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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 34. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
My grandmother died last night. It was not a pleasant thing to see happen. She had become agitated and incoherent. She had to be restrained twice. She even pulled out her PICC IV line. When I saw the doctor a few days ago, he said that he would give her Xanax. That sounded okay. Ativan had helped the week before. However, I think she may have had a paradoxical reaction to the Xanax and became hostile and unmanageable. The more they gave her, the worse she became. When I explained this possibility to the nurse, she must not have done anything with that information other than to try to show off a common sense insight that not everyone reacts to drugs the same way. They kept giving her Xanax, anyway, and my grandmother continued to need restraint. How hard is it to sedate a 99 year old woman? It was difficult to watch her hallucinate and talk to herself while yelling indiscernible words at everyone else. Just the day before, she had been very lucid and clever. I am very angry at those doctors and nurses right now, and even more angry at God, which doesn't happen very often. She didn't have to die such a nightmarish death. She deserved much better. I did everything I could do to minimize her pain, both physically and emotionally. I promised her a comfortable death. It could have happened if I had had an MD after my name.
I am also angry that I have to continue to endure longer this bipolar depression of mine, and cannot operate at the same cognitive and intellectual levels as the people around me. I miss my active mind. I only really came to know it over a 6-9 months period of time in 1987. I had been in complete remission then. To have to give up on the possibility of experiencing this again is making me sad.
- Scott
Posted by Kath on April 3, 2009, at 9:53:59
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Dear Scott,
How very awful. How awful to have all that very justified anger ALONG with grief & probably some guilt even though it was not Not NOT your fault in any way.
Doctors & nurses have so much power.
When my Mom was dying with cancer, once she asked a nurse for a bedpan. The nurse (I was not there, but believed my Mom for sure) said, "Oh come on Mrs. D - it'll be good for you to get up & walk a bit to the washroom."
The cancer had by then affected my Mom's spine! No WAY she could stand even. My Mom was SO upset. When I heard of it I made a fuss (big thing for me at that time 'mousey' me!!) The nurse actually was made to apologize to my Mom. I'm sorry there's no such resolution in this event.
Please keep in touch to let us support you & know how you're doing Scott.
Much love, Kath
Posted by Bobby on April 3, 2009, at 10:18:14
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Sorry to hear that Scott---though I'm glad the first part of the nightmare is over. I was close to both of my Grandmothers---I know it's hard. As far as your other issues---I am well acquainted with every symptom you're experiencing----quite literally. My mind was pretty much gone for over a decade---I felt like a vegetable with all of the psych meds on board(like being tied to a battleship anchor). Just recently--over the last few months to a year--I am able to function like a feeling, living, coherent human being. I don't advise it for everyone---but I stopped all psych meds in February of 2007. Subsequently, I am confident that the fog has lifted--if only for a brief window of time. I feel really good about the future---and it keeps getting better and better(knock on wood).I don't have the answers for the troubles that are plaguing you. I just want to give you hope that it does happen. Sometimes I feel as if it's sheer willpower---but deep down I also feel a fundamental change that I have no clue as to why me.By the way, I think you function at a high rate--at least here. I hope that I'll be back to speed---but it's kind of like when the bar starts to close down. You realize the prettiest girls are gone----so you lower your standards and expectations--just a little. Peace be with you during this difficult time and I hope that you come to grips with your anger with the Almighty.
Posted by fayeroe on April 3, 2009, at 10:31:54
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Scott, I am so sorry that your grandmother and you had to experience such a nightmare before she died. I agree, no one should have to die in that circumstance. There is no knowing what goes on in the medical minds part of the time. It seems to me that they do implode just when they are needed the most to make loving and kind decisions.
Scott, I want my joy back! I've read your posts here and usually sit nodding my head in agreement. I hate being BP. I hate it~ I had such a good life there for awhile and then it was taken away. I'd just like to have the joy back.....
