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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 1, 2009, at 23:25:18
(duh!!...really?..lol) Well, I did have a few 'okay-good' days, free of that dark, foreboding anxious, guttural anger. I've been feeling really 'connected' to the people I love, around me. I hope and pray that continues. Now, for a more clinical observation, it seems when I go on SNRI's, I really am sometimes full of angry pain, and I say nasty things to people I love and care about the most. (I always apologize...but..you know!) But the SSRI's seem better in that effect, and I may have my 'moments', but some of the good things I have missed for many years are starting to come back. See, when I love somebody, I LOVE somebody, and I am as loyal as the most faithful dog x a zillion.(I know...a dog??..hah..lol) The world seems better; like, my peaceful beliefs are front and centre, and I rarely raise my voice even a tad. I hesitate to mention the drug I added...it's an SSRI...it wouldn't make no difference to anyone else, likely, but I just don't want to jinx myself;-) But I know this is real...this is me...because in the wayyyyyy past, when I did feel a bit better, this was kinda like what it felt. Oh, ya, and knock on wood...the sexual probs I was talking about all the time...still not that 17 year old again, but it's not just a banana in my pocket..I am happy to see you..lol.
I ALMOST started writing some new music today, but I just still didn't quite have it in me. Oh..and one funny cute little story. I think I mentioned I have a cute little dog..a Bichon, pure white, with hair cropped short.(Unlike those big 'doll' like dogs with big hair..heh.) She was in a picture I posted this past summer of a little family reunion we had. Anyhow, when I am in my downstairs apartment working on the computer, she sits at the top of the stairs and cries...yep...until I bring her down. I have to seat her in a comfy little chair by me, and she lays there and just wants to be in my presence, and will fall asleep. Then she loves to come in bed with me (now if I could only get some REAL chicks to do that too..;-) and she curls up against my feet on the comforter. Maybe I am a pretty lucky guy. Well..pill time...lol.Jay p.s. Oh ya, it sounds like I've got a loud rock concert going in my ears, 24/7. Geezz..and I don't even have to pay for this!..lol
Posted by JadeKelly on February 2, 2009, at 0:31:01
In reply to Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 1, 2009, at 23:25:18
Hi Jay,
That's great you feel free of those feelings, and are available to connect to those you love. Can't get better than that! And don't feel bad about the dog analogy, I REALLY love my dogs. They are almost like people to me. I know people who aren't dog people don't understand. But who's there when no-one else is, not judging you, just wanting to play or lay on your feet, or on your lap? The adoring way they look into your eyes....
Anyway, glad your feelin good,
~Jade
Posted by Sigismund on February 2, 2009, at 1:09:44
In reply to Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 1, 2009, at 23:25:18
I've never taken SSRIs.
If the stuff was any good it would be illegal because everyone would be doing it (personal opinion).I did try milnacipran, and though it had a nice feeling somewhere in there, it also had this ants under the skin let me hide under a rock feeling.
(I have no confidence that one is the SSRI feeling and the other is the NRI feeling.)I read in "Young Stalin", something like 'gratitude is a dog's disease'.
But then William Blake (a nicer chap all round) said that 'gratitude is heaven itself'.The world is a basket case; me too; I see Leonard tomorrow night.
Posted by Phillipa on February 2, 2009, at 10:40:46
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Sigismund on February 2, 2009, at 1:09:44
Jay that is great. No won't ask what it is. And my little Brandy also was the same kind of dog never judged me just love me. So I totally relate. Do you feel time is also healing? Love Phillipa
Posted by JadeKelly on February 2, 2009, at 13:06:08
In reply to Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 1, 2009, at 23:25:18
Jay,
I'm sure I'm gonna wish I hadn't written this, but do you really hear music as a result of your med or getting better? Because I always hear about tinnitus with my med, but I hear music. Its barely there but its there, I can hear singing, and its country music which I don't even listen to! Its usually only at night when I'm in bed. Funny thing, it doesn't bother me at all. Please tell me I'm not the only one!!!!!
