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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
Ok, I know I might be hypersensitive so I need objective opinions. Today the secretary for my T called and said he had a conflict on Fri. could I change to Thur. Well, I haven't worked since our session on Monday as a flashback drained me, and I put all of Tues. and today's appt. back to Thur and Fri hoping I will feel good enough to go out. On Monday I told my T. I knew the next few days would be difficult after such a horendous episode with the flashback. I was disappointed he didn't offer to touch base but I take some responsibility as I didn't ask...but for him to cancel Fri. and not call himself to follow up? He talks about being a team...I am very alone for being on a team. Is this just my problem? I will bring this up on Monday if he doesn't cancel, but I don't want to obsess over this as I don't have much energy anyway. I know he has only seen me 4 months but I would think that would even be more reason to stay on top of things.
Posted by fallsfall on March 10, 2004, at 10:43:13
In reply to My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
He did offer a Thursday appointment, though, right? That's different from cancelling Friday without rescheduling. Plus the reschedule would be for earlier than your Friday appointment (maybe he thought that would be helpful?).
I don't know what his story is, I just wanted you to see that there are other *possible* scenarios.
I think you should call and talk to him - and can you take that Thursday appointment? You won't be spending the time on Friday...
((((Speaker))))
They shouldn't be allowed to cancel when we need them!
P.S. Once my therapist called to see if I could see him at 10AM instead of 3PM one day. I was getting ready to ship my daughter off to France and needed to be available to help her in the morning, so I told him that. He saw me at 3PM, and said that it wasn't a problem at all. If you REALLY want your Friday appointment, maybe he can move the OTHER person.
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 10:54:55
In reply to My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
Exactly what Falls said.. If you can't switch that time, ask about switching the other person.
And sometimes they just aren't good at realizing that we see switching appointments as a negative thing. Mine's ALWAYS late for our 8 am appointment. And I used to think, "Oh, I've done something wrong, he dreads seeing me, etc.." Then, it became a habit and I realized, "Oh, he's just slow in the mornings!"
Try not to take it to heart. Ask if the other person can switch. If not, try to find a time you can make it this week. And let him know it upsets you to be switched around. If you let him know, then he may be less apt to switch you if this happens in the future. Also, they aren't always good about "checking up" either. Mine never does, so I take that as an open invitation to allow me to call him whenever and if ever I need to. And I don't hesitate anymore. And he doesn't mind either... Wow guys, I sound healthier by the second... (*Patting myself on the back*).. Maybe you can feel that way too... If you need to talk, cal your therapist. Usually they don't mind, if it doesn't become bothersome to them.. And I don't see that being a problem with you hun..
Take care of yourself, those flashbacks are nasty....kk
Posted by DaisyM on March 10, 2004, at 11:36:05
In reply to Re: My T canceled...now what do I think? » Speaker, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 10:54:55
I think you should call him and express your distress. Exactly like you posted. You were very diplomatic but also expressed your needs.
Also, I know it is early in the relationship, but could you do a phone session between your appointments? Those work for some people and not for others. It took me awhile to figure out how to actually talk about stuff on the phone but now it really fits my schedule on some weeks.
I also agree that sometimes they forget that we have lives too and rescheduling is difficult. I say this as someone who has to ask to move standing appointments more than my Therapist does. He always tells me "my time is my time" unless there is a real compelling reason to change things.
I'm sorry you haven't been able to work. I know how that can be. Try to do the things that sooth yourself. Reading works for me and babble...
Posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 13:17:47
In reply to Re: My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by DaisyM on March 10, 2004, at 11:36:05
Thanks, to all of you! I did call and left a voicemail stating I didn't think this was a good week to not talk. I explained what I said in my post and after hanging up I got really nervous...like I shouldn't be bothering him:). I know I pay him but it is really hard to trust him.
Posted by All Done on March 10, 2004, at 13:22:15
In reply to I called and left a voicemail...now I'm nervous!, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 13:17:47
Good for you, Speaker! I know all too well how hard it is to call in between sessions.
Let us know how it turns out.
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 14:19:09
In reply to My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
Maybe I do not understand something but I think he did good he offered you a day AHEAD of when you were to see him right? YOU chose Monday he cannot control your scheule and sometimnes his so he wanted to touch base sooner when he found out he could not do friday RIGHT???
