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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 13:28:30
Which is expected, I suppose. So horrible to feel inhibited where we've all called "home" for so long.
So, I'm going out on my limb. And I'm going to post. To hell with feeling safe - this place is what we make it! Don't let the bad guys win! And all that stuff. Insert your favourite cliche <here>. I know they've been talking about some of this on the Psych board, the feeling safe stuff, but I don't post much there. And I haven't talked about the babble issues in therapy at all.
But there's been things IRL that touch on the safety issue too, and perhaps because this is all happening at the same time, it's just freaking me out. There's a really long construction project going on where I live, and it turns out that you can see in through the skylight to the shower stall in our bathroom. I just happened to get that hinky feeling one morning, that there was a pair of eyes on me, but I was wrong. There were multiple pairs of eyes on me! So at the moment I'm either showering in the guest room bathroom (no windows there) or waiting until the sun goes down and the workmen go home to get myself clean. Cripes. And this project just isn't ending - it's been going on for 6 weeks, and there's probably another 6 weeks' of work ahead. So that's making me feel very jumpy and wishing that I could just check into a hotel for the duration.
The other safety issue has to do with my step daughter, who is thankfully to family therapy with her dad (yay!!!) and is trying to untangle herself from an abusive boyfriend. The abuse has escalated from "merely" emotional and verbal to physical violence, and the young woman is completely at his mercy. Today's been another dramatic day of hectic phone calls, trying to get her to safety and beyond his reach. None of us are well equipped to handle the high levels of emotion and sense of physical danger that prevails; we are all perpetually exhausted.
And then there's Babble, and our issues of safety here. So is it that my bubble has burst and I no longer have this illusion of having a safe place? My home, with my family, with my friends on the internet...? Interesting that this all coincides; I understand that there's an important lesson here that I'm learning quickly, about complacency and feeling lulled by inaction.
I'm not going to keep quiet, though. I found my voice at babble a long time ago, and it's not easily given up.
cs
Posted by gardenergirl on August 22, 2007, at 15:07:01
In reply to Still feeling quiet and not very safe, posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 13:28:30
Oh gosh, I'd feel really freaked out if someone were watching me, too. Yikes yikes yikes. ugh ugh ugh. You're supposed to feel safe in your own home.
About stepdaughter, what a shame, however predictable the escalation is. She's blessed to have a supportive family who are concerned for her safety and well-being even though she's worked against the support at times. I hope that this might be the last straw for her to leave him, as I'm sure it will only continue to escalate over time. :(
I imagine that dealing with it took a lot of mental and emotional energy. Sounds super stressful. If you think of the manatees, maybe think of the fluid and graceful swimming and gliding instead of the size and shape?
Take care, sweetie.
gg
Posted by Quintal on August 22, 2007, at 18:10:53
In reply to Still feeling quiet and not very safe, posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 13:28:30
>it turns out that you can see in through the skylight to the shower stall in our bathroom. I just happened to get that hinky feeling one morning, that there was a pair of eyes on me, but I was wrong. There were multiple pairs of eyes on me....
I know someone who might actually enjoy that, maybe even putting on show for the guys, most likely using sponge, steam and lather for dramatic effect, but yes, it's vital that a lady of moral values preserve her modesty.
I think babble is still a safe place so long as basic 'netiquette' is followed. I've known for a while that security was compromised at the very place most people went for succor. I think we can keep babble a safe place so long as fledgling bees are helped navigate the hidden dangers. They exist IRL too of course, and I think babble can help open our eyes to that, and learn how to manage them. So in that sense it's a very worthwhile exercise.
Q
Posted by tofuemmy on August 22, 2007, at 18:35:03
In reply to Still feeling quiet and not very safe, posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 13:28:30
What those guys did is likely illegal. I found this at lawyers.com
"Peeping Tom" laws are often contained within loitering, disturbing the peace or criminal surveillance laws. A person commits the crime of criminal surveillance if he or she intentionally engages in surveillance while trespassing in a private place. Surveillance is generally defined as the secret observation of the activities of another person for the purpose of spying on them and invading their privacy. It also applies to a person who peeps through windows or doors. "
Personally, I'd call the construction firm and complain....but that's my nature!
