![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shame on April 20, 2006, at 12:55:11
I cannot count the number of times I have started this post only to leave it unfinished. So often I am interrupted or unable to write my thoughts vividly enough to leave a mark. The same nothing that washes the color from my life sometimes guts my anger as well. Why not take everything that makes me human?There is no emotion left in me today. No rage, no happiness, no compassion, no grief. I don't love anyone, I don't hate myself, and I am indifferent to life and its changes. Music does not move my mood, talk does not evoke interest, and daydreams are bleached and uninteresting. A whisper in my mind tells me that I should be upset by this, but that isn't there either.
I have vague sense of longing to feel something; pain or joy, it doesn't matter which. The only thing that I have felt today is the usual disgust and discomfort when I am touched by anyone but the closest of friends, and of those I have precious few.
So what will I see and feel when I go back and read this post later? Nothing? My narcissistic reading of my own posts usually evokes some sort of emotion, even if its just regret that I posted something so horribly written to a public forum.
In me there has to be something somewhere, some emotion, whether it is covered by pills or blocked by the misfiring neurons in my amygalglia and pre-frontal cortex. Perhaps it's something too large to get my arms around so my brain has simply discarded it and replaced it with Void. Maybe.
There are so many maybes in this game. Maybe this pill will help me feel normal, or maybe it will make me flip out and quit my job. Are the changes in my mood normal today? Maybe. Is my judgment sound today? Maybe.
Later, when things are different, will this post seem empty and bromidic?
Maybe.
Posted by susan47 on April 20, 2006, at 21:06:59
In reply to Quietus, posted by Shame on April 20, 2006, at 12:55:11
Today must be a day when you were meant to be still, as still as the waters on a frozen lake .. to be free of the hurtful mind, to envelope oneself with the love of the universe ... to Believe that that love exists for you ... I hope you feel it again, soon ...
Posted by Shame on April 24, 2006, at 10:48:08
In reply to Re: Quietus, posted by susan47 on April 20, 2006, at 21:06:59
Thanks Susan. I appreciate your posts and enjoy reading them.
Clarity to you.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Writing | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.