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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on January 5, 2008, at 21:58:57
in GIANT letters.
F*CK
Posted by susan47 on January 6, 2008, at 20:03:46
In reply to F*CK, posted by muffled on January 5, 2008, at 21:58:57
Posted by muffled on January 6, 2008, at 22:20:34
In reply to And F*CK again. (nm), posted by susan47 on January 6, 2008, at 20:03:46
Thx Susan.
You ever go to other boards?
I hope you can be OK.
Seems to me you got a good heart.
Take care,
M
Posted by susan47 on January 10, 2008, at 23:59:07
In reply to Re: And F*CK again. » susan47, posted by muffled on January 6, 2008, at 22:20:34
I am okay, I am more than okay, I am just fine, Muffled. I want you to be fine, too. Don't listen to any bad sh*t from your mind. You're a great person.
Susan
Posted by zazenducke on January 15, 2008, at 14:26:29
In reply to F*CK, posted by muffled on January 5, 2008, at 21:58:57
> in GIANT letters.
> F*CKin the HOLLYWOOD sign
the big O
Posted by muffled on January 25, 2008, at 14:17:14
In reply to Re: F*CK, posted by zazenducke on January 15, 2008, at 14:26:29
Posted by susan47 on January 28, 2008, at 19:49:57
In reply to Yup F*CK it I say. (nm), posted by muffled on January 25, 2008, at 14:17:14
ex-T,
my rage is hot like an iron and cold like ice and I can't tell the difference anymore,
only it feel so good to exorcise the demon, and yeah I use a lot of hackneyed phrases, and what does it matter
f*ck it I say I know, because I know I have to do that, to exorcise who and what I was and how I felt about something that was wrong, wrong wrong wrong and you sat there in the black chair and had the gall to look as though you were feeling a bit ill about my presence,
because god damn it don't you understand,
that is how I feel about myself now that I know
I know.
I know nothing, and everything, and only just enough
to know that I was insane,
Crazy.
As close to a mental hospital as I could ever want to be.
In the fifties and the sixties they carried women like me away in restraints. Over and over again. And one day the kids would come home from school,
and mom wouldn't be there
in the usual way.
Ever again.Who was I when you first laid eyes on me?
Do you remember?
I do.
I've had enough
of your tough stuff
mister.
I saw you walking away,
I saw you gesticulating with each other,
geticulating as though there were a real conversation going on.
I was wanton, wanting what I could never have.
Horrible, to be ugly and wanton and wanting.
Hah.
Hahahahahha
There was a time and there was a place
when I didn't feel so badly
and I don't know why,
but every time I see you,
I just want to hurt myself because I know
how badly you feel about me. who I am.
What I became, what might happen to me again, I mean, who really knows? Do I know? I try ...
god knows I have gurus.
I wish you didn't hate me so much,
not quite so much that you would feel uncomfortable
at my observations of you.
And my pointed way of being, that involves you someplace
where you'd rather stay away.
I understand.
I do.
And when I swear, I do it because I know
or I think I do, because God knows I'm wrong so very much,
about a lot of things,
but then again I have to be right some of the time,
I mean,
the law of averages just says it's so.
So.
I have to quit being so angry.
I have to get help.
I have to try Again.
Try Again.
I have to see someone, and try again, and this time, I have to get it right.
I can't help myself if I don't reach out.
I can't change, if I don't get help.
I don't want to change into what you seem to be, though.
I want to be Honest. Caring. Intuitive.
Which, quite frankly, I cannot be. Because I am a drug addict.
Ha, hah, hah.
I don't know how I got this way, but I have to find the courage to find out. Find Out.
Oh god, I loved you so much, mr. Ex-T. I am so sorry you find me so regpugnant. I am so sorry I hit you in all the wrong spots.
One of my gurus says people like that are your soulmates, and in an odd way of course that's correct. So it's a good thing my dreams play out kind scenes, and make everything all right again, because in my mind I wouldn't want to have another soulmate like you come along and hurt me in all the right places ever again, because it feels so Wrong.
