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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:46:39
A long time ago, i was in bathroom and i was so angry about something, i started shouted out loud, they heard it, that is more than embarrasing that i am viewed as the town crazy. I was mad i could not find a valuable i had, i just started yelling and the bathroom...you can hear very easy what been said, well take that times 5x no wonder they think im the town crazy. And the neightbors accross the street seal their blinds. I hate being the town freak that everyone avoids. I have to take, and own it, there's no place to feel regret about it. I just feel when my the neighbors lowly think about me, then everyone feels the same. It really hurts when people view you as that, and lock their doors and seal their blinds on first sight when they see me
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:51:56
In reply to neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:46:39
i was angry about losing something i forgot what it was, my voice is loud in the bathroom. They seal their blinds right when i get out of the car, im not crazy, they don't like and i don't like them. I work on insights and ideas online for people, and could care less what they think. But still it sucks, just couple min ago i was turning on the lights with the blinds open, both the neightbors sealed their blinds right then. It's like are these people on red alert all the time if they see me? stupid, anyways i had to post this because happened just a while ago.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:56:50
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:51:56
they don't like me, and really i shouldnt of posted this, one time i was in the car getting in, glanced over they moved into their garden, they were on side walk and they saw me and moved to the garden, i could still see them but i knew they moved because they saw me. There is one neightbor that is 2 houses down they ... well, let's just leave it at that. I had to vent this because it just happened again
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 21:06:45
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 20:51:56
i don't even know them but the fact they have anomisity and you can feel the shade, it's all because of this one time from yelling. When i go out, sometimes i look good, i like to look good, but other times i just get so depressed it's like i don't care. I feel so bad right now, not that what happened just while ago, they all think im crazy. I know what a town crazy is, and i know they think i am one. This really sucks and i wish i was someone else at times.
Same thing happened in high school, i guess it's programmed into my DNA or something. Everywhere i go, people look at me. I'm chucky and if i got down my optimum weight, i would be better looking. But i need to just get this out of my mind, everytime i think about the neighbors, i immidenlty think what bad opinions they have. They are a not a part of my life, but it sure does not feel good. I'll move on, i don't know them and so that should not bother someone but the feeling they avoid and think im town crazy, they do, believe me. Anyways, rj had to vent this. Hope tommorow after i post this, i won't regret it
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 21:40:31
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 21:06:45
i'm emabarrased i wrote this, yes i regret it now
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:20:46
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 21, 2021, at 21:40:31
Aw. I think there are a lot of people in the world who would quite like to be in a position where they feel they could be as loud as they could possibly be -- without bothering or affecting anybody else.
Just to scream and rage as loud as they want... To just do that... And for that to be okay.
I feel sad for people who raise their kids in inner city apartments. That their toddlers don't get to do toddler rage at full volume. Everybody deserves to get to toddler rage at full volume.
I don't think you are crazy rj. And I don't think that other people will think that you are crazy for toddler raging... If you can be, like 'aw, shucks, I didn't think y'all could hear any of that, I'm embarrassed now, sorry for the bother' big eyes.
I think people would identify and understand.
Because I don't think there's anyone who doesn't identify with the desire to toddler-rage well past the age of about 3.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:33:52
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:20:46
I live in an inner city apartment. And occasionally I have noises from 2 sides. I am very very very very lucky that I don't have to worry about noises from above and below, as well. I only have the potential from noises from 2 sides.
One of my neighbours... I think for quite a while it was Air b n b. Because that was a great way to make money for landlords. With inner city apartments. Rent them out for Friday night and maybe Saturday night... Collect as much or even more rent as you would get renting to long-term tenants... And clean and re-set the apartment between people. That was the most financially lucrative way. And so many of the central city apartments in Auckland Central were empty for much of the time. Because the landlords got more money for Air b n b rent from tourists than they would get for rent from locals...
But then Covid and tourism ground to a halt... So... Eventually... They started advertising the apartments for full time rent for locals. Because otherwise they weren't going to get any income at all.
And... Eventually... They are grateful to have long-term tenants who don't complain about things they could complain about... Because of the regular income...
I think... The landlord who owns my apartment... He has to pay fixed body corporate fees (for important things like cleaning communal areas and security etc etc and they do a really good job at all of that) together with land-rents to the council. That went from, like $5,000 per year... To, like $20,000 per year. All of a suddden. There was like 'how can it cost so much to have apartments on the f*ck*ng water for f*cks sake????' 'How much can water-land be worth???' But it costs a lot to run fibre optic internet cable out to not very many people living on the warf. Ditto electic. Etc... So actually the land value is lots. Lots. Lots and lots.
And now the apartment I live in... Is worth like $200,000 maybe. If you are lucky. With maybe $20,000 body corporate per year and maybe well... $5,000 one year and then $20,000 the next... And who knows what the Auckland City Council will say land-rent valuation is for next year... And point is... They can't give the apartments away. With the land value that needs to be paid and the body corporate... My rent... My rent payments (which are in fact very high by NZ standards) don't leave very much at all for my 'property investor' landlords.
So...
I mean... If I had $200,000... Would I choose to invest it in an inner city Auckland apartment with body corporate fees and who knows what land-rents to the council???
Unclear that that is a good idea.
How about investing in it as ones primary home??
Still unclear that that is a good idea...
Still unclear...
Instead of rent to a landlord you have Auckland council and body corporate... Every year you pay them... Every year you pay... And so it's a... SInking ship. Yeah??
Welcome to doing business with NZ.
Nothing grows here.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:43:51
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:33:52
AAAh, so my point was...
