![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 9:37:37
No move. No apartment. An appointment for my spouse to restart therapy on Monday.
I didn't start this process to inflict pain, but to initiate progress. He had no idea to what extent my misery had fallen. Talking about divorce and presenting papers are worlds apart. I do believe in the commitment of marriage and the seriousness of the Thick and Thin. We got to go ice fishing without a hut or hot chocolate.And so another chapter begins. I slept for an entire day, out of stress.
Thanks to all my friends for your encouragement and support. It means so much to me.
PC
Posted by gadchik on January 26, 2014, at 10:41:46
In reply to Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 9:37:37
Ebb & flow...that's what a long term commitment is all about. I've been married 22 yrs, some gr8, some bad. Glad to hear that u ice fished & didn't fall thru. : )
Posted by Phillipa on January 26, 2014, at 11:41:48
In reply to Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 9:37:37
So trying again. If I had to do it over and my first husband had stopped drinking when we were together we still would be. He stopped after the divorce. So our loss. Try again. And I sincerely hope things get better. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on January 26, 2014, at 12:13:05
In reply to Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 9:37:37
Hi PC,
I hope the ice stays thick until a proper warm up lets it melt slowly so you don't fall in the water.
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 16:35:13
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by Poet on January 26, 2014, at 12:13:05
nothing like a convincing ultimatum. to be sure. you have decided to stay?
Posted by Phil on January 26, 2014, at 17:18:46
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change » Partlycloudy, posted by Phillipa on January 26, 2014, at 11:41:48
Stopping drinking is only a start. the work lies ahead. still it probably worked.
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 17:36:52
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 16:35:13
> nothing like a convincing ultimatum. to be sure. you have decided to stay?
Yeah. We'll see how therapy goes. We didn't get here just with one person's behaviour. It took both of us. But I am not out to ruin our futures because I am so unhappy.
They don't call marriage a commitment for nothing. So we will have to see what an effort on both our parts does.
PC
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 18:17:27
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 17:36:52
you see leaving as something that would 'ruin our futures'. hmm. i guess it is good that you decided to stay, then.
at least now you know you have the strength to leave... you can see staying as something you choose to do, rather than being something that you are forced into.
i hope that things go better for you.
Posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 19:43:48
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 18:17:27
I didn't view seeing myself as single and on my own at my age (51) as a great place to be starting again.
It would have made retirement entirely out of his realm of possibility, not something I would have wanted, but the state we live in would have split our assets equally. I wasn't trying to take away HIS future security.
A lot of the time, that is the motivation behind divorce.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 20:10:11
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by Partlycloudy on January 26, 2014, at 19:43:48
oh. i thought it was about persons... personal connection. connection... separateness... whether you are happier with him about the place or whether you would be happier not having him around. having your own place.
but yeah, i guess i have a fairly idealistic view. one that isn't very realistic (which is probably why relationships don't work for me ha!).
and i guess you can still do stuff... go out when you want. send him out if you want to have friends over whom he doesn't like.
Posted by HomelyCygnet on January 27, 2014, at 8:33:08
In reply to Re: Nothing like change to initiate change, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2014, at 20:10:11
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.