Psycho-Babble Administration Thread 1096433

Shown: posts 1 to 25 of 38. This is the beginning of the thread.



Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2017, at 17:02:01

I didn't get in. I really thought I was going to, but the deadlines on outcomes for applications have passed and the meetings of the committees.

I don't know why they kept advertising public seminars for me to attend. It feels like cruely stringing me along. Or maybe I was supposed to see that there are plenty of non-medically trained graduates being employed to do medical research... Perhaps they just thought I'd settle into that, here. Which is of course pretty much going back to what I was doing before. No patients. No practice of medicine. No practice of surgery... And why would I have wasted so very many years of my life... To end up fairly much where I was, however many years ago back to theoretical research that is so far removed from any practical difference in any persons life... I don't really want to do research. It's not good for me. Once again, low level teaching staff or theoretical researchers decide what is best for me while completely ignoring what I know about what I need and what is good for myself such that I can contribte in a way that is meaningful respectful of what I know of my strengths. The swans... Saw me, and didn't want me. Or, didn't see me, or, whatever. I don't know why. It doesn't matter why. The outcome is the same. It really doesn't matter why.

I'm done with NZ. I did everything in my power to get to be in he position where I could help with the development of med. Which involves med training - so you learn why certain things must be thus and so. And I made the GPA. And they just decided that, no, I can settle into something else. They have 300, or 450 other people who would all more likely contribute more to the practice and devo of med in NZ than me if they are to be accepted to med next year. Whatever. I'm done. Or maybe that is what they want. For me to go away. Maybe they decided that I'm not so good for them after all since I can't get excited about rat reaearch, or, whatever, that's got next to nothing to do with humans. Maybe they want med researchers who are more willingly complicit in handing over nz data to foreign interests.

I feel that NZ is like a terrible toddler in the developed world. It doesn't know how to do civilised business, yet. It can't be trusted to do honest business, it can't get it's own people looking after themselves. Eating their greens. Not putting themselves into dangerous situations. I think there are segments of the developed world who are just waiing for this country to grow up and start by saying 'no, thats not in our intetests' when it comes to international trades and relations. Education of our citizens. And so on...

Anyway... Other people think they know better than me and aren't respecful enough of me to allow me to make the contribution... To train me... To allow me the experiences...

I'm done. You can have his country back, now, thanks. I don't like the noise it makes.

Probably... It's a matter of 'carry on'. I mean, some people are doin so well. They are having a blast. Want younger and naiever.. Yessir, nosir, anythingyousaysir... Our health system is the best in the world just the way it is!

I'm done with his country. Wasting my life in this hell hole with no basic respect for my human needs. Bullying Tonga and so on. I'm sick to my stomach of here. This country has... Never shown the most basic level of respect for me. It... Will not allow me to be a person.


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2017, at 18:03:38

In reply to dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2017, at 17:02:01

I do just find it incomprehensible... That in a Country of 4 million (ish) they think they found 300 local students (or, more like 600 if we consider the other university intake, as well) who would all likely go on to contribute more to the practice and development of medicine in NZ than me.

And for each of those people... If we consider that around 3/4 of them could simply be delayed (and would apply again the following year etc) if you wanted to just take some more time to see how they were developing...

They are really so very sure that these 300 or 600 people would all likely go on to contribute more to the practice and development of medicine in NZ than me.

If we consider the experiences I've had in the hospital system... If we consider the level of writing I've demonstrated... If we consider the theory of mind and empathy I've developed... If we consider equity on disability applicants (where Maaori and Pacific candidates who meet GPA requirements that I hav met are ALL accepted for places)...

I find it implausible. Incomprehensible.

I just... Don't understand.

Especially when not all people make it through the training. I don't know how many are required to repeat a year. How many are failed from the degree. How many aren't accepted to specialise. How many don't match to anything they want to do or... Who otherwise... Drop out along the way. To do something else...

If there was concern about me... So very much scope to veto me out... At any of those points...

They are so very determined that I'm so very unsuitable...

If they had concerns about how I'd do... Whether I'd thrive or flounder...

They aren't concerned. They are determined. No further assessment required. Those 300 or 600 other applicants would so very obviously and clearly be better than me that not a single one of them could have been delayed for a later application...

It's incomprehensible to me.

NZ simply will not let me...

And that's that.


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2017, at 13:14:23

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2017, at 18:03:38

Or not... Someone said to me that 'no answer isn't really an answer' or 'isn't an answer you can do anything with' or somesuch. Because my application was declined automatically since I didn't meet criteria so it's been saying 'application unsuccessful' all year - I'm relying on them using their discretionary power to consider me / offer me a place and alter that status. I suppose I was thinking I'd hear alongside the other candidates who were decided as part of the second meeting... But... No answer isn't really an answer I can do anything with. That's right. It's not an answer I can use to help me see whether I'm signing a lease on a house or whether I'm leaving.

Remember when I thought I needed to graduate from psychiatry - to finish a course of therapy or something before being proclaimed psychologically healthy or whatever? I thought... I might get that done overseas (since there wasn't any treatment here) and then be in the position to come back...

I keep thinking: Who should bear the cost of my learning? ACC says you should learn to drive in the safest car you can afford. They then define safety as how well you do (compared to the other guy) in the case of a head-on collision.

I've born the cost of other people's training. The psychiatrists who didn't speak English. The training psychiatrists, in their herds, where the psychiatrist was more interested in entertaining / interacting with them than in being at all respectful to the patient. I've had short term psychotherapy with a number of training psychiatrists (as their first ever patient). I've got plates and screws and all this hardware designed to go in with no care for how it's going to come out implanted in me (without my consent) where anatomical structure was not restored and where joints that were intended to fuse failed to fuse. But a team of training people got to practice their stuff on me. I've born the cost of their training. Did I do better than I would have if they had treated me conservatively? Did I do better with the training psychiatrists and ESL foreigners than I would have if there had have been no hospital or medicine - at all? That is unclear to me. Would my feet be better today if they had have been treated conservatively with no operations or with no implanted hardware? That is unclear to me.

But I bore the cost of their learning...

And I'm not even complaining (so much as realising that that was what was in fact going on).

And I'm not traumatised in the 'I want to do to others what they did to me' way... I don't want to hurt others, I do want to help them... But the reality of the situation is that... Someone must bear the cost of your learning.

When you need to learn / practice your sutures are you going to learn to get good at that stitching up people who have accidents through no fault of their own... Or are you going to learn to get good at that stitching up people who present after (predictably) drinking too much and asking for trouble and (predictably) getting themselves beaten up? When you let your training people practice their hardware insertion are you going to let them practice on the person who got mowed off their bicycle from some drunk guy in an SUV or the person who tried to kill herself?

'The other'. So you live with yourself through your training because... Who will bear the cost of your learning?

The not recognisably human. I wonder if that's why they open entry so much. If that's why they seem to do everything they can to wind up the people to lounder and lounder and drunker and drunker and so on... To have these people kicking at the back of your chair and saying they want to do x but not being prepared to work for it...

