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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 11:51:50
It has been a while since i have posted but...Im back..:) I have a question because I have been on medicine for hypomania and anxiety and obessing, and it has been helping me but I was just recently put on seroquel as well. My therapist can tell that things are going well for me but here is the problem. I am feeling so good that I am wanting to go out and spend my money..(which isnt a lot). I have gotten to where I spend too much and then barely have enough to cover my bills. Yesterday my dad gave me money to help so that I could pay my bills..and I hated it because I have never asked for any money from him...but i will be paying him back for the next few months. Im worried because whenever i feel better...I tend to spend because Im happy and it is like im rewarding myself...but i cannot hold on to my money. Im either spending it on food...some of which i dont even need..or on clothes or stupid items. I never thought I had a problem with my money and spending but would this be considered one of my stages of hypomania? Should I be talking to my therapist about this? My dad said that if I end up spending too much on my credit cards that im going to be handing them over to him..plus my check book ...I kind of want that to happen because Im scared im going to be spending too much...:( I dont know what I need to be doing...if I need to make this known to my therapist...I havent racked up thousand of dollars..but I also dont want to keep having to borrow money from my dad...help me figure this out if you can...I need guidance. I just went and saw my therapist yesterday but I didnt mention it because we ran out of time...
Posted by Racer on March 11, 2004, at 15:11:17
In reply to Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 11:51:50
Heheheh, naw, never heard of anything like this, you must be the only one in the world who's ever done this... Yeah, right! (Laughing WITH you, kiddo, on accounta I done this, too.)
I can't tell you what to do, or how to do it, but I can tell you some of the things that helped me when I was doing this sort of thing. I hope that helps.
First of all, yes -- do talk to your therapist about this. Not because it's some great huge shameful problem, just because it gives you another chance to gain insight into your reactions to the world, and your experiences in it. That's always a good thing, in my not-so-humble opinion. While you're thinking about it on your own, think about what you feel when you think about buying something. Do you want those new pants because you think that they'll somehow make you more beautiful? Or because you only have one pair of good pants and are feeling so good you want to recognize yourself as DESERVING of a choice of good pants? What do the items *mean* to you? Or are you spending money as a way of punishing yourself for feeling better? That was always part of it for me, punishment for feeling as if I deserved to feel better. Once I'd punished myself by lowering my bank balance, I could go back to saying, "See? You're so irresponsible that you can't even handle money! You *deserve* to feel like [expletive deleted] for being so weak and idiotic. You certainly didn't need those new shoes, and you don't deserve to have nice things like that because you're irresponsible." Does that make sense? Find out, to the best of your ability, *why* you are spending the money, and what the items you buy mean to you. That was my first step, and once I identified -- especially -- the deeper meaning of my purchases, I could choose when I'd buy something, rather than feeling out of control.
The second thing I did was to put myself on a money diet. The best and easiest method for me was CASH. I'd spend cash, rather than writing checks or flipping out the plastic. That alone made more of a difference to me than anything else. If I knew that I had $100 in cash to spend, I'd find myself thinking harder about every purchase, whether or not I really needed it, whether I really even *wanted* it, and generally spent a lot less because I was thinking about it. I guess it's a form of being mindful of what you're really doing. The other benefit of using cash was that I couldn't insert the thin end of the wedge -- no fudging budgets, by saying, "Well, I know that I said I'd only spend $50 today, but this blouse is only $60, so that's not really outside my budget...." If I had $50 to spend, I couldn't fudge it into $60, or $70. That limit made it a lot easier for me to handle it.