Sorry this happened to you.
em
Posted by tofuemmy on August 22, 2007, at 18:39:39
In reply to Honey Traps » ClearSkies, posted by Quintal on August 22, 2007, at 18:10:53
Honey pot?? Ewww. Perhaps you misunderstood her distress?
It's pretty clear that CS did NOT trap or lure the construction workers.
em
Posted by Quintal on August 22, 2007, at 19:02:23
In reply to Re: » Quintal, posted by tofuemmy on August 22, 2007, at 18:39:39
Yeah, I know. I had something else in mind when I wrote the title. I think CS will understand. Sorry for the confusion.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_trapQ
Posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 20:13:40
In reply to Re: Still feeling quiet and not very safe » ClearSkies, posted by tofuemmy on August 22, 2007, at 18:35:03
> What those guys did is likely illegal. I found this at lawyers.com
>>
> Personally, I'd call the construction firm and complain....but that's my nature!
>
> Sorry this happened to you.
>
> emWell.... these construction workers aren't exactly American, legal kind of workers... and the construction company, it turns out, isn't even licensed for the state they're working in. Can you tell the project isn't going as well as we'd hoped? We've been snowed, pretty much. Gotta love community living, democracy and all that.
And this is the second, non-peeping, crew of workers we have now; as the first crew were sent home (I think) after someone else complained, about a different issue entirely, that resulted in the job site being inspected by the city. Work is kind of sputtering to a halt - and hurricane season is just getting going :-(
For the time being I'm leaving all the blinds drawn.
thanks
cs
Posted by Racer on August 22, 2007, at 20:39:42
In reply to Re: » Quintal, posted by tofuemmy on August 22, 2007, at 18:39:39
I didn't read it that way, for what it's worth. I think CS was pretty clear, and Quintal was probably just offering something kinda flip to try to ease her distress.
As for the original subject, well -- ClearSkies, my own love, our construction project is also on the skids, badly -- roughly six weeks into it, they suddenly discovered that they can't get the windows we ordered! Only that long into the project did they bother to inform us that the windows -- which they'd obtained pricing information for -- could not, in fact, be made... As a result, EVERYTHING has shut down! Since this was supposed to go until sometime in January, we're already suffering construction fatigue...
I share your pain, my lovely friend.
Posted by tofuemmy on August 23, 2007, at 6:13:24
In reply to Re: » tofuemmy, posted by Racer on August 22, 2007, at 20:39:42
>>I didn't read it that way, for what it's worth. I think CS was pretty clear, and Quintal was probably just offering something kinda flip to try to ease her distress.>>
Here's what happened when I posted:
1) I tend to get overly defensive of friends. I need to remember that they are all competent and can take care of themselves.
2) I typed "honey pot" instead of "honey trap". Honey pot is what a bad man I knew called a girl's private parts. Creepy how those things cling to your brain and pop out at times.
Clearly I felt upset after reading Q's post. I should have walked away.
em
Posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2007, at 7:18:02
In reply to Re: **CSA Trigger**, posted by tofuemmy on August 23, 2007, at 6:13:24
Posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 8:39:48
In reply to Re: **CSA Trigger**, posted by tofuemmy on August 23, 2007, at 6:13:24
Although I'm sorry you were upset by the exchange. ((((Tofuemmy)))) I wouldn't have posted about my peeping toms if they hadn't shaken me up - an invasion is an invasion, which is what I experienced.
So thanks again for your support.
I do think that there is plenty of room in our lives for indignation. Most of the space seems to be taken up with apathy, which I liken to black space, at least where I am most of the time. Wait for someone else to make a complaint, or to deal with the problem. I find that as I'm getting older and hopefully healthier, I'm less complacent and more likely to take action when I've been trod upon. The trick has been to find my voice when the incident happens, and not several days later, after I've allowed it to dwell and fester in my head.
