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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
Ohhhh man. Hasnt been this bad in a LONG time. Just moved into a nice new house too. (with my folks of course, but I rent out the basement apartmentand I look after them too.) I decided to give Effexor yet another try. Maybe that was it. I was like a madman.
I would cry at the slightest thing, thinking always about how everyone I love is going to die and I am going to be left all alone. Plus, Ive got this song in my head, the particular lyric, from a song called On My Way..and it came out the year of my personal tragedies, and just is haunting.here is the lyric:Youre seven times the man Ill ever be
Like God on Sunday
I kiss the barrel spray my brains
All gone nowI just pulled this cd out this week and have been listening to it constantly. Something Kurt Cobain said rings true with me. I care wayyyy too much. I care for every little piece of living thing in this world. I am this hyper-sensitive pre-me baby who actually would have been an emotionally turmoiled Pisces but was ripped from the womb too early and became a non-compliant Capricorn. (I am SO UN-Capricornlol)
Ive also been arguing with my Dad, yes the one I love so much and begged for your prayers, constantly. I get short-tempered with him, he yells at me, I yell back. Its just badplain BAD!
So, I am back to juggling around some meds again. If I cant find anything, back to the doc for his suggestion.
Thanks for listeningand thanks for all your support
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2008, at 0:07:59
In reply to My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
Jay I'm a pices on the cusp and know what you mean. I'm sorry about the meds. Maybe the stress of your Dad has caught up to you also. And you have a stressful job with kids as they have problems don't they? And it's like nursing you stuff and then explode. My heart goes out to you. Love Phillipa hope you get back on track soon.
Posted by Bobby on July 15, 2008, at 0:35:24
In reply to My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
Sorry Jay. If it helps--it's very common to lash out at the very ones you love most in times of great distress. If I remember correctly--people with borderline personality disorders "attack" like that. The common theme/thread among them is fear of abandonment. I think it affects mostly women--but it may be worth looking into as one of several options--although I'm no expert. I do know that life can be sweet---but it helps to visualize that "sweetness" and not dwell on the negatives. Often, what we expect happens--simply precipitated by our mind's subconscious efforts to sabotage any positive outcome. Maybe because we're not "worthy" or whatever. I really wish I had the answer for you and my sympathy runs deep. I would strongly suggest a good pdoc . It's rarely a good thing to "write your own prescriptions" Best of luck--and I'll say another prayer--for whatever that's worth.
Posted by Tabitha on July 15, 2008, at 3:42:17
In reply to My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
It's cliche but true-- hang in there, this stress will pass.
Just keep taking care of Jay.
Posted by daveuk08 on July 15, 2008, at 5:34:40
In reply to My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
So sorry that your feeling the way you do,you`ve asked us for our prayers for your dad and your sisters falmily because you care so much about them, so now I`m going to say one for you.
Re; the words from a song,the night before Slinky died I sang too her on the phone, the song was Hurt, by Christina Aguilera,the first part is,Seems like it was yesterday
when I saw your face
you told me how proud you were
but I walked away
if I only knew
what I know today.this has come into my mind virtualy every day since, as for the tears and crying,don`t even ask.
Your not on your own,we`re all with you.
Dave.
Posted by AbbieNormal on July 15, 2008, at 18:21:34
In reply to My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 14, 2008, at 23:32:20
Step One - Quit listen to Kurt! Seriously. If you wanna get really depressed and feel crappier, keep listening to a CD about suicide. So, knock it off right now.
Step Two - Dig out some music that rocks your world in a positive way. The kind that makes you want to sing in the car, and smile & wave at the people who stare. Queen works for me. :-)
Step Three - Make nice with dad. Do something to fix the ugly words. You'll feel better.
At least do step one.
Big hugs, Abbie
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 15, 2008, at 23:46:41
In reply to Re: My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on July 15, 2008, at 0:07:59
> Jay I'm a pices on the cusp and know what you mean. I'm sorry about the meds. Maybe the stress of your Dad has caught up to you also. And you have a stressful job with kids as they have problems don't they? And it's like nursing you stuff and then explode. My heart goes out to you. Love Phillipa hope you get back on track soon.
Thanks hun. Ya, I do work with some kids sometimes, and the stress yo-yos in a bad way. But its the only kind of good paying work around here. Much like nursing, working 12-15 hour shifts, back to back. Ive taken 5 weeks vacation this summer, but it still doesnt seem like enough. I just dont knowif its my meds, my job, my life.urggg..
