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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 31. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 12:08:42
Everybody keeps changing their names and I don't like it. I don't know if you care or not. I care. I wonder where 'so-and-so' has gone or if they're still here but under a different name. I don't sit here and monitor babble everyday. Changing your name w/o telling me is sneaky.(?) If you change your name, shouldn't you tell me? I mean, I'm not going to tell someone who you really are. Don't we trust each other here?
cf
Posted by 10derHeart on September 22, 2006, at 13:16:23
In reply to Who R All You People?, posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 12:08:42
I can understnd how frustrating that is at times, that sense of people disappearing, or even reading a post and wondering, 'is that so-and-so, sounds a little like her/him, but I can't be sure...' - especially when you don't read/post every day. Sometimes I forget for those of us who are 'addicts' and on here all the time, too much, numerous times a day.....it's different and that doesn't happen much. Thanks for reminding me to consider other realities besides my own.
I do know how you feel, but maybe it'll help to remember it surely isn't personal. Yeah, I do think it's about trust, but not of you - corafree, or me 10der, or anyone alone or a group of Babblers, but more of IRL issues. It's about comfort and safety IRL - some posters have real worries over being traced through the archives by a posting name. Also, I recall some posters feeling better about new names with new, personal meaning for them at different points in their lives, but not always wishing to explain that to us all.
I can see how you - and others - might feel that a person 'should' tell you, but I'm not sure that's quite so cut and dried. We'd like it? We wish? We'd feel less uncertain? Our curiosity would be satisfied? Yep. But maybe not that they "should." And I guess, no matter how each of us may feel, Dr. Bob has decided that no, posters don't have to tell on the boards who they used to be. The FAQ say you need to post to Admin that you used to post as someone else, and that's all.
Here comes the reminder (gentle is my intention) even though your feelings may be stirred up my this issue, be careful not to characterize posters who change their names as anything - I won't repeat the word you used - as that may lead them to feel put down. I see you (if I may be so bold) as a friendly, sincere, caring poster here, cf. I'm sure you didn't mean to stumble over the edge of civility there.....
Could it be true of your experience to say, "I feel surprised, uncomfortable, and/or disconcerted when posters change names without telling me," - or something like that? (your words would be ever so much better than my clumsy attempts...)
We're usually good to go when we focus on describing *our* own feelings arising out of others' behaviors :-)
Posted by rainbutterfly on September 22, 2006, at 14:05:38
In reply to Who R All You People?, posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 12:08:42
Never been here before, so I haven't changed my name. I wouldn't change my name without telling people I "know"...
I care,
butterflyPS Don't get me started on "trust" :o(
Posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 14:54:55
In reply to my thoughts on that and a reminder... » corafree, posted by 10derHeart on September 22, 2006, at 13:16:23
I don't know 'what' I called babblers who change names .. looked @ my post ... don't see it; unless you're referring to 'sneaky'; I said the action was sneaky, not the person.
<some posters have real worries over being traced through the archives by a posting name what you were referring to.>
And I have also, but if I changed mine, and you and I crossed paths in a thread, I'd use the babble feature to let you know 'who I was'. Because, well, I think I thought I was important to you(?), and, I wouldn't want you 'not' to know who you were talking to.
I've had to find out from third or fourth parties, 'who's who now', and it feels like cf isn't important enough to spend the little bit of time it takes to use the babble feature to let her know.
I've been here a long time, and if after all this time, more than a few people don't include me in the knowledge of their new identity, it says to me 'I'm not worthy', and in my real life, 'people are telling me that w/ foghorns!'
And b4 I take up 2much more time, I'd like 2b 'more' than a kind and caring person here. I know you were complementing me and thank you, but what is it about those kind of characteristics that make me feel like an unpublished manuscript lying on the floor of a blocked writer?
I'd also like 2b a person who identifies an issue that feels bothersome and brings it up for discussion w/o fear.
If I have 'no meaning' here ... (I've said too much. I'm so sad and so tired.)
loveallways, cf
cf
Posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 14:57:28
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by rainbutterfly on September 22, 2006, at 14:05:38
That's sweet of you. I had wondered ... Is butterfly new or someone I've known for years? Thank you.
cf
Posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 17:34:46
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » rainbutterfly, posted by corafree on September 22, 2006, at 14:57:28
> I've had to find out from third or fourth parties, 'who's who now'
Isn't it interesting how people can't keep their eye on their own business instead of worrying about what other people are up to.
