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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
What does everyone think about the idea that people who are young can't get as much out of therapy as people who are older? It has come up several times with my T, and I've been wondering whether I should save my time and money until I'm at least in my 30s or 40s and am more settled and not still trying to get to where I will be long-term. I'm always very quiet in therapy, not by choice, but because I literally can't make myself talk. My T knows that silences are uncomfortable for me, so instead, he just talks and talks. I asked him today whether he always talks that much with his other patients, and he said that he's usually very silent, especially during analysis sessions. He said that he doesn't work much with college-age people, and that someone more specialized with that age group and younger probably would talk more and listen less. Do you think that's true? Why would it be that older patients/clients talk and free associate more, while younger ones have more trouble with it? My T's goal for our work together is to keep me from "getting snagged"-- ie, to keep me out of psychological trouble since I've just recently come back from time off and hospital stays. I'd like for him to have more ambitious goals for me, and I'd like to meet them. I get the feeling my T doesn't really like me and that he's not invested in my care long-term. He took me on because a friend/colleague referred me to him, and he just wants to keep things from getting worse. I think he also thinks that I'm not in the right age range to get much out of therapy with him. Is there a proper age for when therapy becomes effective? What kind of therapy goals are appropriate for someone my age?
Thanks everyone! I'd appreciate your input!
CB
Posted by terrics on March 9, 2004, at 20:44:42
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
You're the right age for therapy and so am I. I am MUCH older than you. My mother-in-law is 80 and she goes. She loves her therapist. It seems to me that you are not clicking with your therapist and that you are indeed wasting time and money. If I were you I would interview some other therapists. Try to find one who enjoys working with college age clients. Good luck. terrics
Posted by Dinah on March 9, 2004, at 20:47:07
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I rather wish I had had therapy when I was younger. Well, I did, as a pre-teen, but I didn't cooperate, was furious at being there, and it wasn't a useful experience.
But what better time to straighten out your thinking, and learn to cope with emotions than when you're young?
Perhaps the problem isn't your age, but rather your therapist's lack of experience with people your age. There are tons of therapists who love to practice with young people. Perhaps you could ask for a referral to someone experienced with the issues you are facing at this time in your life?
Posted by KindGirl on March 9, 2004, at 21:01:37
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I think when you are ready, you are ready. No matter your age. I was a chatter box in my 20's so I don't think your age is why you are quiet.
I think if you are getting ANYTHING positive out of therapy, then stick with it. I too wish I had sought help when I was in my 20's. I might have been able to escape my abusers earlier, I sometimes wonder. My t says we are ready when we are ready. If you are not feeling ready, that is okay. Listen to yourself, your heart.
I think I never had a voice growing up and I always did what was "right" or expected of me to be "good" and so I never really listened to my heart. That is my advice to you...but your health is so important too and if it keeps you safe and from harming yourself then I agree with the above posters in maybe you need to find another t who you feel safer with or who you feels likes you.
It takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing...good for you! Hang in there and take care....
Posted by shortelise on March 9, 2004, at 23:27:37
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I was in therapy at the age of 16 for over a year, and I so much regret that the therapist I had didn't know how to help me open up, how to deal with the crap I needed to deal with. It took me 25 years to get back to it. How I wish I'd done the work I'm doing now 25 years ago. How different (and better) my life would have been. I regret this so much...
ShortE
Posted by Fallen4myT on March 9, 2004, at 23:29:24
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I didnt read the replies to you yet but to me you get help when you need it. Maybe you could ask him if you could write stuff out to him then when you go in go over that stuff? I dont know either that or ask for a referral to someone who works more with college people. He sounds nice in that he is trying by talking and filling in the session so you may turn this around
Posted by gardenergirl on March 10, 2004, at 0:14:11
In reply to Re: does age matter in therapy? » CareBear04, posted by Fallen4myT on March 9, 2004, at 23:29:24
I work with college age clients. They are definitely appropriate for therapy. Others in my program at school (I am in training as a doctoral student in clinical psychology) work with adolescents and children. There is a so a group who work with older adults. So there is no one "right" age for therapy, just what is right for the client. I waited until I was 37 to start therapy. I wish I had had your courage when I was your age. It might have avoided pain and suffering for me.
It sounds to me like your therapist (we call them "T"'s) is not connecting with you. That is the T's job. It is not your job to suddenly start talking if you are not comfortable.
Do you have any other options? Is there a university clinic nearby who might be able to take you on? Or are you in a school where counseling is available?
Another option is to talk with your T about your discomfort in talking. Or whatever is keeping you from talking (sounds like it might be his blabbing as well). The more you can clear the air, the more you both might feel comfortable talking.
I wish you the very best and admire you for taking this on at your age. Not because it is unusual or not "right" for therapy, but because I am envious that you are ready and it took me so long. :-)
Good luck and let us know how it works out!
gg
Posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 1:57:33
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I started therapy at 14. I don't think it did a whole lot for me. I didn't know you had to do things outside of the therapy room. So I don't think therapy really began to help me until about 19. That is when I started being a more active participant. I'm 27 now, and I feel I'm working harder with my T now than I have with any T, anytime, which is saying a lot.