A little while ago I felt inspired to drop a note under my neighbours door. Asking them to turn the volume / vibration of their bass down just a notch or a tad.
I think they may actually be aspiring musicians in some capacity. I mean... I think they are in earnest creating music. Whether it is Kareoke or more... I think they are creating...
I don't have problems with the quality of it. Or whatever. Just the vibrations... That they persist through to 2am or whatever... The other noises don't actually bother me for being transient. A bit of noise in the hallway. The odd whiff of mj. Live and let live. They are pretty low-key. I don't have a problem with them insofar as they keep it pretty low-key. Just a tad or a notch off of the base vibration and they can party 24/7 with blessings from me, even...
But of course the note under the door wasn't enough for them to just set it a tad lower.
So... After not much time at all I need to present myself with an actual knock on the door...
It sucks. Because it would be terrific if everyone could be as loud as they wanted in their own home.
I feel bad for asking them to be quieter than they would choose for themselves.
It isn't fair.
But that's the nature of keeping or holiding people in conditions such that...
Yeah.
I think people will understand rj. I think people do.
I think maybe... You feel slightly... Paranoid? That people are judging you harshly. And I am not sure that that is justified. I understand that you feel self-conscious. Yes. But I am not convinced that people are judging you for any actual crimes that you need to feel sorry or remorseful about...
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:09:16
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2021, at 6:43:51
thank alex for responing
living in apartment close to eachother, you can hear alot like you said, but....this paticular time i yelled and said some motherf-ck, real intense profanity because i was in such a rage , and they heard it. I have a loud voice, and when that voice is increased to yelling, it is very very loud. They heard every word, every bad words i said. That is why now they avoid me, from my point of view: i think they think im a freak or a crazy, because i know what it looks like. I've known people who were considered crazies. It's just i can sense, what their thinking about me. They frequently go inside everytime i come ouot, seal their window seals, i mean everytime i go outside it's a like a red alert stand by, for them. The guy next door, i wanted to be friends, but he does not like me, and i know it. Neighbors are not suppost to be friends, you just know them slightly. But they are friends with their neighbors too, they are the same age as me, im 34, there around 35 they have kids. It just, you have to just let it go. That's all i can think, of how to handle things like this
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:21:05
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:09:16
writing a note them and putting it in their mail box, saying sorry, that is a terrible idea. I wave to him and he waves back but I can just feel the shade....that it's just a social que to wave back.
The other accross the street doenst do anything, ill wave while im mowing the lawn, he'll ignore it then go inside and seal all his windows blinds. It's like what did I do, that makes you dislike me so much? ignoring me saying then seal off all window blinds....goodness. Maybe i should.... say f-uck you next time i see him, maybe he'll react instead of ignoring me. It's like ... you've done all these nice neighbor ques like how are you doing, and it gets to a point where just hate them. But i know they don't like me, so it's ... you have develop thick skin. Ignore them, and stop being so sensitive about them. That's all i can say, ... it's not just because their neighbors, i makes me feel that everyone feels this way about me.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:24:32
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:21:05
it's not the neighbors all about, it just makes me feel that other people are going to do the same thing. Because it's happened before
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:25:56
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:24:32
thick skin in the mist of haters is a virtue
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:36:52
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:21:05
these things with neighbors, relates to other relationships, even friends and people.
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:38:41
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:36:52
ok end of rant : thanks for listening :)
Posted by rjlockhart37 on July 23, 2021, at 18:15:14
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 22, 2021, at 23:24:32
ok alex just ignore these frantitc posts, i'm over i don't care what they think anymore
Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2021, at 17:39:58
In reply to Re: neighbors, posted by rjlockhart37 on July 23, 2021, at 18:15:14
Hey. Sorry, I haven't checked the boards recently. Didn't mean to drop the ball on ya.
I can identify with not wanting to get too close to my neighbors. Because I can't really relax until I feel alone. Safe. Because, to me, people are more likely to be a source of threat / danger if I let my guard down. Psychologically. That means if I can hear someone else pottering about... Well... There is also a bit of a quality to it. If they are listening out for me. Responding to me. Or if they are blissfully unaware of me and just doing their own thing. The latter is less threatening, you see. From my psychological safety point of view. Physiologically. Because of how I'm wired.
I think a lot of people feel over-crowded in a close living apartment kind of a set up or situation. People who might be more genuinely friendly to their neighbours. Maybe even inviting them over to their houses etc if they lived in houses with sections are not so friendly when they are in apartment set-ups.
I think there is a mindfulness or awareness that if the relationship turns bad... Then they will have lost the one place in the world that was safe for them. Their home. Their home will be invaded.
To be completely honest if one of my neighbours yelled out swear words etc in a very angry voice... I would be most concerned that there might be an incident of domestic violence. But if it was a once of thing... I'd be freaked, yes. I suppose I would keep my distance, yes. But I suppose that is coming from a context of already having chosen to keep my distance before.
The thing is, for me, anyway, it really isn't personal. That is to say it isn't because I don't like their face. It isn't because I judge them negatively or badly at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about them personally. Because I don't know them as people, at all. It is solely about the fact that they are located a bit too close to me than I feel physiologically okay about.
And it isn't weird at all. That's why most people choose to live further out and choose not to live in an apartment or an apartment complex or whatever. Precisely because shared / communal areas make it impossible to avoid someone if they take too much of a liking (or a disliking) and set out to make your life hell. Not that I judge they would do that... So much as I am afraid. Because my own security is so fragile. This is all I have. Only one step away from homeless. Always. That's how NZ likes to keep me. Always. How low can we go? Always pushing pushing pushing for just that little bit more...
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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