I used to post under a different name. I posted that to admin.
How hard is it for people to say 'that is really up to the poster to say if they should choose to tell you' and of course if you would like to know you could Babblemail the poster directly.
Sorry but Babble gossip makes me feel mad.
I remember why it is I really don't like this place sometimes...
Posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 19:20:12
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 17:34:46
it isn't personal corafree.
people change their posting name for a variety of reasons.
and sometimes people don't want people to know who they used to be.
it isn't personal.
but i wish to god posters would respect other posters privacy
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:30:34
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 19:20:12
Corafree,
I understand your frustration. I find it bewildering too. I worry that maybe I'm writing something that will bother a particular babbler who has an issue with something- but I'm not sure- has X changed names to Y? When in doubt, avoid posting to them, or avoid posting something that might be too personal. Just keep it supportive. (or social, in this case :o) )I personally am kind of bothered by your post. I recently changed my name. I followed the procedures that Dr. Bob asks us to follow. I feel liberated by changing my name. I didn't change it with the purpose of hurting or sneaking around anyone on psycho-babble.
I come here for support, and if changing my name makes me feel better about myself, and about posting here, then I don't see why it has to be seen as "sneaky" or deceptive or anything negative at all.
plus, I think my new name is prettier than the old one.
It's like getting a haircut. Maybe it throws people off- but I cannot worry excessively about the random people who will be confused- it's MY head!
-Li
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:32:28
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:30:34
Oh- and if you miss someone and wonder what happened to them, you can always send out a shout-out, especially on Social
HEY!!!! I MISS YOU "X" WHERE ARE YOU!!!???!!!
Those kind of posts always tickle me :)
Posted by Phillipa on September 22, 2006, at 22:08:15
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:32:28
It really is hard to keep track. I appreciate it when someone notifies me in a babblemail. Love Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 22:49:12
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by Phillipa on September 22, 2006, at 22:08:15
> It really is hard to keep track. I appreciate it when someone notifies me in a babblemail.
maybe you do but it isn't about that
it is about a posters right to privacy
if they choose not to say what name they used to post as why can't other posters just respect that?
if you want to know who a poster is why can't you babblemail them and ask them directly?
if they don't tell you then why can't you just accept that they have a right to privacy?
gossip really gets to me.
Posted by corafree on September 23, 2006, at 16:02:01
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by Lindenblüte on September 22, 2006, at 20:30:34
Geez Lindenblute .. almost slipped up and replied under L..; don't know how to put the dots over the u! (I used to, really.)
I'm sorry .. I apologize for suggesting you, or anyone 'I know' here, were being sneaky.
You, and others here, R 'my friends', 'all' I have in my life right now, & I value U greatly.
I don't want PB to be like the real world! :( IRL, privacy is a big issue, but I just wish it didn't have to be a big issue here. I would never, ever, share any of your private info w/ anyone. But (taking off my rose-colored glasses), unfort', must face, there are 'those' that would'. :(
I saw your 'proper notification' in Admin, but it was like 'one day out out of a month' that I jumped over to see what's happening in Admin.
Several days later, began to wonder, should I go to Admin everyday to see if one of 'my friends' has changed their name?
You're especially creative and I don't know where your new name comes from, maybe it's a beautiful place somewhere .. maybe google it.
Couldn't 'get in' to IE to connect to PB at all until now. I was getting some error message from MS after my daughter used my computer here and forgot to log off under her 'private log in'.
? - Can you, 'or anybutty reading this', find my real name? I mean, can that be done easily? I ran a search once w/ just my name here, but couldn't find any way to get to 'the real me'. Can it be done? If can, pls babble me?!
It's not 'my friends' here, I would worry about. It's 'them' 'out there'.
I hope I'm not being too presumptious assuming you, and others here, are really 'my friends'.
notezBNneedy, cf
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 23, 2006, at 16:44:28
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on September 23, 2006, at 16:02:01
Corafree,
I'm glad that we can be friends in babble-land.
