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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 17:13:57
What is your symptom that you hate the most? If they gave you a magic pill that would get rid of one symptom, what would you choose?
I think I would choose the complete lack of pleasure. I was going to say the complete lack of motivation, but I think if I took pleasure in some things, I would at least do some things (although I'm not sure I would be motivated to do non-pleasurable things like dishes and the like). To have a reason to get up in the morning would be to die for. Unfortunately for me, this is usually the last thing that comes back.
Posted by janejane on January 14, 2010, at 19:46:25
In reply to Your worst symptom, posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 17:13:57
The despair. I can live with lack of pleasure and motivation. I wouldn't be happy, but I'd be able to get by. (Heck, I did get by like that for many years while on prozac. I was too tired to care that my life was passing me by.) But the despair, that's just unbearable. The feeling that death would be a relief because it hurts so much. When just getting through the day is a huge feat, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.
Posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 22:06:13
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom, posted by janejane on January 14, 2010, at 19:46:25
I'm so sorry that you feel that way. I felt that way before Parnate and it was unbearable. I just wish you could find something that would make that part of it go away. I feel bad because I sit here complaining about being depressed and at least I don't have that part to deal with daily anymore. Did you say you're not on meds? They just didn't help with that?
Posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 9:33:06
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » janejane, posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 22:06:13
Oh, meds helped with that (took them for 10+ years), but they had unbearable side effects so I decided to try some other stuff.
I played with aminos for a while but never really got consistent results (e.g., the depression would go away, but anxiety would develop). They seem to work for some people, but I could never find the right balance.
Lately, I've been trying some herbs as a last ditch effort before going back to meds. I started one called rhodiola rosea a few weeks ago, and it actually seems pretty promising. I noticed a big (though not complete) improvement for a while, then unexpectedly backslid quite a bit (it happened to be during that certain time of the month when I usually feel my worst so I guess it's not that surprising). I increased the dose and felt better again, though still not 100%. Now I'm trying a blend of different herbs that includes rhodiola as a main ingredient to see if there is any additional benefit. It's too early to tell how it'll work out since it's only been a couple days. I'm not ruling out augmenting with a small dose of prozac (something that's worked for me in the past and hopefully would again, though it's pooped out before).
When you asked about "worst symptoms," the despair readily came to mind since I've experienced it pretty recently. But to be honest, the last few days have actually been not too bad, and overall I've been feeling better since starting the rhodiola (more good days than bad). Hopefully I'm on an upswing.
Posted by inanimate peanut on January 15, 2010, at 10:53:54
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » inanimate peanut, posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 9:33:06
I'm glad that you found something that may be helping! I saw your post about adding tumeric to your combo, so hopefully that may help as well. I should count myself lucky that I have only side effects that I'm willing to live with (hypotension, acne, insomnia, weight gain), although I still wish they would go away. You're probably taking the smarter way as I'm sure over time so many meds take a toll on my body and I'm only 29! I hope that you find something that takes you beyond eliminating despair and actually makes you feel well and brings you good health-- that is what you truly deserve! I had that for 45 days last year and I refuse to give up on having it again, hence my obsession with anything that may help. Update me occasionally on how it's going-- I'm sure I'll update everyone within yelling or typing distance if anything works for me. Good luck with finding your combo!
Posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2010, at 10:55:56
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » inanimate peanut, posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 9:33:06
Worse symptom is being afraid of everything and never ever being alone. Or being happy to get up and go somewhere. Actually being content to be at home. Phillipa
Posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 12:28:45
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » janejane, posted by inanimate peanut on January 15, 2010, at 10:53:54
It was a really hard decision to make a change away from the med cocktail I had been on for so long (prozac/wellbutrin), but the side effects got worse over time so I knew I had to do something. (In hindsight, I think some of the increased side effects might have had to do with the particular generics I was taking. It's just a theory, though. I also think I should have tried just decreasing the prozac before doing anything else, but that never occurred to me, or to my p-doc at the time.) With the lethargy and apathy, it literally took a couple years before I mustered up the gumption to make the big decision to make some changes. A big fear was worry that the combo would no longer be effective if I stopped then wanted go back to it. Poop-out had happened to me before, and I know it's happened to you too.
At first I was just going to try other meds (did have a short cymbalta trial, but it made it very difficult to pee), but then when I started doing some research, I realized I wanted to try other stuff first. So then came the failed amino experiments, a few other supplements here and there, and now the rhodiola. (Last month there was a brief zoloft trial, which was pretty awful. It just gave me major anxiety, on top of the depression.)
