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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by shar on December 23, 2005, at 18:03:26
Well, first let me say to all: Happy Holidays!
That was the part I thought might be a trigger...HAH! Not really.
But really--Happy Holidays! And a prosperous New Year, too.
I've been testing the waters of SI and today I wondered if it could be related to SI. On Babble, folks use SI to stand for suicidal ideation AND self-injury. So, sometimes a post would have SI in the title and I'd think, "Ah ha, a person of like mind!" only to find out they were talking about self-injury.
[Let me note that I rarely ever visit any board here other than this one, so if folks are using a different acronym for one or the other these days, I'm not aware of it, and I take it all back!]
The above sort of got tangential, however, it is the truth.
Anyhow, I've been testing the waters of self-injury, and today thought 'maybe this is a substitute for suicide.' Sort of a way of harming myself without doing the ultimate harm. Hmmm. I'm just wondering.
I only do the SeI when I'm having LOTS of SuI (ideation), so when I had this great idea, I got to wondering if any research had been done on that. Right now, I don't have the energy to Google it, but I thought it was an interesting idea.
In a few days I'll be 54, and I'm so very sorry to still be here. What the...?? How did THAT happen?? Four years after my own age rule...WAHHHHHH! Just chicken I guess (no offense meant to the avian community).
If it sounds like I'm having a 'pity party' ...well, I am. I figure, if I don't feel sorry for myself...who will?? And, I think it should be a Federal criminal offense to use that term.
Anyhow, still hope everybody is well, and that y'all have very great holidays.
xoxo
Shar
Posted by Kath on December 24, 2005, at 14:40:25
In reply to Testing the Waters of SI ..(possible trigger!!!!!), posted by shar on December 23, 2005, at 18:03:26
Hi Shar - at least your sense of humour seems to be still intact.
I'M not sorry you're still here!! (I'd like to see you at ASH too; not much happening there these days, but I know that those who turn up there would be pretty glad to hear from you).
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I don't know if the 2 are related. I'd think that SeI is the physical pain part & SI is the mental pain part.....bottom line being that one is in TOTAL pain, but your idea is interesting & seems possibly feasible.
I suspect that Christmas is a hard time for LOTS of people, so please know that warm thoughts are being sent out to you, even if you can't give yourself any.
I send you my love, Kath
Posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:51:34
In reply to Testing the Waters of SI ..(possible trigger!!!!!), posted by shar on December 23, 2005, at 18:03:26
> Anyhow, I've been testing the waters of self-injury, and today thought 'maybe this is a substitute for suicide.' Sort of a way of harming myself without doing the ultimate harm. Hmmm. I'm just wondering.
Did you ever read "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden?" There's something in there about SeI, she calls it something like a 'backburn' or 'afterburn' or something -- long time since I read it -- and describes it as a way to release some of the pain inside her. There's a sense that it's kinda like a fire break, if that makes sense? You create a fire to clear the land that a wildfire might hit. (Why am I describing this to a chick in Texas? Tell me that?)Shar, my dear, I'm very sorry that you're experiencing this sort of pain. I've been struggling less with SuI, more with 'there's just no point in continuing to struggle' which is kinda yucky. Just want to kinda sit back and stop moving, stop trying.
Sending you as many good feelings as I can, on accounta you deserve them.
Posted by shar on December 24, 2005, at 17:50:28
In reply to I think you're onto something, but could be wrong? » shar, posted by Racer on December 24, 2005, at 16:51:34
I really do appreciate the input. I think, if my faculties as a researcher were intact, I'd pursue this line of thinking. But since I got laid off, I'm so rusty now...like the tin man...
Love you all,
Shar
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 22:19:03
In reply to Testing the Waters of SI ..(possible trigger!!!!!), posted by shar on December 23, 2005, at 18:03:26
I've spent too many years as a psych researcher to not stop thinking like one. My take on SeI?
Perception of control.
Perception of reality matters so much more than "reality." I've always felt, for myself in particular, that when you're feeling some pain that is completely outside your control, you can replace that pain with something you CAN control. Never was into cutting myself, but when I hit bottom with my PTSD I came up with a new one -- extreme sleep deprivation. 80-90 hours awake at a stretch. I'd force myself to stay awake until it felt like every nerve ending in my skin all over my body had that "pins and needles" feeling, and then I would let myself collapse for half a day.
It sure took my mind off of my other troubles, most of the time, because it took so much mental discipline and focus to force sleep away. And I knew that sleeping twice a week was probably very bad for my health. But it was just so rewarding to make it 6 more hours or 8 more hours or even 15 minutes more ... and it was my choice.
Not!
But it gave me the perception of control, it gave me a pain that could drown out pains I felt helpless against, and it felt GOOD to hurt that bad.
I dunno ... that's a study where n=1, but the perception of control is a powerful movtivator. It's a teacher's best friend -- for example, give your students two choices on completing a task for a grade instead of one. Kids will love you for it, because they think you've given them control -- but you've designated what the tasks are, and you are still requiring they do a task for a grade. The students have little to no choice in the matter, but they think it's all them.
Yeah, maybe SeI is a means of beating back any SuI. Control trumping a lack of control, beating back spirialing out of control.
This is the end of the thread.
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