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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Lee05 on May 10, 2005, at 12:40:42
In reply to Re: rewards » AuntieMel, posted by TamaraJ on May 9, 2005, at 16:46:48
I'm very upset to let you guys know that I crashed just before 120. I feel like I'm supposed to say I don't know what happened, but I know exactly what happened--I let my guard down and got cocky--and I knew what a danger zone I was in too. Anyway, I spent some time being very upset and down on myself, but vowed I would stop wallowing in it and get back on track. I'm having a little trouble getting refocused though, and am only managing to go for a few days at a time. I refuse to give up, because I know I can do it, and I won't stop trying. I absolutely will celebrate 6 months, a year, 10 years, etc...even if it's not quite according to the original timetable.
Hope you guys are all well--I'm so proud and happy for you for the birthdays you've all been celebrating.
Take care--I'll talk to y'all again soon,
Lee
PS--Tamara, re the "year not worth celebrating"...you OK?
Lee
Posted by TamaraJ on May 10, 2005, at 19:15:02
In reply to Little choo choo derailed, posted by Lee05 on May 10, 2005, at 12:40:42
(((Lee)))
That's the attitude Lee! Don't be upset and don't let a slip bring you down or cause you to beat up on yourself. It happened, and you can't go back in time to erase it. You should still be proud of the progress you made. It is a one day at a time journey.
In answer to your question, I will be fine. It has just been a year of one thing after another, but I am sure everything will be ok soon. Thanks.
You take care.
All the best of everything to you.
Tamara
> I'm very upset to let you guys know that I crashed just before 120. I feel like I'm supposed to say I don't know what happened, but I know exactly what happened--I let my guard down and got cocky--and I knew what a danger zone I was in too. Anyway, I spent some time being very upset and down on myself, but vowed I would stop wallowing in it and get back on track. I'm having a little trouble getting refocused though, and am only managing to go for a few days at a time. I refuse to give up, because I know I can do it, and I won't stop trying. I absolutely will celebrate 6 months, a year, 10 years, etc...even if it's not quite according to the original timetable.
>
> Hope you guys are all well--I'm so proud and happy for you for the birthdays you've all been celebrating.
>
> Take care--I'll talk to y'all again soon,
>
> Lee
>
> PS--Tamara, re the "year not worth celebrating"...you OK?
>
> Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on May 11, 2005, at 10:04:11
In reply to Re: rewards » AuntieMel, posted by TamaraJ on May 9, 2005, at 16:46:48
Sorry - typo. I meant 18mo
Posted by AuntieMel on May 11, 2005, at 10:20:08
In reply to Little choo choo derailed, posted by Lee05 on May 10, 2005, at 12:40:42
Do not - I repeat - DO NOT let this get into your head.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. A slip is just a slip. No more, no less. Not a weakness, not a character flaw. Just a slip.
The important thing is that you learn from it and use that education for the next time you are tempted.
The ism's are insidious. It's almost like the devil living in your head telling you you've got it licked and one drink won't hurt - or telling you that if you made it this far with not too much trouble than maybe you weren't addicted and you should test it - or telling you when you're ticked off that nobody should be telling you what to do and you can just do what you want. The devil knows exactly what to tell you and where your weaknesses are.
The worse thing to do is beat yourself up for it. That's the devil telling you that you can't do it and you may as well not try.
If my advice means anything it is to get to meetings. Daily for a while, then a couple of times a week. Even if they usually don't do anything for you just being there often at the beginning is a constant reminder not to drink. And the time away from your usual routine helps break the habit.
And now - some homework. Please tell us just what was happening in your life and what was going on in your head when you slipped. Maybe we can help give you some coping skills.
And if you want it I'll give you my phone number so you can have a cyber-sponsor in times of crisis. email is my posting name at gmail dotcom. But I'm going out of town this weekend (my son is graduating college - he'll be an official rocket scientist) and won't be checking email after tomorrow till Tuesday.
Posted by Lee05 on May 11, 2005, at 12:46:21
In reply to Re: Well, we'll put the choo choo back on track » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 11, 2005, at 10:20:08
>And now - some homework. Please tell us just what was happening in your life and what was going on in your head when you slipped. Maybe we can help give you some coping skills.