Some groups disproportionately bear the cost of learning. That's how come equity places... Bear the cost of learning but no representative members to come out competent on the other side to actually ever get any competent medical / surgical treatment from within that group...

The people with disabilities... The deaf people who don't get organ transplants because their DALYS (disability adjusted life years) are less... Because their life is thought to be of less value than the life of a person comperable in every respect except with respect to their disability / deafness *by definition*...

You could spend your life arguing with idiots if it makes you happy...

Here's another way: How about having the cognitive capacity to face up to the cost of your training? The cost of your training is what gives you a duty to help people (especially those who disproportionately bore that) during later years.

That's a no brainer...

I keep running through reasons why they don't like me. Assuming they don't... Reasons why all my life I was passed over for opportunities...

Mostly... It was about people wanting to protect their own kids. They wanted their kids to get things / have opportunities etc. Their kids and the kids who their kids relied on. So... Their kids and the kids who do their kids work. Or the kids who otherwise look after their kids. Or, at least, kids who make their kids look (if not be) better... And because I'm female... Well... My role is to be a support for another. Only nobody has every accused me of being overly supportive... I'm not particularly feminine in traits like nurturing or supportiveness (I know). Only other people seem inclined to think that because I'm female this must be my value and if I'm not good at that I'm of little value...

Mostly... I just don't get to see the relevant kids. I get placed in this particular residential hall (clearly, I'll look after the kids whose parents paid for them to come here and study at university level a foundation course because they haven't achieved entry to study at university). They did think I could be a High School Teacher (which was saying I could be one of them) - but I most certainly didn't get to do science (like their kids) or Maths (like their kids) or have a shot at Med... That was for their kids... For their kids to be friends with kids who were doctors kids... To maybe get to stay with them...

To get to live in the same halls... To go to the same tutorial groups... To sign up for leases on houses together... To get scaffolded in that way...

I was supposed to have a kid, you see. This is for... The next generation.

Only: I'm not dead yet. That's the just the latest in a line of excuses.

I simply don't understand why we won't learn to look after the things we've got.

I know if I get to do this I will have to stop posting here. I thought... That would be my graduation, really. My graduation into not having a mind that is 'other'... Worse. Inferior. Wrong. I know it... I don't know that other people have cottoned on, yet...

Dr Bob... I really (really really) do want to live.

Will the people let me?

I... Don't really know what is going on... This really is critical, though. I mean... It's basically: Will the people listen to me with respect to what I say about what it is that I want / need. Will they give me this (I've worked hard for it over a number of years and lived in awful conditions etc etc etc because I was determined to make this work). And now it's up to them. If they won't let me I have no choice but to leave.

The Dean was right:

People don't want to live, like that.

At least... Not this person... Not like this...

Goodbye Dr Bob... Goodbye Babble.

I hope things go well for me... I've done everything in my power...

I hope.


First world / developed nation people aren't just replacable parts. The investment that goes into them... When will we learn to look after what we've got? This compulsion to throw things away and start over and over and over and over and over and over again... Nasty, bruitish, and short. When will we... Grow up? Doing everything I can...

Why are people so very determined everything must take so very many generations?

I don't want to live, like that.


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2017, at 14:02:52

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2017, at 13:14:23

...and, i know, the three post rule... it makes me look obsessive... or something. and, i know, since my background is philosophy i must be argumentative. picking for a fight. only i'm not. well, then, there must be something else... maybe it's that i'm not young / naieve. there are a bunch of reasons why things are as they are (and must be the way they are) and mostly people just don't have the cognitive capacity to do things differently because they are running on full capacity just with doing what they are doing... it will be years before i could change anything. or, really, if what you really want to do is change things then you don't want to do clinical you want to do a PhD. or you want to just kill yourself and tell it to God, that's the way...

It's just a chump reason, in other words. The assumption that I lack the cognitive capacity...

and it's not about changing the world, just about doing what you can in a moment. one student who smiled at me... They had the power to do that, at least. In the short term. I'm not reccommdending that as a substitution for medicine for the masses.

so many... be mindful of persons.... Something about how not everyone can be a great chef - but a great chef can come from anywhere. Not everyone can throw out a person - but a person can come from anywhere. That's pehaps what I'm mindful of... How there can be persons trapped in situations where people aren't able to identify and respond at all to their person... The capacity for suffering...

i really thought it would be a meritocracy. at least a component of that.

all these excuses people will have...

or not. maybe they just needed me to say that I won't stay here and do (yet another) degree or stay here and try and get back into research. I really will go. It's let me do this, or I'm out of here. I will not settle for less, in this country. I've travelled around it and I've seen... I've tried to fit in / work in with other students... I'm done with thinking there is something wrong with me when I'm just different from other students. If they don't see / accept this in me...

I'm done.

Eventually it gets to be meritocracy... Or... More along those lines. I do understand that people want financial independence for their kids (even if they wouldn't want their kid to treat them, like, uh, ever, it would be good of their kid was independent and, uh, out of their hair). 'we never believed in private schools until we had our second and, uh, realised that one needed all the help he could get in life'. But eventually... Intellectual heirs... People you can work with... It's just this low level stuff... Getting started in the first place...

Why have things always been so hard / impossible for me?

It's not fair.

And now I see my dear Pacific Island friend laughing his deep belly laugh 'well, now, Alex, your problem is that you keep thinking that life is supposed to be fair'.

He needs a heart transplant which he won't get. From the valve failure which weren't replaced. From the infection he got from living in overcrowded damp conditions as a kid - and he didn't get antibiotics because 'kids like him' don't take their antibiotics, anyway...

On with the research studies...

Or... Some kids have the cognitive capacity to understand if you explain simply. Even (very occasionally) some parents...

I have the capacity for circles in my head... And... For taking more time to edit things up into something... I need to grow out of processing things here.

Words can't express what you have given to me over the years, Dr Bob. You didn't say or do all that much for me, personally, but via the boards and via my seeing you interact with other people. I can't bear much, anyway. If I've learned something about myself it's that 'sensible pleople know when to stop peeling their onions' and I aspire to be sensible. I'm better today than I would have been without you and without the boards. But I need to move on, now. Whatever happens for me, now, in my life. Enjoy your retirement. Thanks for... Uh... A differnet kind of public health?


Re: dr-bob alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on January 17, 2018, at 15:21:37

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on December 31, 2017, at 14:02:52

> ...and, i know, the three post rule...

The three-post rule has several exceptions, one of which is to allow someone to vent during a meltdown.

I'm sorry that you have been so bitterly disappointed in NZ.

- Scott


Re: dr-bob SLS

Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 21:48:14

In reply to Re: dr-bob alexandra_k, posted by SLS on January 17, 2018, at 15:21:37

Thanks SLS. I'm sorry I haven't replied in so long... I thought I wouldn't post here, anymore... But I don't see why I shouldn't, really. I enjoy chatting with you and Partlycloudy and Baseball and RJ and others. So, I don't see why I shouldn't.

> I'm sorry that you have been so bitterly disappointed in NZ.

Yeah. Me too.

Things might be on the up with the change in government... But probably not, so much. The people in power (who stay in power through changes in government) are very invested in things staying pretty much the same...