Posted by cubic_me on March 10, 2004, at 7:40:43
In reply to Re: does age matter in therapy?, posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 1:57:33
I'm 21 and my T is attached to my uni so she has alot of experience of clients my age. I think she is more tuned in to the problems that I might experience and has a good idea of what the people I live and work around are like (because of the other clients she sees). You're T may feel uncomfortable treating people your age if he is not used to it, and like the others said, it may be useful looking at other options.
I don't think that there is an appropriate age to start therapy, except that you have got to be ready for it and want it to help you. In my opinion the earier you sort out your problems the happier the rest of your life will be and you will create less problems for yourself by dealing will situations in the wrong way as you will have learned how to deal with them. _me x
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 8:08:00
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
I've always believed that if you face your problems at a younger age, it's easier to change the habits, as they aren't as ingrained in your psyche. Like, for instance, if you have negative thought patterns then it is easier to change them while you are younger, since you haven't had them as long. I guess it depends though on what you're going through. You wouldn't be in therapy unless you have a reason and I highly doubt your age has much to do with it. Why not take a look at why you don't talk much.... Is it because you are like me and refuse to acknowledge that you have problems? Or, are you just shy? Or do you feel like you are whining? Why not bring it up to your therapist and try to explore the reasons as to why you don't like to or feel that you can't talk much. I know when I first began therapy, I was intimidated by a man sitting across from me, wanting to know my "innerthoughts" and I felt he couldn't give a rat's caboose. I learned over time that he did care aobut me and I began to open up more and become THE PERFECT CLIENT... Ha!
Try exploring it with your therapist. You may be surprised how much you have to say!
Posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 9:11:52
In reply to Not that it matters, but.. » CareBear04, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 8:08:00
I forgot to address this. Does anyone place any importance on the age of their T? I don't. I think its really great to have a T who is close to my age, it seems like I feel more connected. (He's 6 years older than me) I always wonder though about having a T who is really, really old. Maybe because I'm not that old myself? (I'm 27) My friend with BPD has a p-doc who is 72 years old. I would really struggle with that. I don't know. Maybe not.
Posted by CareBear04 on March 10, 2004, at 12:13:08
In reply to Re: does age matter in therapy? ?CareBear04, posted by Fallen4myT on March 9, 2004, at 23:29:24
hey fallen,
i think that's a good idea (writing stuff down and talking about those topics during therapy). that way i have a written record of my goals for that session, and i'll have to evaluate at the end whether or not i met those goals. thanks for the suggestion!
cb> I didnt read the replies to you yet but to me you get help when you need it. Maybe you could ask him if you could write stuff out to him then when you go in go over that stuff? I dont know either that or ask for a referral to someone who works more with college people. He sounds nice in that he is trying by talking and filling in the session so you may turn this around
Posted by CareBear04 on March 10, 2004, at 12:20:06
In reply to Not that it matters, but.. ?CareBear04, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 8:08:00
i'm not reluctant to admit that i have problems, and i'm not really shy, either, at least outside of therapy. in sessions, though, it's another story. i blush at the drop of a hat and barely speak ten words a sessoin. i think part of the problem is the age gap between my T and me (he's probably in his early 40s). if i had a T who was, say, in his 20s, i wouldn't feel like i had to censor myself so much. once, i told him that there are more things that concern me than just classes and adjusting back to school; that i'm in college after all. his response was strange: "so i take it you're, uh... socially active." i felt really self-conscious because it sounded to me like he was replacing one 's" word that usually precedes the word active with another. it made me feel like he wouldn't be comfortable talking to me about sex, and i didn't want to shock or disgust him in any way.
you'll have to give me hints on how to become a perfect therapy client, too! :)
Posted by CareBear04 on March 10, 2004, at 12:25:22
In reply to T's age-Does THAT matter?, posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 9:11:52
I think age of T does matter to me, but it varies depending on gender. I think I like young, female Ts. For men, I'm open to a wider range of ages. The thing about really old Ts is that they're sometimes not as sensitive to touchy issues as younger ones. Like a few decades ago, eating disorders were a new phenomenon, and now cutting is relatively prevalent whereas it wasn't acknowledged before. I would worry that an older T wouldn't have been trained and exposed to these kinds of problems and would not be as good at dealing with them. It's interesting what Tiny dancer said about her friend with BPD who's seeing a really old T. I would be interested in hearing about her experiences! I once saw a pretty old and supposedly famous T. He is the chair of the psych department at the medical school, and all he did was pat my head and give me candy and tell me that this is supposed to be the best time of my life. I was in the hospital for attempted suicide. He didn't help. Anyway, that's it for me. Look forward to hearing what others think. CB
Posted by 64Bowtie on March 10, 2004, at 12:52:20
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
There are documented for accepted barricades to recovery in the 12 step environment from the history and traditions of this loose-knit group:
health(y)
wealth(y)
youth(ful)
intellect(ual)(parenthesis are adjectives describing people who are in deeper denial (doo-doo))
We can deduce from this history that up to a certain age, youth is a definite denial factor. Older folks lose their health which is a plus, but get rich which is a minus.
