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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 11, 2006, at 10:24:41
Was going along fairly well, then started to feel that itchy jumpy feeling and distracted feelings that precede falling apart. Then boom. Couldn't think. Moved things from one side of the desk to another, concentrated on stapling with a lot of effort.
I saw my face in the mirror not too long afterwards and it was beet red. Not as brilliantly colored as after my plane trip where I was fighting emetophobia (I was hilariously pinkish fuschia that day) but definitely an abnormal but lesser intensity of that same hue.
I'll have to check my face more often when I fall apart. Maybe it will give my pdoc clues.
Posted by gardenergirl on October 12, 2006, at 14:13:19
In reply to Fell apart again yesterday at work, posted by Dinah on October 11, 2006, at 10:24:41
I'm sorry that happened, Dinah. The first thing you describe, though, reminds me of the times when my blood sugar gets too low. I can't concentrate at all and sort of get into a cognitive tunnel. Any chance there was something physiological that triggered it?
Hope things get easier.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2006, at 19:13:57
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work, posted by gardenergirl on October 12, 2006, at 14:13:19
Quite likely actually. I took a glucose tablet for the first time today, and felt better in a while.
It's not that I'm skipping meals or anything, but there is a lot of stress right now and stress can affect blood sugar in all sorts of ways.
I talked to my boss with diabetes and he said the only way for me to feel better at these times is to either go on insulin so I can adjust my blood sugar levels more effectively, or lose weight, exercise, and avoid pasta and all carbohydrates forever.
Now there's a life.
I guess I should feel better that there really is something wrong that's not letting me work like I used to. But somehow I don't.
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2006, at 18:24:42
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2006, at 19:13:57
i really wish i was dead.
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2006, at 7:54:17
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2006, at 18:24:42
I think it'd be a good idea to give my pills to my husband to hold for a bit, but last time I did, he got really angry and I decided never to do that again.
Posted by Jost on October 14, 2006, at 17:45:05
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work, posted by Dinah on October 14, 2006, at 7:54:17
Dinah, is there anyone else you can give them to?
I was wondering why your husband would get mad if you gave him your pills? Is he frightened?
Just one other things (don't mean to bug you)--Could I ask how often you test your blood sugar? Maybe if you got a clear picture of how much it varies during a typical week or few days, you'd have more sense of whether the diabetes is involved. I mean maybe there is something physical involved-- or just the worry about the physical side of things.
How are you feeling today, physically and emotionally? If you don't mind saying,
Jost
Posted by ClearSkies on October 14, 2006, at 22:36:33
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2006, at 18:24:42
You really sound like work right now is a huge pressure. I'm guessing you don't want to start insulin because you'd never go off of it? (I know nothing about diabetes except for the many complications that can arise from not managing the conditions appropriately.)
It does seem to me that you'd best put your immediate health needs first. Perhaps with blood sugar control you'll feel better all around and would find the job more comfortable too?
(((((Dinah
That's a one-armed hug for you while I eat at the keyboard.CS
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2006, at 10:03:48
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work » Dinah, posted by Jost on October 14, 2006, at 17:45:05
I'm admittedly awful at checking my blood sugars. I think I'm even less likely to do it at work.
The good news is that the next piece of work can be done at home and while I don't get any more work done, I also don't get as physically stressed, just mentally.
I actually went so far as to consider lsat night if it was worth trying to work in order to see my therapist. :(
Posted by Dinah on October 15, 2006, at 10:10:14
In reply to Re: Fell apart again yesterday at work » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on October 14, 2006, at 22:36:33
My main concern with insulin is that it's like having a loaded gun in the house. I try to make certain accomodations to avoid impulsive and final actions. My medications, even though I'd prefer my husband hold them, are not sufficient to actually kill me. Insulin, as I understand it, would be. Which is not to say it can't be done without easy access, but I prefer to have to think and work to act on impulses.
I'm muttering to myself "two more weeks" but it's sort of working both ways. In two more weeks, all I'll have to worry about is working enough to see my therapist next year (between 25 and thirty hours a week). But in those two weeks, I have more work to do than may be humanly possible even by someone in good shape, never mind someone who collapses after seven hours of work.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 23, 2006, at 22:50:57
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on October 15, 2006, at 10:10:14
So how do prepare for taking your insulin? Does the dosage change according to the blood sugar reading or is it a consistent dosage each time?
If it's the same dosage you could prefill a syringe with the proper dose and safely and securely store it away from the insulin bottle. So if you had an urge say, to inject more insulin than what was preloaded in the syringe, it would not be as easy and perhaps give the initial dosage time to work and maybe lessen your anxiety level by having you feel better overall.