Take care, Scott....Pat
Posted by Phillipa on April 3, 2009, at 12:55:58
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Oh Scott I'm so sorry. Although I saw things like this happen many times it's one of the reasons I'm sick now I swallowed pain for so many years and it got me. So I feel that life is full of uncertainies. Scott as for your depression I try to understand. But know if I'm not walking in your shoes I can't feel your exact pain. Just know that I care deeply. Love Jan
Posted by Justherself54 on April 3, 2009, at 13:23:43
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm so sorry Scott. I can't imagine the frustration and anger you must have felt and are still feeling at having to watch your beloved grandmother pass in those circumstances. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by manic666 on April 3, 2009, at 13:29:38
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
sorry about your gran scott , but dont you go down my friend , an sorry your message is mixed in between my jokes,stay safe my buddy
Posted by myco on April 3, 2009, at 13:45:25
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm sorry to hear this Scott...I feel your pain. Seeing so much suffering of someone so close to you and not being able to help must have been horrible. You are a strong guy to have gone through everything youve experienced
> My grandmother died last night. It was not a pleasant thing to see happen. She had become agitated and incoherent. She had to be restrained twice. She even pulled out her PICC IV line. When I saw the doctor a few days ago, he said that he would give her Xanax. That sounded okay. Ativan had helped the week before. However, I think she may have had a paradoxical reaction to the Xanax and became hostile and unmanageable. The more they gave her, the worse she became. When I explained this possibility to the nurse, she must not have done anything with that information other than to try to show off a common sense insight that not everyone reacts to drugs the same way. They kept giving her Xanax, anyway, and my grandmother continued to need restraint. How hard is it to sedate a 99 year old woman? It was difficult to watch her hallucinate and talk to herself while yelling indiscernible words at everyone else. Just the day before, she had been very lucid and clever. I am very angry at those doctors and nurses right now, and even more angry at God, which doesn't happen very often. She didn't have to die such a nightmarish death. She deserved much better. I did everything I could do to minimize her pain, both physically and emotionally. I promised her a comfortable death. It could have happened if I had had an MD after my name.
>
> I am also angry that I have to continue to endure longer this bipolar depression of mine, and cannot operate at the same cognitive and intellectual levels as the people around me. I miss my active mind. I only really came to know it over a 6-9 months period of time in 1987. I had been in complete remission then. To have to give up on the possibility of experiencing this again is making me sad.
>
>
> - Scott
>
Posted by TherapyGirl on April 3, 2009, at 15:47:28
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm so sorry, Scott. I understand how frustrated and upset you must be. It is infuriating when medical staff won't listen to us about our own bodies or about someone we know well.
I'll keep you in my thoughts. Please let us know how we can help.
((((((((((Scott)))))))))))
Posted by Garnet71 on April 3, 2009, at 15:54:32
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Scott,
I am very sorry for your loss. Obviously your Grandmother knew how much you loved and cared for her. While feelings of guilt are natural, please watch they don't eat you up.
I will say a prayer for you and your family.
Take care and a big hug to you xxoooxx
Posted by seldomseen on April 3, 2009, at 17:13:29
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm very sorry to hear of your difficult loss.
Please know that you are in my thoughts.
Seldom
Posted by Roslynn on April 3, 2009, at 17:25:07
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Dear Scott,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please take time to let yourself heal.
Your friend,
Roslynn
Posted by Cass on April 3, 2009, at 20:22:59
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm sorry for your suffering, Scott, and I'm sorry her passing was not painless. My heart is with you.
Posted by Dinah on April 3, 2009, at 20:36:24
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm so sorry for your loss, Scott. She sounds like a very special person.
I think there are a million ways to feel inadequate at times like this. My father's care team at hospice did some things that upset me a lot, even though I overall appreciate their services for him. I felt helpless and guilty that I couldn't change more than I could change. I'm sorry that she didn't get the passing that she should have gotten. I'm sorry they weren't more respectful to you and your concerns. But she had so much time to know how much you loved her and cared for her. I hope you're able to hold on to those memories over time.
