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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kalamatianos on January 9, 2004, at 19:53:02
The Civilization Challenge®
D[****]d Flemming 08/10/2002[Civilizing Children] – The process of parenting is a lifelong endeavor. Parenting is a process of civilizing the children, done by civilized parents. Both parents and children are challenged to adapt to the many new stages of development along the way.
[Uncivilized Parents] – A parent acts despotic when coercing children to get them to behave. Coercion is manipulation interlaced with intimidation, ultimatums, and occasionally, battery. Parents that can’t see the problems they are creating with their coercive behavior are more like children having and raising children than they are like adults. Because they are impulse driven, these defective parents can’t coach and train their children on how to discover and manage their impulses when the child enters adulthood and is no longer subject to strict parental guidance.
[Uncivilized Children] – A child acts despotic by committing random acts of violence and coercion. From physically attacking parents and other children, to outbursts of screaming and crying in public, children generalize the dissatisfaction impulse with their tyranny and their despotic behavior.
[Wiring] - A child lacks the adequate wiring to act appropriately as an adult. Children are reactive and not responsible for originating innate responses, specifically, impulsive behaviors. Children use their visceral cortex (gut control part of the brain) as the repository of information. Whatever feels good reminds them of joy and attracts them. Whatever feels bad reminds them of danger and must be avoided. Adults on the other hand, have a remapped information storage and retrieval system. Parents are effective at management of their children’s impulsive behaviors, only when they have properly transitioned into adulthood. A proper adult parent practices consistent, appropriate, and disciplined discipline of their children.
[So…] - Parents perform effectively by protecting children from people, things and ideas that are to be avoided for the sake of the children’s well being. Parents who have not transitioned into adulthood, and are children having children, are driven by ancient whims of their viscera; their gut. Reports of domestic violence refer to childlike behavior by all parties to the conflict. Therapists and the police both report that 80% of all domestic violence involves drug and alcohol abuse. While under the influence of these substances, parents act uncivilized, promoting chaos and destructive results. The best that children can retain from exposure to this behavior is the negative example that they all too often mimic with their own drunkenness and drug abuse.
[Follow your gut – Not me!] To follow your gut you must resign yourself to information rarely updated since your childhood. A lot has happened since then. I can now dream in color and plan in three or more dimensions, skills helpful in building or remodeling a home.
[Impulse Management] – Like any innate response, impulses can be coerced and battered from existence with disastrous results. Criminals and the mentally ill, are adult byproducts of parents attempting to eliminate childhood impulsive behavior with misuse of violence and coercion. Left unable to resolve their life issues, these defective adults live dangerous, desperate, confused, and sometimes institutional lives. Consistent discipline without coercion and battery, along with effective management of the child’s affairs, best help children learn to harness their impulses.
[Authority Jeopardy] – Until the child is civilized, parents exercise authority over people, things and ideas where it pertains to the welfare of children and the family. Besides pubic hair emergence, the child starts recognizing information previously unintelligible to the child’s awareness. Along with this acuity of understanding comes contention for whatever might now seem wrong. The parent who lied about Santa, might be still lying, and thus no longer has the respect of authority over this new teen.
[Seeking the LCD] – Teenagers and young adults gravitate to the ‘Lowest Common Denominator’ people in our society. Wherever these LCDs go and whatever they do, disaster is not far behind. Yet they have a following that remains loyal and retains a longing and their dysfunctional behavior. The mimicking in costumes, and body piercing and body art, has exploded on the teenage scene to a degree that defies logic and reality. Pandering to the illusion that they are somehow unique, these teens can never get enough. Following these LCDs is an obvious step backwards yet it continues. What ever happened to wanting to improve yourself and your lot in life?
[Emancipation] – Parents can successfully transition their teen into a young adulthood by starting out with an emancipation event. Two significant things can change for the teen, and forever. First off, parents, siblings, relatives, friends and significant acquaintances, can help send the child on a new journey of adulthood. Thus the teen is no longer a child in the family, but rather is now an adult. The second change is that the new adult claims four new elements; acceptance, respect, love, and responsibility. These replace the obligatory behavior of childhood, which was appropriate and demanded by the parents. The significance of the four new elements is their give and take nature not available to obligations.
[Meeting the Challenge] – With proper parental coaching, the newly emancipated young adult can continue on, replacing general avoidance with curiosity and discovery; replacing fear of danger with respect for danger; and replacing expectations with planning, goals and personal contracts. By coaching, parents can give feedback and suggestions without coercion or obligation, providing an unconflicted pathway to adulthood.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 10, 2004, at 19:11:13
In reply to The Challenge -- by R. Flemming, posted by Kalamatianos on January 9, 2004, at 19:53:02
> The Civilization Challenge®
May I ask why this was posted here? Is it something you wrote yourself?
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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