![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 42. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:05:57
He called and told me he's going to rehab again and that he's been doing crack and going to scary crack houses. He's going to stay with my Mom tonight because his apartment got broken into again (apparently by fellow crack users). Man, this is just so insane! This is the same brother who got straight A's, the only one of us to get a college degree, used to go on mission trips, returned found money, never drank, just the best person you possibly imagine! And then he just went off the deep end! I swear, if I ever see that cousin of mine who introduced him to crack, I will freaking go crazy on him. I know my brother made his own decisions and is an adult, but he is also bipolar and highly impressionable. This is my baby brother I'm talking about! I'm just so, so upset right now. But I told him he was doing the right thing. I just hope my Mom doesn't have a freaking heart attack trying to deal with this all. I don't know why he goes to her, she's the last person I would go to, but they've always had a different relationship. She's not that stable herself though and I worry. I'm going to try to watch Order of the Pheonix and lose myself, but I will check back here. Any support is appreciated.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:10:38
In reply to My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:05:57
I know it doesn't sound good, but I'm happy for a crutch right now.
-T
Posted by Dinah on April 26, 2008, at 19:59:42
In reply to My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:05:57
That sounds really stressful. And I understand it's hard when it's your baby brother.
(((TexasChic)))
I know this is easier said than done. But both your brother and your mother are adults, and there's nothing really you can do to influence their behavior. Please don't take on too much worrying and responsibility over something where you have absolutely no power.
Believe me, I do understand how hard it is. I constantly have to remind myself of it.
Do you have breathing exercises for staying calm? And distraction is definitely good too.
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:20:03
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by Dinah on April 26, 2008, at 19:59:42
> I know this is easier said than done. But both your brother and your mother are adults, and there's nothing really you can do to influence their behavior. Please don't take on too much worrying and responsibility over something where you have absolutely no power.
You're right, easier said than done. I'm already buzzing from the wine and smoking my second cigarette (I only smoke one in a blue moon since I quit, I have a pack for emergencies). Believe it or not, Harry Potter is helping more!
I think I'm most nervous because my brother said he'd call me back tonight. His calls when he's in trouble always upset me. I think he may have been able to tell I was crying this time though.
> Believe me, I do understand how hard it is. I constantly have to remind myself of it. Do you have breathing exercises for staying calm? And distraction is definitely good too.
Thanks for the support Dinah. It helps to know there's someone out there routing for me!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:25:36
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:20:03
Last time I talked to my brother I knew something was up. He was talking to fast and didn't have much to say. I had a dream about him and my Mom, my late Grandmother was telling me they were in trouble.
-T
Posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 20:37:40
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:25:36
Having been through this with a family member, I understand your frustrations and sorrow. You and your family will be in my thoughts, TC
Faye
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:46:01
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 20:37:40
Thank you fayroe. Even with my extremely addictive personality, I just don't understand the whole crack thing. That is just so insane to me! In a way, I understand wanting to escape, I really do, but come on, crack??? That's just crazy! Maybe I'm being hypocritical, I just don't know anymore.
-T
Posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 20:58:33
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:46:01
> Thank you fayroe. Even with my extremely addictive personality, I just don't understand the whole crack thing. That is just so insane to me! In a way, I understand wanting to escape, I really do, but come on, crack??? That's just crazy! Maybe I'm being hypocritical, I just don't know anymore.
>
> -Twhen the circuits in the brain break down and the "right and wrong" impulses are screwed....it is so bad. meth does it also, as does cocaine. generally those users committ crimes that are just outside the realm of their "non-drug" life. i know that my relative did stuff that just blew us away.
i know the feeling of "why crack?". i am okay about some much milder substances and even feel that pot could be legalized........and the prison system is getting ready to release, early, tons of crack offenders due to the crowding of prisons. i'd rather see pot users out because i've never heard of one of them getting into a car and going on a killing spree.
i can talk anytime you need to. babblemail me.
xoxoxo faye
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:05:25
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 20:58:33
> when the circuits in the brain break down and the "right and wrong" impulses are screwed....it is so bad. meth does it also, as does cocaine. generally those users committ crimes that are just outside the realm of their "non-drug" life. i know that my relative did stuff that just blew us away.
