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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 8:42:14
In my last appointment with my therapist we were talking about some things that were really painful for me. I got really angry inside because I couldnt express myself properly and I started pinching my hand.
I self injure anyway so I know its a coping mechanism for me but I've never done it with someone else there before. I go to so many lengths to hide it and then I do this. She asked me what I was thinking about, and I told her what I had been doing and she seemed really suprised - she's never suprised.
I feel like I'm a freak now.
_me
Posted by Penny on October 14, 2003, at 9:02:32
In reply to self-injury in therapy, posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 8:42:14
Oh, I'm so sorry you feel like a freak.
You're not a freak.
(repeat after me: I'm not a freak!)
You're in a lot of pain. And you were trying to open up about painful things, and the SI was automatic. Forgive yourself.
Truly - I think this might be a good opportunity for you - you were also able to tell her what you were doing. That's a good forward step.
You said she seemed surprised - what did she say when you told her what you had been doing?
P
Posted by judy1 on October 14, 2003, at 9:05:16
In reply to self-injury in therapy, posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 8:42:14
I'm honestly shocked that she expressed surprise- is she a relatively new therapist? As you become more familiar with SI (through the internet and books) you'll see how common a coping mechanism it is. I often pinch my hands and arms during therapy- it's a way for me to stay present. Both my shrink and therapist understand this and they give me things to hold- my therapist has stuffed animals and my shrink usually has me hold a pillow. Then we work on me staying grounded through other means. My point is you are most definitely not a freak, it just sounds like your therapist lacks experience. Take care, judy
Posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 9:22:15
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapy » cubic_me, posted by judy1 on October 14, 2003, at 9:05:16
Thanks, I still think I'm abit wierd tho! I tried repeating 'I am not a freak' but it just made me laugh - I suppose thats good in a way, isnt it!
She didnt 'say' anything when I did it, she just kind of looked shocked and moved back in her chair. Maybe be she was more shocked that I told her than that I was actually doing it (I'm not normally that forthcoming). Shes a senior councellor at the place I go and she seems pretty experienced, I suppose she's about 50something. She told me up until now that she was unshockable so it made me abit uncomfortable when she said that.
In my last session she also said that she sometimes thinks I'm playing games with her. I dont intentionally do that, but maybe I am. It kinda makes me think that she thinks I'm lying or witholding information just so I'm playing games. I dont want her to think that of me, because its not true.
_me
Posted by Poet on October 14, 2003, at 9:37:44
In reply to self-injury in therapy, posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 8:42:14
Hi Cubic Me,
You're not a freak. All you did was react physically to what you couldn't say verbally.
Maybe your therapist was surprised that you were able to tell her what you were doing, not that you were physically doing it.
Telling her does not make you a freak, it makes you brave because you didn't hide it from her.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2003, at 17:34:19
In reply to self-injury in therapy, posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 8:42:14
I do it all the time. I know he notices, but rarely mentions it. I assume if I did something severe, he would disapprove.
Posted by stjames on October 14, 2003, at 19:53:20
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapyPenny and Judy, posted by cubic_me on October 14, 2003, at 9:22:15
In my last session she also said that she sometimes thinks I'm playing games with her. I dont intentionally do that, but maybe I am. It kinda makes me think that she thinks I'm lying or witholding information just so I'm playing games. I dont want her to think that of me, because its not true.
To me "playing games" is:
1) Withholding infomation
2) Doing/saying things or not Doing/say things
so you doc will like you.Since you are in session (and paying) to get better the above to points are at cross purposes
with getting well. You are not there to make them
like you, sessions are about you.
Posted by fallsfall on October 14, 2003, at 23:27:03
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapyPenny and Judy, posted by stjames on October 14, 2003, at 19:53:20
My old therapist once said "Yes, I've seen you do that. You do it when things are more stressed emotionally" I didn't know she knew. Then I felt like she didn't care about me because she didn't say anything. It was almost like I did it to see if she cared enough to notice.
Posted by cubic_me on October 16, 2003, at 6:07:40
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapy » stjames, posted by fallsfall on October 14, 2003, at 23:27:03
I supose I didnt mind telling her what I was doing because I wanted her to see how much I was hurting. I couldnt express it verbally so I did it that way instead.
_me
Posted by Dinah on October 16, 2003, at 8:48:14
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapy » fallsfall, posted by cubic_me on October 16, 2003, at 6:07:40
I do it to reduce the level of physiological arousal. When I get upset, I get overstimulated. Self injury seems to help.
Posted by pixygoth on October 20, 2003, at 6:27:00
In reply to Re: self-injury in therapy » cubic_me, posted by Dinah on October 16, 2003, at 8:48:14
To repeat - you are no freak.
You must be really strong, actually.
I SI in front of the odd few people - parents, partner... like Dinah, I get so physiologically wound up that it's punch *something* or burst. It has been my partner in the past, and the guilt was worse than anything ever so it's my own face now.
But it's a big thing, being psychologically forced to hurt yourself. It should help in the long run to have it in the open, correct?
Good luck cubic_me
S x
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