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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 42. Go back in thread:
Posted by Phillipa on October 17, 2008, at 12:41:20
In reply to I'm so stupid, posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 8:42:05
T I know it's late but could you call say it fine but you need a ride as car trouble. One thing after another say. And that you can come in now? So new in a job I just me wouldn't take any changes. And Fridays and Mondays are notorious for employess to call in so they can a long week-end. Sorry I'm not very supportive but if I were your boss I'd want to see you make an effort to get there. Just me. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 15:21:58
In reply to Re: I'm so stupid » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on October 17, 2008, at 12:41:20
Well, its too late now. It wasn't a good decision - one made in panic, but I'll have to live with it I guess. I'll just have to go on and hope I'll still be given a chance.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 19:47:56
In reply to Re: I'm so stupid, posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 15:21:58
Okay, I called the customer service number for my bank and found out I will have money available by tomorrow. So I then called work and left a message with the boss letting him know I was available to work tomorrow if they needed me for overtime (they've been having voluntary overtime on Saturdays ever since I started there. So we'll see what happens.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 20:05:45
In reply to Damage control, posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 19:47:56
... I could really use some support if anyone is out there. I already know I screwed up, so just support please.
-T
Posted by Deneb on October 17, 2008, at 20:12:17
In reply to I know not many ppl post on fridays but..., posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 20:05:45
(((((((TexasChic)))))))))
I think as long as it doesn't happen all the time, it should be OK.
Posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 20:16:09
In reply to Re: I know not many ppl post on fridays but..., posted by Deneb on October 17, 2008, at 20:12:17
Thank you so much Deneb!!! I just needed someone to talk to me. I feel a bit less panicky now that you have. Thank you!
-T
Posted by Deneb on October 17, 2008, at 20:36:24
In reply to Re: I know not many ppl post on fridays but..., posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 20:16:09
I think personal emergency is a good excuse. It says it's an emergency so obviously it needs to be taken away and it's personal so you would rather keep it private.
Maybe they will wonder what happened, just say it's personal and let them think whatever they want.
I think it'll be OK. As long as it's a rare occurance I'm sure most people would understand.
Posted by Bobby on October 17, 2008, at 21:35:55
In reply to I'm so stupid, posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 8:42:05
I would think you'd be ok with one day----it's not out of the realm of possibility that your boss welcomes the chance to save a day's pay. chances are--things could be tight for him too. He may have been there before--or may be there in the future. Volunteering to work tomorrow is an excellant move--just try and plan so this never happens again. If pushed to the wall---I've always come clean. Honesty goes a long way in life--and it's SO much easier to remember how the story goes. If none of this advice makes sense for you --then see below:
http://www.getamused.com/jokes/024442.html
Posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 22:04:15
In reply to Re: I'm so stupid » TexasChic, posted by Bobby on October 17, 2008, at 21:35:55
Actually, that's good advice (although I enjoyed the excuses!). I've been considering just spilling everything and admitting to making a bad decision. But I will play it by ear and see how things go. It may be better to keep my bad decisions to myself! I could never concoct a story though. I'm very self conscious about lying (although I do sometimes - I'm only human after all). But I think its bad karma (even if its only in your head).
-T
Posted by Kath on October 17, 2008, at 22:52:30
In reply to Re: I'm so stupid, posted by TexasChic on October 17, 2008, at 22:04:15
As someone VERY kindly said to me not all that long ago, "Last time I checked, we were all human!" It helped me feel so much better.
So sorry I wasn't around earlier.
I think your damage control was EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like the comment about Personal Emergency - the personal indicating that it was private.
If questioned, I might do my "just keep talking" thing, where I said something like:
"Oh thanks for asking. I am really sorry to have had to take the day off & inconvenience others. Things have been worked out now & I'm just glad to go forward. I really like my job & am enjoying working with everyone. I particularly an enjoying the BK7 project (or WHATEVER!!). Do we often get that kind of project to do? - (or whatEVER) - just the acknowledge, then MOVE ONNNNNNNNNNNNN & move their mind on!!!
