![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 13:25:14
I do. Feel sad. After going through med trials, doctors, holding steady for what seems like an eternity. I found an AD that seems to be working. I found it (here, of course), researched it, presented it, and despite everyone's (in my own life) reluctance (either it won't work or you'll make yourself sick), it is o.k.
Then there is life itself. Ongoing, yes.
I think this is like the dip in mood I feel after a big event. Like how I feel when long awaited house guests have visited and finally left. Sad. Quiet.
Clouds across the mountain, but the mountain abides.
Time to wash our dog. Rescale laundry mountain. Set sail for the kitchen sink.
Posted by sigismund on May 11, 2011, at 13:48:28
In reply to feeling sad in the midst of a success...., posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 13:25:14
It's a long time since I've done any dish washing. I avoid free form activities like that. I do stack the dishwasher. No one else has a clue how to do it. I like to line everything up so it is neat and parallel and efficient. Other people just throw things in, even things that shouldn't be there, like plastic lids just thrown in. When it comes to washing the dishes by hand my heart sinks and for the life of me I can not complete the activity, and if I can't complete it, it seems better not to start. The way out of this would be to use either paper plates or have 2 dishwashers. From one you get the crockery and you return it to the other one.
Washing clothes is stacks easier. Just remember to empty those pockets. It is so upsetting to find shredded tissues over your clothes. Empty the pockets, check for colour fastness, place in washing machine, add detergent, set and leave.
I get heavy hearted thinking about washing the dog too. Though he dislikes it as much as I do, which tends to relax me.
But nothing beats vacuuming and mowing. There you know *exactly* what to do.
You know there are people who dust? I look at all the surfaces (on the rare occasions I think of this) and wonder where you would start and why.
Sleep is OK? Better than mine, I hope.
Posted by SLS on May 11, 2011, at 14:43:28
In reply to feeling sad in the midst of a success...., posted by floatingbridge on May 11, 2011, at 13:25:14
> I do. Feel sad. After going through med trials, doctors, holding steady for what seems like an eternity. I found an AD that seems to be working. I found it (here, of course), researched it, presented it, and despite everyone's (in my own life) reluctance (either it won't work or you'll make yourself sick), it is o.k.
>
> Then there is life itself. Ongoing, yes.
>
> I think this is like the dip in mood I feel after a big event. Like how I feel when long awaited house guests have visited and finally left. Sad. Quiet.
>
> Clouds across the mountain, but the mountain abides.
>
> Time to wash our dog. Rescale laundry mountain. Set sail for the kitchen sink.
Perhaps you are undergoing a saddening discovery process. With less depression, you are discovering with a clearer mind what you may have missed. Are you lamenting what is or what was?Depression suppresses and warps thoughts and perceptions. Not so much anymore. Things seem more real and perhaps more important.
The bottom line is that I probably don't know what I am talking about.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on May 12, 2011, at 11:35:34
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » floatingbridge, posted by SLS on May 11, 2011, at 14:43:28
Last line funny!!! Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 17:12:49
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on May 11, 2011, at 13:48:28
> It's a long time since I've done any dish washing. I avoid free form activities like that. I do stack the dishwasher. No one else has a clue how to do it. I like to line everything up so it is neat and parallel and efficient. Other people just throw things in, even things that shouldn't be there, like plastic lids just thrown in. When it comes to washing the dishes by hand my heart sinks and for the life of
me I can not complete the activity, and if I can't complete it, it seems better not to start.You don't suspect add, do you? Or this could be the hallmark of mammoth perfectionism. For whatever reason, I dislike open-ended or free form chores. From my perspective, why start with the dishes when the gout is dirty? But isn't there some food rings on the stove burner, and by the way, look at the floor, which should be replaced, and by then I am fleeing the kitchen. A dishwasher would really help. I'm an ace dishwasher lodaer. We could haveva friendly competition and air it on a Japanese game show.
The way out of this would be to use either paper plates or have 2 dishwashers. From one you get the crockery and you return it to the other one.
>
> Washing clothes is stacks easier. Just remember to empty those pockets. It is so upsetting to find shredded tissues over your clothes. Empty the pockets, check for colour fastness, place in
washing machine, add detergent, set and leave.
