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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 19:43:51
Hello mates,
in a quite depressive moment i wonder if i'm ever going to change my focus from myself to life and people outside... Depression looks so much like my eyes turned backwards and are constantly looking at me, wasting everything that's so beautiful in life, moments shared with other people... It feels so stupid...
I wonder if this is gonna have an end, or if i'll keep ruining the life of the ones that are around me. My GF is getting a lot of depressive traits, think i'm ruining her life...
Not to think about kids... Why would i bring kids to the world to make them unhappy people?
Think no one's gonna answer though...
Ralph
Posted by Declan on February 20, 2007, at 21:16:39
In reply to Depression and close relationships, posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 19:43:51
Hi Ralph
I swore I would never have kids. My wife just said she was going to have one with or without me, so I did.
Unlike my parents, I can truthfully say that having kids, although being a spectacular pain, has been the happiest part of my life. It's an amazing thing.
Still, I'm not sure I'd do it again. I'm prepared to do my bit to help the human race die out.
How's that for ambivalence?
The biggest thing in life is the waste. It really is very beautiful out there.
Posted by Phillipa on February 20, 2007, at 21:36:37
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » ralphrost, posted by Declan on February 20, 2007, at 21:16:39
Neither of my Daughters are having kids one may she's younger but they are set in their ways and don't want the responsibility. No they are not depressed. Just realize how expensive it is. Love Phillipa
Posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 21:56:46
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » ralphrost, posted by Declan on February 20, 2007, at 21:16:39
Hi Declan,
you know, i'm pretty prepared to go to hell, but not to drag others in.
I still can't accept to think i'm just an atom in the world ready to collide with the next one without caring about the results (irresponsible quantum world). Maybe that's something i should change on my way of thinking. Sometimes i think of the world as being something under aging, so this makes me feel better.
Unfortunately my parents didn't think the same way we do (about the kids stuff), so here i am...
Maybe i don't know how to love, is this right?
Ralph
> Hi Ralph
> I swore I would never have kids. My wife just said she was going to have one with or without me, so I did.
> Unlike my parents, I can truthfully say that having kids, although being a spectacular pain, has been the happiest part of my life. It's an amazing thing.
> Still, I'm not sure I'd do it again. I'm prepared to do my bit to help the human race die out.
> How's that for ambivalence?
> The biggest thing in life is the waste. It really is very beautiful out there.
Posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 22:15:56
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships, posted by Phillipa on February 20, 2007, at 21:36:37
I understand, Phillipa.
Whether depression will be transmitted genetically, socially or financially (or combinations) to the kids it won't make a difference. Chances are big, though.
Cheers,
Ralph
> Neither of my Daughters are having kids one may she's younger but they are set in their ways and don't want the responsibility. No they are not depressed. Just realize how expensive it is. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on February 20, 2007, at 22:41:13
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » Phillipa, posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 22:15:56
The hardest thing with my kids has been to accept that the kid has gone. It's like a death.......irretrievable loss and then the gift of a new person.
I was never very good with change.
Posted by ralphrost on February 21, 2007, at 6:48:58
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships, posted by Declan on February 20, 2007, at 22:41:13
So you have grown up kids? Do you think they got any depressive traits?
And do you think you influenced (and depressed) someone with your problem? It's a big fear I have... It's enough me suffering, i think
Cheers,
Ralph
> The hardest thing with my kids has been to accept that the kid has gone. It's like a death.......irretrievable loss and then the gift of a new person.
> I was never very good with change.
Posted by Poet on February 21, 2007, at 9:43:36
In reply to Depression and close relationships, posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 19:43:51
Hi Ralphrost,
I don't think depressive traits are something that can spread to significant others. My husband is sad when he sees how depressed I am, but he doesn't take meds or see a therapist or think that he's a hopeless failure like I do.
I chose not to have children when I was still a child. Mainly due to my parents non-stop fighting, but also due to me not being nurturing towards humans, just animals.
