Psycho-Babble Social Thread 817235

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

OK, now I'm going to complain

Posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49

I had my review today. PsychoBoss was actually pretty laid back rather than her typical nastiness, but by the end of it I ended up feeling more depressed than ever. She started of with, "well just so you won't freak out, let me tell you your overall score is 'meets expectations'". (Me: Oooookay. I should have taken a whole mg of Xanax).

Turns out I only made it by the skin of my teeth, and that was only because I did well in the section that counts as 50%. Guess what that is? Completing my job on time & accurately. She reiterated over and over if this part weren't worth 50% I probably would have gotten a lower score, which would have meant I would have to be put on an action plan, which if you don't turn things around in a certain amount of time you lose your job.

She scored me 'doesn't meets expectations' on the communication section because I was supposed to schedule meetings with her to update her on my meetings with the other people in my dept who do my job. It didn't seem to matter that WE HADN'T HAD ANY MEETINGS for me to update her on!!!!

The other one she scored me 'under' on... you know, I don't even remember, its was just so stupid. (And to those who don't know me, I'm not normally this negative. I have in fact, bent over backwards for this job).

She then proceeded to name a handful of times that she had sprung a question on me and I couldn't immediately give her the answer. It was because I knew she was testing me and looking for something to hold over me at a later date. So apparently this was supposed to show how badly I was doing at my job.

Now here's the VERY BEST PART!!! She said she wanted to ask me something and wanted me to answer HONESTLY. She wanted to know if I was scared of her. (WTF?) I told her, "first of all, I am always honest, second of all, I am not scared of you. However, your manner can be intimidating which can cause me to become flustered and have difficulty responding". I don't think intimidating is the same as being scared of. I think she creates situations where I couldn't possibly say the right thing in response. This includes constantly interrupting me and telling me why everything I say is wrong. She's not always like that, but when she is, that's when I get flustered and can't respond or take up for myself properly. In those situations I usually end up just completely clamming up, which seems to irritate her to no end. I think she wants to see me freak out on her or something.

So then she proceeds to tell me she wants me to tell her when I'm feeling like this so that we can try to work it out. She said its not going to offend her and nothing will happen. I said, "aside from making you madder?" (Yeah, I got a few good ones in). And she said, no, she wants to help me. She said she hired me and I'm like her kid and she wants to see me succeed. (Condescending much?) Everything she says is like a double edged sword, its a compliment but somehow a put down at the same time.

By this time I was no longer responding except for "um-hm", "I understand", and "I'll certainly give it a shot". I could tell she could tell I wasn't happy, and was frustrated that she could get nothing else out of me. All I could think was, "this is completely and utterly a lost cause. I will never make her happy. Ever. Period."

I have worked harder at this job than I ever have in my entire life (and although I may be lazy on my own time, I kick *ss at work). If that's not good enough, what else can I do. Not that I'm giving up. I will never give up until I have secured another job or am being dragged out. I may talk big, but in the end I will suck it up and do what I have to to keep my job. I will be smart and do what's best for me. I've been doing it so long, I don't know anything else. Nobody's going to take care of me but me, so I can't let my temper or ego interfere with that.

Now its time for a cocktail.

-T

 

Re: OK, now I'm going to complain » TexasChic

Posted by Kath on March 11, 2008, at 10:39:13

In reply to OK, now I'm going to complain, posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49

*****Hi TC so sorry you have to put up with this. I am familiar with how devastating a BossFromH can be as DH has one also. It's affecting his self confidence.*****

> She scored me 'doesn't meets expectations' on the communication section because I was supposed to schedule meetings with her to update her on my meetings with the other people in my dept who do my job. It didn't seem to matter that WE HADN'T HAD ANY MEETINGS for me to update her on!!!!

****WHAT!! Oh boy. I hope the review is in paper form also & that there's a place for comments. If so, would something like this be an option:

"I fully realize the importance of reporting on meetings held with others. As no meetings were held during the time under review (or some such words) I did not schedule any 'update' meetings. In future I would be glad to communicate that no meetings were held, if that is the preferred way of dealing with a 'no meetings' situation.
Since there were no meetings & I was not aware of the necessity of reporting that, I request the removal of "doesn't meet expectations" from my review.

TC - I don't think it's fair that that judgement remains on your review without the actual situation also being part of the records!!!!***
>
> She then proceeded to name a handful of times that she had sprung a question on me and I couldn't immediately give her the answer. It was because I knew she was testing me and looking for something to hold over me at a later date. So apparently this was supposed to show how badly I was doing at my job.

******no fair! What nonsense.****

> Now here's the VERY BEST PART!!! She said she wanted to ask me something and wanted me to answer HONESTLY. She wanted to know if I was scared of her. (WTF?) I told her, "first of all, I am always honest, second of all, I am not scared of you. However, your manner can be intimidating which can cause me to become flustered and have difficulty responding". I don't think intimidating is the same as being scared of. I think she creates situations where I couldn't possibly say the right thing in response. This includes constantly interrupting me and telling me why everything I say is wrong. She's not always like that, but when she is, that's when I get flustered and can't respond or take up for myself properly. In those situations I usually end up just completely clamming up, which seems to irritate her to no end. I think she wants to see me freak out on her or something.

*****I think you dealt with that ADMIRABLY!!!!****

> So then she proceeds to tell me she wants me to tell her when I'm feeling like this so that we can try to work it out. She said its not going to offend her and nothing will happen. I said, "aside from making you madder?" (Yeah, I got a few good ones in). And she said, no, she wants to help me. She said she hired me and I'm like her kid and she wants to see me succeed. (Condescending much?) Everything she says is like a double edged sword, its a compliment but somehow a put down at the same time.