I have found that this can work pretty well. Another thing is to say whatever to begin with, then move it on to ask the person something about themself, or about their opinion on something (in this case, a work-related thing probably).
Just thoughts.
I am sure it will be okay TC.
Much love, Kath
PS - Maybe, when you're a little ahead in $$ you can have an emergency $20 or $10 bill your wallet. I keep a $20 folded in the plastic case between my drivers licence & insurance.
Also, I do find that being honest can work. I sometimes preface it with "I am SO embarrassed to tell you this, but...." Most people are pretty good. Another thing I do (not in a manipulative way) is to preface something with "I am really nervous that you're going to get mad, but.........."
hugs, Kath
Posted by caraher on October 18, 2008, at 7:36:01
In reply to NO YOU'RE NOT!!!! » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 17, 2008, at 22:52:30
Just a "me too!" post...
You're second-guessing yourself to death. You made perfectly understandable decisions about what to say and do for perfectly legitimate reasons. Maybe there were better options, maybe not. So what? And you're falling all over yourself to let your employer know you want to work. What more can they ask?
Give yourself a break - you're doing the best you can in trying circumstances! I can't say I'd do any better were I in a pickle like that. Dumb? Not a chance!
Posted by TexasChic on October 18, 2008, at 10:08:17
In reply to Re: NO YOU'RE NOT!!!!, posted by caraher on October 18, 2008, at 7:36:01
First of all, thank you guys so much! Yes, I think I was second thinking myself to death. That's what I tend to do, and I appreciate it being pointed out. When I'm in that place, I have no idea if I'm being rational or not, which is why I post here. You guys can usually set me straight.
Anyway, I called again this morning because I had heard nothing after my message I left last night, and after trying several times (technically they are closed today, so there wasn't really anyone to answer the phone) I finally got a hold of my supervisor. I told him I had left a message with boss man asking if I was needed to come in today, but hadn't gotten a response, so did they need me to come in. He just said, "No, not today", in his usual gruff voice. So of course I freaked out. Finally I got the courage to call him back and just blurted out, "Am I in trouble for calling in Friday?" and he said, "Well, not that I've heard." and I said, "Well, I was just really worried because I so new and I had to call in and I wasn't sure if that was going to be a big thing for them" (or something like that). He said, "No, I don't think that will be a problem, its certainly nothing to get worried over." So I said, "Thank you, that really relieves my mind". I think I managed not to sound too terribly psycho to him, just a casual 'what do you think' conversation.
So-o-o-o, sounds like its okay, and as usual I was freaking out nothing. Damn, that sure is hard to control! I've just been screwed so many times and had so many psycho bosses that I don't know how normal people act!
So once again, thanks for everybody supporting me in my self induced crisis. You guys are the best!!!!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2008, at 18:34:18
In reply to Thanks - and an update, posted by TexasChic on October 18, 2008, at 10:08:17
T that is great guess my response was having worked for hospitals when there were no excuses accepted. Different line of work. Phillipa
Posted by no_rose_garden on October 18, 2008, at 19:29:53
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on October 18, 2008, at 18:34:18
TC, I'm glad everything seems to have worked out! I'm also glad you were able to make that 2nd call today. I know how silly it may seem to call ppl back right after you hang up, but sometimes it's a good idea...
From how it sounds, everything is going to be fine!
Posted by Kath on October 18, 2008, at 20:09:40
In reply to Thanks - and an update, posted by TexasChic on October 18, 2008, at 10:08:17
Hey hunnee - yer not allowed to say 'self-induced crisis' when I'm within hearing. ;-)
(((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))))
I'm so glad it's all cool & thanks for letting us know that.
:-) luv ya, Kath
Posted by Kath on October 18, 2008, at 20:10:58
In reply to Thanks - and an update, posted by TexasChic on October 18, 2008, at 10:08:17
I forgot to say - I think you did GREAT!!!!
