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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:34:46
I have never felt so abandoned in my life. Ever.
First, I have a huge, supposedly mentored project at work and my mentors won't even read my work. It comes up for review this friday and frankly - I don't know what will happen.
The experts agreed to help me, and the one person who knows the least about what I am doing is being the most helpful.
Second, last night - and I really couldn't believe this - my boyfriend dumped me saying only that "we are two different people" as the reason. I am heartbroken, but really can't even grieve as I have to keep working on this project which will very likely end up getting me fired.
Third, my therapist is out of town - usually that doesn't bother me at all because I don't really need him that much. I thought I had a really good support system - oh well.
Fourth, my parents, who just retired and have gone HOG WILD (god bless them) are in Vegas. Vegas! My parents???!!!!????
I feel overwhelmingly sad, lonely and as though I have no one to talk to about it.
Oh well, life goes on I guess.
I'm just whining.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:35:51
In reply to I don't know where to put this thread, but......, posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:34:46
and the vets are closed.
Posted by gardenergirl on September 2, 2007, at 14:58:36
In reply to oh yeah, and my dog is coughing., posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:35:51
Well that all sounds really crappy. I'm sorry things aren't going well. I'd feel lonely, too, because I'd definitely want someone to talk to about all of that.
Forgive me for going into problem-solving mode for a moment...first, my dog has chronic allergic bronchitis, and when she's doing poorly with it, she coughs a lot. It's worrisome and annoying at the same time. With your vet closed, for now you might try some steam. I've gone into the bathroom with my dog, run hot hot water in the tub, and then sat on the edge holding my dog with the curtain closed behind us. You can also run the shower hot and make sure the door is closed. This seems to help her, though we did it a lot more in the winter than summer. Often I added a couple of drops of eucalyptus oil to help open her up more. Iv'e also been known to use a pot of steaming water and a tent constructed out of a small table and a beach towel--anything that would get her the steam. :)
About work...that really sucks that the mentors won't help you. It's much scarier to have to turn in your work without someone reviewing it for you. If it really could be something that goes poorly, you might want to jot down the requests you made for mentor help and what they said. You could call it a mentoring record or journal or something. That way, you've covered your end that you did your part of the mentoring relationship.
About your boyfriend...I'm sorry, sweetie. It must be hard with so little to go on. Perhaps in awhile he might be willing to talk more about it, and you could have better closure if that's what's to be.
Sending positive energy your way...
gg
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 15:44:13
In reply to Re: oh yeah, and my dog is coughing. » seldomseen, posted by gardenergirl on September 2, 2007, at 14:58:36
Seldom,
I'm sorry that all of that happened to you at once. You are a wonderful person, and the person who dumped you is making a big mistake. You are smart, lovely, talented, and fun to be with.Feeling alone over the weekend is the worst feeling. Can you make a playdate to go to Target by yourself, or maybe (gulp) out to lunch with a friend?
You know, I just sent you a dozen virtual chocolate truffles from your favorite chocolatier.
-Ll
Posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 20:12:33
In reply to Re: oh yeah, and my dog is coughing. » seldomseen, posted by gardenergirl on September 2, 2007, at 14:58:36
thank you for your response.
the dog is quiet now, i think she just got strangled on something and finally resolved it. It was so frightening however, that she is still going to the vet as soon as they open. She is breathing normally now.
Thanks for the tips though. I think she really might like a good steam. SHe is such a posh little thing.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 20:25:49
In reply to Re: oh yeah, and my dog is coughing., posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 2, 2007, at 15:44:13
yeah, I did some retail therapy today and that helped some.
Most of my relationships last about six months +/- a few weeks.
it's so odd, men seem to be so enamored with me at first - clamouring almost, then they just sort of wither away I guess. None of them want to really make that next step with me you know? It's like "good enough to hire, not good enough to marry" you know? I think that is a song lyric.
I try to be good wife material. I'm a good cook, I'm funny, I'm a good listener etc... But it never seems to work out that way for me. I would really like to be a mom.
I've worked through most of my baggage from the past and know that I can carry it myself without making someone else be my bellhop. Besides, after all that therapy it is surprisingly light.
I'm really tired of trying to figure out where things consistently go wrong.
It's not that I'm unhappy by myself - I have a really good life most of the time. I have hobbies that I love, people that care about me - though not as many as before. I'm self-sufficient and am well educated.
I'm not ugly either. Most men find me very attractive - well sexy at least, there is a big difference.
I'm sad, but I'm not suicidal.
I miss Verne.
Thanks for the chocolates.
Seldom.
Posted by Phillipa on September 2, 2007, at 20:32:07
In reply to Re: oh yeah, and my dog is coughing., posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 20:25:49
My youngest Daughter had a horrible l year long marriage. Now two years later is loving living alone and I bet she doesn't remarry. She is happy with her life. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2007, at 8:43:03
In reply to I don't know where to put this thread, but......, posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:34:46
Isch. Way too much going on at once. And especially with a therapist gone.
I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm willing to lend an ear, but large office politics are a mystery to me.
Posted by seldomseen on September 4, 2007, at 16:12:57
In reply to I don't know where to put this thread, but......, posted by seldomseen on September 2, 2007, at 14:34:46
Thanks to all that posted. My project is officially with the reviewers now and completely out of my hands.
I'll let you know how all of that resolves. I'm prepared for anything.I hope everyone had a nice holiday.
Seldom
Posted by seldomseen on September 6, 2007, at 12:13:34
In reply to I feel some better today - though still abandoned, posted by seldomseen on September 4, 2007, at 16:12:57
Maybe this should migrate over to the psychology board - I don't know.