There's a constituency here who seem to want things to progress precisely backwards because they don't think things here are underdeveloped enough... Or maybe they are relics of the previous government?

Since then decent housing has come through for me. Which is nice. It needn't have, I suppose. On the other hand... It's only taken, uh, around 8 years of my repeating 'I just need a quiet place where I can work / hear myself think' for that to happen. Just think what we could accomplish in 5 or 6 or 9 generations!

There might be rumblings about how progress seems to involve increasing specialisation / division of labor (not the converse) and higher levels of complexity / organisation (not lower levels). But actually, no, there aren't rumblings to that effect. The rumblings are the converse. And of course it's all debatable. We should invest millions into meetings and conferences and workshops and journals so we can argue about all this and consider how many managers it takes to fix a leaky building...

While we just sit back and watch the people die of cancers and so on that could have been picked up and removed - if only we cared to. There is this thing about a pathologist a while back who was condemned for failing to refer on a bunch of women when he found abnormalities in cervical smears. Apparently he had this theory that it would right itself if we just watched and waited. So watched and waited he did and a bunch of them died of cancer. I don't know why we think what he did was so unacceptable, however, because that just seems to be business as usual within our health system, here. That's what the managers and the like encourage the doctors to do. Order no tests, find no abnormalities, watch and wait... Ship all the data off to overseas so people overseas can profit from our information... We are the most observed population in the world!! And the people here go away or they die but really, life expectancy is on the up overall generally speaking and how long do we want these people to live, anyway, when we won't even let them contribute to the economy? I suspect the problem was that he did what he did by himself. He didn't listen to the managers, in other words. All these people who want nothing more than to tell other people how to do their job... Nothing more than actively preventing people from doing their job...

Anyway... Might be moving back to Auckland next year. If they let me apply to Med. That's the thing, you see, they won't even look at the applications. And then they seem pretty invested in doing what they can to prevent NZers getting entry to specialist training programs. By filling the curriculum with information that interferes or crap that takes up time that could otherwise be spent studying...

Anyway... Just keeping on with my work this year... But I do feel myself turning bitter, which is a shame.

I feel like people are invested in teaching me a lesson where that lesson is that you have to do things to screw over other people in order to have anything in life. Because I wouldn't work those jobs... I get nothing. They don't want me to succeed... Because they need to be right... Because that's how they live with the choices they've made for themselves... The things they've done. They way they've chosen to live their lives.

And that's an unfortunate situation, really. That these people have control over me and seem invested in not letting me...

So glad they get to be in power. Yeah.

Anyway, just focus on my work this year, as best I can, and, like everyone else, hope that at some point in my life things come through for me and I can get the hell away from the awful.



Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 21:56:03

In reply to Re: dr-bob SLS, posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 21:48:14

And they wouldn't employ me to do those jobs, anyway.

I don't know why doing things that nobody values is something that gets people paid. Why the ability to do something that nobody values is something that it itself considered valuable.

I suppose there is hidden value.

I don't know why I read the paper, it just makes me mad.

I'm going off people.

It is a shame.


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 22:15:35

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 21:56:03

I think it is because they don't want to pay them.
In the public system.
They would rather fill up the public system with foreign docs who they can treat like garbage for a few years during the time when they are forced to jump through hoops to meet registration requirements.
Then (when they are registered) they can piss off to Australia or the UK or Canada or wherever).
Or maybe they never meet registration requirements. Maybe it's about the *promise* of maybe one day meeting registration requirement.
But really it's about all the money getting channeled out into managers, and the like. The operational budget.
I think there probably is a lot of resentment of doctors for being doctors.
I'm a fairly self aware person. More than most people. I'm aware that I am starting to feel resentment... I'm keeping away from the seminars and so on this year because I don't want to join the resentful... The ones taking special delight in 'pulling one over on' or on 'being smarter than' or whatever... Whatever it is that gets people more interested in throwing money away on cocktails and party dresses and seminars and all ideas are equally valid debates instead of, uh, treating the people who are suffering and who want to be treated. For example. Maybe a free clinic for poor people. Not a data collection depo where there is provision of such intrinsically valuable service like a 'non-birthing midwifery hub' and various other kinds of nonsense...

Anyway... Back to physics problems. Hoop. It is good mental training, actually. Quiet place to work... Sigh. Nice asthetic. Check. I'm alright, yeah. Just need to focus on doing the work... To show I'm not like them. Which is hard because if they have the power to that makes them, uh, typically prefer to kill me. Or whatever. Because they assume I'd be the kind of person who would behave just as unprofessionally as me should I have power over them. I feel sad for them, yeah. But I can't help them from here. Nobody can. Shame they aren't happier. Needing to spend so much on the alcohol and so on...


Re: dr-bob alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on April 4, 2018, at 5:20:57

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2018, at 22:15:35

> I'm alright, yeah.

A hint of optimism?

- Scott


Re: dr-bob SLS

Posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2018, at 17:56:46

In reply to Re: dr-bob alexandra_k, posted by SLS on April 4, 2018, at 5:20:57

> > I'm alright, yeah.

> A hint of optimism?

Not really. More like a hint of no alternative.

I suspect things are required to take generations because after a while of screwing over others in the world in order to accumulate things me-wards people have kids and they want the world to be a nicer place for them.

In one generation we have the 'cast your spores to the wind and see what survives to look after you'. In another generation we have 'invest in your child and undermine other children so the world is better for your child'. In another generation we have 'invest in your child and invest in your tiny local community so the world is better for your child'. In another generation we have 'invest in your child, your local community, and the world a little further afield because you never know where your child will end up / want to go out there'. And in this way cognitive capacity improves / increases. The development of empathy, or some such.

Maybe that's why people keep going on about things having to take generations.

If things have to take generations, then I think this country owes me a graceful death with dignity in the nearish future. I mean, if it won't let me accomplish anything in my lifetime because they are absolutely insistant on that...


Re: dr-bob alexandra_k

Posted by SLS on April 4, 2018, at 19:13:04

In reply to Re: dr-bob SLS, posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2018, at 17:56:46

I hope you find a place of contentment in the world. I'm not sure what the world owes you, but I am happy to know that you are in it.

- Scott


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2018, at 21:51:00

In reply to Re: dr-bob alexandra_k, posted by SLS on April 4, 2018, at 19:13:04

I know you mean well...

And I think about the kids born to HIV and what the world owes them... And whether the world is better off for having them in it, and whether they are better off for being in this world...

I think in the first instance the world owes us some sort of non-interference.

The actual provision of stuffs is harder given that stuffs are often... Something that people prefer to hierarchically squabble over.

I will go to the gym, today. Haven't been in a long time and that affects my mood, I know. No good will come of my feeling bitter, I know.

I need to write a list of affirmation sort of stuffs... Stuff that (in better moods) I know to be true. My current house is a good little house. Something is backing me here to have enabled that.

And of course the whole institution thing, last year, they probably (genuinely) thought I'd love it.

It's just an endless succession of first year. Where first year drives everybody fairly nuts the first time around.