CS
Posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 11:54:13
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on October 23, 2006, at 22:50:57
My boss is a huge fan of insulin, but so far my doctor has just prescribed pills. Which is fine by me. You might not get the precise control, but I still think it's dangerous for me to have insulin available to me.
Even though I'm under just as much stress right now, and I'm feeling pretty desperate and miserable, I'm working from home not the office. Physically I'm feeling better, and my blood sugar levels are dropping. There must be something specific about the sort of stress associated with physically going in to the office that messes up my normal relative stability blood sugar wise.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 24, 2006, at 17:23:53
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on October 24, 2006, at 11:54:13
> My boss is a huge fan of insulin, but so far my doctor has just prescribed pills. Which is fine by me. You might not get the precise control, but I still think it's dangerous for me to have insulin available to me.
>
> Even though I'm under just as much stress right now, and I'm feeling pretty desperate and miserable, I'm working from home not the office. Physically I'm feeling better, and my blood sugar levels are dropping. There must be something specific about the sort of stress associated with physically going in to the office that messes up my normal relative stability blood sugar wise.Do you feel uncomfortable being in the workplace with your coworkers when you go in? With the ambient office noises? (Noises are enormous inhibitors to productivity for me.) Do you know where everything is that you might need, like at home? (Kleenexes, a pen that writes, etc.) Or smells, or individual personalities?
All these could add much more stress to your work day. I have worked in many offices where the environment could turn downright poisonous depending on the circumstances.CS
Posted by Dinah on October 25, 2006, at 9:31:29
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on October 24, 2006, at 17:23:53
All of that. :)
There's no one I really feel comfortable chatting with. I have an awkward acquaintance level relationship with my fellow employees. And a complex one with my bosses.
When we move back to our regular offices it will be better. Right now, we're all cramped in a tiny space. It's convenient in some ways, because you know when someone's on the phone, or you can call out questions and answers, but the level of stimulation is high. There isn't even a place for visitors to wait, so when people come in, they're in.
I've lost my private office at the old place though. They've rearranged the rooms, and I'll be sharing. Which is always a bit stressful to be in such close quarters with someone.
But overall, home is better because I can get up and move around. Between chunks of work I can get up and go to the bathroom or have a snack or stretch or cuddle a dog. So I'm not tensely holding myelf over the computer for long stretches of time.
I haven't found a way to do that at work. As I said, there's no one to hang out with since Daddy retired and my best friend died. I get the feeling that everyone who chats quite happily with others accepts me on sufference. I try to avoid the restrooms all day if I can. And the area where we're located is not conducive to a stroll.
I'm physically and emotionally tense, and I stay that way all day. I can't even remember the last time that I went to work and left without knotted muscles feeling awful.
Oh well. I do most of my work at home, and as stressful as it remains at times, that sort of stress doesn't seem to affect my blood sugar as much.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 13:07:25
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2006, at 9:31:29
Dinah, that's what I'd been like at my last several jobs. When I started to cry in addition to feeling alone/isolated/shut out at the last lovely position I held, that's when I dropped out. I'm glad that you have the option to be able to work from home, at least.
Take care
Nancy
Posted by Jost on October 26, 2006, at 12:52:31
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on October 25, 2006, at 9:31:29
How large a company or office do you work in, Dinah?
Lack of private space seems to be hellish to me, on a longterm basis. Of course, I have the opposite of that, so maybe I over-estimate the sense of invasion, lack of being able to let down one's guard, in it.
Although I was thinking yesterday, that working with a model there is hard.
H had showed me a listing and picture by Lisa Yuskavage-- a well known artist-- The article said she said she had learned to make photos that were useable because she finds herself unable to paint with anyone around-
It's true for me, also--although I've learned to mediate the pressure-- not so successfully yet-- but someone else's presence --their moods, expressions, potential reactions-- exert this almost uncanny, disruptive pressure.
Maybe your anxiety level affects your body chemistry. Is there any way of addressing that, at least on a temporary basis?
Jost
Posted by Dinah on October 26, 2006, at 14:38:51
In reply to Re: Fell apart again - Trigger, posted by Jost on October 26, 2006, at 12:52:31
The office situation should be fixed by next month. I understand the place is just about ready. Our ceiling caved in. :( Fortunately we saved most stuff.
I'd really have to sit down and count and I just don't have the energy right now, but at a guess I'd say we're between ten and fifteen people.
I've called my internist, and she wants to run my quarterly blood test to see if my diabetes meds should be adjusted. And I asked her about my mouth, which is *still* a problem. Waiting to hear about that, and I hope she calls back because it's really making me miserable, even if it isn't a major health concern.
I would think it would be even harder to be creative with someone around. I can barely think under stress, I know I couldn't create. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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