>
> I get heavy hearted thinking about washing the dog too. Though he dislikes it as much as I do, which tends to relax me.
>
> But nothing beats vacuuming and
mowing. There you know *exactly* what to do.My husband and son adore those tasks.
>
> You know there are people who dust?
I look at all the surfaces (on the rare occasions I think of this) and wonder where you would start and why.Yes, I'm one of them. Just not often enough. Besides. There is just too much clutter. I live with pack rats. I should wear a pedometer about the house, ferrying all these rather pointless objects from room to room.
>
> Sleep is OK? Better than mine, I hope.A little less o.k. but still happening. What about yours?
Sleep has been a
Posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 17:14:10
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success...., posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 17:12:49
sigi, I meant sleep is happening. What about yours?
Posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 17:23:28
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » floatingbridge, posted by SLS on May 11, 2011, at 14:43:28
> Perhaps you are undergoing a saddening discovery process. With less depression, you are discovering with a clearer mind what you may have missed. Are you lamenting what is or what was?Oh yes, absolutely.
>
> Depression suppresses and warps
thoughts and perceptions. Not so much anymore. Things seem more real and perhaps more importantYes. That's a daunting idea in itself. Being (I kinda' hate to say it, but I'll whisper it) kinda' laid up, there is lots of deferred maintenance.
>> The bottom line is that I probably don't know what I am talking about.
Well, I'm not sure what I am talking about either, so that's two of us! : P
fb
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 19:02:08
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success...., posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 17:12:49
My psych and I spend all this time mocking the DSM. I'm not shameless enough to suggest I have ADHD, even though I'd love the treatment, at least for the first two hours.
I seem to have stabilised on 6.25mg diazepam . I went to bed at 7pm last night and (with some herbs) slept until 3am and then got up and did my exercises.
At 4.30 I went out to see the planetary conjunction in the east north east.....I think Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter.
I managed to see the four for a little while.
Maybe it will tip the earth off its axis or cause earthquakes and tsunamis?
Posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 19:37:52
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success...., posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 19:02:08
That's some conjunction. What a stellar time to be born, let's see, we are in Taurus? I am so rusty, not that I ever did believe in that stuff.
I wonder in what sector of the zodiac they are conjoined.
We read the slaying of the Gorgon by Persus a day ago. A few innocent
bystanders (is that collateral damage?) were turned to stone. Zeus lifted them into the heavens as constellations. My son is still wondering if this was fair compensation.I wonder if he'll go into law somedays. Maybe environmental law. (Believe me. He's cutting his teeth on family law. Ouch!) He already has such outrage, even the little he knows about *the world*.
I'm not up on my benzo conversions, but that isn't very much, is it? Glad you've weathered the decrease. May I ask what herbs you find helpful?
I might retry melatonin, zinc, & magnesium.
Posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 20:15:56
In reply to my stars! » sigismund, posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 19:37:52
>May I ask what herbs you find helpful?
Chinese combinations with Chinese names. An important herb in them is zizyphus. When the room vibrates and the lights flash and I need some Valium soon, I can take the herbs along with some theanine and postpone the Valium for a bit.
I was very struck by what you said about feeling like there is a forcefield around the house preventing you from getting out in the yard (or whatever that was). I've felt like that a lot. I could of course say that to my psych...there are rays and beams that are preventing me from doing what I need to do and just a little Dexedrine would etc etc.
5mg Valium is a unit dose....maybe not dissimilar to .25 Xanax or a little more, but of course it lasts much longer. I couldn't reduce on Xanax. It's too uneven.
The good thing about reducing is that it helps me grasp that there are things I can alter other than my perceptions. The difficult thing is that I become so unsociable, but maybe that is something which I will have to accept?
Posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 22:10:50
In reply to Re: my stars! » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 20:15:56
Zizyphus is in what I'm given, but with all that had been going on, I haven't taken them for ages. I could start again, I suppose. It isn't like the formulas change for me. They've remained the same for eons. (Just like my issues.) I don't know if they *work*, but my body says yes to them.
