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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 22:04:15
I haven't accomplished anything in life. I don't have my degree yet, I don't know how to be in relationships, I have no close friends, I don't have a career, I can't drive, I don't have a house, I live with my parents who let me live rent free and I feel like a teenager.
I'm very socially delayed and I'm getting old. I wish I wouldn't grow older. People expect me to be an adult, but I don't feel like one.
I'm such a loser.
Posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 23:21:11
In reply to I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 22:04:15
I am OK. There is hope for me.
Posted by Phil on July 19, 2009, at 6:10:00
In reply to Sorry, not a loser, posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 23:21:11
Deneb I'm 56 and have the same disappointments in myself.
You have a tough dx and you do the best you can--you conquered San Francisco!!
As I told a dear friend of mine when she was hurting,'You, Deneb, are a child of God.' Uh, I didn't call her Deneb...whatever. lol
Things will fall in line for you.
Phil
Posted by SLS on July 19, 2009, at 6:38:54
In reply to I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 22:04:15
> I haven't accomplished anything in life.
I guess that depends on what your definition of success is. First things first. If you were to work with your mental challenges and make progress, that is indeed a true achievement, and can be viewed as success. It takes an enormous amount of work to bring you to a place where you are functioning well enough to formulate and pursue other goals.
> I don't have my degree yet, I don't know how to be in relationships, I have no close friends, I don't have a career, I can't drive, I don't have a house, I live with my parents who let me live rent free and I feel like a teenager.
>
> I'm very socially delayed and I'm getting old. I wish I wouldn't grow older. People expect me to be an adult, but I don't feel like one.These things may be true. There are many people, including me, who were significantly delayed in self-discovery and maturation such that I was most able to accomplish some of the things you mentioned. Others things I have not YET accomplished because my depression has been an impediment to functioning well enough. However, I still consider myself a success. I have come a long way in battling my mental challenges, challenges that I know most of my peers in high school could never handle as well as I have.
> I'm such a loser.
You FEEL like a loser.
That's because you are comparing yourself to others and defining success as being able to follow the scripts of other people's lives. Be the author of your own unique script. I guess that will demand some creativity on your part and acceptance of the challenges that you must work with. You are not totally stuck. I see a curious and willing mind. You succeed at learning more about yourself. This is a major step towards health.
The measure of achievement lies not in how high the mountain, but in how hard the climb.
The measure of success lies only in how far one feels he must climb to get there.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on July 19, 2009, at 6:45:47
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life » Deneb, posted by SLS on July 19, 2009, at 6:38:54
I almost forgot to mention that you would feel like a loser no matter what you did or did not do, as this phenomenon is part of your mental illness. It might be that CBT would be a way to change the negative messages that are being produced by the illness into positive messages. I have seen it work.
- Scott
> > I haven't accomplished anything in life.
>
> I guess that depends on what your definition of success is. First things first. If you were to work with your mental challenges and make progress, that is indeed a true achievement, and can be viewed as success. It takes an enormous amount of work to bring you to a place where you are functioning well enough to formulate and pursue other goals.
>
> > I don't have my degree yet, I don't know how to be in relationships, I have no close friends, I don't have a career, I can't drive, I don't have a house, I live with my parents who let me live rent free and I feel like a teenager.
> >
> > I'm very socially delayed and I'm getting old. I wish I wouldn't grow older. People expect me to be an adult, but I don't feel like one.
>
> These things may be true. There are many people, including me, who were significantly delayed in self-discovery and maturation such that I was most able to accomplish some of the things you mentioned. Others things I have not YET accomplished because my depression has been an impediment to functioning well enough. However, I still consider myself a success. I have come a long way in battling my mental challenges, challenges that I know most of my peers in high school could never handle as well as I have.
>
> > I'm such a loser.
>
> You FEEL like a loser.
>
> That's because you are comparing yourself to others and defining success as being able to follow the scripts of other people's lives. Be the author of your own unique script. I guess that will demand some creativity on your part and acceptance of the challenges that you must work with. You are not totally stuck. I see a curious and willing mind. You succeed at learning more about yourself. This is a major step towards health.
>
> The measure of achievement lies not in how high the mountain, but in how hard the climb.
>
> The measure of success lies only in how far one feels he must climb to get there.
>
>
> - Scott
Posted by Phil on July 19, 2009, at 8:20:09
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by SLS on July 19, 2009, at 6:45:47
And remember Deneb. YOU are totally unique, just like everybody else.
Posted by Phillipa on July 19, 2009, at 10:47:07
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by Phil on July 19, 2009, at 8:20:09
Deneb great words of wisdom. You have accomplished so much more than I had at your age. Phillipa
Posted by olivepit on July 19, 2009, at 14:38:44
In reply to Sorry, not a loser, posted by Deneb on July 18, 2009, at 23:21:11
> I am OK. There is hope for me.
: )
Posted by Deneb on July 19, 2009, at 17:50:17
In reply to Re: Sorry, not a loser » Deneb, posted by Phil on July 19, 2009, at 6:10:00
Thanks Phil, I hope so
Posted by Deneb on July 19, 2009, at 17:54:11
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life » Deneb, posted by SLS on July 19, 2009, at 6:38:54
> > I haven't accomplished anything in life.
>
> I guess that depends on what your definition of success is. First things first. If you were to work with your mental challenges and make progress, that is indeed a true achievement, and can be viewed as success. It takes an enormous amount of work to bring you to a place where you are functioning well enough to formulate and pursue other goals.That's true. Success is different for different people. I need to not compare myself to other people. My pdoc tells me not to compare.
> These things may be true. There are many people, including me, who were significantly delayed in self-discovery and maturation such that I was most able to accomplish some of the things you mentioned. Others things I have not YET accomplished because my depression has been an impediment to functioning well enough. However, I still consider myself a success. I have come a long way in battling my mental challenges, challenges that I know most of my peers in high school could never handle as well as I have.
Good for you Scott. :-)
Posted by TexasChic on July 19, 2009, at 20:14:17
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by Phillipa on July 19, 2009, at 10:47:07
> Deneb great words of wisdom. You have accomplished so much more than I had at your age. Phillipa
Ditto! You've accomplished so much more than I had at your age! And you've only just begun! Don't let anyone, even yourself, convince you you're not awesome.
-T
Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2009, at 8:31:35
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life » SLS, posted by Deneb on July 19, 2009, at 17:54:11
Perhaps your path is different, and perhaps your "success" is different.
The trouble with comparing yourself to others is that you adopt their measuring stick instead of your own. What does success mean to you? When you look around, whose life would you like to look back on at the end of yours, so that you feel satisfied and content.
My grandparents didn't graduate high school. They were never even comfortably well off. Truth be told, they were always poor in a material sense. But they raised a large family who loved them very much. They were known in the community to be honest and good people. They loved each other very much. I consider them very successful.
Create your own yardstick, Deneb, based on your own values.
Posted by Sigismund on July 22, 2009, at 3:40:15
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life » SLS, posted by Deneb on July 19, 2009, at 17:54:11
You are allowed to say that you are a loser; but I doubt that you have managed to lose very much.
We can't avoid comparing ourselves to others or to ourselves at other times. (Can we live in the moment?)
Surely Scott's right in this....
>I have come a long way in battling my mental challenges, challenges that I know most of my peers in high school could never handle as well as I have.
although people cope, because if they don't they go under.
Posted by Deneb on July 22, 2009, at 22:16:52
In reply to Re: I'm extremely unsuccessful in life, posted by TexasChic on July 19, 2009, at 20:14:17
Thanks TexasChic. I should be more thankful for what I do have.
This is the end of the thread.
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