Yay for you xoxo K
Posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 8:49:40
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update, posted by no_rose_garden on October 18, 2008, at 19:29:53
Thanks you guys, your support is greatly appreciated. I may not be completely out of the woods, I'm still in my 90 day trial period, so I'm going to try to keep up the momentum I believe I've been maintaining. However, according to my T, I'm also supposed to be making a change and standing up for myself with this job. So I'm trying to do that too.
I witnessed one thing this past week that was kind of eye opening. One of the guys had been working on a job and the customer was being completely unreasonable. They had already gone past the point where they were losing money on the job rather than making it. So the boss comes in and is all yelling about it and being rude like he was to me that one time. Then the boss, thinking he was going to start telling my coworker what to do, he said, "What are you doing right now?" (meaning what is he working on). My coworker, who is this very passive hippy type dude, said without hesitation, "Going home" (it was well past our 8 hours and he had plans to go out for dinner for his birthday). But I was just so stunned that he said that! The boss said, "Well, I guess I'll just have to do it myself!" and stormed out. The surprising thing was, the next day, boss man was being all nice to this same dude and talking rationally about the job. I was just like, whoa, you really can stand up to the boss without the world ending! I made sure the tell my coworker, "You the man! You'll have to teach me how to do that!"
-T
Posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 13:44:16
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update, posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 8:49:40
Wow TC - It's just another example of the formula for dealing with bullies I guess...
Bully is bullying... victim allows bullying ... bullying continues
OR
Bully is bullying... victim stands up for self/is assertive... bully backs off
I don't know if this is always true, but I certainly know that sometimes it is.
I didn't know that the boss had yelled at you. I guess I missed that post; sorry.
This event re boss yelling; hippie being assertive; the world not ending/hippie not getting fired or treated badly - this is VERY good for you to have witnessed isn't it!
Thx for letting us know.
hugs, Kath
Posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 16:16:28
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 13:44:16
I might have just thought I told about it. I guess saying he was yelling is not really true, its more like just really hateful talking. There was this job I was working on where the customer didn't include the font I needed, so I sent it back to the sales person to contact the customer for it. Apparently the customer went all crazy and yelled at them saying that job didn't even have that font. Then this guy who they hired to do some freelance work did the job that evening without the font. So boss man said that made us look really foolish, asking for a font we didn't need. I finally figured out the freelance guy had substituted a font, which is really risky. This was a job that didn't require a proof before printing out several big posters, so they were just lucky the substituted font worked out. I tried to explain this to him, but he just kept on talking about looking foolish. Its like he was having a temper tantrum or something. After he left, the other new guy, who was the only other person there at the time said, "Damn, he's REALLY a dick sometimes!" (He doesn't hold back on his opinions). I was glad to know it wasn't just me thinking it!
But boss man has been okay since then. I'll just have to make sure I stand my ground with him and not let him intimidate me. BTW, he's the one I had to call in and tell I needed to take the day off to handle a personal emergency!
-T
Posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 18:28:13
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update, posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 16:16:28
>Its like he was having a temper tantrum or something. After he left, the other new guy, who was the only other person there at the time said, "Damn, he's REALLY a dick sometimes!" (He doesn't hold back on his opinions). I was glad to know it wasn't just me thinking it!
~ ~ ~ Good that the other guy was there AND said that!!! Validating for you ~ ~ ~
> But boss man has been okay since then. I'll just have to make sure I stand my ground with him and not let him intimidate me.~ ~ ~ I'm really glad he's been okay since then. Also, it sounds like he DOES throw tantrums & that that's the way to take them! Just as tantrums & know that the next day (or maybe even later the same day) he'll be "over it". Pretty important information for you. I suspect you're like me - others' anger & rage & upsets really throw me. ~ ~ ~
> BTW, he's the one I had to call in and tell I needed to take the day off to handle a personal emergency!
~ ~ ~ Oh BOY! Is he the one you phoned back & asked if you were in trouble? I think that was someone else, right?