I do think something is owed to me, yes. Because I've surely born the cost of other peoples learning. They clearly aren't stupid when they choose to put the weakest point of the screw across a mobile joint... And so on...


Re: dr-bob

Posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2018, at 1:27:27

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2018, at 21:51:00


all my life...

my mother only had me because she thought it would force my father to stay with her. she made him promise to stay with us until i was 16, or some such (that's when the spores are cast to the wind, in these parts), but he left when i was 7.

she abused me fairly significantly. mostly i had to stay in my room because i was 'bad'. i was constantly being punished for some infraction (real or imagined). anything involving money would send her into a freak out yelling ranting tail spin. not becaues she didn't have the money, but because she was crazy.

she got welfare money for having me and had a freehold house from the divorce so chose to save a lot of money. she used to brag about how i didn't eat over-much. i didn't cost her anywhere near as much as welfare gave her for me! she used to tell me she needed to go out to 'tough love' meetings and so on because i was so hard to love.

was that my just deserts, or was i entitled to better?

one mustn't feel entitled.
beggers can't be choosers, and so on.

i ran away a few times and eventually was placed in a group home, which was better than the previous situation, but still not amazing, for me.

i got welfare to live independently from 16 - only it wasn't enough for me to actually live independently, i needed to live with others to keep costs down, and they chose to stipulate that i needed to 'board' (with a family) rather than flat / rent with other teenagers / young adults.

i finished secondary school and went to university.

along the way of that i ended up in a relationship with one of my school teachers. they looked after me more like a parent, i suppose. but then the relationship turned pretty controlling and i felt a lot of emotional guilt that i didn't really want to be in a relationship with them but didn't have the financial means to independence...



in and out of hospital... university...

i did need psychodynamic therapy. i needed someone to help me work through all the sh*t that my mother had given me and all the sh*t i'd internalised over the years because i never had healthy / good role models to help me reconceptualise the sh*t. i did need that.


i didn't get that in this country, of course. just got a bunch more sh*t. i was doing it to myself and so on. i just needed to look after myself. the majority of health workers who were employed to 'help' hurt more than help. didn't have their own sh*t sorted, even.

but over the years i've started to come to some sort of peace.

actually, no. i've come to stop internalising the blame for everything. i used to go around 'what is wrong with me? what is wrong with me?' and of course people (the health system) used to chastise me for that... but it was better than the alternative... look at my sh*tty f*ck*ng life. people have treated me like crap for most of it.

this year: is the first time i've had my own house to live in. the first time i haven't been forced into living with other people who decide it is fun for them to try and guilt me into this and that and otherwise control me and so on.

getting away from the awful.

i'm 'rich'. i now get, like $300 a week (NZD). the average wage in this country is $1,000 a week. maybe i don't work hard. how many A's do I need? pooh pooh rubbish rubbish what you need is to do my taught course where i'll teach you... uh?



people keep taking me for a chump.

and why wouldn't they? i mean... they can, and all. it's fun for them. life is good for them.

and why the hell shouldn't i be forced to continue on making them happy enjoying the power they have. for their own good, of course.

i mean, really. what other point is there to my being put on this earth?

and this is something i want. because i want to have the knowledge to look after my health. because i don't trust the health system. because this country doesn't seem to want to give me the means so as i can purchase health insurance for myself or have the means so i can purchase health care (if i need to) outright for myself. they have been saying that people just need to look after themself... well, then, how about enroling me in a program of study that will actually teach me to look after myself properly, then. i don't mean 4 years of how you wash your hands degree or a degree in how to check if their is ceiling insulation i mean a medical / surgical degree.

because i want to help other people.

there are a lot of non-awful people out there. many of them have sh*tty lives. that's how come they have been beaten down by others into mental health issues... there are a lot of really great people in the mental health system. sensitive people who don't cope well with the psychopaths controlling their lives... i have empathy for those people.

but rich people have kids and they want their kids to look after them, so. there we go.

i was supposed to have a kid and that would have brought me how many lotto tickets into a better life as the kid grows up and looks after me... only... with my life expectancy... with the overpopulation problem that we have... with the problem we have of poor people having kids and their communities being expected to drag those kids up... what do i get for choosing to invest in me instead? what do i get for me spending how many years at university trying to learn what kids learn in how many years in school? I know I'm not dumber than them but here i am however many years later still f*ck*ng well saying I don't have the educational background that i do (and I don't).

THeir parents invested how much in their private schools (or housing so as to zone into a good public school)?

How does that compare to the years of funds I've thrown (via student loan) into the university system?

I thought that people would have the cognitive capacity to see...
But more fool me.

I suppose they see and laugh.

They like the game they are playing.

Well done them.

What would they have done with their lives if they had the life I had...

Again with the however many generations game...

And then you have midgets to control and controlling other things (we sometimes call people) is fun - yeah.

There aren't many persons here.


equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:01:42

In reply to Re: dr-bob, posted by alexandra_k on April 5, 2018, at 1:27:27

i'm kinda confused about this...

i mean, there is an extensive literature on equality. even something something about all persons being equal under God and about to each according to their invididual merits instead of to each according to things like... social class.

and then the World Health Organisation and others come along as say that equality doesn't exist because diversity exists and because of diversity people are not equal and only some inequalities are unjust and they shall be known as inequities.

and there is a history of equity and what equity means. it has to do with growing your business. owners equity. and it may or may not be shared amongst shareholders...

and it...

divorces things that are considered 'inequities' in health from the social movement that has had really rather a lot of sensible things to say about the systematic ways in which we entrench and worsten the 'problem'.

because... the focus has been on growing your business.

and some businesses traffik in poor people. in homeless people. in women who have been beaten by their husbands. in ethinc minorities. in refugees. some businesses equity depends on their growing their business, entrenching the poverty and powerlessness of the people they are 'helping'.

only we don't see equity grow because they have learned that in order for people not to hate you (threaten to revolt against you) you need to cry poor! poor! poor! poor me! to muddy the message. so... instead of having a multi-million dollar charity you have splinter charities. and instead of equity things get syphoned off to those on boards of directors... or whatever...

and that's how come there are more poor people in this country, than ever before. why people collect up more and more money to data collect from more and more ethnic minority groups... and so on...

even the medical admissions process... especially the medical admissions process... they say 'we make sure our test isn't biased on racial and disabilty and gender grounds'. and saying that means they have a legitimate looking reason to collect up that information about their applicants. but they won't make public their data on how people actually score... and look at the doctors you know. look at the medical students you know. has diversity been achieved?

it's just so much garbage b*llsh*t rubbish.

from the nasty nasty people obsessed with looking out for themselves.

without the frontal lobe capacity to see how they make things worse for everyone.

not on economic grounds...

books written on that... to hijack the debate. you can't do between country comparisons meaningfully because you need a 'common currency' notion or a 'currency conversion' or whatever. because there is too mjuch involved in setting up a system to scam. the richest people don't pay taxes and so on... don't have any claimable income or assets. you don't want to *appear to be* in control of things (that would make you a target) you want ot *actually be in control of things*. clearly...