Why on earth won't your doc give you a
little scrip for dex? It's pro-social for you? You could use it sparingly. I gave mine back--but I was tired of it anyways. Too bad there wasn't a donation program.I'm not sure what unsocial means or looks like for you. Does your life have room to allow for unsociablility? And if it isn't painful...? That's the thing--undesired unsocial activity.
Of course, if you say there really are beams, your doctor might suggest something else.
Today my husband announced that he does not want a staycation. He wants to go to Hawaii at the end of the month. I finally started crying--one of the benefits of not being on an snri--because it's a perfectly beautiful idea--my husband and son's face shining--but I don't have the stamina. It's so unfair, sigi. I've tamed many dragons. Now I have trouble just sitting up. I feel useless. I want to travel, you know. There are places I'd finally like to see now that I'm not scared to death.
I'll go. My husband will rent a little place where I can walk to the water. Walk back to bed. Good lord.
Posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 22:59:35
In reply to Re: my stars! » sigismund, posted by floatingbridge on May 12, 2011, at 22:10:50
>Why on earth won't your doc give you a
little scrip for dex? It's pro-social for you? You could use it sparingly.Here you need a diagnosis for ADHD to get it. It's a cultural difference with thee US. Doctors tend to be, of course, sceptical of the diagnosis but some are willing to bodgie one up if they think it will really help. My psych though is (justifiably) uncomfortable with polypharmacy. We just say to each other that we live under a Methodist dispensation, that humanity is f*ck*d, and that it is all a very sorry business. He has already written agomelatine, Valium and gabapentin. So I don't like to ask.
The unlamented Labor Government that was recently booted out was contemplating making illegal a new batch of plants (Leopard trees, wattles, angels trumpet). My son commented that the expenses involved in dreaming this up would have come from a fund designed to help combat drug abuse.
I while away the hours reading "Bloodlands". It would make your hair curl. It is oddly relaxing, I don't know why. After that, I think, all we are here to do is to make each others' lives a little better.
Tonight I will go and hear a Buddhist lecture on Buddha Nature and (no doubt) the origin of suffering. Half a Valium and a stiff drink to get me there.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 7:02:03
In reply to Re: my stars! » floatingbridge, posted by sigismund on May 12, 2011, at 22:59:35
>My psych though is (justifiably) uncomfortable with polypharmacy. We just say to each other that we live under a Methodist dispensation, that humanity is f*ck*d, and that it is all a very sorry business. He has already written agomelatine, Valium and gabapentin. So I don't like to ask.
>
I hear you. Sorry. The agomelatine is helpful? Like an AD? Maybe just as well, somehow.... I don't drink, but it works perfectly well for some> The unlamented Labor Government that was recently booted out was contemplating making illegal a new batch of plants (Leopard trees, wattles, angels
trumpet). My son commented that the expenses involved in dreaming this up would have come from a fund designed to help combat drug abuse.
>
He sounds like good company. Is that what can happen when kids grow up. Oh, our gov has done crazy things like that. What I despise are businesses buying the rights to plants then controlling the cultivation. But that isn't my government, that's international business. They have their storefronts here.> I while away the hours reading "Bloodlands". It would make your hair curl. It is oddly relaxing, I don't know
why. After that, I think, all we are here to do is to make each others' lives a little better.
>
:-) yes, it would. But I did click on the link. I did enjoy the abstract. Gasland, too. Can you set your water on fire? I didn't read up on bin Laden yet.> Tonight I will go and hear a Buddhist lecture on Buddha Nature and (no doubt) the origin of suffering. Half a Valium and a stiff drink to get me there.
I suffer, therefore I am? You do get out and do interesting things. I like that. I did when I was a townie. And younger. Your country sounds very nice, all complaints and imperfections given.
I am awake for some reason at 4:00 am.
