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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2014, at 0:30:10
the weather is perfect... already. i guess because it will only get too hot later. but then, it isn't like i have to go out in it, particularly.
i have another year of disability... and then... we will see...
but until then... things are good. i haven't heard back, yet, about whether i get to stay on here... but when i expressed concern over the bugs thing he looked surprised that i was concerned. i'm hoping that they see it for the deal that it is (they don't need anyone to clean my room, they don't have a period of it being empty, they don't have to worry about allocating it to another)...
things couldn't be more perfect. really.
i mean... i could have better grades. but, y'know... that's life...
sigh.
maybe i won't do summer school this year... we'll see how bored i get... it would be ideal if i could get into the habit of studying in the (empty over summer) campus libraries... get into a bit of a routine... check out the medical books most properly...
fingers crossed for me.
i really really want. really really. i do so hope... they just needed me to prove that to them. fingers crossed. c'mon nz... don't make me marry an aussie... c'mon...
Posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2014, at 0:32:16
In reply to perfect weather, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2014, at 0:30:10
you know... i think things are so good... because we are so far through the year... that the first years... well... it's like they aren't first years anymore. i mean... they are practically second years. i think that that is it.
Posted by Lamdage22 on September 11, 2014, at 10:49:56
In reply to Re: perfect weather, posted by alexandra_k on September 9, 2014, at 0:32:16
Things couldn't be more sh*tty.
It is a shame that they force us to live in agony and think that they are helping at the same time.
Posted by Lamdage22 on September 11, 2014, at 14:07:13
In reply to Re: perfect weather, posted by Lamdage22 on September 11, 2014, at 10:49:56
Im sorry, i had an excessive low.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2014, at 16:22:58
In reply to Re: perfect weather, posted by Lamdage22 on September 11, 2014, at 14:07:13
I'm sorry you had an excessive low, too. I hate those. I hope you are feeling a bit better now.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2014, at 19:44:04
In reply to Re: perfect weather » Lamdage22, posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2014, at 16:22:58
well, i finally got a physical copy of Campbells Bio. 9th edition, softcover, since that is what is being stocked here... I did send out an email to inquire about whether the edition is likely to change for next year... But... Too bad. I decided. We only need Campbell's for cellular stuff (mostly using the anatomy and physiology book) so...
Working my way through it... I should have done it at the start of the year, yeah.
Important thing is: Now I know.
For all the advise that support staff give about moving to computers and not printing or having physical copies... It is all just so much... B*llsh*t. I really did give it an honest go and... It is not for me. I'll get all the books for next year... In enough time to read through them properly over the summer.
It makes me angry that people advise me when they don't know me half as well as I know myself, they haven't thought about it half as long or as hard as I have thought about it, and the consequences to them of a wrong decision are really... Negligible. It makes me angry that they pretend to be in the position to advise me, they pass themselves off as knowing more about it than I would and they... Screw me over.
Over and over...
I think... At the ripe old age of nearly 36 I have learned: Most people really are full of it.
University support services... Health support services... Whatever whatever whatever support services... People who get off on telling people what to do... Who like to puff themselves up to feel important telling other people what to do...
Sigh.
My main flaw was not to have realised this ages ago... Though I suppose something something about having the power to do otherwise...
Anyway... It is a bit tricky because they might update the textbooks for next year. In which case I'll be stuck with an older edition. I realise that it only matters insofar as they choose to make extensive use of the textbooks people's assessment stuff.
I've been doing some of the online assessment from Campbells... And the bio department had some available too... And our test that we just had... And I'll admit that I'm far from impressed, actually. There were questions that struck me as... Unfair.
For example, Campbell's Bio has a particular chapter in mind when they ask you a question. Which makes their questions somewhat arbitrary. A test of your textbook knowledge (their textbook) rather than your knowledge more generally. For example... Is it an important feature of life that it be based on carbon? The answer to that depends on your perspective... From the perspective of chapter one no, it is not. We could find life on other planets that is not based on carbon. From the perspective of chapter four yes, it is. Carbon is in a fairly unique position of being able to share 4 covalent bonds and form rings and so on...
There were aspects like that in our last test. Some of the stuff... We haven't covered yet. I think it was from later sections of the textbook... There was a question on finding an individual that looked like it was a member of a particular species but then finding that its internal organs were smaller. That threw me. It still does. I mean... I said it could have been a female with smaller parts. It could have been a juvenile with smaller parts. It could have a form of dwarfism. It could have growth hormone issues... We haven't covered any of that... Of course I know that some things look superficially like a member of a partiucular species but then they turn out to have DIFFERENT internal features (e.g., coelom, hearts, complete digestive tracts etc) like with all the different worm-y things... But different sized organs? wtf?