anyway... it's just a way of hijacking.

we got Maaori people here writing papers where they are forced to conclude they couldn't show any economic benefit to non Maori for helping or investing in Maaori development.

you kick at people... its remarkable how... sytsematically oppressed people will go...

it isn't about the money.

though genuinely co-operative / collaboratie projects where people don't have to spend all their time huddled like alpackas for external threat... warily eyeing each other for internal threat... the vast number and amount of inefficiencies that are so glaringly obviously prevalent in every single public place...

you can see them - right?

because policnig the cheaters and defectors is costly. you could spend most of every day doing it.

but yuo have people more interested in benefiting themself at others expense becaues they really prefer things that way. prefer to have power / control over people pets.

surprisingly many. most.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:20:04

In reply to equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:01:42

well, no, most people are 'adaptable'

'we didn't believe in private schools until we had our second. that kid simply wasn't that bright, and he needed every help he could get, in life'.

because it is in their interests not to have to look after him. to get him into some kind of professional career so he can have his very own harem - wife and children to do the chores and the unpaid work about the house and so on and so forth...

so a kid who is naturally brighter and / or who works harder (or some combination) doesn't get a look-in. beause people are worried about the above kids chances.

machiavelli said people prefer leaders to be born into it. there is a sense of legitimacy that you can't get otherwise. people want to hear 'oh yeah, he got into med, but then it's not surprising, both his parents are doctors'.

if intelligence really was heredity then wealthy people wouldn't invest so much of their wealth in their kids education. they wouldn't need to. their kid would emerge up as superior without their constant and incessant intervention. you can tell by how much how many have invested in their kids education (and in undermining the education of other kids) that its not significantly hereditary.

when they go on about how there are 'far more suitable people who were trainable and lots of great people don't get to do it' one could be forgiven for thinking that's why great people don't get to do it. like how that princess didn't get into Harvard on suits - right? and didn't all the common-men who stay home and watch suits on tv go 'awwwwwwwwwwwwww she's just like me and my kid and my kids kid'. and how to start with we thought it was a jack up that she didn't get in... but then the whole thing about (cook up of a situation that has us conclude that): there were far more skilled people than they could select.

but you should see some of them. the ones you don't tend to. because 5 minutes with them and you really would see that... they're incompetent. not all that. not all there, even.


that's the big problem that not many will talk of. how you get these people who don't have capacity to take places of people with capacity. you get people who are morally corrupt and unsuitable who take places of people who aren't that way.

the harms that have been done because of nepotism. which is just a particular instance of class entrenchment.

and things are worse off for us. more of us. more and more of us. when these idiots get into positions of power.

there was some philosophy literature on nepotism. justifying it. interestingly (perhaps). this idea that you have a duty to your family that takes priority over your duty to your greater community / society / country.

its a form of selifshness, again.

i think people really genuinely do know this. you do hear over and over how people... find. create families for themselves, really. people who were as a parent or as a child. intellectual heirs. or sometimes coaches and their athletes or whatever.

institutional structures preventing nepotism would be for the good of us all.

i think sometimes people do like this idea that some people have legitimacy because of birthright, though. because it absolves them of struggle and striving. because of inevitability. like how sometimes people get a sense of peace from hearing a dx whereby their behavior was inevitable.

putting people into 'bins' can be a blessing or a curse.

there's this lady at MIT who works on feminism... anyway... she was quoting someone...

something about a social landscape. and there is material reality... then you have social reality laid over it... and there are peaks and valleys. and social reality (with its 'bins' of ways of socially categorising or classifying people into race and gender and disability and so on) make it easy to follow certain vectors along valleys. and freedom... in a society... is the freedom to be able to climb a peak.

or whether you will continually be kicked back to your valley.


people betted on things being a certain way.

they have invested their money accordingly.

the infrastructure has been planned for.

and damned if they are going to let you be other than what they think it is your proper place you should be.

or similar.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:36:49

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:20:04

and it's about bullying, either way.
it knows no... money.
rich kids and poor kids, black kids and white kids
all the kids get bullyed by other people who claim to know what's best.
whether what's best is a professional career,
selling drugs on the street corner
other people claim to know what's best
instead of investing in options for their kid to
try different things
enouraging them to appreciate the value of work
(how investing time and effort reaps rewards of improved skill)
that sort of thing from love...


something about... love for what it is differnet *because* it is different.

back to what is good for persons. sigh.

i do understand there is a lot of flip flopping
and uncertainty
and so on.
but often that's because what people wanted got crushed out of them by others
rubbish rubbish rubbish pooh pooh
i know better than you what's good for you
(which always ends up looking more like what is best for them)

i think the university here doesn't want the arts to grow and flourish because the rich people (who have invested a lot in their kids education and on forcing / scaring / cajoling their kids to work work work) are afraid their little doctor-to-be will throw in the towel for... drama. or something...

and because of the whole hierarchy of life whereby what they really think of drama is revealed.

so everything must be crap... hierarchically inclined...
the kids must get whisked out and away after only one year
(the year where they impressed the kids who never learned anything at school beause the latter had no idea how much some other kids got to learn). but it's birth right and it's inevitable and better luck with your next generation...

only we don't really want them having masses and masses of babies in these wealthy little communities. places like stars hollow (the glmour girls). rural places like that. highly deprived places like that. where the kids get 'equity' places in medicine because of their rural disadvantage.

must be horrible growing up rural places like that. like waiheke island... a short (by city standards) commute into central auckland. two doctors as parents. equity place in medicine for 'rural origins'.

we are so corrupt we don't even see we have any corruption at all, here.

that's what equity is for, here.

they must be talking about growing business? right? gimmie gimmie government handouts for my charity business in the name of equity. right?

what else could it be?


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:01:51

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2018, at 22:36:49

well, looks like i'm outta here.

i couldn't get my application before the committee. because one or two people are set up to take the hit for the committee, i guess.

i suspect it is about the nepotism. i don't know of a medical doctors kid who wanted to do medicine not getting to do it. i don't mean where the parents use theier own equity or borrow against their own equity to fund a place for their kid... i mean a place where their kid takes one of the 'publically funded' places. or, when their kid fails to be objectively ranked for one of those, their kids gets a 'we have the discretion to do whatever we want' over-ride for one of the government funded 'equity' places.

they got a bit too cocky about it with the whole 'rural origins' thing. i guess... people want it to stop?

but people have kids... hungry mouths to feed... and nagging wives who will not have sex with them if they don't get their kid in. and, really, is your primary duty to your family or to all those... poor... disabled... minority kids. i mean... they are the 'elite' of their minority group and it's not like they wouldn't similarly screw you over to serve their own interests if they had opportunity...

and the stories we find it convenient to tell ourselves.

i guess all i can do here is hopefully have some sort of impact to help things better for the future... and then move on. things are too nastily entrenched, here.

i don't know that up north will be better. i suppose it will likely be less nepotistic.

probably not.

maaori culture is very nepotistic. people don't talk about the difference in income / wealth within maaori people but you have to ask: what have the politically elite maaori done for their people, lately?

