![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by oldschool305 on November 27, 2007, at 2:52:17
I am ashamed of myself and I want to share. Well, I am almost 3 weeks sober, no alcohol. However, I have been taking a lot pills. Today, for example, I took 3 valiums, 2 vicodins, half a soma, 1 Flexeril, and 1 Klonopin.
I went overboard, I didn't feel anything. It wasn't enough, I wanted more and more and more.
I know it's harsh on my liver. But I must tell you, I wake up feeling great, no side effects, no feelings of DEATH (alcohol made me so extremely ill, constant trips to hospitals, detox, rehabs). Almost died a few times, came very close because I am hypoglycemic, my blood sugar crashed, I have high blood pressure, blah blah.
The pills, they do nothing to me, I feel fine. I can function the next day, they ease my pain, they relax me, they take away the anxiety. I mean, right now I don't really see a problem with it. I sleep wonderfully, I haven't taken Lexapro in a week or more, I don't lay in bed all day anymore. I am just afraid that I am starting to abuse these pills to get "high". But I still think it's much better than alcohol. Alcohol was the devil, make me too sick, always embarassing myself, losing jobs, losing friends, losing boyfriends, i was out of control. On pills, I am so calm, relaxed, friendly, nice, feel freaking great on them.
Is it really so bad to take pills? I know I took too many tonight, that's for sure. ehh, i don't know what to do with myself, i'm going to sleep. i feel very nice and ready to sleep with the AC on 50 and cover up with my goose feather blanket, mmmMMMm..
Posted by ClearSkies on November 27, 2007, at 9:22:46
In reply to I did bad things tonight., posted by oldschool305 on November 27, 2007, at 2:52:17
Only you can answer these questions, OldSchool. Is sobriety about not drinking, or is it about not taking mood altering substances? I was warned (sternly, to the point of making me cry) when I was at outpatient treatment about substituting one form of addiction for another; at the time I was prescribed Ambien for sleeping, and Xanax for anxiety, both by my doctor who was aware of my treatment for alcohol addiction. At the time, I felt I was being bullied by the counselor about them, but I think she was really just voicing a serious concern.
I guess I'd tell you to go into this with your eyes open. You're the person who knows why you're taking the pills. To feel other than how you're feeling. The point of sobriety, for me, is to be able to live each day without those chemical aids to amplify or dampen my feelings and awareness. I still have anxiety, and I still take Xanax, .25mg a day, which I've been told is a pretty schminky amount. The Ambien I've been able to discard because I no longer take the medication that was causing me insomnia.
But again, you're the expert on your own self here. You're the person who's going to know if this is a problem. Are all these pills being prescribed by your doctor for you?? And if they aren't, what is so scary, or so awful, about life that would make you want to hide behind these pills instead of facing the light of day without them?
CS
Posted by antigua3 on November 27, 2007, at 9:27:26
In reply to I did bad things tonight., posted by oldschool305 on November 27, 2007, at 2:52:17
Do you think you may just be replacing one potential addiction with another? I know what that feels like. But if you want to deal with life, you may have to cut all the addicting substances out, or it may lead you to a whole new set of troubles. Depressing your respiration rate for one, which can land you in the hospital too. You may not even notice this because you're so relaxed.
I don't mean to sound harsh because I know how hard it is to get sober. And life isn't great when you first get sober because the demons are still there. But, for me, I couldn't deal with my demons until I let my addictive behavior go, and I can't tell you how much better my life is. It was a struggle--it usually is--but once you get some real time under your belt, and start to deal with what led to the addiction in the first place, life can be wonderful.
antigua
Posted by star008 on December 4, 2007, at 8:13:38
In reply to I did bad things tonight., posted by oldschool305 on November 27, 2007, at 2:52:17
Does feel good to gt a break from the pain.. yeah, alcohol ,s...ks, makes you sick but pills are just a replacement for not wanting to be here and deal with whateve is going on..The problem with the pills is tha you will become addicted to them too and then the stupid things start again. Addiction always end up in the same place, with the lost friends and the family members made at you.. And considering that most of us don't have a never-ending supply of happy pills, what happens when you go through too many and don't have enough left to get you through the month.