The textbook has questions that... Go well beyond the text. Questions that aren't fair game (IMHO) from the textbook and some reasoning... I think... I really do think... That I'm smart enough such that when the reasoning is explained to me (or the answer is revealed) I should be able to see / make sense of it / go on in the same way. When I can't... Well... I'll admit I start to wonder about the integrity / authenticity / non-randomness of the test. Anyway... I suppose everyone is in the same boat... But of course if the textbook people are providing the multi-guess and other questions then having their latest version is crucial... They move sections around into different chapters and so on and so forth precisely to penalise you for not having the most recent version.
Educational profiteering. Etc.
I'm betting that an international edition of the 10th won't be out by the start of next year. It is important to make sure that outside north america people have different textbooks... I mean... How else are you going to protect the whole paying for your kids private US educational privilege thing????
The arbitrary thing upsets me... Like... Making an arbitrary analogy (bases are like letters, triplets like syllables... Q: what is analogous to the whole genome)? Just... Stupid questions. In the sense that it is just an analogy. I guess the idea is... You can change the arbitrary analogy for the next edition and change the questions accordingly and thereby penalise students for not having the most recent version of the textbook. Again... Educational profiteering. Somehow your ability to remember the latest arbitrary analogy is a measure of your.... Uh. what? parental investment?
ffs.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 0:19:01
In reply to Re: perfect weather, posted by alexandra_k on September 12, 2014, at 19:44:04
don't mind me, i'm just being grumpy, i know the textbook situation is more complicated than that... and as for the multi-guess, well, sometimes that is just life, and everyone is in the same boat, i suppose.
to be fair... around 1/2 of it (the multiguess) seems textbook derived... the short answers and diagrams etc seem more lecture notes derived. because... some lecturers seem to think that that is where their value lies... in presenting content that isn't covered in the textbook. i guess because they think they are so much clearer and more comprehensible than textbook with armies of editors... if they didn't do that then there really wouldn't be any reason for us to go to class... there wouldn't be any reason for us to hear them present content instead of the textbook people doing that too... or simply streaming content from someplace else... lectures from MIT or wherever...
i don't know where they get these silly ideas... but given that they have them...
i don't know what to say.
there was this bit on community... somewhere in season 1, i think... before the show morphed into something else... something about how they had all f*ck*d up their lives somehow... that that was how they got to be at community college. annie OD'd on pills... the football guy hurt his shoulders... whatever... the idea that they all f*ck*d up somehow was what was up with that...
i think that that is how people have been treating me since i returned to nz... like i f*ck*d up somehow. to be the age i am... to be doing what i'm doing at the age that i am.
i guess... maybe it is kind of an attitude that i had of myself... when i was at tech.. but also kind of not... i kind of saw it as my choosing to do something that i really wanted to do...
but i do think that people have been seeing me as a f*ck up. that that is why they have been trying to advise me etc. that that is why they treat me like i'm an idiot now. hmm.
i guess anyone who makes life decisions different to them made wrong decisions. so much better to have married for money or whatever... to have enough money to delegate out housework and childcare... to... i don't know... be walking my little dog around nice suburbs. mmm hmm.
anyway... whatever... i wonder how many molecule kits i need to make amino acids... maybe a little dna...
Posted by Beckett on September 13, 2014, at 15:49:46
In reply to Re: perfect weather, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 0:19:01
>For all the advise that support staff give about moving to computers and not printing or having physical copies.
Yes, I remember when the card catalogue was changed over. They threw the paper cards out! Summer in the library iwas lovely. The one I studied in was from the 19th century with huge windows that let in the sun. The buildings then took advantage of natural light. There were thick glass floors in the library's stacks, something not seen in California's earthquake zone.
I went to school in my thirties, though it was not to study med! You get my credit, and tell the pinheads who think negatively about age to broaden their look on life. Really.
We're in Fall, which means what we call Indian Summer. My favorite time of year. But Winter is coming, the rainy season. I dread this, but we'll be lucky to get copious rain. A drought is upon us.
Aussie's aren't bad, unless you are not ready to marry or are gay and gay marriage isn't legal. One of my good friends is from nz (a man). And remember sigismund?
Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 20:05:13
In reply to Re: perfect weather » alexandra_k, posted by Beckett on September 13, 2014, at 15:49:46
I remember the old card catalogs, too. I think computers are really very good for some things...
