Psycho-Babble Substance Use Thread 422620

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Not a Mouse was Stirring

Posted by verne on November 30, 2004, at 23:19:28

Drinking again but there's some hope. I'm really less depressed than ever - and not in a manic way.

My search for the former girlfriend has ended and I've managed to bring myself down figuratively. No, I'm really still circling the strip, afraid to land.

Sometimes I pause and admire the tailspin; sometimes I call it a "holding pattern" and make up reassuring landing talk.

"downward to darkness on extended wings" (from "Sunday Morning" Stevens)

verne

 

Re: Not a Mouse was Stirring

Posted by partlycloudy on December 2, 2004, at 3:54:02

In reply to Not a Mouse was Stirring, posted by verne on November 30, 2004, at 23:19:28

Verne, do you really find it possible to taper down drinking? My ability to count stops at two. So I'm either in for a night of forgotten time, or I'm straight. I have made some pretty illegible posts while on an alcoholic tangeant.

Sorry your seach for the person in your past didn't pan out. I've looked for individuals before as well and had no luck. Hope you stabilize and land soon.

 

Tapering Down » partlycloudy

Posted by verne on December 2, 2004, at 11:05:04

In reply to Re: Not a Mouse was Stirring, posted by partlycloudy on December 2, 2004, at 3:54:02

PC,

I have no control over tapering down; I guess I just hope it happens. I typically buy 3 six packs but may only drink about 8 or 9 beers. Sometimes I get lucky and it's only 5 or 6 and I'm barely hungover. But lately, the count is more like 16-18 and it's hard to quit the next day.

I'm a real "counter". I keep track of how many I still have left in the fridge. And I have all these "rules" about drinking that have evolved over time. I need at least 18 on hand before I will start drinking. I must have at least 6 left before I watch a movie. I won't drink it if gets warm and will either put it in the freezer for rehabilitation or abandon it altogether.

I drank about 12 last night but must make a stand today. This is my favorite time of year and I've been too sick to enjoy it.

verne

 

Re: Tapering Down

Posted by partlycloudy on December 2, 2004, at 14:05:32

In reply to Tapering Down » partlycloudy, posted by verne on December 2, 2004, at 11:05:04


> I'm a real "counter". I keep track of how many I still have left in the fridge. And I have all these "rules" about drinking that have evolved over time. I need at least 18 on hand before I will start drinking. I must have at least 6 left before I watch a movie. I won't drink it if gets warm and will either put it in the freezer for rehabilitation or abandon it altogether.
>
I can only count if I haven't started drinking. I have often planned the quantity intended to be consumed, only to find the next day that it had only given me a target to aim for. And I'm such an overachiever.

Hang in there verne, I cannot stand and barely get through this time of year. There is SO MUCH BOOZE all around us, and we get to watch people we thought were straight get all messed up on it. That's what ticks me off. I know if I were drunk I wouldn't even care.

 

Sifting Through the Debris

Posted by verne on December 3, 2004, at 11:01:03

In reply to Re: Tapering Down, posted by partlycloudy on December 2, 2004, at 14:05:32

I somehow made it through yesterday without drinking. Feeling much better but here's the damage after five weeks of drinking off and on:

blood pressure: afraid to check

weight gained: 3-4 lbs.

money spent on beer: *$250.00

money spent on movies (I would not have rented sober): $18.00

amazon spending spree on a couple movies I otherwise wouldn't have bought: $50.00

people finders/searches: $96.00

beer transport: $20.00 (twice paid for rides)

credit card replacement: $6.00

phone calls: $25.00+ (my usual long distance bill is about $1.50.

alienated friends: 1 Burned all bridges with an email.

strained friendships: 2 Used a former pastor for a shopping run to buy beer; used another friend for a "shopping" trip.

hot liver: 1

I don't know how many more of these binges I can survive. I'm even considering AA or (ugh) church again.

verne


 

Re: Sifting Through the Debris » verne

Posted by partlycloudy on December 3, 2004, at 13:38:59

In reply to Sifting Through the Debris, posted by verne on December 3, 2004, at 11:01:03

Yes, AA is not my personal solution, but I will take what help I can get in staying sober. Then I have to find The Dyslexic Dog, remember to keep my mouth buttoned about any mental health subjects, and I'm in!! (Is church better or worse than this, do you think?)

 

Re: Sifting Through the Debris » partlycloudy

Posted by verne on December 4, 2004, at 14:28:29

In reply to Re: Sifting Through the Debris » verne, posted by partlycloudy on December 3, 2004, at 13:38:59

PC,

I don't think I could handle any sort of church right now. So often it's mostly theatre or a social club. But within a church there's usually a small group that lives more by the spirit and not the letter.

And, too, in AA there's usually a small group that has a more spiritual leaning. I like many of the principles in AA but have a hard time with the hardliners that have made AA an end in itself.

One of the best books in the AA spiritual tradition that really helped me is, "Stepping Stones To Recovery" by Bill Pittman. In fact, I hope to read it again soon - as soon as my eyes stop blurring.

Drank last night. Again, far too much. It's so hard to get through the first few days. I keep postponing the recovery.

verne


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