>
I was coming home from work at the end of my week--nice sunny day. Everything was going really well, and I was feeling pretty good about life. Half-way home I got a thought in my head--what a nice "treat" it would be to relax in the backyard with a chilled glass of chardonnay when I got home. I've had that thought before, and have managed to fast forward to the consequences before I did any damage. I don't even remember *thinking* about the consequences this time--just the thought that I deserved this one-time treat. So I indulged (not feeling the least bit guilty at the time) and got right back on track the next day. Over the next week, I didn't feel like I needed or even wanted to have a drink, and that's when the trouble really started--I started thinking maybe I could handle the whole moderation thing. From there it was just a fast-track to a major crash.I guess what got me feeling really stupid is that I've been in that danger zone before, and recognized it as trouble. I don't know why I was so willing to jump off the wagon without even a hint of a red flag. If I had asked for help, I know I would have gotten it and been fine. What scares me is that I didn't think even for one second that I needed help.
I appreciate any advice you can give me, because I really am trying to learn from this.
Lee
PS--Major congratulations to your rocket scientist--have lots of fun this weekend!
Posted by AuntieMel on May 11, 2005, at 16:02:27
In reply to Homework » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 11, 2005, at 12:46:21
But that story is sooooooooo common. So many, many people do just what you did.
First the "test" drink. The addict devil is telling you that it won't hurt to have just one drink. It'll even convince you that you really should have one, just to check if you are really addicted. After all, everyone said one drink will put you back where started.
So you have one. And there isn't any problem. Well that just gets the devil voice in your head going even louder. See! I told you it was ok!
A while later the devil get's back to you. Well, he says, you handled one just fine and you haven't had any problem. I bet two is ok, too.
Eventually you cross the 'I can put it down' line and are back to where you were, or worse, before you stopped.
Ok - what to do now. Add this experience to the list of consequences you can replay in your brain. If anything, it should have at least fixed it in your mind that "one is too many."
And print out your homework post and wrap the corkscrew up in it. Then put a layer of tape on it about an inch thick. After that put it in a bottle of water and freeze it.
By the time you get to it, the consequences should have entered your head. In fact everytime you open the freezer you will get a reminder.
Posted by Lee05 on May 12, 2005, at 18:45:59
In reply to Re: I hate to tell you this » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 11, 2005, at 16:02:27
The corkscrews are wrapped, taped and frozen. And in addition to my homework, I printed up a very specific list of the damage I did when I crashed--not pretty, but it makes a damned good case for sobriety.
Thanks for the support you guys--you help me more than you can know.
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 11:58:24
In reply to Re: I hate to tell you this » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 12, 2005, at 18:45:59
Posted by Lee05 on May 17, 2005, at 12:48:18
In reply to Re: How's it going Lee - time for a report (nm) » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 11:58:24
So far so good--this is day six (new birthday is May 12), and the corkscrews are still frozen solid :) I also printed a copy of my homework and put it on my fridge in big type, and that serves more than anything as a reminder of the consequences.
How was the grad?
Lee
Posted by TamaraJ on May 17, 2005, at 16:14:38
In reply to Re: How's it going Lee - time for a report » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 17, 2005, at 12:48:18
Posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 16:35:07
In reply to Re: How's it going Lee - time for a report » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 17, 2005, at 12:48:18
Graduation was great. When the auronautical/aerospace engineers were recognized they filled the hall with paper airplanes.
And with the help of some anti-anxiety meds I made it through the flights without my old friend vodka.
It sounds like the choo choo is back on track.
I knew you could, I knew you could, I knew you could.......
Posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 11:45:37
In reply to Re: How's it going Lee - time for a report » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 17, 2005, at 16:35:07
Hi Guys,
Tomorrow is two weeks--not a chip by any stretch, but I'm feeling good about it. So far, I've been feeling pretty solid.
