![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by caillou on August 26, 2005, at 8:21:26
Unresolved
I was going to call you,
I am not sure why,
What is left to say?
More truth and lies.I thought that I was special,
We seemed to cheer each other up,
Tears welled up in your eyes,
And you seemed very touched.What was all that about?
It could have been a game.
But what was the ultimate goal?
To drive me insane?I couldn’t stand your mood swings,
I didn’t seem to matter,
When you flashed your wedding ring,
You left my heart in tatters.Why were so indirect?
Is there something you were hiding?
Why couldn’t you treat me with more respect?
Or were you really lying?You know you really moved me,
I felt for you so much,
I trusted you so blindly,
Why couldn’t you return that trust?Was my letter that unnerving?
Were you expecting something else?
I gushed enough in my other letters.
I had to help myself.Do you really like your job?
Does it make you happy?
Do you feel like a fraud?
Stuck in a dead-end job.Do you have a conscience?
Can you control how you behave?
Or is everything unconscious?
Turning you into a slave.A slave to the past,
Is that what you are?
I just want the good feelings back,
Like I had before.How could you do that?
After all my honesty and trust,
Don’t I count for anything?
You don’t seem to hurt much.You said I couldn’t handle affection,
What exactly did you mean?
Affection from you or everyone else?
It wasn’t really clear.Were you making fun of me?
Was I your own private joke?
Or were you teasing me?
Not to help, but to provoke.Three months have rolled on by,
And I don’t feel much better,
I’ll still persevere; I’ll still try,
To test my mettle.You said you wouldn’t judge me,
But isn’t that what people do?
Are you really that objective?
Doesn’t it bother you?Do you ever miss me?
How much and for how long?
Were you bothered by my honesty?
Were my feelings really too strong?I thought that you would help me,
Control my emotions and my pain,
I didn’t want you to leave,
I wanted you to stay.It all ended so badly,
I was beside myself with grief,
Everything ended so sadly,
My heartache mixed with my relief.I don’t know why you acted like that,
I really wish I knew,
I will try not to look back,
And feel so sad and blue.Maybe you really are a drama queen,
And need to make a scene,
That seems a bit out of place,
And childish and mean.Well, if that is what you wanted,
That is what you got,
I hope you’re pleased with yourself,
That you terminated “on top.”
Posted by Tamar on August 26, 2005, at 12:46:29
In reply to Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone, posted by caillou on August 26, 2005, at 8:21:26
Wow, Caillou, the sadness and anger and grief really come through in this poem. Did your therapist terminate you because of your transference, or did I pick you up wrong?
If you want to come over to the Psychology board and talk about it, I know people will be understanding and supportive.
I'm sorry about the pain you're in.
Best wishes,
Tamar
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:13:19
In reply to Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone, posted by caillou on August 26, 2005, at 8:21:26
This is an amazing piece. It could've been written by me a little while ago. Sometimes, still can. You're amazing calliou, being able to articulate your feelings so well. Some things I don't understand, if you're still around and reading I hope you tell us your story.
Posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:19:52
In reply to Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone, posted by caillou on August 26, 2005, at 8:21:26
You know I suspect psychologists are usually somewhat alike in nature, and I suspect they do the same things, have the same habits, as others reflect in other professions .. and I suspect these scenarios play over, and over, and over again, practically to the point where a T could make a game of it, if s/he chose to. But a really stupid and dangerous and disrespectful game. A person would have to be a sociopath. I don't think there's a lot of sociopathic therapists .. but it probably happens as much as in any other profession .. or not.
Sigh. This is all too much for a little brain, can't handle this sort of thinking too much. But it's incredible how you, cailliou, feel so much of the same feelings and think the same sort of thoughts about yours. Maybe they're the same person playing the same game, or different people playing the same version of a game. Wouldn't it be nice to know? Because when you put someone on a pedestal, like I did to mine, he virtually became every good thing and every bad thing I've ever dreamed of myself and the One I would eventually merge with, to become One .. isn't that amazing? I mean, it's more of a spiritual experience than anything else. Which is why I think psychologists have such an incredible opportunity, in their profession. They have been given the tools to bring each of us to the best in ourselves.
But how many really use it that way?
Sorry to ramble, please post some more cailliou. What a lovely posting name...
Posted by sunsplashinwaves on September 5, 2005, at 10:42:58
In reply to Re: Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone » caillou, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:19:52
That was powerful. It totally blew me away.
Posted by caillou on September 6, 2005, at 7:16:07
In reply to Re: Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone » caillou, posted by Susan47 on August 28, 2005, at 14:13:19
Gee, thanks for all the compliments about my poem!
I havent been online for awhile. I was embarassed and I have never posted a poem online before.Yes, my ex-T said he couldnt handle my transference because it was too "strong." We had an awful termination by telephone where he started blaming me and saying I was not ready for therapy, etc.
It has been 4 months and I still think about it.
I am so glad I found Babble, and heard that so many others have experienced the same thing!Best Wishes to everyone!
Posted by Susan47 on October 2, 2005, at 13:25:10
In reply to Re: Unresolved:an abrupt termination by phone, posted by caillou on September 6, 2005, at 7:16:07
That's how my therapist two therapists ago stated it. Yes, my transference was "Too Strong" .. what he didn't tell me was that he was responding negatively to it and he'd lost control of the situation, if he ever had it.
Don't take it personally, caillou, if you're still reading here, know that it really isn't your fault, there's nothing unacceptable or unattractive about you ... that T made me feel terrible about myself. No therapist has a right to do that to a client. Only sociopaths have the inability to feel bad about themselves...
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Writing | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.