I'm beyond child bearing ability so now it's a moot point, but I don't regret not having kids.
Poet
Posted by Declan on February 21, 2007, at 13:54:54
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » Declan, posted by ralphrost on February 21, 2007, at 6:48:58
They're NOTHING like me (It's hard to say, isn't it, but I never tried to control them either.)
They sometimes feel down. (They are 20 and 17.) Of course they *do* have depressive traits (in the sense that we all do).
I don't think I have depressive traits as such...it's just that reality gets the better of me (too frequently).
Too early in the morning for this.....must get tea.
Posted by ralphrost on February 22, 2007, at 21:24:50
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » ralphrost, posted by Poet on February 21, 2007, at 9:43:36
Hi mates,
I'm quite a kid yet (23 old), so maybe that's just because i still didn't leave my parents completely behind. Think they left quite a harm to my peace and freedom of being (negligence and huge fights for years at my house). Real neurotics...
I think anxiety arises so much from the stupid way our parents treat us.
I would have kids in 10 years or so, though. Time enough to die first...
> Hi Ralphrost,
>
> I don't think depressive traits are something that can spread to significant others. My husband is sad when he sees how depressed I am, but he doesn't take meds or see a therapist or think that he's a hopeless failure like I do.
>
> I chose not to have children when I was still a child. Mainly due to my parents non-stop fighting, but also due to me not being nurturing towards humans, just animals.
>
> I'm beyond child bearing ability so now it's a moot point, but I don't regret not having kids.
>
> Poet
Posted by Declan on February 23, 2007, at 1:51:22
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships, posted by ralphrost on February 22, 2007, at 21:24:50
>I think anxiety arises so much from the stupid way our parents treat us. <
Couldn't agree more.
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 23, 2007, at 10:58:11
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships, posted by Declan on February 23, 2007, at 1:51:22
Yeah ditto.
It really does seem to me that most of the people here or at least people with some form of mental illness, had 'faulty' or traumatic upbringings. I really think there is a vast amount of truth in this.
Declan, how, (if you don't mind me asking) do you make sure you're the best parent you can be? I mean, I'm completely neurotic, blah blah - sure I'd like to have kids one day, but how do you make sure you I dunno, make the same mistakes our parents did? If you know what I mean. I'm totally scared I'll mess them up, or not be able to cope myself or something.
I have alot of respect for you, you know.
Meri
Posted by Declan on February 24, 2007, at 1:14:26
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » Declan, posted by Meri-Tuuli on February 23, 2007, at 10:58:11
This is interesting.
You don't make the same mistakes your parents made...you make an entirely fresh sort.
(A bit like in history where leaders are always fighting the last war? Maybe not.)
I was lucky with our kids. I was able to spend heaps of time with them.
Kids will kind of bring themselves up, as long as you give them enough time and attention, and don't give them too much choice (very important these days).
It can of course be really really difficult. I never wished (like my parents did) to have a template of how things should be.
Except for kindness and the basic virtues.
Posted by Crazy Horse on February 27, 2007, at 10:28:23
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships » Declan, posted by ralphrost on February 20, 2007, at 21:56:46
> you know, i'm pretty prepared to go to hell, but not to drag others in.
So obviously you do believe in a Hell. If you don't mind could you please explain to me what you think hell is, and why you think you might be headed there? Thanks.-Monte
Posted by ralphrost on February 27, 2007, at 20:16:50
In reply to Re: Depression and close relationships, posted by Crazy Horse on February 27, 2007, at 10:28:23
Actually i don't. For me hell is right here on earth... I meant hell as an unhappy life, some sort of life you fall in and can't get out of...
I think once you have such bad experiences life never feels the same. You get teached from child how to be depressed your whole life...
>
> > you know, i'm pretty prepared to go to hell, but not to drag others in.
>
> So obviously you do believe in a Hell. If you don't mind could you please explain to me what you think hell is, and why you think you might be headed there? Thanks.
>
> -Monte
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