I understand, and your down comforter sounds great!!! a warm soft escape into sleep.I have done it before but it doesn't stick with me cuz I end up so groggy.. Not fun.. But if I had pills tht did somethng for me I might be doing the same thing as you.. did have some for ahile and i did abuse them and was well aware of abusing them.. i had to tell me doc not to give me anymore booo hooo ..If this is an occassional indulgence I wouldn't worry to much about it. (your pdoc would), but all of those drugs are addictive as far as I know and most of them will contribute to depression.. be careful.
You said you are ashamed.. got ya. you knowit isn't right or good for you..
Posted by oldschool305 on December 14, 2007, at 8:16:53
In reply to Re: I did bad things tonight., posted by antigua3 on November 27, 2007, at 9:27:26
Thanks ya'll, yes I was definately replacing one addiction for another! For the past few weeks, I have been popping vicodin and valiums like candy, on a daily basis!!!
Then, I fell off the wagon and started drinking, not a lot, but I was mixing the pills with the alcohol. Luckily I have no money and no way of purchasing any more pills or beer. I need to steer clear of this crap, it's so hard. If it's not something with me, it's another.
The past few weeks of my pill popping adventure, I lost a friend of 15 years. She is also a fellow pill popper, severe one. We argued over pills, I wanted one, she was greedy and said no, we fought, she slashed all my tires in the middle of the night. She is now spreading horrible rumors to everyone I know, that I am a junki, blah blah blah. She's been on oxycontin for 5 years or so, xanax, lortabs, etc. I filed a police report on her the other night, police didn't believe me... they couldn't find the slash marks on the tires, it was 3am.. They are there bright as day but they were calling me a liar. I paid $140 for used tires, the towing company came to my house and saw the slash marks and said they were un-repairable..
I was also attacked a few weeks ago by another friend's boyfriend. He beats my friend all the time, they are what you can call "ghetto". Then he just went at me and started slamming my head on the floor and cut me up. I filed a police report, but dropped it because of threats.
All this drama in my life is caused by the drugs and alcohol and the people I surround myself around. I want to move away, I want a fresh clean start somewhere else where these people cannot find me. I am scared for my mother, and our house. I don't care if they f*ck with my car, but the fact they have threatned me and my mother has me thinking really crazy!!
I've been having SEVERE homicidal thoughts, and it's scary. I am trying to change my meds (I have panic/anxiety disorder). I am doing my best to sober up again, stay away from the losers. I don't want to end up in prison for life.
Anyways, felt good to get all this off my chest. I can't wait to start my new job in January, once my time is occupied, maybe things will change.
Posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2007, at 14:24:56
In reply to Re: I did bad things tonight., posted by oldschool305 on December 14, 2007, at 8:16:53
Wow, things sure sound complicated! I don't blame you for wanting to change your environment, though, as I posted elsewhere here, I always managed to pack my emotional baggage when I traveled and my problems found me before long, until I got the serious help I needed.
Life without the drama may be boring at times, but it's easier to sleep at night without worry. I hope that you find the peace that you're looking for.
CS
Posted by oldschool305 on December 14, 2007, at 16:41:32
In reply to Re: I did bad things tonight. » oldschool305, posted by ClearSkies on December 14, 2007, at 14:24:56
Thank you Clearskies. My mother tells me the same thing, no matter where we move, I will just meet the same type of people and things will be the same as before. I need to make big changes, first with my meds. I truly believe I am bipolar and I need to get on a mood stabilizer. Then I need to drop the losers, and start surrounding myself with a better crowd or just stay home! Only problem is I get bored way too easily, I mean BOREDDDDD.... Hopefully a mood stabilizer will help that too.
Thanks =O
> Wow, things sure sound complicated! I don't blame you for wanting to change your environment, though, as I posted elsewhere here, I always managed to pack my emotional baggage when I traveled and my problems found me before long, until I got the serious help I needed.
>
> Life without the drama may be boring at times, but it's easier to sleep at night without worry. I hope that you find the peace that you're looking for.
>
> CS
Posted by Phillipa on December 22, 2007, at 19:43:19
In reply to Re: I did bad things tonight., posted by oldschool305 on December 14, 2007, at 16:41:32
Strange as I always felt the best, functioned the best, won more awards when I had 4 beers and .5 of xanax at night after work before bed. Maybe my brain is wired to need those things as mother, father, sister her kids, my kids all are the same and no one has gotten in trouble cause of it. So wierd????? Phillipa must be faulty gaba gene.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.