Thanks for your kindness. :)Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 16, 2008, at 0:08:35
In reply to Re: My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Bobby on July 15, 2008, at 0:35:24
> Sorry Jay. If it helps--it's very common to lash out at the very ones you love most in times of great distress. If I remember correctly--people with borderline personality disorders "attack" like that. The common theme/thread among them is fear of abandonment. I think it affects mostly women--but it may be worth looking into as one of several options--although I'm no expert. I do know that life can be sweet---but it helps to visualize that "sweetness" and not dwell on the negatives. Often, what we expect happens--simply precipitated by our mind's subconscious efforts to sabotage any positive outcome. Maybe because we're not "worthy" or whatever. I really wish I had the answer for you and my sympathy runs deep. I would strongly suggest a good pdoc . It's rarely a good thing to "write your own prescriptions" Best of luck--and I'll say another prayer--for whatever that's worth.
Hi Bobby. Thanks so kindly for your very nice words.(and your prayers too) You know I have thought about the borderline personality disorder dx before, as I also happened to respond best to the couple of meds that people with bpd also usually only respond to. Those are high dose Risperdal, and Haldol. But also as with bpd, those meds only REALLY work for a short period of time. Well, I am going back to the doctor this week, so maybe some adjustments or additions or something. Thanks very much for the support. It means TONS. :)Best,
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 16, 2008, at 0:19:58
In reply to Re: My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Tabitha on July 15, 2008, at 3:42:17
> It's cliche but true-- hang in there, this stress will pass.
>
> Just keep taking care of Jay.Thanks Tabitha. I am hangin on as strong as Ive ever hung on before! Lol. I will look after myself, but I still have to make sure the ones I love are well too. Not perfectbut well.because they do the same for me too. One of my (naive) wishesthat everyone loves everyone else! No more wars, no more fighting, no more killing, no more greed, no more hunger..etc. Maybe I am asking for a bit too much, eh? Lol..
Thanks kindly again..
Best,
Jay :)
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 16, 2008, at 0:43:06
In reply to Re: My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by daveuk08 on July 15, 2008, at 5:34:40
> So sorry that your feeling the way you do,you`ve asked us for our prayers for your dad and your sisters falmily because you care so much about them, so now I`m going to say one for you.
> Re; the words from a song,the night before Slinky died I sang too her on the phone, the song was Hurt, by Christina Aguilera,the first part is,
>
> Seems like it was yesterday
> when I saw your face
> you told me how proud you were
> but I walked away
> if I only knew
> what I know today.
>
> this has come into my mind virtualy every day since, as for the tears and crying,don`t even ask.
>
> Your not on your own,we`re all with you.
>
> Dave.
>Awwwhey Davethanks so kindly. I see you are going through extreme grief over Slinky, and that is the kind of pain I know that hurts so bad *nothing* can touch it. I lost the closest people to me, child and her Mom, a few years back, but everybodys pain is unique. It wasnt from suicide of course, and that probably makes your grief hold even more weight and darkness. Cry if you have to..let it all come. If you REALLY need pro help, you know to go to your nearest hospital emerg room, eh?
Thanks very, very kindly for the words to that song. I think I am going to download it from itunes or Napster. And yes, I dont feel so alone now, esp. thanks to you. :)
Take good care,
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on July 16, 2008, at 0:50:03
In reply to Re: My horror show of last 6-7 days (warning S.I. trig, posted by AbbieNormal on July 15, 2008, at 18:21:34
> Step One - Quit listen to Kurt! Seriously. If you wanna get really depressed and feel crappier, keep listening to a CD about suicide. So, knock it off right now.
>
> Step Two - Dig out some music that rocks your world in a positive way. The kind that makes you want to sing in the car, and smile & wave at the people who stare. Queen works for me. :-)
>
> Step Three - Make nice with dad. Do something to fix the ugly words. You'll feel better.
>
> At least do step one.
>
> Big hugs, Abbie
>
>Hi Abbie:
Thanks for the kind and great words. Ya, I am trying to be a little more on the positive side with music. But, I seem to be drawn to that kind of moody musicalways have been, actually. Luckily, my Dad and I talked this morning, and all is fine. He understands because he has major depression and is on meds too. So, we can help each other.
Okay, my Seroquel is kicking inI gotta get to bed. Thanks kindly for everything..:)Best,
(and Big Hugs back...:)
Jay
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