I just have to stop being angry, and start feeling something worthwhile.
Posted by susan47 on March 13, 2008, at 0:42:26
In reply to Doublefuck it I say, I say., posted by susan47 on January 28, 2008, at 19:49:57
The man who wrote this book is brilliant, and compassionate, and kind.
Everything my ex-T is not, was not.
Posted by susan47 on March 13, 2008, at 0:43:32
In reply to '''In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts''', posted by susan47 on March 13, 2008, at 0:42:26
Posted by susan47 on March 24, 2008, at 15:29:38
In reply to Re: 'In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts', posted by susan47 on March 13, 2008, at 0:43:32
A gift, to understand
the incomprehensible
explain the inexplicable,
to be able to describe another's life with such clarity
that even a fool like I would understand.
To finally know that I am known,
and understood,
and not alone ...
and therefore, somewhere someday, I too will be able to love and live, as this man can .. I'm not doomed by the past, only forged by it. Other brains have been able to heal. I can too.
Posted by susan47 on August 2, 2008, at 12:21:29
In reply to Re: 'In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts', posted by susan47 on March 24, 2008, at 15:29:38
Reading the customer review by the ghost writer, I say I have to agree with what he says. So I have been captivated by the dark nature of Mate's writing style, as he's been able to reveal some level of feeling, perhaps his slick brain and his aptitude for words and his ability to string them together, worked their magic on me and I was indeed seduced by a certain writing style .. and once again my womanly craving for feelings disrupted the thinking flow, the rational part of my brain put on hold, and I see that I was in idol worship, worship of the ability to convey emotional information .. or perhaps that was only my interpretation of what Mate said. Perhaps Mate displays signs of social disorganization ... the reviewer almost makes him seem psychopathic ... a social predator of sorts ... he really dislikes what the man has written about himself .. Mate's "honesty" works in his disfavour ... he's too human, and he was counting on that as a charm, a way to charm us into seeing his viewpoint .. which is .. which is ... but he admits that he is of a different social class than the "addict" .. and it's this difference that keeps him separate from his subject, always, although he tries to draw parallels, absurd ones, at that, yes it's true. Mate reminds me of my father, perhaps that's why I had a mini-crush on his writing. Certainly what the reviewer says about him is believable .. so much in life is believable.
It's nice to re-visit old stuff and see new things.
Edgar Cayce "On Mysteries of the Mind" ... new material for me, fascinating I had no idea but it makes sense, it makes a lot of sense, which is wondferful but also powerful, powerful material to know.
Posted by susan47 on August 4, 2008, at 11:31:38
In reply to Re: 'In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts' - Ah hah., posted by susan47 on August 2, 2008, at 12:21:29
> Reading the customer review by the ghost writer, I say I have to agree with what she says. So I have been captivated by the dark nature of Mate's writing style, as he's been able to reveal some level of feeling, perhaps his slick brain and his aptitude for words and his ability to string them together, worked their magic on me and I was indeed seduced by a certain writing style .. and once again my womanly craving for feelings disrupted the thinking flow, the rational part of my brain put on hold, and I see that I was in idol worship, worship of the ability to convey emotional information .. or perhaps that was only my interpretation of what Mate said. Perhaps Mate displays signs of social disorganization ... the reviewer almost makes him seem psychopathic ... a social predator of sorts ... she really dislikes what the man has written about himself ..
The reviewer is apparently female, looking at the name it was easily figured out, silly me ... it sounds like she's met Mate and I can see her ego in the review as well ... bouncing egos!
Posted by susan47 on March 18, 2009, at 18:15:59
In reply to Re: 'In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts' - Ah hah., posted by susan47 on August 4, 2008, at 11:31:38
Mine. My ex-Ego.
Posted by susan47 on August 2, 2009, at 0:14:59
In reply to The Biggest Ego?, posted by susan47 on March 18, 2009, at 18:15:59
Egos, no ego, it doesn't matter, it makes no difference.
This is the end of the thread.
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