Posted by sigismund on May 13, 2011, at 13:01:32
In reply to Re: my stars!, posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 7:02:03
Agomelatine is an AD. It was very helpful to begin with but less so now. I don't know that it feels like selegeline but not a thousand miles from it either. I have used selegeline citrate drops. At one stage I quite liked it. I combined it with rhodiola and all sleep was gone but I felt pretty good. Now it is 10 to 4am and I am up, drinking that Chinese tea that you make from the black pills. This way I will be able to put off the Valium until we go to the demonstration against fracking for coal seam gas. We know nothing about it, but my son wanted to go and I thought that sounded like a nice thing to do with him, and after we can go to see the art gallery. There might be some idea he can use there in his animation. He's trying to get work in the industry. With methadone I eventually thought I'd rather sleep under a bridge than put up with the whole damn treatment, and maybe I will decide that with Valium....that I will not devote my life to this <uncivil descriptor deleted> drug.
Posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 13:59:29
In reply to Re: my stars!, posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 7:02:03
Oh dear. I don't know anything about methadone. Do you mean like a very attenuated withdrawal? I guess I don't understand the situation with Valium. Well crumbs.
Oh, you've got the coal thing happening in your country? Yes, it's one way to move mountains. Gosh, what is it called? Here they just dynamite the top off. Here
meaning another state like West Virginia.I do believe in at least trying to strike a balance somehow between the modern
comfort that I adore: heat, indoor plumbing, clean, potable water, and the
longevity of a variety of species besides our own.My husband cheers me this way. He's convinced that there are a greater number of very smart, inventive, innovative thinkers determined to
improve our situation and avert disaster. I actually believe him. I count my son
amongst the ranks of the up and coming those who care committee and action team.A doctor once said to me, if one is alive
and breathing and the heart is working, there is so much more right than wrong.Maybe?
Posted by sigismund on May 13, 2011, at 16:01:26
In reply to Re: my stars! » floatingbridge, posted by floatingbridge on May 13, 2011, at 13:59:29
>Oh, you've got the coal thing happening in your country?
It hit the papers when the previous government gave mining rights in prime agricultural areas and under streams in the Sydney water catchment area.
Australia is pretty dry and we need to look after our groundwater and our catchment areas.
An Australian scientist, David Mills, is currently building a solar power plant in California. He tried to get funding for it here but eventually moved when he just couldn't get it. I mean, I think this is the right David Mills.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=energy-mills-ausra
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Mills_(solar_researcher)
Posted by zonked on May 29, 2011, at 23:50:49
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » floatingbridge, posted by SLS on May 11, 2011, at 14:43:28
>
> Perhaps you are undergoing a saddening discovery process. With less depression, you are discovering with a clearer mind what you may have missed. Are you lamenting what is or what was?During lasting remissions, it hasn't been unusual for me to become angsty over years I've lost to this disorder, whatever you want to call it (major depression/bipolar II)...
That's where psychotherapy could have helped me in the past - even when the machinery upstairs starts working again I'm still stuck with a lot of angst, anger, regret, and fears; and a lot of maladaptive thought/behavior patterns that have stuck around from my depressions even when I've felt better.
*Nobody* who knew me before my first depressive episode anticipated that I'd ever end up disabled, or with mental illness...
That reminds me--this time, when I pull out of this, I won't hesitate to seek out a decent psychotherapist to help me work through these issues. (Therapy is pretty useless as low as I've been lately.) I haven't felt like I could achieve anything I set out to do since my first year of college--even in remissions! But there was a time when no one could stand in my way if I wanted something - academic, personal, vocational....
Scott, how the hell are ya lately anyway? Hopefully you've been better than me since last I was active on babble...
-z
Posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 6:24:11
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » SLS, posted by zonked on May 29, 2011, at 23:50:49
> >
> > Perhaps you are undergoing a saddening discovery process. With less depression, you are discovering with a clearer mind what you may have missed. Are you lamenting what is or what was?
>
> During lasting remissions, it hasn't been unusual for me to become angsty over years I've lost to this disorder, whatever you want to call it (major depression/bipolar II)...
>
> That's where psychotherapy could have helped me in the past - even when the machinery upstairs starts working again I'm still stuck with a lot of angst, anger, regret, and fears; and a lot of maladaptive thought/behavior patterns that have stuck around from my depressions even when I've felt better.
>
> *Nobody* who knew me before my first depressive episode anticipated that I'd ever end up disabled, or with mental illness...