>
> i know the feeling of "why crack?". i am okay about some much milder substances and even feel that pot could be legalized........and the prison system is getting ready to release, early, tons of crack offenders due to the crowding of prisons. i'd rather see pot users out because i've never heard of one of them getting into a car and going on a killing spree.
>
> i can talk anytime you need to. babblemail me.
>
> xoxoxo faye
Thanks so much faye. You words mean a lot to me.-T
Posted by Phillipa on April 26, 2008, at 21:15:53
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:05:25
T I'm sorry been down the drug road with another family member they got over it what's his age? Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:29:00
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:05:25
I agree about pot users, as I smoke myself sometimes and consider it no better or worse than alcohol. I strongly feel no drug use should be 'illegal'. Offenses people commit while under the influence is a different story. But drug use itself should be treated with rehab, not prison. Our prison system is so flawed, it teaches criminals to be better & more dangerous criminals rather than rehabilitate them. Its nothing more than prohibition. Certain drugs are allowed, ie caffeine, nicotine, and others aren't. Its just so crazy to me. I often wonder how stupid future generations will consider us.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:37:19
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on April 26, 2008, at 21:15:53
Thanks Phillipa, you're always there for me and I appreciate it. He is 34, about to turn 35. I would think I would be the one in the family with the drug problem. That is why it is so shocking for my baby bro to be the one. Its as if he suddenly decided everything he was ever taught was in question. I went through a similar situation, but I still maintained my sense of what was right and wrong. Its as if he has lost even that. I just don't know what to say to him. Its just so very upsetting.
-T
Posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 21:40:32
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:29:00
> I agree about pot users, as I smoke myself sometimes and consider it no better or worse than alcohol. I strongly feel no drug use should be 'illegal'. Offenses people commit while under the influence is a different story. But drug use itself should be treated with rehab, not prison. Our prison system is so flawed, it teaches criminals to be better & more dangerous criminals rather than rehabilitate them. Its nothing more than prohibition. Certain drugs are allowed, ie caffeine, nicotine, and others aren't. Its just so crazy to me. I often wonder how stupid future generations will consider us.
>
> -Ti wouldn't want anything above pot legalized. i think that opens too many pathways for addiction.
talking to the offenders at GEO, most of the young ones are in on drug charges. some for the fourth or fifth time. it costs GEO $40,000 a year to house a prisoner. in the end, we pay for it. Texas Department of Corrections is a state/federal agency and tax money supports all of it.
as far as i know, there is one volunteer out there who "teaches" anger management. and the offenders told me that he needs help himself. that he is of no use to them. they have to spend one hour listening to his rants. so....they are screwed in so many ways. and we pay and pay.
alot of them go in fairly naive and come out meaner than a junkyard dog. it is a jungle in there and so hard for anyone to keep to himself.
long sigh.....we're screwed.
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:52:26
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:37:19
...we were raised in an intensely rigid religious environment. It was impossible to live up to the expectations. While my sister and I fell away from the church, we both seemed to keep our morals. But my brother seems to be questioning even that. I just don't know how to explain to him that even though all we were taught was extreme and over the top, there were some things about it that were right... being the good guy no matter how much it may seem the opposite is deserved... not hurting others... not seeking revenge...that we are in control of our own destinies...no matter what is thrown at us, we still have a choice. It seems like he no longer believes even the basics. I just don't know how to teach him otherwise, other than through example.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by fayeroe on April 26, 2008, at 21:40:32
> i wouldn't want anything above pot legalized. i think that opens too many pathways for addiction.
>Those pathways are already wide open. I just don't believe making something 'illegal' is the answer to everything.
> talking to the offenders at GEO, most of the young ones are in on drug charges. some for the fourth or fifth time. it costs GEO $40,000 a year to house a prisoner. in the end, we pay for it. Texas Department of Corrections is a state/federal agency and tax money supports all of it.
I don't know what GEO is, but if 40,000 a yr is spent on prisoners, why not spend that instead on rehab?
> as far as i know, there is one volunteer out there who "teaches" anger management. and the offenders told me that he needs help himself. that he is of no use to them. they have to spend one hour listening to his rants. so....they are screwed in so many ways. and we pay and pay.