Your library sounds lovely. the libraries here are nice, but not that nice. i don't know whether i'll get to study med or not... that has a lot to do with my... agitation... i guess. hard to really want something that a lot of people want. and not many people get to do it.
aussies aren't bad at all. i miss australia quite a lot. i'm just... a solitary individual, really. i can't imagine ever getting married or ever being in a relationship with anybody, even. i just... can't imagine it.
thanks for your post. it meant a lot.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 20:11:18
In reply to Re: perfect weather » Beckett, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 20:05:13
something that came up briefly in my last meeting with my keyworker... the idea of narrative and meaning. well, she was telling me about having gone to a clairvoyant... and i was saying that i didn't believe in any of that really... but that she was picking up on subtle cues... heart rate and sweat and eye movements etc... that it was a constructive process. because there was something about a person whose name begins with c or k or possibly maybe th...
and i said that it isn't a lot different to psychiatry, really. a lot of it...
and she said 'oh, you believe in that (the search for meaning) do you?' and i was like 'of course'.
then we got to talking about the shooting down in ashburton. and she initially seemed surprised that i empathized with the shooter. and admitted that people from the mission had set up a webpage for him... about how homeless people need more help and about how it isn't good enough with all these state houses sitting empty while people are being evicted from parks...
i guess it is just a bit unusual that aspergers girl can empathise... and can empathise (kinda sorta) with the clairvoyance thing - even though she doesn't believe...
anyhoo... it got me thinking...
that is a lot of what i do here. try and narrate... to come to a view of my life that is... something i can live with.
having a hard time presently because it needs work. that's got a lot to do with why i ramble on... searching... for a way to view...
eventually... need the 2 minute version. so much work to get to there...
Posted by Phillipa on September 14, 2014, at 9:43:09
In reply to Re: perfect weather » alexandra_k, posted by Beckett on September 13, 2014, at 15:49:46
What happened to Sigismand? Do you still correspond? Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on September 14, 2014, at 18:51:01
In reply to Re: narrative and meaning, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 20:11:18
classes this morning...
i wasn't looking forward to them, truth be told. haven't had enough time away... but... it was nice to be back. interesting stuff. yeah. i do like the courses i'm doing... i got my physics test back and i did get a bunch of 1 mark for this and 1 mark for that. and i made stupid errors and even i know better than that... so there is hope for me doing better in the exam with practice and a... calmer approach.
and law was interesting, too. i think she is learning how to push my buttons (doesn't take much to get me started, as you know). i guess just generally she has a much better idea of where things are at with the class... maybe the topics are more interesting to me... maybe that is it...
anyway...
need to get better at remembering relevant factoids etc. she is going to try and get the 3 strongest answers up for all of us by the end of this week... really looking forward to that... seeing what she liked... going on in the same way...
gym.
animal bio.
i ordered an organic chemisty model kit with biochemistry upgrade and lone electron pair paddles upgrade.
i've been going through the cell and devo coursebook for next year... doing the campbell bio readings for the relevant sections... the structure of the cell... dna... mrna... following through how proteins are made. really interesting... i know next to nothing. really interesting.
anyway... time to focus back on this year...
another batch of grading this wednesday...
then i need to 'pretty pretty please can i take 3 weeks' with the last batch - in which case i have a few days to do them after my final exam. otherwise... i have a batch of grading to be doing throughout the physics test / exam period... which is... far from ideal. but there is a reason they pay me... the idea was in fact to think of this job as a fourth class... so... i'll cope either way.
that's the spirit. the new spirit. take time to slow down a bit now... getting used to the idea of... keeping on trucking... so used to stop and start and stop and start of before... i wanted to learn to be more... constant. this is it...
life is pretty good, yeah :)
Posted by Beckett on September 19, 2014, at 13:23:46
In reply to Re: perfect weather » Beckett, posted by Phillipa on September 14, 2014, at 9:43:09
> What happened to Sigismand? Do you still correspond? Phillipa
I'm not sure where he is,
Posted by Beckett on September 19, 2014, at 13:31:48
In reply to Re: perfect weather » Beckett, posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2014, at 20:05:13
>I guess. hard to really want something that a lot of people want. and not many people get to do.
I knew premed and med students, including a friend who became a pdoc, and she was smart and kind and quite ordinary. There's room for you to do what you want to do. I bet you'll make a compassionate, free thinking doctor. At least these are my thoughts.
Posted by Phillipa on September 19, 2014, at 20:21:37
In reply to Re: perfect weather » Phillipa, posted by Beckett on September 19, 2014, at 13:23:46
Knowing him he could be at home in Australia or in Viet Nam that he loves. Figured you might still be corresponding with him. P
Posted by alexandra_k on September 27, 2014, at 0:37:57
In reply to Re: perfect weather » alexandra_k, posted by Beckett on September 19, 2014, at 13:31:48
Thank you Beckett, that is very kind of you.
This is the end of the thread.
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