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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tankgirl on November 17, 2004, at 2:29:56
I noticed a thread similar to this one, but it's very old..
I'm a new poster, but I've been silently watching for months. (I discovered this site right before my power went out in one of those wonderful florida hurricanes)
I'm addicted to Xanax. My doctor currently has me taking 6mg a day. I've been on and off of all sorts of Anti-deppressants or Anti-anxiety meds since I was 15 (I'm 22 now) I was prescribed klonopin when i was in college for what my Pdoc called "Severe Anxiety Disorder" at age 19. At first I took it as prescribed, then about a month later, I got involved with a boyfriend who abused his Klonopin prescription. The first pill I took (before the abuse problem began) was a .05mg. I knew there was something in that little pill that I loved, because I laid down on the floor in my apartment and was perfectly content to be doing just that. Anyways.. since my boyfriend was abusing the med. and I saw how high he was, I tried it. I took 3 of the .05mg klonopins. Wow! It was so great. I started running out of my prescription early EVERY month, so my boyfriend and I found a way to get more, one way or another. Eventually my prescribed dose did nothing.
Now, I'm 22. I've been switched to Xanax XR, slowly begging for a higher dose until I reached the most my Pdoc would give me.. 3mg two times a day, which I crushed up and snorted or just took handfuls of. After that stopped getting me high, I requested regular xanax, as opposed to the XR formula, which honestly, even if I took it as prescribed, would never really last as long as it was supposed to. My Pdoc understood, as he heard the same complaint from a lot of his patients.
Now I'm currently prescribed 6 pills a day of 1mg Xanax. I dont snort them, since they arent time-released, but I take 12 pills at once every other day.. and then some! Sometimes I will go through my entire bottle of 1mg xanax (which is 180 pills in a 30 day supply) in just under a week! This is getting horribly out of hand. I'm with a different man, and happily engaged, but I'm afraid I've gotten him addicted to it also. He saw how high I was after popping 12-20mg at a time, so he begged me to try it.. I gave him 3mg and he blacked out. He behaved normally, but forgot moment to moment things during the blackout.. I too used to black out when taking my massive 20mg binges.. but now not even that does the trick. I'm still searching for that high. Now, I find myself out of pills after the first week I've gotten my script, and I'm buying the 2mg xanax bars off the street, just to live through the next few weeks without ripping someones head off.
This is horrible.
One time after using all my prescription up in a little over a week *which is actually good, since I'm now sharing my prescription with my fiance* I had to go 4 days with NO xanax. First I was just irritable. VERY irritable. Then I found myself in constant panic, with my hands trembling. Finally on the fourth day, my vision was altered. It was like i was seeing tiny clear zeros or bugs crawling all over the sky, the road, whatever I was looking at. This happens whenever I go that 4 days without xanax, and its happened more than once. So many times, actually, that I'm ashamed, and this is the first time I've confessed.
Now, if I have to go without xanax for more than 2 days, I just lie in bed and wait for someone to call and offer it to me illegally, or call my Pdoc and say I've lost my prescription (I've done that twice this year).. I've gone as far as asking my mother for money and using it for street bought xanax. I've gotten valium and klonopin when it was availible and I couldnt find xanax.. but theyre not quite the same.
Without xanax in my system, I feel a huge hole inside me that is empty, like a part of me is missing. Colors are not as bright, sounds and music are annoying rather than pleasing like usual.. and I just turn into a total witch!
I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back to life without xanax, but if I dont take at least 12mg in a day, I don't feel like myself AT ALL.
No one notices. I told in an old friend once, (this friend has taken 2 or 3 mg of xanax at a time to get high, but not very often) at my last birthday party, that I was on 20mg of xanax at that very moment (taken an hour and a half before) and he said he had NO idea, that I seemed so normal and happy.. and thats just it, thats how i felt. Not a care in the world, good ol Tank Girl like usual. Nothing could break my shell.
Help. I think if I stayed off of xanax for more than 3 or 4 days I would go into a seizure or something. That, and my random panic attacks (that are so bad, they feel like out-of-body experiences!) will return with full force. I already get them enough when I decide to take a day off (which I do every once in awhile to try and keep my tolerance down).
Am I the only one?
Tank Girl's armor is starting to crack..Thank you to anyone that had the patience to read this whole post.. but I thought it was about time I introduced myself, and I had to tell someone, I can't hold it anymore..