That is unfortunate, but what if many more people were considered for this position? Maybe we would get somebody who would actually be helpful?
> alot of them go in fairly naive and come out meaner than a junkyard dog. it is a jungle in there and so hard for anyone to keep to himself.
long sigh.....we're screwed.Like I said we need to rehabilitate rather than imprison. We may be screwed at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't work to change things. I believe this can be done.
-T
P.S I hope I don't sound obstinant or anything, I may be a bit enthused about things at the moment. Don't mind me.
Posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:32:23
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
Posted by fayeroe on April 27, 2008, at 7:44:33
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
we are on the same page.
GEO is a huge private prison in the US. i worked there.
the easiest and cheapest way for the US to handle prisoners is to lock them up and throw away the key.
at GEO, there is one small industry for the women.
the men have two major industries and they make around $9.00 an hour. the Chatleff workers have more food in their cells than i have at home!
the woman just eke by..but, that is an entirely different fight that i could have with the US.
there is an 80% recidivism rate for men and only 30% for women.
my brother was reared in the same home that i lived in. yet, he has gone the way of being a bully, steals, lies.......whatever will advance his personal cause. he is 73 and he is still blaming our parents..
i don't know, but your brother may have to have his own lightbulb moment before he decides to change. sometimes a small jail sentence does it. and if he's smoking crack, there will be jail time.
i'm gone all day (big date!!) and will be back this evening to talk.
please do some self-care and i'll be back around.
xoxoxo faye
Posted by karen_kay on April 27, 2008, at 7:47:54
In reply to My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 19:05:57
please take care of yourself sweetie. you won't be able to help him or support him if you're not doing your best, you know?
i'm here if you need me dear. and things will work out, they always do.
kk
Posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 10:43:20
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again » TexasChic, posted by karen_kay on April 27, 2008, at 7:47:54
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on April 27, 2008, at 10:43:30
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 22:18:32
> > i wouldn't want anything above pot legalized. i think that opens too many pathways for addiction.
> >
>
> Those pathways are already wide open. I just don't believe making something 'illegal' is the answer to everything.
>
> > talking to the offenders at GEO, most of the young ones are in on drug charges. some for the fourth or fifth time. it costs GEO $40,000 a year to house a prisoner. in the end, we pay for it. Texas Department of Corrections is a state/federal agency and tax money supports all of it.
>
> I don't know what GEO is, but if 40,000 a yr is spent on prisoners, why not spend that instead on rehab?
>
> > as far as i know, there is one volunteer out there who "teaches" anger management. and the offenders told me that he needs help himself. that he is of no use to them. they have to spend one hour listening to his rants. so....they are screwed in so many ways. and we pay and pay.
>
> That is unfortunate, but what if many more people were considered for this position? Maybe we would get somebody who would actually be helpful?
>
> > alot of them go in fairly naive and come out meaner than a junkyard dog. it is a jungle in there and so hard for anyone to keep to himself.
> long sigh.....we're screwed.
>
> Like I said we need to rehabilitate rather than imprison. We may be screwed at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't work to change things. I believe this can be done.
>
> -T
>
> P.S I hope I don't sound obstinant or anything, I may be a bit enthused about things at the moment. Don't mind me.TC, I think you are very much on the right track. What you are talking about is basic criminology theory in university. It seems some people want to make everything illegal, or anything that doesn't affect their nice little white picket fenced house and 2.4 kids. Meanwhile, little Johnny is playing "Kill 'Em All" on his video game machine, learning how easy it is to blow somebody's head off and not think twice about it. In fact, he gets triple score for doing it!
Cocaine users get slaps on the wrist, but crack users get long hauls in jails, which is just another example of class warfare, the rich trying to exterminate the poor...the 'undesirables'...heck even 'middle class' are targets now. The rich want it ALL..and they ain't letting anybody else get a piece of the pie. So, lock 'em up, or execute them, or better yet, send them to the military, where they can go and die for Bush's Oil money. Make them all take second and third jobs at Wal-Mart, where they can buy their new 'piece' and ammunition too! Hey, buy some guns for all the family members! And if that next-door punk Joey walks on MY lawn when I tell him not to, well I'll shoot him in the *ss and he won't be doin' that! (650,000 WILL go down on the STREETS of AMERICA with a bullet in the next 20 YEARS...bitter tears!!!..ya..)