Oh, and charges are being brought against my step daughter's boyfriend. He went as far as to slash her car tires and smash her windshield so she couldn't drive her car away from him last night. Thank goodness her mother was present as an escort so she was able to get to a safe place. Prayers, please, for my step daughter's healing and growth out of this most difficult place in her life.
cs
Posted by Racer on August 23, 2007, at 11:20:15
In reply to I'm glad you didn't walk away *triggers* » tofuemmy, posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 8:39:48
CS, I've watched you over the years, and yes -- you do sound healthier. Even when things are going other-than-well in your life, you do sound consistently stronger, healthier -- growing into your own power, maybe? Whatever it is, it looks good on you, always.
And I'm sorry, when I posted, that I focused on the delays in your project, and not in the horrible experience you had. That is very creepy, and I can only imagine how awful it was.
I'm also very glad to hear that there are charges being filed against the boyfriend. Please warn your step-daughter -- even if it's through someone else -- of the danger of retaliation. I'm going to stop discussing it, though, because it is triggering me now, and I don't want to say too much.
xoxo
Posted by DAisym on August 23, 2007, at 23:16:33
In reply to Still feeling quiet and not very safe, posted by ClearSkies on August 22, 2007, at 13:28:30
I'm glad you are refusing to remain silent here. There are truly few places that are completely safe anyway - so MAKING something safe for yourself is indeed claiming your power.
It seems to be a theme for me this week - the learning how to stand up for myself and getting my needs met. You sound like you are doing that too. Good for you.
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, especially your step-daughter.
Posted by 64Bowtie on August 25, 2007, at 2:33:43
In reply to ((((((((tofuemmy)))))))) (nm) » tofuemmy, posted by gardenergirl on August 23, 2007, at 7:18:02
Posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2007, at 22:12:14
In reply to » ((((((( gardenergirl ))))))) » (nm), posted by 64Bowtie on August 25, 2007, at 2:33:43
Hope you're well.
gg
Posted by 64Bowtie on August 27, 2007, at 1:17:01
In reply to Thanks Rod. » 64Bowtie, posted by gardenergirl on August 25, 2007, at 22:12:14
....and losing weight by work, work, work...
Still practicing how to say stuff...
So good to see you here, gg... Did you finish your thesis and defend it yet???
Rod
Posted by Kath on August 27, 2007, at 20:14:55
In reply to Re: **CSA Trigger**, posted by tofuemmy on August 23, 2007, at 6:13:24
Don't worry hun, I can see how the honey ****** whatever - triggered YOU!!! That's understandable, especially with what was being talked about!
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on August 27, 2007, at 20:23:15
In reply to I'm glad you didn't walk away *triggers* » tofuemmy, posted by ClearSkies on August 23, 2007, at 8:39:48
You're all in my prayers! I'm glad her mother was there also. And glad he's been charged.
AND glad you've found your voice. I know what that feels like, having (for the most part) found mine...at least most of the time. Lately, if hubby reacts defensively etc to something I say & responds in a 'not cool' tone of voice that I have done/said NOTHING to deserve, I instantly (totally out of my control) say something (or even mutter) in the same tone of voice!!!!! It's sort of appalling to me, but I sort of LOVE it too, 'cuz I HAVEN'T done/said anything to deserve being spoken to like that!!! This is SUCH a different dynamic between us. I'm sure it shocks him as much as it shocks me!! I usually then say something totally normal in my normal voice & tend to carry on as if nothing at all has happened!! Jeeez - how embarassing sort of!
Anyhow, I am so sorry this is happening. I think you're taking it with amazing aplomb. (Had to look up the meaning to make sure it was the right word - it felt like it. It IS "self assurance; self confidence"). Inept as they are, I hope the work is soon finished. Wouldn't you love to have some sort of weight-activated or heat-activated device that sprays cayenne pepper or something vigorously up at them!!!
I send hugs, love, Kath
Posted by ClearSkies on August 28, 2007, at 15:58:52
In reply to Thinkin' of ya » ClearSkies, posted by Kath on August 27, 2007, at 20:23:15
> I think you're taking it with amazing aplomb.
Sorry, I just had to look at this sentence all by itself. I love it!
ClearSkies
Posted by Kath on August 28, 2007, at 16:22:46
In reply to Re: Thinkin' of ya » Kath, posted by ClearSkies on August 28, 2007, at 15:58:52
Dear CS,
There ya go!!!!! :-)
lots of love, Kath
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