Last thought for right now, you might also consider getting a book on accounting. Not a big old textbook, but something like "accounting for non-finance folks" sort of thing. Maybe there's a For Dummies book? It might help you understand the whole thing better to see some of the principles set out from a different perspective. Learning, for example, to set a budget that includes saving, or learning to separate long-term discretionary spending from short term impulse buying. It helped me a lot to make up a Long Term Fun Spending account, because then I wouldn't spend a ton of little knickknacky little bux, but save those dribs and drabs for something more spectacular and satisfying. You know, like not buying that donut and those potato chips, and saving the money to take yourself out for a really nice dinner in a nice restaurant. Or not buying those six CDs one at a time, but saying the $80 to buy a really cute blouse. I also do a certain amount of analysis about what I'm buying. Like, "well, if I buy this pair of pants today, even though they're not quite right, I won't be satisfied with them, and I won't be able to afford to buy the 'right' pair if I find them next week. Therefore, I will not buy these pants, I'll wait until I find what I really want." That helps me a lot, because then I don't have to get into that rut of self-recrimination over how dissatisfied I am with everything I buy, how silly I am about money, etc. And I get a lot more satisfaction in what I do buy, because I've thought it out better.
Hope that helps a bit, and good to hear you're feeling better.
Posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 17:26:56
In reply to Re: Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by Racer on March 11, 2004, at 15:11:17
Thanks for your insite. Let me explain a little about what it is like for me. Ok, first off, i havent really realized that I spend to much until yesterday when my dad was writing me a check for a very large sum of money so that I could pay my bills that I didnt have any money for. He told me that if it gets really bad he is going to take my cards and check book away from me...But, when I am shopping..first off i HATE TO SHOP. I am the kind of person that goes in gets what she wants and leaves. I hate browsing...but I try and buy only whats on sale..and Im usually pumped when I buy something I feel great..but then when I get home...at times Im like why the heck did I buy this...I spend money on food that i dont need, and my favorite store is eckerds :) so I usually spend a lot there on things I dont really need...im not one for racking up thousands of dollars and going in debt..but I buy things like crazy...and at the time im buying im not thinking about all my bills i have to pay ...Im just thinking that i want to buy something and that everything will work out in the end. Several people have told me to go do something nice for myself or to go buy something and EVEN IF i know I dont have the money...I take that as MY PERMISSION to get something for myself...and so i do. I even ran into my therapist at bed bath and beyond and she even said...buy something nice for myself...and so of course because she said it..I did. BUT...I havent mentioned this to her yet. Im not very good with my finances and so my dad helps me figure out my money and how much I have...but....I was so embarressed when he wrote me the check because I NEVER ask him for money...But, I will present this to my therapist next week...I dont know how she will help me but Im sure she will. I usually shop when im feeling better..which is NOW...and at times when Im depressed....so I cannot win..and I NEVER HAVE ANY CASH and so im always using my credit cards..which isnt good. But thanks for your response...Im going to get some help with this....
Posted by Karen_kay on March 11, 2004, at 18:11:04
In reply to Re: Hypomania and spending a lot... » Racer, posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 17:26:56
Girl (is that right? If not, I'm SOOO sorry and replace that with "Boy"), I'm so bad with money that I've pretty much decided to marry rich. I have no other option unless I become filthy rich and higher an accountant to handle my finances and another to watch the first....
But, about the credit card.... I cut mine up. Can you do that? Or at least have your dad hold it unless you need it? You shouldn't need it, as a debit card works just like a credit card now anyway, EXCEPT you can't take any money out but what you have. And if you don't have money for something, you shouldn't be buying it in the first place, right (I'm talking myself into it, not talking to you,,, just reassuring myself...)... So, why not have your dad hold your credit card if you don't feel safe tearing it up. But, I felt safer tearing it up then I did with it around. Trust me on that, because I go through money faster than I go through men...
And if your dad helps you figure out your bills, why not ask him to help you figure out a (Oh, I know, this hurts) BUDGET? I personally don't have one, but my old man takes care of the bills. But, when my boyfriend didn't take care of the bills, I had to have a budget (which can allow for a small portion for spending on coffee, etc.) or I wouldn't be able to eat. It helps if you stick to it. Try to look at your previous few months of bills to get an idea of how much you spent in the past and set it that way.
And one more suggestion: (And I do the same thing you do, especially when hypomanic) Tie your money into a Christmas Club or something like that through a bank, where you get penalized for early withdrawal. (Trust me, a savings account didn't work for me)... That way, at the end of the year, you'll have money for presents (if you celebrate) and some left over for yourself, and you can buy yourself something nice. Or, you could always buy me something nice for suggesting it. I love diamonds, you know. It hurts to give your money to the bank at first, but it is helpful.