~Jade
>
> Jay p.s. Oh ya, it sounds like I've got a loud rock concert going in my ears, 24/7. Geezz..and I don't even have to pay for this!..lol
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 22:42:44
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by JadeKelly on February 2, 2009, at 0:31:01
> Hi Jay,
>
> That's great you feel free of those feelings, and are available to connect to those you love. Can't get better than that! And don't feel bad about the dog analogy, I REALLY love my dogs. They are almost like people to me. I know people who aren't dog people don't understand. But who's there when no-one else is, not judging you, just wanting to play or lay on your feet, or on your lap? The adoring way they look into your eyes....
>
> Anyway, glad your feelin good,
>
> ~JadeHey Jade...thanks kindly for the post. Yes, for me, the ultimate point of any/all psych meds is to be able to help communicate and show love better (and hopefully get some in return too ;-) I used to think, the important point of psychiatric intervention was to get yourself feeling better "put-together", but 16 years later, yes that is somewhat important, but by Geezus, I wanna love and love because nothing feels as good. I thought antidepressants would "toughen me up", but here I am, not caring about that, and am quite happy to be doing so. Glad you like and understand the dog analogy...I think we all should have pets, because the love is just wonderful. Like you said...not judging you, the warmth, unconditional..just love for "Love's sake".
That look in their eyes always makes me feel like they are just going to open up and start speaking to us at any moment...lol.Thank you so kindly,
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 23:14:44
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Sigismund on February 2, 2009, at 1:09:44
> I've never taken SSRIs.
> If the stuff was any good it would be illegal because everyone would be doing it (personal opinion).
>
> I did try milnacipran, and though it had a nice feeling somewhere in there, it also had this ants under the skin let me hide under a rock feeling.
> (I have no confidence that one is the SSRI feeling and the other is the NRI feeling.)
>
> I read in "Young Stalin", something like 'gratitude is a dog's disease'.
> But then William Blake (a nicer chap all round) said that 'gratitude is heaven itself'.
>
> The world is a basket case; me too; I see Leonard tomorrow night.Hey Sigi..
Well, I am sure it is just not one drug helping to put me in this "mind-state". I am on many drugs, and I do a TON of introspective journaling (funny, in teaching we are made to do these as part of our courses. I REALLY give my prof's something to think about!!..lol)
The milnacipran you tried may have been nice if a)you had a benzo to go with it or b)you had a nice opiate to go with it :) One point I never mentioned, is for almost two decades, I've been using a small amount of an opiate my fam doc prescribes me, for my very painful deep cavity sinus pressure. (My sinus cavities developed in a way so that I never get proper sinus drainage. Am I lucky to have a doc who rx's opiates for this, for me? Yep...No matter how bad I am...I still consider myself a lucky man. So many live in awful conditions here and abroad, and I am lucky to have a loving family, a warm clean bed, on a safe street. Sorry for going off on a few tangents there..heh..but that does tie nicely into gratitude. It is so easy to lose that in mental illness.) So, are you going to see Mr. Cohen? Oui? He is such a Canadian Icon! (I just HAD to add that..lol.) The world....life..is just eternal light..period. As you know, light can never be destroyed. I'd go as far to say as love and light are close relatives. "We can never break the chain.." Maybe our depression is built-in to our genetic history and is a "flaw", or a "lemon". We need to evolve in order to learn more. But, some politicans aren't big on "evolving"...cough cough. Okay, I'll shut up now.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 23:20:45
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.., posted by Phillipa on February 2, 2009, at 10:40:46
> Jay that is great. No won't ask what it is. And my little Brandy also was the same kind of dog never judged me just love me. So I totally relate. Do you feel time is also healing? Love Phillipa
>
>Hi Phillipa J:
Thanks for the kind post. Yeah, I think time does provide SOME healing, but the sad part for me is seeing time just...zooomm..fly by. Often we are not even aware of it. Next day, you wake up, and all the kids are grown up, and you are much more sore first thing in the morning when you wake up, and the doctor is putting his hands in odd places for various physical 'tests'...lol! But...we hold on...breathe another <sigh>, and hope some Xanax and wine might help make tonight a bit better too..haha.