I have a request though. I'm on vacation for the next couple of weeks, and the weatherman is calling for warm sunny weather as far as the eye can see. I'm thrilled to have such great weather for my time off, but as you know this scenario is the lion's den of my sobriety. I have all sorts of things planned to fill my time, as well as vivid reminders of my last crash posted in all sorts of key places around the house. I know I should be back at meetings, but quite honestly I'm still not feeling comfortable with that. So if any of you are around over the next couple of weeks, can I impose on you go keep in close contact? I think the accountability factor will really help keep me on track through a dangerous patch.
Really appreciate your help guys--hope everyone is well and happy!
Lee
Posted by TamaraJ on May 24, 2005, at 12:10:32
In reply to Time for a test, posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 11:45:37
Hi Lee,
inner strength and resolve, and you should do just fine. But, I know what you mean about holidays and nice weather - patio weather ugh! As for meetings, you will go back to them when you are ready to cross that bridge. I think I was almost three months sober before I went to my first meeting. So, in the meantime, we are here and can provide you with support and a shoulder to lean on. I will be around, so if you find yourself on shaky ground, or just need to talk, don't hesitate. I'm not sure how much I will be posting and, actually, might not be posting much at all, but I will watch for your posts and will get back to you as quickly as possible and do what I can to help. I only have my own experience to share, but some of what I have been through may be helpful to you on your own journey.
I will be thinking of you, and wishing you all the best. Be well and enjoy your holidays.
Tamara
> Hi Guys,
>
> Tomorrow is two weeks--not a chip by any stretch, but I'm feeling good about it. So far, I've been feeling pretty solid.
>
> I have a request though. I'm on vacation for the next couple of weeks, and the weatherman is calling for warm sunny weather as far as the eye can see. I'm thrilled to have such great weather for my time off, but as you know this scenario is the lion's den of my sobriety. I have all sorts of things planned to fill my time, as well as vivid reminders of my last crash posted in all sorts of key places around the house. I know I should be back at meetings, but quite honestly I'm still not feeling comfortable with that. So if any of you are around over the next couple of weeks, can I impose on you go keep in close contact? I think the accountability factor will really help keep me on track through a dangerous patch.
>
> Really appreciate your help guys--hope everyone is well and happy!
>
> Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on May 24, 2005, at 12:58:51
In reply to Time for a test, posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 11:45:37
How about for the next two weeks you post (daily) a diary of sorts - how you're dealing with things, etc.
Do it around the same time each day (mornings would be good) so you don't procrastinate.
This gives you *some* accountability. And, of course, we will be here, too.
Posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 13:05:31
In reply to Re: Time for more homework » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 24, 2005, at 12:58:51
Thanks guys--feeling good about this. I'll touch base tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Lee
Posted by partlycloudy on May 24, 2005, at 14:11:17
In reply to Thanks, posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 13:05:31
I'm here just about every day.
pc
Posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 14:19:54
In reply to I'm with you too, Lee., posted by partlycloudy on May 24, 2005, at 14:11:17
You guys are all so amazing--thanks a million!
Lee
Posted by Lee05 on May 25, 2005, at 11:21:21
In reply to Re: I'm with you too, Lee., posted by Lee05 on May 24, 2005, at 14:19:54
Doing well so far--I'm attending a therapy group and yesterday we had a really great session talking about self-esteem. I'm also butt-deep now into a few home reno projects, so I'm feeling pretty good. I think a lot of times my drinking stems out of sheer boredom, so I'm working at keeping out of that pit.
Hope you're all well--have a great day!
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on May 25, 2005, at 14:29:10
In reply to Doing fine, posted by Lee05 on May 25, 2005, at 11:21:21
Good to know.
What type of reno projects? We just (finally) finished the dining room project. I used moulding to create a pattern on the ceiling (I love ceilings in old places), put up crown moulding, re-textured the walls to look like old (and peeling) plaster, put down a slate floor with a wood border and new large baseboards.
Now we're chiseling the grout out of the entry - it's in dire need of a redo - and will try to re-polish the terrazzo.
But that won't take long - and I'm trying to figure out what to do next. Our bedroom needs doing - and the kitchen could use a facelift.
Hmmmm.
