conscious and subconscious and maybe even unconscious, manipulation. Where is the line, how far to go between right and wrong?
Posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:30:59
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:29:31
And of course, once again I'm alone in here I'm doing freaky thinking but it's really right on, right on again and I'm alone my head is pounding and I have to leave this pick up the kids I hope my headache, take an Advil I'll be fine. Man, I sound crazy.
Posted by pinkeye on February 17, 2005, at 16:40:35
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:30:59
Stop torturing yourself. Let it rest. You have a keen sense of understanding about things, but don't use the understanding to further the suffering for yourself.
Posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 16:56:36
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:30:59
Susan, I agree with pinkeye that you need to be more grounded about this. Is this guy really as perfect as you think he is? Haven't you gone a little overoard in your idealization of him? Maybe you should try to separate what is real about him from what you have inflated because you miss him so. Do you actually miss him or what you ideally wanted him to be for you? I may be wrong but this obssesion is distracting you from seeing what a great mom you are, what a great friend you are to people here, and, dammit, what a great person you are.
Toph
Posted by TamaraJ on February 17, 2005, at 17:13:00
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:30:59
Susan,
You have to stop beating yourself up over this. You are not to blame for what may be, or may have been, your former therapist's inability to and inadequacies in treating a patient. He should have been honest with you (and himself in terms of his limitations). And, you may not have been the only patient that has gone through this type of thing with him.
You are a good person. Don't forget that.
Tamara
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 0:29:46
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by pinkeye on February 17, 2005, at 16:40:35
Oh wow, pinkeye. Lately, I don't know but lately you're sounding so mature. I didn't notice that about you before, but you have a really grounded way of being that's nice. I like what you said. Thanks.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 0:34:44
In reply to Re: Quick Thought » Susan47, posted by Toph on February 17, 2005, at 16:56:36
Wow, oh wow, oh wowie wow wow. Mmmm. I wish I could calm down too, Toph, but the simple fact is I'm learning things about myself that are so incredibly interesting and challenging and wonderful and horrible too, some things are not nice, I always thought I was a nice person but now I'm rooting out the devils, the little guys that have been there since I can remember. You know Jealousy, here, meet my new friend Toph. I have more friends, there're several of them hanging about here, they're nasty little critters.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 0:36:08
In reply to Re: Quick Thought » Susan47, posted by TamaraJ on February 17, 2005, at 17:13:00
Thanks Tamara, you speak very lucidly, I think.
Hangin'-in-there Susan
Posted by Toph on February 18, 2005, at 2:21:35
In reply to Re: Quick Thought » Toph, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 0:34:44
> Wow, oh wow, oh wowie wow wow. Mmmm. I wish I could calm down too, Toph, but the simple fact is I'm learning things about myself that are so incredibly interesting and challenging and wonderful and horrible too, some things are not nice, I always thought I was a nice person but now I'm rooting out the devils, the little guys that have been there since I can remember. You know Jealousy, here, meet my new friend Toph. I have more friends, there're several of them hanging about here, they're nasty little critters.
Fair enough, critters need to be brought out into the open if you are going to chase them away. I just wish you'd stop feeding what one big one who keeps always biting you in the *ss.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 9:45:05
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:27:10
to realize I used the concept, the idea, the emotions of love to hide the fact that I was jealous and angry. I once said to my therapist, "I don't like you". He wasn't too happy about that. I remember his tone of voice, disappointed but understanding. After all, I had no real reason to dislike him. To his mind. To my mind, every reason. He was everything I was unable to be. He also had everything I didn't have. He also represented the man in my life who pretty much destroyed my chances of ever ... what? Ever what? How did that man stop me from being actualized? He destroyed my self-confidence: I replayed that with my therapist. I made that happen. What else did he destroy? My chances for love. I replayed that one too, with my therapist. What else? What else?
Was I so frightened of my anger that I disguised it as love? How often have I done that with real men in my life??????
Posted by sunny10 on February 18, 2005, at 9:47:13
In reply to Frightening, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 9:45:05
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 18, 2005, at 10:26:02
In reply to Quick Thought, posted by Susan47 on February 17, 2005, at 16:02:17
Posted by pinkeye on February 18, 2005, at 14:52:25
In reply to Re: Quick Thought » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 0:29:46
Thank you. I am going to save this one. I wish I could have shown it to my ex therapist..if you had told me this 3 weeks before I would have still had a chance to show it to him. He would have been so happy. I was a mess 2 and half years back.. he brought me up to this extent. I picked up this groundedness from him.
> Oh wow, pinkeye. Lately, I don't know but lately you're sounding so mature. I didn't notice that about you before, but you have a really grounded way of being that's nice. I like what you said. Thanks.
Posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 15:03:11
In reply to Re: Quick Thought, posted by pinkeye on February 18, 2005, at 14:52:25
Yes but three weeks ago I didn't notice. Is it possible that you're still changing? Isn't that a cool idea?
Posted by pinkeye on February 18, 2005, at 15:07:56
In reply to Re: Quick Thought » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on February 18, 2005, at 15:03:11
Quite likely :-). I have grown a lot in this last 3 weeks.. mostly from having to pick myself up after losing my ex T. I am searching for ways to find myself more meaning in life.. And I made a promise to him that I will live well and help others.. so I made some extra efforts. It is good to know that the efforts are paying off little bit.
You know something, I lost a powerful connection with him, but now I am realizing I can make up for that loss in a huge way by connecting in a deep way to other people such as you.. and others here in babble..> Yes but three weeks ago I didn't notice. Is it possible that you're still changing? Isn't that a cool idea?
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.