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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kristylynn on March 25, 2004, at 11:44:33
I have been clean for almost 2 years.... I have a great wonderful son, a great boyfriend, start a new job on the 30th of this month.... But for some off the wall reason I picked up my drug of choice last week and I am finding myself right back in the deep dark hole I dug for myself right before I decided quit... I cant tell anyone because they will be so disappointed and hurt ... My boyfriend would never understand.... I have only been dating him a few months... He knows the stories of my drug use and that alone scares him... If I told him he would never trust me..... My son would die.... I have promised myself that I am going to stop... Now I have that guilt and shame working for me .. I feel so dirty and nasty.... Reality will hit soon.... I have spent money I dont have to support my habit.... I know that I dont want back into that life.... And I feel strongly that I can quit.. But right now these feelings that I have are really bringing me down.... And no one understands why I am acting this way because no one knows i have fallen again... please someone just give me some words of support and wisdom... I need all the help I can get right now.....
Posted by rainyday on March 25, 2004, at 12:44:17
In reply to Feel so Guilty, posted by Kristylynn on March 25, 2004, at 11:44:33
Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist?
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 25, 2004, at 12:45:30
In reply to Feel so Guilty, posted by Kristylynn on March 25, 2004, at 11:44:33
maybe you needed a wee taste of the life you once had to appreciate your better life..
we all fall, thats what makes us human.
try looking at this as a test, one you will pass to move forward so you can enjoy what you have created...
please dont be so hard on yourself...
guilt has no purpose
chin up kristy
im in your corner
jyl
Posted by Kristylynn on March 26, 2004, at 11:36:58
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty » Kristylynn, posted by rainyday on March 25, 2004, at 12:44:17
Well I am just seeing a pschy. for medication.. Not really to talk... I am taking adderall 20mg.
Posted by Kristylynn on March 26, 2004, at 11:38:43
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by justyourlaugh on March 25, 2004, at 12:45:30
Thank you so much jyl..... You dont know how bad I needed to hear that....
Posted by rainyday on March 26, 2004, at 12:03:48
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by Kristylynn on March 26, 2004, at 11:36:58
> Well I am just seeing a pschy. for medication.. Not really to talk... I am taking adderall 20mg.
You might want to try a therapist or a self-help group (although sometimes they suck you down with them). I find I often lack the proper perspective on my life and situation and hearing some objective reasoning gets you back on track.
In other words, don't try to do this alone! Use this board, post as often as you need. You have plenty of support here, and we are all human beings.
rainyday
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 26, 2004, at 13:15:06
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by Kristylynn on March 26, 2004, at 11:38:43
how are you feeling today kristy?
i hope you are doing better,
be good to yourself
jyl
Posted by CrazyGuy on March 26, 2004, at 19:48:32
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty » Kristylynn, posted by justyourlaugh on March 26, 2004, at 13:15:06
Hey, Kristy. As somebody once told me, "guilt is a useless [though normal] emotion." Nobody's perfect and we ALL make mistakes! I think the fact that (a) you know you made "a mistake" and (b) you've expressed a desire not to return to using are signs that you're in a much better place now than you've been at times way back when -- i.e. you do recognize it as a problem now and you probably didn't way back when. "Relapse" is a part of the struggle for sobriety, so just accept the fact that you made a mistake and ask yourself "What can I do today to stay on the clean and sober path?" Was there a specific "trigger" that caused you to relapse? If so, what can you do to avoid/remove that trigger moving forward? Stay strong sister! You *CAN* do it!!!
Posted by krazybirdlady on March 31, 2004, at 16:20:52
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by CrazyGuy on March 26, 2004, at 19:48:32
OK, you goofed...do you really want to go back down that road? the potential to loose everything is very real. and also, adderall? for adult ADD? are you sure you want to go down that road? it can be a nasty one...
Posted by PeggyY on April 2, 2004, at 13:10:07
In reply to Feel so Guilty, posted by Kristylynn on March 25, 2004, at 11:44:33
The first thing I do when I have relapsed in the past is to go diectly to an AA meeting and to the women that love and support me there. I am clear about the fact that I can't fix myself or do it alone.
Peggy
Posted by Tony P on April 5, 2004, at 1:44:40
In reply to Re: Feel so Guilty, posted by PeggyY on April 2, 2004, at 13:10:07
> The first thing I do when I have relapsed in the past is to go diectly to an AA meeting and to the women that love and support me there. I am clear about the fact that I can't fix myself or do it alone.
>
> PeggyI couldn't agree more - asap AA or NA as appropriate (or wherever your most supportive friends are).
I have come to understand that guilt ("I goofed, so what should I do next [time]") is quite separate from shame ("I goofed, so I am a terrible person whom nobody could love"). Shame needs the antidote of finding people who accept me unconditionally. So many times I have walked into a meeting in fear and self-loathing after a relapse, and never have I had any greeting other than "Tony - how good to see you again! How have you been?").
The natural condition of a chronic addict/alcoholic is stoned - anything else is a daily miracle. So no-one need be ashamed of a relapse.
That said, don't fall into the trap (as I sometimes have) that says "I picked up, so now I can't stop". We're powerless by ourselves in the long term over our addiction, but if we absolutely could never stop after starting there'd be no recovered people around! I had someone remind me of this recently as I have been having trouble staying clean: Just because I picked up, doesn't mean I can't put down. It's the oppposite that's true - if I never take that first drink or use the first time, I won't ever take the second, third or hundredth. I'm going on about this because I really need to tell myself!
The only important question after a relapse, as always, is, "so, what do I do next?
Tony P
This is the end of the thread.
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