![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 18:41:05
So I am at my pdoc appointment and I say,
yes I still can't sleep, and
yes, I can't remember the last time I went to the bathroom,and my pdoc talks about working with my t on not getting so upset by not being able to sleep, and hands me a much-photocopied page about avoiding caffeine (check), not doing all my worrying while lying in bed (snort), practicing regular exercise (check), blah blah blah blah. She increased the Lamictal and had me change my Cymbalta dosage to the morning instead of the night. Sent me on my merry way, and...
3 minutes later in my car, I'm shaking with frustration and crying that my major complaints are now due to the medications I'm taking for my depression and anxiety. I'm royally most NOT amused at the cavalier attitude that my doctor is passing off on me, that my petty whinings about sleeping when the rest of my time zone is sleeping and being as regular as my cat is, according to her litter tray anyways, she sits there (the pdoc not the cat) looking smugly at me. OK, so the cat does the same thing.
I want to throw all my meds out the window. Just chuck 'em. Make a confetti of tablets and capsules broken open. I went to a store after this crying in the car thing and the nice woman behind the counter said, oh do you have allergies? Your eyes are watering and your nose is red. Sure, I agreed, it's allergies all right. Then I finished up quickly in the store and ran back to the car for another weep-a-thon.
What's weird is that this feels like a transitory freak out... that I will wake up (hah!! at what time ladies and gentlemen?) a few days from now and wonder what all the fuss was about. Like I can see the dust storm coming, I'm in the middle of it now, and I know it will rattle off again.
Argh. I want a bath. I want someone to make this all better. I don't want to keep taking pills every day and then pills to counteract the pills. Metamucil and lavender eye masks and sleep-producing meditative cd's and no caffeine in my coffee - what's the use of that?? - and just being so annoyed and frustrated.
End of rant. Thank you.
Posted by zenhussy on October 25, 2006, at 20:22:18
In reply to freak out, posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 18:41:05
>> What's weird is that this feels like a transitory freak out... that I will wake up (hah!! at what time ladies and gentlemen?) a few days from now and wonder what all the fuss was about. Like I can see the dust storm coming, I'm in the middle of it now, and I know it will rattle off again.<<
nothing weird about that CS. sounds like you're aware of some patterns within the anxiety or depression. small comfort knowing that the end is in sight when one is in the middle of the dust storm. very glad to read the above from you as it shows you've learned much about yourself and your situation from the years you've been participating here. and now a deputy no less, eh?
thinking fiberous, sleepy thoughts for you.
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 20:34:15
In reply to Re: freak out » ClearSkies, posted by zenhussy on October 25, 2006, at 20:22:18
> thinking fiberous, sleepy thoughts for you.
>
>Zen, did I ever properly apologize to you? I have a horrible feeling that I haven't, that I've left a nasty chad hanging from a long while ago, and it nags at me.
I appreciate your support; I'm sorry that I have misunderstood you in the past; I am truly, truly sorry for any hurt I have inflicted upon you. I could say that I was a different person then; perhaps my world was tainted with the pall of depression, anxiety, and so much anger at the situation I found myself in.
There's no exuse, and I am so so sorry.ClearSkies, PartlyCloudy, and Rainday.
Posted by TexasChic on October 25, 2006, at 21:02:10
In reply to freak out, posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 18:41:05
I totally understand. Today I had a similiar epiphany. I really realized (or let myself realize) the reason I've gained so much weight over the past several years is at least partly because of my medication. You would think I would jump at the chance to lay the blame somewhere other than with myself, but to me its worse to know the one thing that keeps me alive is at least partly responsible for why I am so miserably overweight. Well, this isn't a very incouraging post - sorry about that. I just wanted to say I understand.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 25, 2006, at 22:02:13
In reply to freak out, posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 18:41:05
Clear Skies I'm sorry for the anxiety you've been through today and hopefully you are right and in a few days you may forget about this. And in a positive note. What if changing the cymbalta to morning does the trick and you can sleep. I'll join you in the decaf club which I Hate I want a good cup of coffee iced with whipped cream on it too and no twitching and being anxious afterwards. Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 22:06:00
In reply to Re: freak out » ClearSkies, posted by TexasChic on October 25, 2006, at 21:02:10
Thanks TC we often seem to be on the same wavelengths.
