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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on March 28, 2008, at 21:51:05
Hey y'all.
GIve me your take on this if you don't mind....
I have this buddy. He talks a LOT with women on the internet on those dating sites. Well, he seems to "fall in love" with them very very quickly. He hasn't met the most recent one face to face yet but he has her pictures plastered all over his home page and his room with hearts and "love poetry" all around them. He has done this before. He meets all of his girlfriends online and they either move to where he is or he moves to where they are very early into the relationship. I keep warning him against these actions as the relationships invariably do not work out and he must start his life all over again every time. So, is this some kind of mental disorder or do you think it has ties to some childhood traumas? I just hate watching him do this agian and again to himself and I'd like to understand this a bit more.
Thanks in advance.
Tina
Posted by Kath on March 28, 2008, at 21:56:36
In reply to I'd like some input...., posted by tina on March 28, 2008, at 21:51:05
Jeez Tina - I dunno.
I guess I don't need to ask if he's in therapy - probly NOT.
He sure isn't learning from his life experiences, is he?
Must be hard for you to stand back & watch this.
I have not analyzing-type thoughts on it.
hugs, Kath
Posted by seldomseen on March 29, 2008, at 6:04:46
In reply to I'd like some input...., posted by tina on March 28, 2008, at 21:51:05
My first thought was WOW! I wish I could be that open and optimistic after a series of failed relationships. I've always been amazed at how people can just survive break-ups and keep on loving.
I'm a bit more reserved.
As far as pathology - it probably is, but, in my opinion, there are worse ways to be.
Posted by Phillipa on March 29, 2008, at 13:17:59
In reply to I'd like some input...., posted by tina on March 28, 2008, at 21:51:05
Seriously when I was dating no computers and so no dating sites I really think he shouldn't move and fall for them all although as I said I have no idea what I would do now. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on March 29, 2008, at 16:14:33
In reply to I'd like some input...., posted by tina on March 28, 2008, at 21:51:05
Hi Tina,
Maybe he has a fear of being lonely or that if he isn't in a relationship he's a loser. He is definitely stuck in a pattern and therapy might help get him unstuck.
Sounds like he needs some tough love: maybe when he starts talking about relocating again you can remind him of the other times and ask him what went wrong before and why does he think this time will be different? Maybe he honestly doesn't see the pattern in his behavior, he just thinks he's in love and isn't thinking with his head.
Good luck.
Poet
Posted by Kath on March 29, 2008, at 18:38:53
In reply to Re: I'd like some input.... » tina, posted by Poet on March 29, 2008, at 16:14:33
maybe he DOESN'T see the pattern!!!
K
Posted by tina on April 1, 2008, at 11:26:34
In reply to Good point Poet, posted by Kath on March 29, 2008, at 18:38:53
Since this post, he has met yet another woman and she is moving from her home city to his home city to be nearer to him. He has completely shut all his other friends out of his life(once again) and is now fully and completely concentrated on her and her alone. I think this time, we, his friends, shouldn't let him back into our lives when this relationship doesn't work out. It's time he stopped treating us as fairweather friends. He only "needs" us when his relationships go bad and I'm tired of being "convenient."
I wish he thought about his behaviour more but I guess I"ll just have to adjust mine instead.
Thanks again for the input.
T
Posted by Kath on April 1, 2008, at 20:10:40
In reply to Thanks all, posted by tina on April 1, 2008, at 11:26:34
Do you email with him?
Thinking it might be good to let him know how you're feeling right now!
hugs, Kath
Posted by tina on April 3, 2008, at 18:40:19
In reply to Re: Thanks all » tina, posted by Kath on April 1, 2008, at 20:10:40
He's too ignorant of other people's feelings Kath. I've never met anyone who is so unaware that his behaviour affects others. It's tiring. So, I'm just distancing myself from his dysfunctionality for awhile.
Hugs a bunch
T
Posted by Kath on April 4, 2008, at 21:22:55
In reply to Re: Thanks all, posted by tina on April 3, 2008, at 18:40:19
Tina - your plan sounds like a very good one!!
Is your snow melting much? Ours is melting bigtime. I have tulips shooting up (about 3 or 4 inches)
Snowdrops are in bloom!
sigh - heat, please & lots of sun!!! AND COLOUR.
:-) Kath
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