THanks dear..
Best,
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 23:32:46
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by JadeKelly on February 2, 2009, at 13:06:08
> Jay,
>
> I'm sure I'm gonna wish I hadn't written this, but do you really hear music as a result of your med or getting better? Because I always hear about tinnitus with my med, but I hear music. Its barely there but its there, I can hear singing, and its country music which I don't even listen to! Its usually only at night when I'm in bed. Funny thing, it doesn't bother me at all. Please tell me I'm not the only one!!!!!
>
> ~Jade
> >
> > Jay p.s. Oh ya, it sounds like I've got a loud rock concert going in my ears, 24/7. Geezz..and I don't even have to pay for this!..lol
>
>Well, yea, I think it is tinnitus. I've attended dozens of loud rock concerts over many years. What I hear are high frequency stuff, like crowds screaming, drum cymbals, lots of guitar solos. Plus, I am a musician, and I like to play my music at a high volume. Even more folksy stuff like Jewel..goddd I love that woman..haha. But when I am playing drums, I just go *nuts*, full-force, no mercy! ha. Same with my bass playing. I actually grow my one nail of the finger I use to almost "pluck" or "pull" the bass string. When I was in highschool, my jazz band and music teacher wanted me to play just this nice simple kind-of way. This was my chance to *rebel*, so we'd play at the Xmas concert, during little drummer boy, and I would just be going ballistic! Ohhhh..those where the days..lol..
Enjoy the music!
Jay :)
Posted by JadeKelly on February 3, 2009, at 0:08:36
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » JadeKelly, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 22:42:44
>
> Hey Jade...thanks kindly for the post. Yes, for me, the ultimate point of any/all psych meds is to be able to help communicate and show love better (and hopefully get some in return too ;-) I used to think, the important point of psychiatric intervention was to get yourself feeling better "put-together", but 16 years later, yes that is somewhat important, but by Geezus, I wanna love and love because nothing feels as good. I thought antidepressants would "toughen me up", but here I am, not caring about that, and am quite happy to be doing so. Glad you like and understand the dog analogy...I think we all should have pets, because the love is just wonderful. Like you said...not judging you, the warmth, unconditional..just love for "Love's sake".
> That look in their eyes always makes me feel like they are just going to open up and start speaking to us at any moment...lol
Yeah, uh Jay? I think I wanna date you ;-)~Jade
"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0qq5-GrwoMI"*this song took me by surprize* Leonard C.
Posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:37:07
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by JadeKelly on February 2, 2009, at 13:06:08
Posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:38:54
In reply to Sweet dreams for Jade and Jay #1 » JadeKelly, posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:37:07
Posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:45:14
In reply to Re: Sweet dreams for Jade and Jay #2, posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:38:54
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPiV8S7GucQ&feature=related
I think that's my limit. I'm a Jazz guy----but country was on the radio growing up. Goodnight
Posted by JadeKelly on February 3, 2009, at 0:55:13
In reply to Re: Sweet dreams for Jade and Jay #2, posted by Bobby on February 3, 2009, at 0:38:54
Hahahaha!!!
Thats just great. Thats the music I hear at night. Thanks for the serenade Bobby!!!
That was very thoughtful. Jay and I loved it.Oh wait, he hasn't agreed to date me yet.
We'll see what tommorow brings.
Sweet dreams it is ;-)
~Jade
Posted by Kath on February 3, 2009, at 9:23:38
In reply to Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 1, 2009, at 23:25:18
Hi Jay - I am so glad to hear things are going better for you!!
Your doggie sounds wonderful. Animals can be so good for us. I love my cat Ginger & he loves following me around & is more like a dog really.
Anyway, may your life continue to improve.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Phillipa on February 3, 2009, at 19:34:18
In reply to Re: Jay is tryin'.still hard to keep it together.but.. » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on February 2, 2009, at 23:20:45
Jay for goodness sakes you're not old at all. But do know of the exams you speak of. Got anymore of your own videos hanging around? Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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