sold them out, for the most part.

you're talking first born males of high ranking people, mostly. for the most part women still don't have speaking rights.

there is an element of that in public health, here. i don't have speaking rights in seminars. i mean, i raise my hand early and then people make up stuff to try and prevent my asking a question. they are all like 'you are consumer - right?' even once they know i'm a graduate...

they are the ones that got spat back. i know... they are the ones that are supposed to scare you...

scare you into keeping your head down and doing what you are told...

for the good of us all?

there do need to be boundaries and limits. people have trouble with that. you do need someone to put their foot down.

carryign capacity. chickens. just one more... just one more... increased wigets. increased efficiency. not even noticably sh*tt**r living conditions or quality of product or whatever...

but at some place that you can't objectively justify as being better than any other place you gotta put your foot down and just call 'carrying capacity!'

whether it be a free range chicken farm or an aged care facility...

i'm mostly disengaged from this community here, i guess there is that.

i was not accepted, here, for me.

with respect to people respecting me. instead of pooh poohing rubbish rubbish we know what's best fo ryou and more to the poitn we know what's best for us with the respect to the use of you..


the whole 'don't fall down'. it's about how much easier people are to manage when they don't get up.

nobody wants people to be empowered.

you end up with this awful commons...

people know not what harm they do. i'ts more oblivious than intentional.

or not.

it's hard to know psychopath vs idiot. is it that people lack moral sense or that they lack the capcacity to employ it?

i don't know.


this place is just more focused on doctors begat doctors...

i get it. you 'sacrifice' your life looking after the prostitutes by the casinos... tagging them and giving them their shots for the good of our tourism industry.

that means your kid gets one of the best shots we can get it for... i don't know... neuroendocrinology? renal? and if school friends are required to babysit... well... lets bring the whole island of social support... in the name of equity.

you have people living in communities that are destinations for toxic waste. kids out of there...

no... pick the kid from teh tourist resort island of vineyards.

in the name of equity.

i wonder if the kid got a choice of if things just magicked around them. i wonder what sort of social conscience etc you can develop in that kind of position.

just focused on how deprived you are... how tragically 'middle class'. i mean... when you don't go to a private school. when you live some place where you don't have to.

if all that investment made a difference... the kid wouldn't need an equity place.

i think we refuse to sort the kids. same way we put the idiots in charge.

i don't want to live, like this.

whose interets are served by there being so very many of us... rubbish people

not people

i know. back to that.

i don't get to learn anything i actually want to learn this year.

i wish i'd never been born. for real.

the whole euthanasia thing... it's all about power. people wanting it for the power it gives them over themselves and / or others. or not wanting it for the very same reason.

i have nothing to say that hasn't been said. people won't listen to reason because they are incapable of listening to it. whether incapacity or unwillingness the effect is the same.

you just gotta get out, really.

which is all they are trying to do for their kids, too. it's about shipping them off to australia...

nobody is actually interested in making things better, here.


Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:01:51

it is just taking the piss.
devoting a certain amount of tax-payer money to 'equity'.
then giving the equity money to projects that serve to further entrench it.

i do find myself wondering an awful lot whether people are idiots. don't see this. or whether people see it and are having a good old laugh to themselves on the inside. i wonder what is going on with people.

sometimes people seem... well, like they've sold out, i guess. afraid. fearful that they won't get their piece of the pie if they won't toe the line.

these seminars that are about 'we got however many millions of dollars to work on x' health problem. and then the budget. pie charts of where all the money goes. all these people employed to shuffle bits of paper around. no money to anything concrete or actual with respect to the topic at hand. all the rest of it could have been exactly the same with a totally different project. just managers and administrators and so on. each taking a piece of the pie and nothing with respect to x. i mean, no pateints were seen. no procedures were performed. probably data was collected and shipped off overseas (thats probably the source of funding) but that's all.

and so there's no way of life here, for me.

that's what they have me believe.

and how many people killed themselves last year?

they're doing such an awfully f*ck*ng bad job of it...

and where do the people here buy their groceries? i mean... there aren't supermarkets associated with any satellite towns, that i can see...

i think people literally fly in and out. choppers, maybe. i don't think very many people actually live here... probably something to do with residential hall contracts... at some point it will be about local producers rather than the pre-packaged plastic coated crap processed and shipped from Auckland...

I am angry. The country does f*ck*ng owe me. I genuinely and honestly belive that. This country f*ck*ng spawned me. This country had me suffer however many years of emotional torment at the hands of my mother. This country declined to see that, to help with that situation, to even provide me with respite at school. This country has mostly worked towards my internalising the blame for everything. Bullying me and blaming me and chastising me into being... A blow up doll. Basically.

If you want people to want to stick around and contribute to society then you really need to treat them better.

I don't see peers...

I see sell outs and people who fled.

I don't have anything more to say to people, here.

It's not like they have granted me actual speaking rights.



Re: equality vs equity

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:43:45

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

well, it's alright.

i get my thesis done and i apply to the other place.

it's just the usual thing of trying to get the people to settle into the sh*tt**st situation they can possibly manage for them.

because the more of that that happens the better things are for us all.

f*ck*ng economics.

there is all this sh*t about equality of income. and i just don't get it. i mean, it's f*ck*ng obvious that the within-country data is hugely problematic. i mean, it is so yesterdays news that lots of people don't have declarable income. i mean, it is so yesterdays news that lots of people organise their lives thus and so so they don't have declarable income. they have a company car and a company office and probably even a company house. the company pays for their flights and their hotels and so on and so forth. a restaurant budget with alcohol. their charity company, no less.

but this is yesterdays news and thats not exactly where things are at right now, probably, but you get the general idea.

and it's census data or its inland revenue (tax company) data that they use for the within country income distribution. and so who cares really whether the econmoists say that the within country income distribution is better or worse or much the same as it's always been. it's meaningless because we have no way of measuring the people scamming the system.

but, of course, you can drive around and see how the people live. and you can see the local shops and the infrastructure...

appreciating, of course, that most things of value are well hidden. because people in this country surely will turn on people they think are collecting too much... because their lives really are that bad. i guess that's what it comes down to, an awful lot.

and then something something about the world bank fixing the value of currencies so we can consider inequities between countries. but really its about whether the clean drinking water comes in or goes out. whether the non-recyclacables come in or go out, whether the quality produce comes in or goes out...

but somehow... to improve equity we would need to decrease efficiency and decrease the economy overall.

equity groups are a burden on society.

they hold society back.

i thought cooperation was distinct from coordination. that mutual benefit provided something that merely coordinated action could not. if you coordinate your action but each player is self interestsed then there is this whole thing of freeriding where possible and tragedy of commons or just one more chicken on the free range farm until they are living on mounds of each others sh*t all infested wtih bacteria ripping each ohers feathers out.

rampages of those incapable of interacting with persons.


there's no life for me, here. no meaningful employment. there's nothing at the university because of the whole 'everything must be sh*t or our precious would want to do something other than what we want them to do'. trying to scare people into doing statistics or chemistry or medicine or law or whateaver. mostly just medicine.