I'll definitely keep you updated. I guess the main reason I haven't posted about what I've been doing was because I was sort of afraid of jinxing myself. Totally irrational, I know. Plus, writing about it is not that easy for me. I'm not sure why since I don't have much trouble writing about other stuff.
Posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 12:44:23
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom, posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2010, at 10:55:56
> Worse symptom is being afraid of everything and never ever being alone.
I've had some pretty bad anxiety as a side effect (zoloft and 5-HTP did this), and I have to say, it can be just as debilitating as depression. I wasn't afraid of everything, the way you describe, though. It was more like the feeling you get when you're terrified of something, except there was nothing in particular I was scared of, and the intense feeling of fear just wouldn't go away. It was awful. Sleep was pretty much impossible.
I used to have much more of a problem with loneliness from my childhood into my early 20s (before meds). I'm glad it hasn't been an issue since the depression has come back this time around. I think part of it must be because I'm married now, though I know you're married too, so that can't explain everything. It's interesting that the current depression is different from what it used to be. Maybe years of meds has something to do with that, for better or worse. Life situation too, I guess.
Posted by inanimate peanut on January 15, 2010, at 13:44:20
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » Phillipa, posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 12:44:23
Loneliness is one of the worst parts of my depression, which is sad because my depression improves when I am around people that I can trust and can talk to about it (support groups, friends, etc.). I'm open to meeting people online-- I've actually met some great guys online in the past-- but now is not the time to meet new people unless they also have depression (or would just uniquely understand what I'm going through, and how do you screen for that?). I have nothing interesting to talk about and am not my normal engaging self :-). So the irony is that the loneliness makes the depression worse which in turn leads to circumstances that increase the loneliness.
Posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 14:10:56
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom, posted by inanimate peanut on January 15, 2010, at 13:44:20
> Loneliness is one of the worst parts of my depression, which is sad because my depression improves when I am around people that I can trust and can talk to about it (support groups, friends, etc.). I'm open to meeting people online-- I've actually met some great guys online in the past-- but now is not the time to meet new people unless they also have depression (or would just uniquely understand what I'm going through, and how do you screen for that?). I have nothing interesting to talk about and am not my normal engaging self :-). So the irony is that the loneliness makes the depression worse which in turn leads to circumstances that increase the loneliness.
I can totally relate. I used to be in the same place at one time, painfully alone. You already know I did the personal ad thing to help, though I guess I probably wasn't in the deepest depression during most of that time (I was definitely dysthymic, though). Just having plans to meet up with someone for coffee perked up my mood, if only temporarily. I don't think the same thing would do much now, though. Weird, isn't it? I seem to be less reactive to positive events than I used to be. I wonder if the many years of prozac did that.
Are there support groups in your area? At least you always have us. ;-)
Posted by inanimate peanut on January 15, 2010, at 14:49:03
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » inanimate peanut, posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 14:10:56
Yeah, I think if my depression got a little bit better and I could return to work, I think I might also try dating. I'm just a little too far down right now. There are support groups in my area, and they have been a Godsend! I've gone out to coffee with a couple members, too, and that has been wonderful. I am indeed very glad I have babble too, especially for the days there are no support groups and no other human contact!
Posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2010, at 19:51:56
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » inanimate peanut, posted by janejane on January 15, 2010, at 14:10:56
Jane exactly the same with me. As horrible as this sounds if heard someone worse off than me that would be a kind of perk to continue with what I was doing. Also looking forward to something did it too not it's just scarey. Wierd? Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on January 15, 2010, at 23:13:59
In reply to Your worst symptom, posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 17:13:57
agitation
anxiety
self consciousness
Posted by floatingbridge on January 16, 2010, at 11:59:26
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom, posted by janejane on January 14, 2010, at 19:46:25
Fatigue
Fear
Anxiety
(Despair)
Feeling BrokenO.k. So that's more than one.
Posted by floatingbridge on January 18, 2010, at 16:49:46
In reply to Your worst symptom, posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 17:13:57
add to my list cr*ppy mood swings within the day.
Posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2010, at 20:16:56
In reply to Your worst symptom, posted by floatingbridge on January 18, 2010, at 16:49:46
Hormones, thyroid is also a hormone Love Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on January 19, 2010, at 0:02:04
In reply to Re: Your worst symptom » floatingbridge, posted by Phillipa on January 18, 2010, at 20:16:56
add that to the list...
Posted by rnny on February 2, 2010, at 0:12:55
In reply to Your worst symptom, posted by inanimate peanut on January 14, 2010, at 17:13:57
A complete feeling of isolation that out of all the people in the world, I am cut off from all of them.
This is the end of the thread.
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