I guess I'll just bottom line it, this morning I felt as miserable as I have ever felt in my life. Totally alone, overwhelmingly sad and just hopeless.
I very likely will lose my job tomorrow or at least get a very severe "lashing" over my "mentored" project - which, just to remind you I had very little mentoring on. In fact, one of my mentors isn't even COMING to the review.
My breakup with my boyfriend is weighing very heavily on my mind - I guess that's an understatement.So... I knew my T was back in town as of yesterday, so I gave him a call.
He seemed very put out that I had called him and told - literally told me - that I just had to "suck it up until Monday" when I go see him.
I told him that I was feeling very abandoned by everyone that was supposed to help me and supposedly loved me and he still said that.
After all these years together and all the stuff we have been through together, I get hurried off the phone and told to suck it up.
Not that he could fix anything that has happened and I certainly didn't expect him to, but something more would have been nice.
He just made me feel more alone.
I wish I could say something like - oh well, things will get better, or this is a situational thing that I'm sure will pass. Or my all time favorite - "Life goes on".
You know - some upbeat thing that I usually tell people so that they think I'm in control and okay, but I just can't do that today.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 13:06:56
In reply to T came back - made it worse, posted by seldomseen on September 6, 2007, at 12:13:34
I don't even know what to say. I know it doesn't help, but I'm just speechless.
The most charitable thing I can say is that perhaps he had major surgery on his vacation, and was not yet totally out of anasthetic.
Are you sure he meant it in that context? My therapist has used that horrible phrase, but only in the most general sense of saying that sometimes we just had to suck things up in order to function. And while I made him sorry he ever said it, I know he meant it in a caring way.
As someone who has done nothing but disappoint lately at work, and who has been hearing noises about having things taken away from me, I really do appreciate how horrible it feels. It rarely goes as badly as I think, but it feels horrible anyway. I'll be thinking of you.
Posted by seldomseen on September 6, 2007, at 17:03:41
In reply to Re: T came back - made it worse » seldomseen, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2007, at 13:06:56
yeah, I was kind of speechless - and hurt too. He was rushed and abrupt. I wish I hadn't called him.
I can usually count on him to help - and I think eventually he will (maybe).I don't know.
I'll let you know how tomorrow goes. I don't have a good feeling about it though.
Seldom
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 7, 2007, at 9:50:28
In reply to Re: T came back - made it worse » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on September 6, 2007, at 17:03:41
Well, I don't have any upbeat cheery thing to say. But I'm not going to tell you to "suck it up" either.
There's a middle ground, which is "I know you're hurting. You have a lot of strength, and you may feel like this time will never end, but you have come a long way and this is another step on your journey. Sometimes the most painful things are an opportunity in disguise"
-Ll
Posted by seldomseen on September 7, 2007, at 16:38:10
In reply to Re: T came back - made it worse » seldomseen, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 7, 2007, at 9:50:28
So, I had the review of my project today.
It went GREAT!!!!!!!!! They LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!
I simply can NOT believe it. One of the biggest curmudgeons was in his words "blown away" and is going to lobby for me to get a promotion! He also acknowledged that I did not get the support that I needed, so my work was a little naive and that he would get after one of my mentors, because my work needed to be brought to fruition. The other primary criticism was that it needed to be simpler - which is a common criticism of anything I do, and was well founded. Not knowing what to put in or what to leave out, I just put everything in. Simplifying is much easier to me than adding detail.
Well, ANYWAY. I'm no longer convinced that I am going to be fired and that in the future I will get the help that I need.
THanks for all of your support llurpsie and dinah, in many ways it was the only bit I got.
Seldom.
BY the way, NONE of my mentors were even there.
Posted by Dinah on September 7, 2007, at 17:36:28
In reply to You guys aren't going to BELIEVE this, posted by seldomseen on September 7, 2007, at 16:38:10
Hooray!!
I can't tell you how many times that sort of thing happened to me way back when.
Nowadays my negative self-assessments are all too accurate. :)
I'm so glad it went well, and better yet that your mentors will get some supervision on mentoring.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on September 7, 2007, at 18:50:20
In reply to You guys aren't going to BELIEVE this, posted by seldomseen on September 7, 2007, at 16:38:10
You ARE stronger than you thought you were, and more clever too.
I didn't want to tell you this before, but I had a very strong inkling that your work would be well-received.
In general, superiors don't like it when their underling mentors fail, because it means more work for the superior.
you deserve T H I S M U C H credit for making a silk purse out of a sow's ear.
Congratulations.
I know you're still dealing with other issues and stuff, but please allow yourself just a moment in the limelight.
yours,
-Ll
Posted by Honore on September 7, 2007, at 20:37:38
In reply to You guys aren't going to BELIEVE this, posted by seldomseen on September 7, 2007, at 16:38:10
That's wonderful, seldomseen. Maybe you tend to underestimate yourself-- It's terrible that your mentors weren't there for your presentation-- but maybe after this, they'll have to get more involved. So you've conquered many obstacles with this-- and I"m sure you worked hard to do so.
It's great to see you so relieved and happy.
Honore
Posted by seldomseen on September 7, 2007, at 21:21:09
In reply to Re: You guys aren't going to BELIEVE this » seldomseen, posted by Honore on September 7, 2007, at 20:37:38
thanks honore. I was really sweating bullets. I was really afraid this was going to be a bloodbath.
I could hardly remain professional when they expressed how much they supported and liked what I had come up with. I was so grateful.Anyway, thank you for your kind words, I still have so much to process with my recent breakup, and the harsh words from my T, but at least now I know that I will have a paycheck and some support going forward with my work.
What a week...
Seldom
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