Anyway, age seems to matter...
Rod
Posted by All Done on March 10, 2004, at 13:19:16
In reply to T's age-Does THAT matter?, posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 9:11:52
> I forgot to address this. Does anyone place any importance on the age of their T? I don't. I think its really great to have a T who is close to my age, it seems like I feel more connected.
tinydancer,
I'm 31 and I think my T is pretty close to my age although I don't know his exact age. I've been thinking about this lately because I'm wondering if I hesitate to trust him because I generally don't/haven't trust(ed) guys my own age. I believe that with age comes wisdom and I respect that in people who are older than me. Maybe I'm just in denial and need to admit that I'm getting older ;).
All Done
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 13:25:57
In reply to Re: Not that it matters, but.. » Karen_kay, posted by CareBear04 on March 10, 2004, at 12:20:06
I'd shcok the h*** out of him. Go in to your next session (and as much as it will hurt) tell him about your latest sexual experience. Or something else that you have problems with but wouldn't dream of telling him, for fear that he wouldn't understand. I think if you do (and don't think just talk) you'll learn that he's not going to be nearly as shocked as you think... Trust me, I've asked the worst things you could ask a therapist and mine's always come through with shining colors. Try him, you'll have a better relationship once you open the door. But, that's jsut what I would do. Don't substitute my advice or opinion for your own of course. But, I guarentee you can't shock him. You'd be surprised at how much you can say to them without them even flinching.
Posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 14:20:55
In reply to Well, if I were you.. » CareBear04, posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 13:25:57
> But, I guarentee you can't shock him. You'd be surprised at how much you can say to them without them even flinching.
This is so true. Actually I think it secretly turns me on. Seriously! Am I weird?
Posted by antigua on March 10, 2004, at 14:28:34
In reply to does age matter? ...seems to » CareBear04, posted by 64Bowtie on March 10, 2004, at 12:52:20
Please explain,if you'd like of course. That was way too cryptic for me.
antigua
Posted by Karen_kay on March 10, 2004, at 14:35:39
In reply to Re: Well, if I were you.., posted by tinydancer on March 10, 2004, at 14:20:55
Posted by Penny on March 10, 2004, at 15:59:24
In reply to does age matter in therapy?, posted by CareBear04 on March 9, 2004, at 19:52:53
Without having read the majority of the other posts to this subject, I will take a second to give my own input (and only a second, as I have no business being on babble at this time of day!!!). I think that the age of the client doesn't matter - life is a journey (yes, I know that's cliche, but true!), and it's all about learning. We will never reach the point where we've learned all we can or need to. If someone feels they've learned all there is to know, well, I would have to say that person needs to take a long hard look at their version of reality...
Anyway - to keep this fairly short - I think that *whenever* you are in therapy is the right age. I think that therapy at different ages serves different purposes. I am 27 and gaining a great deal from therapy now. I don't foresee the end of my therapy experience at any time in the near future, but I suspect/hope that what I gain from therapy will change as I change. I've had two primary therapists - the first for 3 years, the second for a little over a year so far - and the things I've learned from each of them have been different, but suitable for that part of my life.
In other words, when it comes to the client, I don't think age has anything to do with how effective therapy can be in helping you. Though what it helps you with might certainly change. Or not.
However, I've been in therapy with a fairly young (late 30s - early 40s woman who had a baby while I was seeing her) therapist, and my current T is in her mid-50s. My first T was wonderful at the time, but I must say that I think more of my current T, just in her level of experience. Not that the first T didn't have years of experience - she did - but my current T has a different take on the world.
In general, I prefer young physicians. My pdoc is 51, and that's fine, as he's totally up-to-date on all the latest research, but my gp is in her 30s. So I'm not biased against young practitioners. But when it comes to therapists - I'm sure there are many fantastic young therapists, but I think that being a therapist is almost like an art, and after working with such a variety of patients, assuming the T is able to keep an open mind and up-to-date on clinical practices, etc., the experienced T has more to draw upon (other than classroom lectures, books and his/her own life experience) with which to help his/her patients. There's an air of confidence that has been earned.
Mind you, that is a generalization - certainly doesn't apply across the board, as we all know.
So much for keeping this short! :-)
P
BTW - I've had many folks tell me how wonderful they thought it was that I wasn't waiting until I was in my 30s or 40s to start getting help. Again, I believe that therapy is helpful to you when you are ready for it, and whatever age that happens to be is the right age. But after suffering for a number of years from depression and social problems, I feel sort of like had I waited, well, I might be dead right now.
This is the end of the thread.
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