*jittering in my seat* - my prescription gets filled tomorrow. Well, its 3:30am, so today technically.
- hurting..
TG
Posted by partlycloudy on November 17, 2004, at 4:39:03
In reply to Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 17, 2004, at 2:29:56
tankgirl, it must have taken a lot to post your experience here. It's a brave thing you do in posting here. Does your p-doc know about your addiction? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but when I became up front with my health care providers about my alcoholism, it changed their approach to treating my depression, anxiety, and panic. They are very supportive and keep close tabs on my meds, and I'm completely scared witless about becoming addicted to any other substance.
I'm on a low dose of Xanax, .5mg a day. I went up briefly during the hurricane season down here to up to 2mg a day, and I was barely able to function. My panic was still bubbling beneath the surface all day long. I can see how easy it would be to take up to 6mg a day, with no problem. I tapered down from 2mg back down to .5mg. Do you think you could try a taper from 6 to 5mg, in say a month? I would have been a puddle of jelly if I'd tried to go down all of a sudden.
Have you ever tried to go an NA meeting?
tankgirl, I wish you all the best in getting this particular monkey off your back. We are all here to support you. I think there is someone on the main medication board with experience with this too, but the posting name escapes me.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 17, 2004, at 8:00:51
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction » tankgirl, posted by partlycloudy on November 17, 2004, at 4:39:03
tank, you must post this on the med and the substance boards..
or ask someone to redirect it..
the good people here will help you..
it was very brave of you to let your voice be heard..you are important
you deserve yourself back..
jyl
Posted by justin713 on November 18, 2004, at 8:29:59
In reply to not alone.., posted by justyourlaugh on November 17, 2004, at 8:00:51
> tank, you must post this on the med and the substance boards..
> or ask someone to redirect it..
> the good people here will help you..
> it was very brave of you to let your voice be heard..you are important
> you deserve yourself back..
> jyl
> What if there is a physiological need. If problems run in families and you have never felt what normal contentment until you try xanax does it not bring you up to a normal level? I think the problems arise when someone feels normal or the edge is taken off and they decide to take a little more of the edge off. Then a little more until they are only satisfied with high doses. It seems that now you can't visit a real doctor anymore, you are seeing a politician who isn't concered with the little man. So who suffers?
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 18, 2004, at 9:23:07
In reply to Re: not alone.., posted by justin713 on November 18, 2004, at 8:29:59
i was not implying anything other than how important she was?
and people can help...
Posted by justin713 on November 18, 2004, at 10:56:13
In reply to Re: not alone.., posted by justyourlaugh on November 18, 2004, at 9:23:07
I've been to so many political doctors it is unreal. They will tell you it is bad for you, give it to you anyway, and then tease you with refills once you get leveled out. I guess they just like to put people on rollercoasters. Or they will try a hundred different drugs over months and months instead of just prescribing what works to begin with. I've been on the rollercoaster for a while now and told my doctor if he is going to play games he can keep his meds. I would rather be feel consistently crappy than up and down on my doctor's whims. I would like to know how you can actually see a doctor and not the puppet master telling him what to do.
Posted by justyourlaugh on November 18, 2004, at 13:01:23
In reply to Re: not alone.., posted by justin713 on November 18, 2004, at 10:56:13
"wanna see my puppets?"
Posted by krazybirdlady on November 19, 2004, at 16:51:40
In reply to Re: not alone.. » justin713, posted by justyourlaugh on November 18, 2004, at 13:01:23
hi all...benzo addictions are no small problem. especially xanax. stopping abruptly CAN cause a seizure. best way is a taper. ask your pdoc to switch you to valium and to taper you. look up "the ashton manual" on the web. say goodbye to the high, but you will be able to function through it...www.benzo.org.uk for more info....and good luck...
Posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 1:38:27
In reply to Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 17, 2004, at 2:29:56
Just wanted to update. I left a small piece of history out of my old post, I was addicted to inssuffilating heroin for a year, '01 to '02.. and also oxycontin (i actually prefferred that to heroin, it was a "cleaner" high)
So, the day after I made the Xanax Addiction post, I got my prescription for 180mg in the form of 1mg pills. I finished them off yesterday in the morning.