Posted by TexasChic on October 28, 2006, at 21:01:49
In reply to Re: freak out » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 22:06:00
Yeah, you're right. I'd love to meet you in person some day. You're the person I remember as having posted to me the longest. I remember putting a post of yours on my refrigerator when I was at my lowest. I can't exactly remember what it said, but I remember it was from you and it helped me get through.
Is it weird to feel an emotional connection to people you've only spoken to in a babble? That sounds like a subject for a good book...
-T
Posted by Phillipa on October 28, 2006, at 22:07:39
In reply to Re: freak out » ClearSkies, posted by TexasChic on October 28, 2006, at 21:01:49
Believe it not I talked to a few babblers on the phone and met one in person. How great to know that the people are real I mean REAL. Love Phillipa
Posted by zenhussy on November 5, 2006, at 12:26:58
In reply to Re: freak out » zenhussy, posted by ClearSkies on October 25, 2006, at 20:34:15
>>>Zen, did I ever properly apologize to you? I have a horrible feeling that I haven't, that I've left a nasty chad hanging from a long while ago, and it nags at me.
>>>I appreciate your support; I'm sorry that I have misunderstood you in the past; I am truly, truly sorry for any hurt I have inflicted upon you. I could say that I was a different person then; perhaps my world was tainted with the pall of depression, anxiety, and so much anger at the situation I found myself in.
>>>There's no exuse, and I am so so sorry.
>>>ClearSkies, PartlyCloudy, and Rainday.CS,
Sorry to have left this thread hanging as your apology took us by surprise (blown away might be another way of putting it). Needed a few days to digest what you had to say.
We've received other apologies over the years through various mediums. Some have been short, sweet and simple. Others have been what the person might have considered an apology but when read carefully suggests that no apologizing is going on.......instead the persons offering the apology basically state "sorry that YOU didn't like how I behaved" or "sorry YOU didn't like my insensitivity" instead of any contrition for their behaviours or actions.
When reading this apology from you here we're struck by the sincerity and heartfelt nature.
Yes, there were many things said and done over this lifetime that were painful. When a person exerts choice to put forth energy into another's life and chooses that energy to be less than positive it can wound more deeply than anyone might guess.
We're very glad you've taken the time to say the above words to us. Your post shows a tremendous level of self awareness and growth. We're very glad to be able to congratulate you on your continued healing and the positive changes you've made and stuck to.
People aren't always what we're told by others. People aren't always who they present themselves to be. But people are humans and humans can be easily hurt.
Fairly amazing what a well-timed apology can do.
With deep gratitude for your ability to express the above to us so eloquently,
--zh
Posted by zenhussy on November 5, 2006, at 23:14:10
In reply to apology digested and response now ready........ » ClearSkies, posted by zenhussy on November 5, 2006, at 12:26:58
and now our attempt at apologizing for being a transgressor in your life.
it would be nice if saying "I was a different person back then" was enough or explained everything. there is no explanation. no excuses.
poor behaviour is poor behaviour and ours toward you was unkind.
our deepest apologies for any harm or hurt we have directed at you.
thank you for allowing the time to pass for all this to digest......been a number of years.....but hey...we're all still around after all these years....that's something to commend anyone on this board for.....sticking through the darkest, hardest times with their diseases/disorders.
to be able to reflect upon one's personal path when down the road is a valuable thing indeed. nobody we know gets jolly off of admitting to participating in less than stand up behaviour.
the less skeletons, sometimes, the better. thank you for the opportunity to let our bones out of the closet.
namaste CS
your dedication to yoga and the benefits you share with the board are very inspiring...thank you for continuing to share how it has helped you.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 6, 2006, at 7:49:21
In reply to don't freak out CS...it's only an apology from zh, posted by zenhussy on November 5, 2006, at 23:14:10
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.