I think the tantrum-guy falls into the category of people who I find this method helpful:
I have a part of my mind that knows that THEY TOO go to the bathroom, & sweat, & blow their nose, & have wake-up-hair & sometimes bad breath!!! If necessary, to put things in perspective, during a tantrum, one could always imagine he's standing there in his bare feet because he forgot to put his shoes & socks on, or perhaps that he has mustard spilled all down the front of his shirt & doesn't know it - or if you need to get extreme, that, being forgetful, he's standing there in his shirt, underwear, socks & shoes!! LOLHugs to ya TC. xoxox Kath
Posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 19:39:19
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 18:28:13
Hee, hee! Good advice!
But yeah, that was a different guy I had to call back - that was my supervisor. Something funny happened with him the other day. You know that 23 year old I told you about that seems to have a crush on me (he's the kinda cute one, the REALLY cute one is 22), well he and the guys I work with are always constantly making fun of each other, and its usually pretty hilarious. Ever since I started, 23 year old guy has been talking about supervisor guy being old. For instance, one day he didn't want to stay late because he was going out, and he was telling the supervisor, "Come on, try to remember what it was like when you were my age, you know, 20 years ago"? Everybody, including supervisor guy fell out laughing. So somewhere along the line I just came to assume he was in his 40's. The fact is, he's really one of those people that doesn't look young or old: shaved head, long goatee, kind of biker looking dude. So the other day, 23 year old guy was as usual, ragging on supervisor guy about how old he was, and I said, "Now come on, he can't be that much older than me, so when you make fun of him you're making fun of me too!" And 23 year old guy asked how old I thought supervisor guy was, and I said, I don't know, a couple of years older than me? Then supervisor guy asks how old I am, and I say 38...
23 year old guy falls out laughing! Turns out supervisor guy is 34, 4 years younger than me, and about 10 years younger than I was thinking! Everybody died laughing but I was really embarrassed.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2008, at 19:44:57
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update » TexasChic, posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 18:28:13
Picture him naked it's even better. Love Phillipa
Posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 20:51:36
In reply to And something funny that happened, posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 19:39:19
Oh how embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Lucky you didn't make a statement that would have been even worse!!!!!!!!! LOLSounds like you guys have some fun. That's great.
Is supervisor guy nice?
xo Kath
Posted by Kath on October 19, 2008, at 20:52:58
In reply to Re: Thanks - and an update » Kath, posted by Phillipa on October 19, 2008, at 19:44:57
LOL - okay! you're even ruder than I am!
LOL
hugs, Kath
I was going to mention snot hanging from nostril, but whatever!
Posted by TexasChic on October 20, 2008, at 18:10:40
In reply to And something funny that happened, posted by TexasChic on October 19, 2008, at 19:39:19
Same old thing, the perception of me rather than my actual work. They said they noticed me shaking and thought I was really nervous about the work (people always comment on me shaking, I don't even know I'm doing it). And because I seemed uncertain when asked a question - and a few other things that were directly ADD related. And then some other stupid things that weren't my fault (that whole font thing for one). It didn't help for me to explain all this, their minds were made up.
The guys were completely stunned. I'm talking mouths hanging open in disbelief. They all seemed to think I was doing okay. They also worked with me and knew that I was knowledgeable (I showed them more than a few things they didn't know how to do).
The only good thing is I got a really big check, and they gave me some referrals. They said they thought I was a good employee, but it was just too stressful an environment for me. I just don't know what to do anymore. How can a person work so hard and be acknowledged by their peers as extremely good at the job, but still keep getting this same reaction from management? Am I unemployable? Are my disabilities keeping me from being able to hold down a job? I just don't know right now.
Anyway, I'm okay, just really bummed. The big check helped - at least I have a little bit of cushion to look for a new job (I'm talking a couple of weeks as opposed to a couple of days. And I will check out those referrals (they said they would give me a recommendation). But I'm so sick of it all right now. I don't know how much more my confidence can take.
I wish I could work freelance, then I could work from home and nobody could see me shaking or think I'm spacey and slow cause of the ADD. But I don't know how to get started - you have to have a customer base. If anyone has any advice in that area, let me know.
-T
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