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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Liss on November 18, 2003, at 13:12:33
I've never had the courage to actually post on a sight like this before, but I guess I feel it's time. Please bear with me if I go off a little bit or sound jumbled. The thought process isn't so clear for me at present.
About 2 years ago, I started taking Lorcet recreationally. My boyfriend got a prescription for a bad fall and injury but I took most of the pills. I was having a hard time sleeping and getting a lot of headaches and these little pills cured the problem and gave me a high. There wasn't a lot of pills, maybe 20 or so, and I took them over the course of a few months, occasionally with a glass of wine to increase the buzz.
Anyway, cut to two years later, and I'm still doing the same thing. Only now I rely on them to get me through work,(I'm a stripper) and a lot during daily life. I got a prescription for Vicodin after a bad car accident, and went through all 40 pills like candy. Now, I've gotten a prescription for Xanax, and am facing the addictive tendancies pulling at me. Often I'll track down someone who's got a painkiller or 2 to share, and take it with .50mg or more of Xanax. I also smoke pot on a daily basis, as well as take sleeping pills a few times a week to sleep.
I'm extremely unhappy, and I know that the addiction is a big part of that. My boyfriend knows I am a pothead, and knows about the potential I have for substance abuse, but I know he doesn't get the seriousness of it, because I'ms so ashamed. I've been "a victim of circumstance" as a child, but now, at 25, have still not managed to move on and face my demons and grow up. I can't claim I am a victim anymore, because no one is in control of my destiny but me. I'm just stuck in this scary cycle of depression and anxiety.
Even before the drugs, I was not a happy person. I've always been a very emotional, volatile person, with a lot of issues. I've been on anti depressants since I was 19, but I don't know if they do me any good. Anytime I try to wean myself off of them, the withdrawl is hell, and I've just accepted I'll be on them for a long time. Dr's are always happy to write me out a rx for an ssri. I've been diagnosed with chronic depression, although my anxiety is through the roof now.
I'm really afraid of my future. There's so much I want to do, like write a book, or for a magazine, but I've screwed up so many times that I don't have much hope. From dropping out of college to suicide attempts, and marrying someone I didn't know, to my current situation. It's been nothing but a damn mess... Can anyone offer their stories, or words of encouragement? I need to know I'm not alone.
Posted by Sabina on November 21, 2003, at 21:19:17
In reply to Coming clean..., posted by Liss on November 18, 2003, at 13:12:33
i think it's great that you've been able to find the strength to take the first step to be able to admit that you have a problem and that you have a desire to change. you are certainly not alone. maybe you can find a local narcotics anonymous group to help you or at least keep posting here for support. i've met some really wonderful people on this site. i will keep you in my thoughts and do wish you the best of luck at taking control of your life.
This is the end of the thread.
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