Posted by Lee05 on May 25, 2005, at 14:44:23
In reply to Re: Doing fine » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 25, 2005, at 14:29:10
That's the thing about home projects--one just leads into another, leading into another...
As for me, I'm doing some much needed repairs to the walls, and ripping up some patches of disgusting carpeting in favour of a much more polished finish. And as we speak, I'm charging up the electric drill so I can make some repairs to the backyard fence this afternoon.
And the fridge is all stocked up with some ice-cold non-alcoholic drinks for when I'm done and want to relax.
It's a good day!
Talk soon,
Lee
Posted by AuntieMel on May 26, 2005, at 10:09:07
In reply to Re: Doing fine » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 25, 2005, at 14:44:23
My goal is a carpet free house. I've got one more room to do and the downstairs will be carpetless and we've redone the big bathroom upstairs so it doesn't have any (carpet in a bathroom - gag).
Actually the bathroom upstairs was a huger project than that. We ended up having most of it done (instead of doing it ourselves) because it involved tearing down walls and rerouting plumbing. Good thing we hired someone - when we cut the wall out for the new window it had a 2" gas pipe in it. We don't do gas pipes - professionals only for them.
I guess the next project should be the one remaining room with carpet downstairs. But it's a room that only gets used on holidays so it never seemed a priority.
Sounds like you're doing great! Keep it up and keep checking in!
Any chance of making it to Chicago?
Posted by Lee05 on May 26, 2005, at 11:14:53
In reply to Re: Doing fine » Lee05, posted by AuntieMel on May 26, 2005, at 10:09:07
Yesterday actually went quite well. A friend came over for lunch and the two of us ended up hanging out in the backyard all afternoon talking (so much for repairing the fence). Funny thing is, I didn't even feel a hint of a craving for a drink. The next door neighbours invited us over for a drink on the patio, and even that didn't do it (I politely declined). I'm not so deluded to think I have this under control by any stretch, but I do feel good that I enjoyed myself safely yesterday in a situation that could have been big trouble. It lends credence to my boredom theory. I think if I'd have been on my own with nothing to do, the neighbour's invitation may not have been so easily declined.
So every day I'm learning more about myself and my disease, and I feel really good about that. I mean that's what it's all about really. That's what makes the set-backs useful instead of debilitating--learning from them. Yes?
As for Chicago, it's a bit of a hike--I'm out on the west coast and a bit of homebody to boot. But hey, if you're ever thinking of making it out this way, we'll plan :)
Have a great day!
Lee
Posted by TamaraJ on May 26, 2005, at 11:25:27
In reply to Thursday » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 26, 2005, at 11:14:53
Lee,
> So every day I'm learning more about myself and my disease, and I feel really good about that. I mean that's what it's all about really. That's what makes the set-backs useful instead of debilitating--learning from them. Yes?
-- Yes, at least that's what made the setbacks useful for me. Typically very shy by nature, I was so much more outgoing (at times quite wild actually) when I was drinking that I didn't think anyone would want to be around me when I wasn't drinking and partying like a maniac. And, like you, drinking filled a void when there was one to be filled, and alleviated boredom if and when it set in. But, even when I stopped drinking people still wanted to be around me (go figure), and I found ways to amuse myself when I didn't have plans. I guess I learned to enjoy my own company after I got sober.
Anyway, I'm so glad that your holidays are going well, and that you are enjoying yourself without booze, keeping yourself busy and doing things that you enjoy.You have a great day as well, and keep enjoying your holidays (one day at a time :-))
Take care,
Tamara
Posted by partlycloudy on May 27, 2005, at 7:26:49
In reply to Thursday » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 26, 2005, at 11:14:53
And I'll do the same.
pc
Posted by AuntieMel on May 27, 2005, at 11:03:27
In reply to Thursday » AuntieMel, posted by Lee05 on May 26, 2005, at 11:14:53
Good job. Boredom is our worse enemy, isn't it.
West coast? I make it out there occasionally - hubby's family all lives there now. And my sister and nieces live there (different part of the coast) too. We may be heading that way this summer, or in October.
Which part? If you consider the coast from San Diego to the top of Washington, how far up (or beyond) would you be?
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