Later last night I came across the old demon Oxycontin in a long time. I ended up finding one 40mg Oxy. I scraped off the outer paint that may/may not be a tim release coving, but it tastes bad. i cut the pill in half, inteding to swollow half and snort the rest, but i ate that half, and instead of snorting, i just licked the powder up and washed it down with water. Its pathetic, thats the only pill I've ever actually LIKED the taste of. I hope I dont run into Oxys again, last time I had such a problem I had to move from Orlando to the southern central east coast of FL (just far enough.. thank goodness!). I'm afraid that Ill pick up this old habit again, now that I know that somehow.. maybe even by demeaning myself, I'll have access to Oxy's again. I want them so much, even today. Granted most people dont have THIS much of an addictive personality, but I do!
I'm stuck! I have no more pills for the rest of the month.. which makes me think i should just say screw it and sink back into that stage of my life in which NOTHING mattered more than Oxycontin, thats my big O!
Not to mention, all that xanax is gone. I'm still not even sober from the Oxycontin, as I havent exactly been eating.. i would make a grilled cheese, but im afraid ill nod off and set the darn house on fire..
lost again!
TG
Posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 1:47:53
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 1:38:27
Im thinking of getting another oxycontin, but REALLY I think I juse need to get some sleep, its been a LONG time since I got anny real sleep another oxy might just push me genty into sleep. I probably shouldnt take all 40mg though.. I HATE that it's so easy for me to get ahold of. Im terrified.. i know if i get back on the OC/Heroin habit, ill lose my fiance, and i couldnt live with that. sorry for the ramble, just thinking on paper.. er.. screen..
Also, thank you so much to those of you who are reading, and posting back to, my post. Although im usually i silent watcher, i feel welcome already.
a million thankyous................
TG
Posted by jujube on November 20, 2004, at 14:01:42
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 1:47:53
If you really want to stop, you should be looking at getting into a treatment program. Given the amount of Xanax you have been using, stopping cold turkey will be dangerous. Please get yourself some help.
> Im thinking of getting another oxycontin, but REALLY I think I juse need to get some sleep, its been a LONG time since I got anny real sleep another oxy might just push me genty into sleep. I probably shouldnt take all 40mg though.. I HATE that it's so easy for me to get ahold of. Im terrified.. i know if i get back on the OC/Heroin habit, ill lose my fiance, and i couldnt live with that. sorry for the ramble, just thinking on paper.. er.. screen..
>
> Also, thank you so much to those of you who are reading, and posting back to, my post. Although im usually i silent watcher, i feel welcome already.
>
> a million thankyous................
> TG
Posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 18:09:03
In reply to Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 17, 2004, at 2:29:56
Bad News..
I took 10mg of xanax early this morning, and it was just like a repeat of the day before yesterday or whatever day it was, all the days lately have been way too fuzzy..
I just took 40mg of oxycontin.. this is the second slip up in a 3 day period.. before that it was 2002 or late 2001 since id ingested some of this drug.. (let me say right now, im sure oxycontin helps people that truely need it, I'm not saying that everyone who takes oxy's abuse them, or that they are any less intelligent and worth the same as a person who takes nothing!)
Anyways.. i cant believe im slipping back.. help! what do i do? my fiance is furious woith me for getting this oxy the secodn time... i have a small window until this thing really kicks in.. i already dont have a care in the world. literally. im floating and well.. yes now starting to nod out a bit. this message has teaken me forever to type. i guess this is useless now..
im afraid im going to do it, be a junkie for the rest of my life.. i cant face that fear
what do i do?
TG - VERY intoxicated on Oxycontin
Posted by jujube on November 20, 2004, at 18:31:00
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction, posted by tankgirl on November 20, 2004, at 18:09:03
Tankgirl,
I can't tell you what to do, but if I were in your position, I think I would ask my boyfriend or another whom I trust to either get me to a hospital asap or to a treatment centre. I think you are going to need professional help in overcoming your Xanax addiction and to prevent you from becoming addicted to Oxy again. Please, please, please get some help.
> Bad News..
>
> I took 10mg of xanax early this morning, and it was just like a repeat of the day before yesterday or whatever day it was, all the days lately have been way too fuzzy..
>
> I just took 40mg of oxycontin.. this is the second slip up in a 3 day period.. before that it was 2002 or late 2001 since id ingested some of this drug.. (let me say right now, im sure oxycontin helps people that truely need it, I'm not saying that everyone who takes oxy's abuse them, or that they are any less intelligent and worth the same as a person who takes nothing!)