If all else fails: Why not give your extra money to your dad for safe keeping? That way, if you get in a bind, you can always get some back without being penalized at a bank, but he'll also be a stickller for letting you have it unless it's for bills or another necessity.
Hope these tips helped a bit. And, if they fail, why not try to find a rich husband, which is what I'm planning on doing....
kk
Posted by Dinah on March 11, 2004, at 19:08:31
In reply to Re: Hypomania and spending a lot... » Racer, posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 17:26:56
I tend to do that too. I get "enthusiasms" when I'm feeling good and will buy lots of gardening supplies or whatever the enthusiasm may happen to be.
My therapist has never really seen it as the problem it is. I find it a far more self destructive habit than some of my other ones that he concentrates more on.
I finally *had* to confront it and what I did was lower my credit card limit to almost nothing and only keep one card. I cancelled the rest.
It's easier not to spend when you have nothing to spend.
P.S. I was glad to see your name again. :)
Posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 19:22:26
In reply to Re: Hypomania and spending a lot... » Pandabear, posted by Dinah on March 11, 2004, at 19:08:31
Im glad to be back as well... Im going to talk about it with my therapist..I would love to chat with her tomorrow about it since the weekend is coming up and im going to be wanting to spend a lot...but, I dont know that she would want to deal with my issue on a friday being that it is that I just saw her on wednesday and im meeting with her on next tuesday...I get so stressed out when i have to pay my bills because im not good with money..but really there isnt anything she can do to help me except listen...but I dont think she would want to hear from me yet... Im really doing good on not calling and leaving messages for her...I wouldnt want to start that again..but i might... im just wondering if this spending is part of my hypomania..or if its just me...i always have a hard time telling whats actually me or my illness..i dont know..:)
Posted by Elle2021 on March 12, 2004, at 1:24:29
In reply to Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 11:51:50
I used to have a problem with spending during manic episodes. I was just telling Tinydancer about the time I bought a diamond ring...anyway, here's my advice: Make a list (charts are helpful) of everything that you buy. This includes sodas, candy, how much you spend at the grocery store, misc items, clothes, etc. EVERYTHING. I have found that this really helps to track and see where the money is going. Plus, it seems to help when I'm manic to make me realize that I can't spend money that I don't have!
Elle
Posted by tinydancer on March 12, 2004, at 1:48:48
In reply to Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 11:51:50
Hey P-bear! Nice to see you again!
I've got a somewhat difficult time differentiating between shopping sprees and just shopping for fun, because I love to shop. Oh yes indeed. I'm extremely picky, which helps, but also complicates things, because when I see something I will consider prostitution to pay for it, if I have to have it. It's very extreme.
I had a horrific period wherein I got myself into enormous credit card debt at age 23. $10,000 in about three months. It was a nightmare. I was a single mom, working part time and living with my parents so you can imagine how that one came down. My parents ended up having to swallow that down. It took a long time to recover from that particular one-I had no control over money, whatsoever. I went through specific periods-makeup, perfume (ladies, you can spend a LOT on perfume indeedy) and in the end I met someone, and moved out of the freaking country. HAHA!
So now I live in Europe, and I don't have a credit card. I don't have much of an income, either, but when I do get money I feel like I go crazy. I was talking to my T about how every purchase was like an affirmation, a hug, love...I'm not strong enough to push that away.
I don't have any advice for you because I'm not ready to stop spending, but I thought I would share my background a little anyway so you know you are certainly not alone.
Posted by Pandabear on March 12, 2004, at 12:04:11
In reply to Re: Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by tinydancer on March 12, 2004, at 1:48:48
I agree as well that buying stuff is like a hug or reward to myself...everytime i have had a bad day or im feeling down i will buy something just to cheer me up..which it does for a little bit and then when i sit down and think about what i just did..even if it wasnt that expensive...Im always wondering why i did it to begin with...you know?
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