>
> That reminds me--this time, when I pull out of this, I won't hesitate to seek out a decent psychotherapist to help me work through these issues. (Therapy is pretty useless as low as I've been lately.) I haven't felt like I could achieve anything I set out to do since my first year of college--even in remissions! But there was a time when no one could stand in my way if I wanted something - academic, personal, vocational....
I agree with everything you say here. You really understand the phenomena of depression and recovery. I used a combination of IPT and "life coaching" when I was improved enough to have benefited from it. This was a few years ago.> Scott, how the hell are ya lately anyway? Hopefully you've been better than me since last I was active on babble...
It is good to see your name appear once again. That's pretty selfish of me, though. You are probably here because you are not feeling the way you would like to feel - human.
As UNBELIEVABLE as it may sound, I am responding to treatment in a way that leads me to believe that I am heading toward remission. It is happening at a very gradual rate, though. I think it will be another 12-18 months for my brain to heal and reregulate itself. When I added Nardil last August, it took a full four months to see persistent results. Since November, my rate of improvement has been more or less steady. Once I added low-dosage lithium (300 mg), my mood shifts have been almost unnoticeable. I would estimate that I am 35% improved. It is becoming increasingly difficult to put a number on my degree of improvement. The better I feel, the more I come to realize just how sick I have been and that the distance to be covered is longer than I had guessed.
Currently:
Nardil 90 mg
nortriptyline 150 mg
Lamictal 200 mg
Abilify 10 mg
lithium 300 mgZonked, I hope you continue to feel better. I am sure that you will make good decisions along the way.
- Scott
Posted by floatingbridge on May 30, 2011, at 11:08:04
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » zonked, posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 6:24:11
What's an IPT?
Go Scott :)
(& Zonked!)
Posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 12:17:20
In reply to Re: feeling success in the midst of sadness » SLS, posted by floatingbridge on May 30, 2011, at 11:08:04
> What's an IPT?
>
> Go Scott :)
>
> (& Zonked!)IPT stands for interpersonal therapy. It is a type of talk psychotherapy.
- Scott
Posted by zonked on May 30, 2011, at 13:03:15
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » zonked, posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 6:24:11
Scott,
I am really pleased to hear you've been improving (and for quite some time now!) however gradual. Actually gradual in some ways might be better than an abrupt, drastic change especially if you are still DXed as bipolar.
That's excellent news.
Are you taking the Gavis generic Nardil, or the Pfizer/Greenstone brand? (And have you noticed any differences, if you've switched?) There seems to be no consensus on any of the psych boards.
-z
Posted by sigismund on June 5, 2011, at 0:37:13
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » zonked, posted by SLS on May 30, 2011, at 6:24:11
> I would estimate that I am 35% improved.
Well, that is way better than 15%, hey?
Posted by SLS on June 5, 2011, at 6:49:45
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » SLS, posted by sigismund on June 5, 2011, at 0:37:13
> > I would estimate that I am 35% improved.
>
> Well, that is way better than 15%, hey?Yes!
I'm flattered that you should remember my numbers. The doctors at the NIMH, including Robert Post, MD, recognize that a case like mine where there is both severity and chronicity takes a long time to reach remission. I am grateful to the powers that be that this healing is happening to me.
Thanks.
Have a good day.
- Scott
Posted by floatingbridge on June 5, 2011, at 8:22:27
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » sigismund, posted by SLS on June 5, 2011, at 6:49:45
> > > I would estimate that I am 35% improved.
> >
> > Well, that is way better than 15%, hey?
>
> Yes!
>
> I'm flattered that you should remember my numbers. The doctors at the NIMH, including Robert Post, MD, recognize that a case like mine where there is both severity and chronicity takes a long time to reach remission. I am grateful to the powers that be that this healing is happening to me.
>
> Thanks.
>
> Have a good day.
>
>
> - ScottBoth of you have a good one.
Aloha!
Posted by sigismund on June 5, 2011, at 13:36:59
In reply to Re: feeling sad in the midst of a success.... » sigismund, posted by SLS on June 5, 2011, at 6:49:45
Lots of good things can come from sustained interest and attention.
This is the end of the thread.
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