>
> Anyways.. i cant believe im slipping back.. help! what do i do? my fiance is furious woith me for getting this oxy the secodn time... i have a small window until this thing really kicks in.. i already dont have a care in the world. literally. im floating and well.. yes now starting to nod out a bit. this message has teaken me forever to type. i guess this is useless now..
>
> im afraid im going to do it, be a junkie for the rest of my life.. i cant face that fear
>
> what do i do?
>
> TG - VERY intoxicated on Oxycontin
Posted by tankgirl on November 21, 2004, at 0:26:16
In reply to Re: Xanax Addiction » tankgirl, posted by jujube on November 20, 2004, at 18:31:00
I'm horrible.. youre all right, i need to check into some kind of rehab center.. youll be positive if you werent already after you read this...
I'm 22.. and i did TONS of partying in college out in orlando, you name it, i tried it. I even used (brand new, sterile, still in the package) a needle before with the heroin thing..
Anyways that was all about 2 1/2 years ago.. i quit all that crap and was OH so proud of myself!! not gloating or anything, but it is something to be proud of definitely..
THE KICKER: so, as i said in the post i left earlier today.. well, technically yesterday since its 12:54 on the east coast of USA here.. anyways
THIS MORNING I TOOK 10MG of Xanax at once. (im only prescribed 6 1mg pills per day, to be taken every 3 hours). Then when that wore off, i went and bought the deamon Oxycontin.. but since Id just re-tried it for the first time in years only the day before yesterday, it didnt hit me half as hard!! I wasnt slurring as much.. although i still loved every second of it.
ok REALLY, THIS is THE KICKER:
Not even 10 minutes ago I bought 2 grams of cocaine and did it up all at once. its pretty cheap and weak stuff, but since i did so much im typing at 1000 miles per hour. sorry if there's any flagrant typing errors.. although i seem to type much better on this stuff. And, on coke, I RULE at that Donky Conga game (with the bongos for controllers, its like dance dance revolution except with drums, for lazy people like me..)
This is the problem.. I know i have a problem with Xanax, and I have to stop that, but right now im facing 3 drugs much more dangerous! Heroin (in unregulated doses), Oxycontin (measured doses, so i know just how much i took, which is why i prefer that to the H) and when that wore off, Cocaine (which wont be a problem, i only do coke if its free, usually, (and being a decent looking girl, with black, purple, and blue hair, and lets just say a lot of assets.. up top.. its easy for me to get it for free) and tonight i actually paid for it, since i only knew of one place to get it from.
damnit i keep saying it.. but HERE IT IS
THE REAL KICKER:
before I even deal with the xanax problem - which i think i can do without a treatment center, just having my boyfriend and roommate (my roommate has offered to hold my pills and ONLY give me the 1mg of xanax if im having panic symptoms.. cause ive gotten by on only 2 pills a day at times) and I KNOW I can do it. Plus, i have all of your support, you wonderful people on psycho babble =)The KICKER IS...... that now i have these other drugs, particularly oxycontin that I have to stay away from. My boyfriend is totally supportive, HATES it when i do hard narcotics like Oxycontin, and while he is slightly psychologically dependent on xanax too, i know that we can both get off of it by tapering, having my roomie hold the pills and all (he never takes any drugs, not even ASPERIN! which is a good influence on me.. and hes not one to judge me just because I have a substance problem either, i love my roomie to death!!)
OK, I cant even keep a straight thought for long so ill just ask the question i started posting to ask:
I've only done Oxycontin twice in the past 3 days and coke once(RIGHT now), I KNOW im not physically dependent on them yet.. should i just stop doing them all together, and use my plan to taper myself off of the xanax? and im not completely intent on doing it myself, its just that id rather not have my doctor know that im doing it, i want to just go into his office and say "I tapered myself off of the xanax over a 3-6 month period!" (I am lucky to have a roommate that will hold my pills for me, not take them for himself, and really ration me into taking them AS PRESCRIBED and then very VERY slowly tapering down) and i know he (my doc)would be proud.. considering he wants to give me even more xanax (which i know would be a bad idea.. being an abuser.. hey, they say the first step is admitting it, right? What is the second step?
-wired and confused
TG
This is the end of the thread.
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