I'm sorry TC....I will pray for your brother, but the system is so f*ck*d. It makes me angry....it makes me sick to my stomach. All of this "watch out for your own back" crap....not caring about anybody else.
Best,
Jay
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:47:52
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 20:20:03
> I think I'm most nervous because my brother said he'd call me back tonight. His calls when he's in trouble always upset me. I think he may have been able to tell I was crying this time though.
*****((((((((((((((((you))))))))))
So sorry this has happened TC. I'm reading the whole 'thread' but wanted to comment on the above. I can relate - my son's calls when he's in trouble upset me also. You know, I don't think there's ANYthing wrong with him knowing you were crying.
I think it's important for them to know that - HEY - YES - they ARE upsetting people who love them when they let them know these things.I send my love & good wishes & will now read the other posts.
love, Kath
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:51:07
In reply to Re: My brother's on crack again, posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:29:00
TC - I never thought about it like that before! Very interesting way of looking at it.
Kath
> I agree about pot users, as I smoke myself sometimes and consider it no better or worse than alcohol. I strongly feel no drug use should be 'illegal'. Offenses people commit while under the influence is a different story. But drug use itself should be treated with rehab, not prison. Our prison system is so flawed, it teaches criminals to be better & more dangerous criminals rather than rehabilitate them. Its nothing more than prohibition. Certain drugs are allowed, ie caffeine, nicotine, and others aren't. Its just so crazy to me. I often wonder how stupid future generations will consider us.
>
> -T
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:59:56
In reply to I might should add..., posted by TexasChic on April 26, 2008, at 21:52:26
Dear TC -
I think that when someone is using something as destructive as meth or cocaine, like Fayeroe said, it actually affects their 'morality'.
We cannot do ANYthing to help them think more clearly, I don't think. I guess if we pray, we can pray. Hopefully if they go to rehab, they might really look at themselves & decide what valules to keep & what ones don't work for them.
I think the negative changes really have to do with the drugs' effects on the person. I see a difference in my son when he is NOT using cocaine. Then when he's started using cocaine, he changes back again. Then when he stops, he changes yet again! So there IS hope of your brother changing back, once he's succeeded in stopping using meth.
Probably one of the most important things you can do is to do whatever you can to take care of YOU. That way you'll be as strong as you can to deal with whatever you have to deal with. (As I'm saying this, I'm hearing it for myself also!!)
love, Kath
> ...we were raised in an intensely rigid religious environment. It was impossible to live up to the expectations. While my sister and I fell away from the church, we both seemed to keep our morals. But my brother seems to be questioning even that. I just don't know how to explain to him that even though all we were taught was extreme and over the top, there were some things about it that were right... being the good guy no matter how much it may seem the opposite is deserved... not hurting others... not seeking revenge...that we are in control of our own destinies...no matter what is thrown at us, we still have a choice. It seems like he no longer believes even the basics. I just don't know how to teach him otherwise, other than through example.
>
> -T
Posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 19:58:50
In reply to Re: I might should add... » TexasChic, posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 18:59:56
Thanks Kath. I know you speak from experience.
I hate to admit it, but I was drunk when I wrote most of that last night. I'm surprised its as coherent as it is.
After going crazy not being able to get a hold of my Mom or brother all day, I finally spoke to him. There were no beds available at the hospital, so he's going to do an outpatient thing. He's going to be staying with my Mom to get away from his apartments where he knows other drug users, plus he has been broken into repeatedly there.
So hopefully everything will work out. Keep yours prays and good vibes headed my way. Thanks for the support everyone.
-T
Posted by Kath on April 27, 2008, at 20:08:19
In reply to Re: I might should add..., posted by TexasChic on April 27, 2008, at 19:58:50
TC - good thoughts/vibes etc coming your way & to your brother & Mom.
It's good he's not going to be at his own place. Is he on a 'waiting list' for residential if one comes available?
Keep us up to date as to how you're doing TC.
love, Kath
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.