Posted by Relapse on April 3, 2009, at 23:51:17
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99. » SLS, posted by Dinah on April 3, 2009, at 20:36:24
Scott,
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the situation that surrounded it. I haven't been here at PB for a long time, but I feel I know you as a friend. Someone who takes the time to help all of us with your knowledge, advise and support. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
Dave
Posted by gardenergirl on April 4, 2009, at 8:29:52
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Scott,
I'm so very sorry about your loss. It sounds like it was truly awful in the end, which is a terrible shame. Grandmothers are special.My prayers are with you and your family.
gg
Posted by obsidian on April 4, 2009, at 8:48:22
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I'm sorry for your loss Scott :-(
-sid
Posted by SLS on April 4, 2009, at 13:55:57
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99. » SLS, posted by obsidian on April 4, 2009, at 8:48:22
I am pretty much just numb and subdued right now. No tears. I did quite a bit of crying last week, when I thought that I only had a few days left with her. Still, I know that there will be a cascade of grieving to come. Right now, I am compartmentalizing the grief and placing it out of sight in order to be able to take on the initial responsibilites. It is a sort of survival mode, I guess.
- Scott
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 4, 2009, at 17:11:42
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
I am sorry for your loss, Scott. You and your family are in my prayers.
I know that you truly did all you could to minimize her pain. I hope you find some comfort in that.
Lar
Posted by Deneb on April 4, 2009, at 17:42:11
In reply to My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 3, 2009, at 8:42:43
Sorry about your grandmother Scott.
You were a good grandson for caring so much. ((((Scott))))
Posted by TexasChic on April 5, 2009, at 19:29:03
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by Deneb on April 4, 2009, at 17:42:11
> Sorry about your grandmother Scott.
>
> You were a good grandson for caring so much. ((((Scott))))I agree. I bet wherever your Grandma is now, she is very grateful and very proud that you stood by her and cared so much. To die with your loved ones around you caring so deeply, I bet that means a lot to her, regardless of the rest of it.
-T
Posted by desolationrower on April 6, 2009, at 6:03:42
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by Deneb on April 4, 2009, at 17:42:11
sorry scott. hope you can start remembering better times with her.
-d/r
Posted by SLS on April 6, 2009, at 7:37:15
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by desolationrower on April 6, 2009, at 6:03:42
Hi hayley.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support.
Tears make things easier. I'm sure that there will be more to come.
My brother was granted by my parents the responsibility of conducting the graveside service in the manner of his belief in orthodox Judaism. Unfortunately, most of the rest of us, including myself, learned for the first time during this service that there was to be no eulogy. It is currently the hebrew month of Nissan. We were told by my brother that eulogies were prohibited during this month. Indeed, they are. I think this left a sense of emptiness in the hearts of many. You know, it is an irony that Grandma had rejected orthodox Judaism long ago. By the same token, I doubt she would have wanted my brother and his family to remain absent from the funeral. I am quite sure as to what Grandma's wishes were to be, and that they were fulfilled as best as was possible. For me, personally, there is a certain beauty in the recognition of the circle she travelled through her life from birth to death. That she was born and buried in an orthodox manner completes the circle. However, another circle has yet to be completed; one that includes those of us who are not of the orthodox Jewish faith.
There were some words that I would like to have said. I am sure that there are many words left unsaid by other members of the family and friends. I thus asked my parents if they thought it might be a good idea to conduct a memorial service next month at the gravesite to eulogize Grandma, and indeed, her whole generation, as she represented the last of it. Such a memorial will afford many the sense of closure that they were so sure they would receive at the funeral but did not.
Here is a picture of Grandma at her 96th birthday:
http://www.slschofield.com/special/grandma_2.jpg
- Soctt
Posted by Justherself54 on April 6, 2009, at 8:37:04
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 6, 2009, at 7:37:15
She is beautiful..
Posted by Kath on April 6, 2009, at 11:13:47
In reply to Re: My grandmother died last night at age 99., posted by SLS on April 6, 2009, at 7:37:15
Oh she's lovely.
Her warmth & lovingness just shies out of her eyes.
I think it's a very wonderful idea to have a special service. Is it an idea to have an option of where it would be if it rained? Maybe that wouldn't matter. People could use umbrellas.
I bet LOTS of people would be very thankful to have a chance to 'celebrate' her whole life!!!!
Good luck...I hope your parents are on-board.
Let us know how you're doing.
luv, Kath
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