one year of exposure to the awful is supposed to motivate them to work hard... to do whatever it takes to get out.

only you don't speak of it. some people don't even seem to notice it's awful. they are really living the dream of managing to get away from whateaver abusive situation back home.

and then next generation...

this horrible soulless view of life.

and people are committed to it. because they sold out becaues of it.

why don't they retrain in something they find meaningful?

well then...

i suppose that's why i'm not allowed.


you know... if we were, like, really doing well, like really best in the world because of the way things are done here. becaue of the wonderful decision that these peple in power made in our interests i might feel a bit better about it...

but we are doing really crap. i mean, like really f*ck*ng crap by world standards. we are not even barely holding on to civilisation. once england withdrw law and australia is starting to withdraw medicine theres really nothing here. we haven't managed to develop or grow anything ourself. and yet we are f*ck*ng determined to just keep on same old same old things get sh*tt**r and sh*tt**r and sh*tt**r and people with wealth simply flee from the f*ck*ng mess that they've made.

and these people get to be the boss of me.

it makes no f*ck*ng sense, at all.


four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:19:41

In reply to Re: equality vs equity, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 5:19:34

so i'm thinking, now, of the virtues of the four year degree program that i saw something of in north carolina.

there were 2 levels of courses: lower level and upper level. and a degree was comprised of a breadth requirement and a depth requirement.

and they would run parallel streams of the same course. which was a way of doing it. so, for example, intro ethics might have one stream taught by the departmental chair and another stream taught by a teaching assistant. and the teaching assistant stream (I do believe) was where they put the students who were not declared majors.

i'm ambivalent about the different teachers for different streams / versions of teh course.. only because i can forsee already the abuse we would do with that. i mean, i see greedly little managers eyes light up and what ingeneious strategy they will try and sell in the name of saving costs...

but the idea of a breadth requirement means that there is an incentive for the university to invest more broadly across different subjects. because people who want to study medicine or law or whatever have options - because they are forced to have options - and so now there is a sense of responsibility to have good people teachign these courses and grading the work in a responsible way and so on.

we don't have that here. i swear that sometimes people are hired precisely because they are crap. because they will put off anybody with any kind of other option... it is like they have been hired specifically to do that.

we have this 3 year degree thing with three differnet levels of courses. degrees are really focused in on your major subject from quite early on. once you have picked your second year papaers you have basically committed to a major and then you have really no options at third year you are forced to do whats prescribed.

that means, for example, you find yourself in the position of 1 person who plays a signifciant role in gatekeeping success in a field. like, i don't know, physiology, at auckland. this one person can set laboratory reports to be a significant component of the assessment and can grade all the laboratory reports themself. the person might be someone who is veyr amenable to suck-ups. so the game is in crying for help and writing down what you are told... not becaue this person had a great reputation on the basis of their own amazing research... but because you reailse that that is the situation early on. so... you wouldnt stick around and major in that (throw your chances of grad school in anything or grad entry to medicine at the feet of a guy who rewards the biggest suck up).. unless...

and i see why people say to stick with things like stats where there is less opportunity for... corruption. to determine how things turn out.

the university doesn't provide tutoring, here. well, they do, but it's pretty crap. if you want a social club, good luck to you.

but you live in a residential college and the residential colleges employ tutors. and different tutors work different examples. and so on. but, yeah, there is a perception that there's more of a chance to reward actual merit.

I just don't understand why it isn't blindingly obvious to everyone that we would make more genuine progress in figuring out mutually beneficial arrangments and so on if we were more equitable and fair in the way that we provide an education to all (not a different quality depending on yoru residential hall) or things like blind grading or selection of students on the basis of information that was previously deemed to be relevant for selection instead of insisting on making these decisions on the basis of things we know only serve to entrench inequtiies.

i imagine it is sad if you see a kid who is great at math or whaetvevr run off to join something like glee club. the problem coems from the perception that 'anyone can be an artist'. becaue they put peopel in charge who can't tell the difference. intentionally, i think. people who cant' tell the differenc ebetween postmodernist essay generator and anything else... Not everybody has the capacity to be a great artist.

I'm thinking I do just want to get out of here. Here is... Very much ruled by the churches, still. I guess I wrote about corruption down here, before I came here. It's only turned out to be worse than I thought. I was nearly trespassed from work and income because a guard there accused me of being abusive. Even when I wasn't (i emplored them to watch the video since there are cameras operating and she was the one who purposely positioned herself in front of my lawful path of action and I simply purposely continued on my path - straight through her). Even with it on camera it was a close call.

Things here really are that bad where a certain person chooses to call the cops and I'm locked up.

For God knows how long.

I don't feel safe in this country.

Genuinely. Legitimately.

Things are not okay, here.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:44:13

In reply to four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:19:41

and it's about graduate entry, across the board.

i mean, we have the cheapest medical degree education in the english speaking developed world. from the world bank thing with the exchange rate.

and... our graduates are eligable for registration in australia. and, i don't know if you know, but Australia has been doing pretty well in the intentional front, lately.

so we are a destination for wealthy (but not that wealthy) investors. a back door to autralia. and internatonal students pay, like, three times the fees of local students. and, apparently, those international student fees help to cover the cost of providing an education to local students. something like one international student helps fund 3 or 4 local student places, or something like that.

you would think... actually, i would think, that the least we can do, if we are going to take their money, is to give them a fair shot at things. blind grade their work, at least, so they aren't given a worse grade on tbe basis of their name, or whatever. have differnet people involved in grading their work so they are less likely to fall foul of one particular person who decides they don't like their face, or whatever.

i mean, considerable research has been done on all this stuff... but really, the real protection in the US was the highly developed laws that provided an incentive for the university to be able to stand up in a court of law and honestly say 'these are the things we did to ensure that people were not unfairly discriminated agaist on the basis of race or gender or whatever'.

you really have to *make* people. because they just won't do the right thing if they are left to their own devices. what the f*ck is up with that?

anyway... you would think that is the least we could do. i mean... we profit from their money. they profit from... a fair and equitable chance at succeeding in their project. i would have thought. that is the mutually beneficial idea. we genuinely try and educate all our students as best we can and the best of them go on and out in the world. remember back that this university did the best they could by the students and it gets a good... honest... reputation.

but that's not what's happened. people profiteered and fled.

they decided to exploit the system for their own benefit and advantage rather than trying to genuinely grow it for the good of us all.

i don't see another way to see that.

we intentionally scammed out foreign investors. we weren't out for mutual benefit, at all. genuine collaboration.

we pick the kids for medical school after one year at university. and that one year at university has curriculum that overlaps significantly with the higher 2 levels of secondary school. it's that secondary school curruculum that money buys. becaue of the difference it makes to taht first year curriculum. and then its volume packed so you don't have time to be wasting... and then yo uadd to that all the things that are designed solely to waste peoples time.

so some people live in the hall with the other people who have been selected... and academics is a priority.

and other poeple live in teh hall where they are forced to be 'social' with people who are 'socially focused' and so on. where there is no quiet place to study. and we sell this as 'culturally appropriate' and 'equitable' no less.