****jeez. Does your work provide "EAP"? Employee Assistance Plan? DH's does - for him & family. It's totally anonymous...there's a number I call & the employer never knows. The counsellor I go to said that in her communications with the EAP provider company there isn't even a name mentioned, just a number. They can be VERY helpful. I was just thinking it might be good to take her up on this 'letting her know' thing, if you had a good solid plan of how to do it & how to deal with her. If you don't have an EAP & want to brainstorm, I'm here for ya.***

> By this time I was no longer responding except for "um-hm", "I understand", and "I'll certainly give it a shot". I could tell she could tell I wasn't happy, and was frustrated that she could get nothing else out of me. All I could think was, "this is completely and utterly a lost cause. I will never make her happy. Ever. Period."

*****I applaud you for not 'losing it'. And SHE is the one with the problem TC. I think it's important for you to know that. And no, it's quite possible you'll never make her happy. sadly. same as my DH. I hope you can at least see clearly though, that she has problems!!*****

> I have worked harder at this job than I ever have in my entire life (and although I may be lazy on my own time, I kick *ss at work). If that's not good enough, what else can I do. Not that I'm giving up. I will never give up until I have secured another job or am being dragged out. I may talk big, but in the end I will suck it up and do what I have to to keep my job. I will be smart and do what's best for me. I've been doing it so long, I don't know anything else. Nobody's going to take care of me but me, so I can't let my temper or ego interfere with that.

******good to hear you being strong, & knowing that you do a damn good job at work. AND to know that you're not going to let some bad boss ruin your life.***

> Now its time for a cocktail.
>
> -T

****Hope you enjoyed your cocktail hunnee. I hope you're also proud of how you handled yourself in the interview. It sounds like you did a great job under duress (spelling? good word but I don't know how to spell it)

I send hugs!!!! Kath

 

spell check, 1 K!!! » Kath

Posted by karen_kay on March 11, 2008, at 11:46:53

In reply to Re: OK, now I'm going to complain » TexasChic, posted by Kath on March 11, 2008, at 10:39:13

ha ha! i'm just kiddin hun!!!! i'm glad someone else is finally worried about their spelling!!! i oftentimes wonder if anyone can ever make out what i type on this page. sometimes i can't even figure it out. i just poke at keys and hope i hit the right ones :)

have a great day, inferior (i'm pretty sure i spelled that right!) K!!!

 

let me start out by saying.... » TexasChic

Posted by karen_kay on March 11, 2008, at 11:50:44

In reply to OK, now I'm going to complain, posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49

you have every right to complain!!!! GRRRR!!! i'd be so frustrated if i we3nt into an evaluation and it started that way sweetie!!! talk about starting you out on the defensive anyway! what is that woman thinking?

you know, i think before anyone is made a supervisor, they should really know how to talk to people at least, you know? starting an evaluation of someone's performance with that kind of statement is not going to get a very good reaction. what is she thinking????


(((((((tc)))))) hang in there, gorgeous!!!!! she's way off the mark. and it sounds like she needs some serious training in dealing with her coworkers!

 

Re: let me start out by saying....

Posted by Phillipa on March 11, 2008, at 12:04:32

In reply to let me start out by saying.... » TexasChic, posted by karen_kay on March 11, 2008, at 11:50:44

T you're amazing at your cool and how you handle yourself and hope you get the credit you deserve well inside you know you've done a great job and deserve a promotion. Love Phillipa

 

TC - I agree with kk + Phillipa

Posted by Kath on March 11, 2008, at 15:31:15

In reply to Re: let me start out by saying...., posted by Phillipa on March 11, 2008, at 12:04:32

It sounds to me as though you have a LOT to be proud of right about now. Hope you are.

And kk - I don't think I've evah seen a spelling mistake in yo-ah posts that has prevented me from understanding what the word was.

:-) Kath

 

Thanks you guys!

Posted by TexasChic on March 11, 2008, at 19:35:44

In reply to TC - I agree with kk + Phillipa, posted by Kath on March 11, 2008, at 15:31:15

Yall always know what to say!

Sometimes I feel I have to put things into words by posting here in order to remind myself of the fact that I don't suck! And your affirmations always help!

We do have one of those hotlines to call. But I guess I'm kind of discouraged after getting no help from HR. I've thought of going to Psychoboss's boss for help, but what could that possibly do but make things worse??? She would be furious if she knew! Today though, I was thinking maybe I should go to him with my concerns, but on the condition that he not say anything. That way he would know whats going on ahead of time if I happen to be put on probation or something.

I don't know what I'll do, but I do feel better today. I worked hard and did my job well, and I guess I don't need her to confirm that. Everybody who knows me knows I have a lot of experience at my job and work my *ss off.

The thing that concerns me is I keep getting into these situations. On my last job I had the bullies, on the one before that I had the TRULY Psychoboss (who I swear was a genuine Psychopath), before that there was the boss that liked to dump his workload on me and then write me up for missing my deadline. I guess my mild manner appeals to people who like to take advantage of others. That's the only explanation I have anyway!

-T

 

Re: OK, now I'm going to complain » TexasChic

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 11, 2008, at 19:38:17

In reply to OK, now I'm going to complain, posted by TexasChic on March 10, 2008, at 22:03:49

I'm having a cosmo. you want one?
-Ll

 

Re: OK, now I'm going to complain

Posted by TexasChic on March 11, 2008, at 20:55:03

In reply to Re: OK, now I'm going to complain » TexasChic, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 11, 2008, at 19:38:17

> I'm having a cosmo. you want one?
> -Ll

I'm have cranberry and vodka. Pretty close. I'm also watching Family Guy. The Office comes on next. These shows never fail to cheer me up!

-T


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