<< Today the secretary for my T called and said he had a conflict on Fri. could I change to Thur>>
Posted by terrics on March 10, 2004, at 18:44:15
In reply to My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
Perhaps because you are so drained right now you are hypersensitive to eveything and I don't blame you. It is normal to feel drained after such an experience. I think your T. was fair. Time conflicts do come up. Sometimes I think a T. will cancel the more easy going patient so he/she won't have to put up with nonsense from the difficult patient. That is a wild guess. So maybe this was a compliment from him in a way. terrics
Posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 18:51:12
In reply to Re: My T canceled...now what do I think? » Speaker, posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 14:19:09
Fall,
I would agree with you at times as we all have schedule conflicts. The problem was when he was the one to cancel and he only had one slot for Thur. that I was unable to make. Then it should have become his responsiblity to find a time for me. Not me paying the price because he had a conflict...even touching base by phone would be ok. But you don't drop people on their heads because the committment you made to them becomes inconvenient. Our times have been scheduled for four months...if this is something that happens due to anything other than illness he should have discussed the possibility with me ahead of time. That is my opinion so we will see what happens.
Posted by Poet on March 10, 2004, at 20:43:17
In reply to Re: My T canceled...now what do I think? » Fallen4myT, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 18:51:12
Hi Speaker,
I agree that if the cancelation was something that you could have been told about weeks ago, your therapist should have told you right away. If it wasn't due to illness or a family emergency then I think he should have found another day and time to fit you in.
I'd give him the benefit of the doubt until you find out why he canceled.
Poet
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 10, 2004, at 20:49:01
In reply to Re: My T canceled...now what do I think? » Fallen4myT, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 18:51:12
I am hoping and thinking it had to be a GOOD reason like illness or a family issue like maybe a funeral...Let us know how it goes
Posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 7:32:10
In reply to My T canceled...now what do I think?, posted by Speaker on March 10, 2004, at 10:20:10
Fisrt think this morning my T's office called and offered a 6:30 appt. Making it very clear that he would be extending his day just for me (no...he extended his day because he worked another appt. in tomorrow) but it worked as I now feel guilty. The PROBLEM is right after my T called and we set this up my 2:00 appt. for today canceled...that is what the T offered first. I feel a bit stupid but I think I should call and see if the 2 is still open and go in so he doesn't have to stay late. What do you think???
Posted by Dinah on March 11, 2004, at 9:45:14
In reply to T's office called for appt. NOW What?, posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 7:32:10
All he might say is no, and if the time is still open, he'll be grateful.
Posted by DaisyM on March 11, 2004, at 10:25:15
In reply to T's office called for appt. NOW What?, posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 7:32:10
I think that Therapists have clients who cancel all the time so they totally understand about the unpredictable nature of appointments. You can't control other people (I can't believe I just wrote that!). I agree with Dinah, call, see if it is still open, be gracious about doing him this favor. After all, you could have used the break in your day to go to lunch, buy new shoes or just catch up on paperwork.
DON'T feel guilty or stupid. It isn't like you have nothing to do all week but wait for him to becken you. I think you should mention all of this when you go in, because you aren't playing games, you are hurting.
Hope it goes well.
Posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 15:30:37
In reply to Re: T's office called for appt. NOW What?, posted by DaisyM on March 11, 2004, at 10:25:15
Thanks for listening to all the petty whining. It amazes me I make decisions worth millions at work but this stuff throws me...I guess I really do have a part that still needs to grow up. I called and he had already filled the 2 so I kept the 6:30. I wonder after a full day if he will still be able to listen. I do plan to tell him all my feelings and sort where it all comes from. You are right I have no intentions of paying to play games! I will post when I get back tonight if I have any energy...he want's me to tell him the flashback I had...I want to but have never been able to put words to the horror! You guys are great and I hope I will be a bit better and be able to be a friend back soon!
Posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 19:30:49
In reply to Thanks...I called, posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 15:30:37
I went tonight and shared with the T. he said thats exactly how he thought I would feel...and why wouldn't I. We talked about the appt. change after he apologized about it right away. I think it was a good opportunity for growth even though I didn't feel like that earlier this week.
Thanks for all the support!!!
Posted by pegasus on March 11, 2004, at 23:05:59
In reply to Very Good Session, posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 19:30:49
I'm so glad for you! Those sessions that go well after conflict (or tension or whatever) are such a blessing. I'm glad that he apologized, especially, because I think you did deserve an apology. Your T sounds like a pretty good guy.
- p
Posted by All Done on March 12, 2004, at 12:02:51
In reply to Very Good Session, posted by Speaker on March 11, 2004, at 19:30:49
Speaker,
That seems to be the way a lot of these growth opportunities happen. Whenever I’m feeling anxious about something that happened with my T, I know that’s the first thing I need to talk to him about in the next session. It’s hard, but it always feels like the “right” thing in the end.
Good for you and good for your T!
All Done
Posted by Dinah on March 12, 2004, at 19:27:28
In reply to Re: Very Good Session » Speaker, posted by All Done on March 12, 2004, at 12:02:51
Me too! In fact if I find myself thinking I don't want to talk about something, I know that's what I should talk about. And it's usually a great session.
This is the end of the thread.
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