then, after that one year the med kids are out, already. so the rest of the kids need to settle into their second choice. which might be dentistry. physiotherapy. pharmacy. pharmacology. or some kind of science degree.

then in second year you discover that the 'standard taught curriculum' in any sense is mostly gone. you aren't working hard on a body of established knowledge that has been well understood by your lecturers, anymore. you are dealing with the more scattered of the teachers. some of whom fail to understand chunks of the taught content. some of whom have given up trying ot explain it in favor of teaching ehir own research. already. then third year... is when particular people have control over the distribution of grades and there is no attempt whatsoever for blind grading.

and that's it. that's our education system.

don't get me wrong, i know the content of medicine isn't all that. we are deprived by australian standards. instead of our people having the capacity and will to get onside with the teachign cases and so on that have been developed we try and carve out our own way of half understood and our own way only for our students not to do so well on the australian assessments.

and partly we are doing the best that we can. i do see that...

but then that's what's so sad.

is how much better we could do / could have done / would do if we go tmore serious about selecting those with capacity.

only they think if they do that, they'll just split and run. and that's ture, because we don't treat the ones we've picked for success well, either.

but, yeah, in the medical degree program you have such delights as 'electives' which involves the most expensive arts course you ever paid for (well, someone did) with sugh delights as bioethicists teachign english literature.

just in case anybody was thinking of dropping out and fleeing to the arts...

i don't understand why we don't have a 4 year degree program with lower and upper level courses and then inveset in making them good properly becaues we actually care about the growth and development of the university and want our kids to experience good things in a broad range of subjects to see what they want to devote their lives towards pursuing. and make medicine and law and so on graduate entry programs. once we've had a chance to get to know and properly assess and proprerly educate a bit more...

instead of it being a race to magic out and away your nepotistic interest. DESPITE their obviosu incapacity (i mean how stupid does your progeny need to be for ALL THAT to have to go into their selection)?


Australia is spitting them back because we keep throwing them unsuitables. You can surround them with the dumbest kids you can find to try and make them look better.... Try and force Australia to pick and train your own in teh name of equity...

But damn is things really couldn't get much worse than what you've mad ethem.

well done university committees.

better luck next generation


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:25:41

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 6:44:13

and i just keep coming back to this thing of how 'not everyone can be a ballerina. the world can't support that many ballerinas'.

and the unwillingness / incapacity to see that not everyone wants to be a ballerina. there are more parents who want their kids to be ballerinas than kids who want to be ballerinas. there are more kids who like to play at ballet than train ballet.

ronnie coleman on one interpretation... everybody wants to be a bodybuilder... damn near ain't nobody wants to lift no heavy *ss weights.

but the reason why we tell people they can't do x or y is z is because it would be unsustainable if everybody got to do what everybody wanted to do.

but the way things are at present is unsustainable.

i just don't understand or see how people think that anything other than people doing what people want to do is sustainable. that's precisely what is sustainable.

of course there is work to be done on incentive structures...

but there's an awful lot of people who just want to mess with others and control them.

what do you do about that?

i don't get it. i don't get those people. that's a pathology i simply don't understand.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:27:25

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:25:41

and the problem, really, is that i'm a smart girl who has spent far too long in rubbish situations that don't make sense.

trying to reason with people who lack the capacity to be responsive to reason.

there's nothing to be done but walk away, from that.


Re: four year degrees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 6, 2018, at 0:40:16

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 5, 2018, at 7:27:25

when i was at Auckland I found myself starting to become racist. I found myself thinking Maaori were really very stupid. Incapable of responding to reason. Either not able to (genuinely) or really not motivated to (sort of psychopathically).

and that was really strange, for me, because where I grew up lots of kids were Maaori and they were just as varied as the white kids, really. And I remember how those Maaori really didn't have much time for the politically elite Maaori...

And coming here has shown me that it is an issue that knows no race. It really isn't a race thing. White people are just as capable of... Not letting their people speak. And so on. Of the nepotism.

They won't train me, here, because it is about nepotism. Training their own kids (and their kids social supports) and sending those kids back to Wellington (to further their interests) then off overseas to... Increase the family fortune. Or something.

What's the alternative? Wallow in the swamp of houses that are falling over... Cheap construction that resonates painfully in the wind

There is some economics assumption about how you need to oppress however many multitudes or masses in order for a few people to have a good quality of life. And so it's inevitable. You just have to keep an eye on which side you are on. And you have to pick sides. Control overs or be controlled by others.


I need to be put out to pasture, here.

For the good of their children, of course.

WOnderful things that they are.

I suppose that is why people serve on boards. It is thought they do amazing work for the good us all (just look at the amazing work they have done) and they wouldn't have done any of it without that perk of a place for their kid... Their kid... Who would have... Uh... Dropped out and joined the unruly masses without such an, uh, 'opportunity'. Of course.


All I can do is raise the question. To the government. Since the government funds the places. Sicne the people tow the line on their immunisations and so on because they believe doctors are looking out for their best interests. Not... Exploiting them for others advantage.

Or maybe it is time for the people to think this.

So they stop going to the doctors. Then the government won't even need to spend any money on people getting treatment in the public health system.

Which is largely data collection, of course. Better keep an eye on what those Maaori are doing and make sur ehtey don't get too cocky on tehir mortality rates given that we won't let them live anything other than nasty, brtal, short lives.

For the good of the elite Maaori. Of course. Gotta leave them to tehir harems...


government employees

Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2018, at 2:19:37

In reply to Re: four year degrees, posted by alexandra_k on June 6, 2018, at 0:40:16

The government distributes most of the money. I mean, all the publically funded stuffs in this country. The public health system and education system and so on and so forth.

The government employes...

Doctors and lawyers and teachers and analysts and consultants and cleaners and administrators and lunch ladies and bar staff...

Never mind about taxation and redistribution of gross income...

The government fixes the payscales of all of the above. How much teachers earn and the earning potential for various pay bumps. Policemen and firemen and army people...

Most of the people in this country, I reckon.

I guess consultants have a bit more freedom from the pay scale structures that are really very fixed...

But this situation of people who work and don't get enough to live without still needing to beg for welfare scraps or beg for scraps from some agency (where the government employs people to work there and data collect on their begging if nothing else, at all)...

It's a problem entirely of the governments own making.

The inequality. The fact that they don't pay their employees enough for their employees to heat their homes. They own houses (well, they did, but now they're investing in private healthcare facilities, I think).

They divert public money into their own private investments and ensure the collapse of the public sector.

The politicians earn in excess of $200,000 per year and they approve their own pay increases before anybody elses. They don't give their cleaners a living wage.

It's all a fuckign con.

I do think this country owes me.

Quite often I go to seminars, or whatever. And I think about how much money this person is supposed to be on. And I think... How? Why? How and why are they considered 'all that' that they deserve to have all that they do? I mean, is their work really that amazing?

Half the time it seems like... Taking the piss. As in, just how bad can I make this and still the people who employ me won't notice or care! Kind of a...

Just pissing on the world, really.

It's disgusting.

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[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,

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