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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
So I finally moved today. My 26-year-old daughter was home, for reasons not related to the move, and helped me unpack, organize stuff, arrange furniture. After the movers left, we spent the day getting odds and ends, fixing things up. We talked for a long time, She cried a lot and I cried a lot. But she felt that this was a good thing for me to do. My husband, her father, whom she loves, was never good to me and she was aware of this all her life. She is glad I am leaving. Everyone I know is glad that I am leaving.
But I get upset thinking about things like -- who will take me out on my birthday next week? Where will I spend holidays? We spent more time with his friends than mine, so I assume I will no longer be invited to BBQs and parties. How will I replace this?
I had been pretty okay about this for the last several weeks, but over the last few days, I found myself having such bad anxiety attacks that I got chest pains and couldn't control my breathing. I took low doses of xanax (0.25mg) to calm me.
I am glad I've left. But to leave 36 years together and realize that most of those years were sustainable only because I was a doormat -- so unable to formulate or express a need that I put up with whatever crap he dealt out. My daughter is glad I've left. My friends are glad I've left.
Right now, I feel so sad and alone.
But I'll get through it.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 4, 2014, at 4:37:39
In reply to Moved, posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
hugs for you, if you want them.
i'm glad your daughter was there for you. i'm sorry you are feeling... tender right now. glad to hear that you are hanging in there. holding on to how things are going to get better... how you are going to build a better life with more caring and supportive people. but i hear you on how things like holidays etc can seem overwhelming... overwhelmingly empty. they are like that for me, mostly. unless i get roped into stuff i'd rather not. 'tis a hard one. for a lot of people...
anyway... thanks for the update. glad you are still here.
Posted by gadchik on June 4, 2014, at 6:15:32
In reply to Moved, posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
im thinking of u, baseball. eventually, u will adjust to a new "normal", and life will work itself out, somehow.
Posted by SLS on June 4, 2014, at 8:02:29
In reply to Moved, posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
You might be scared.
You might feel sad.
You might miss your husband.
You might grieve.
These types of things are normal to experience. They do not mean that you have made the wrong decision.
You will survive. Not only that, but based upon what I see in your writings, you will thrive.
Give yourself time.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2014, at 8:21:11
In reply to Re: Moved » baseball55, posted by SLS on June 4, 2014, at 8:02:29
You are brave. When I did it I had just graduated from RN school, had a new career to look forward to. And it was before I had anxiety issues. And kids still home. I forget do you work? If you you will find yourself busy if don't could you? I feel you will do fine. Phillipa
Posted by gadchik on June 4, 2014, at 13:21:00
In reply to Moved, posted by baseball55 on June 3, 2014, at 21:40:59
"It is so hard to leaveuntil you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. Paper Towns
Posted by baseball55 on June 5, 2014, at 20:27:34
In reply to Re: Moved, posted by Phillipa on June 4, 2014, at 8:21:11
> You are brave. When I did it I had just graduated from RN school, had a new career to look forward to. And it was before I had anxiety issues. And kids still home. I forget do you work? If you you will find yourself busy if don't could you? I feel you will do fine. Phillipa
I work, but I'm a college teacher and my job leaves me with a lot of unstructured time. I don't have to go into a workplace 40 hours a week. During the summer, I have almost no structure at all. I'm supposed to be working on research, but it's solitary, independent work and I'm having a hard time organizing myself to do it.
Posted by Willful on June 8, 2014, at 11:57:16
In reply to Re: Moved, posted by baseball55 on June 5, 2014, at 20:27:34
Maybe you could take a few courses in a new area, or to develop some new skills-- or maybe try something completely different just for fun. Sounds like you might enjoy something more structured like a class if you aren't in a place to do the solitary work of writing and research-- or if there's some skill you've wanted to work on--
You've shown such strength of character and I can't help but believe that you'll be fine -- even if it's an up and down process from day to day. Mostly, give yourself the right to grieve in whatever way you need to, and as long as you need to-- and also the right to embrace what's good in the new--
This is the end of the thread.
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