That's fantastic :)Don't worry about the dots. what I do is I just copy and paste my name. I don't know how to make the dots either.
Lindenstrasse is a very common street name in German-speaking places. It's kind of like "Oak Street". I'm thinking of a very particular street, though. It's an ordinary place, but wonderful people live there. It always feels... right, somehow. I need that feeling nowadays. Everything feels wrong.
Don't be worried about us running away from you. It's much more likely that we're running away from ourselves...
-Li
p.s. maybe you're popping over to Admin on that one day was for a reason... ;o)
Posted by corafree on September 24, 2006, at 23:01:13
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » corafree, posted by Lindenblüte on September 23, 2006, at 16:44:28
<It's an ordinary place, but wonderful people live there. It always feels... right, somehow. I need that feeling nowadays. Everything feels wrong.>
I think I feel the same as you recently. It's been 'ballooning'! Things feel wrong in my IRL environment. (I've told my closest IRL peeps and they tell me to make the best of it. Most hurtful really. Especially from my mother.) In my past, if I wasn't happy, I'd moooooooooove on.
I feel like I'm at some sort of fork in the road, BUT (THE BIG B) 'I'm not as physically strong as I once was' and I'm afraid I won't be able to take the road 'where everything just feels right' due to physical incapacity! I've been crazy 'physically' ill and MDs aren't taking me seriously, but instead, focusing on 'this' area of my life as the 'culprit'.
Have med appts tomorrow and Tues, and I'm upset about going alone. I feel like there's strength in numbers. Even 2, better than 1, when you feel you're not being heard.
I hope this explains why sometimes 'I'm social social' and other times a bit 'anti-social social'. When I don't feel well physically, it's 'a real bad scene bein' me'. I'm all about running, jumping, and dancin'!
Hey .. I could change my name to volvo(?); or expand on it a bit. I've had a handful of them ... 'loved 'em all and they felt safe too!' I'm kidding, about the name part anyway, I think ;)
love, cf
Posted by Lindenblüte on September 24, 2006, at 23:07:24
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on September 24, 2006, at 23:01:13
I'm sorry that you have to go to your appts alone. That's difficult. On the other hand, maybe you will be able to be more honest about what's bothering you, and what you hope to accomplish at these appointments. It sure would be nice to have someone to hold your hand in the waiting room, though, and give you a hug before you get in the car.
Well, for what it's worth, I care. I'll be your babble-buddy, and hang out in the waiting room. Just print out this silly babble-post, and you can bring me with you anywhere!
((((safe hugs for corafree, the volvo of psycho-babblers))))
cute nickname :)
hope you feel better soon
-Li
Posted by Phillipa on September 25, 2006, at 19:58:02
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on September 24, 2006, at 23:01:13
Corafree e-mail me. I thought Tuesday was for something else? Love Phillipa
Posted by corafree on September 28, 2006, at 12:39:49
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » corafree, posted by Phillipa on September 25, 2006, at 19:58:02
Just did P!
Trouble downloading email from server. Oh thou 'computer savvy' forces of nature or wings of celestial one, keep my compooturd safe!(?)
To all who responded to this thread, 'thank U4 helping me back into the boat'! U didn't let me down(drown). I've this thing re: 'rocking boats' when feel nothing is being done about something(?) and have had my fair share of near-drownings.
I really can count on all of U, to give me a hand -or- a shoove w/ a paddle. U all keep me grounded!
2rockornot2rock?, cf
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2006, at 9:31:13
In reply to Re: Who R All You People?, posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 22:49:12
> Isn't it interesting how people can't keep their eye on their own business instead of worrying about what other people are up to.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please first see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforceFollow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
> > It really is hard to keep track. I appreciate it when someone notifies me in a babblemail.
>
> maybe you do but it isn't about that
>
> it is about a posters right to privacyIMO, it's not either-or, the privacy of posters is important, but so is their having some idea of who they're talking to.
BTW, I'm planning to standardize the new name-notification process, so those posts will all go to the same thread, to simplify searching for them.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2006, at 9:31:36
In reply to Re: Who R All You People? » Lindenblüte, posted by corafree on September 23, 2006, at 16:02:01
Posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2006, at 3:29:18
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on September 30, 2006, at 9:31:13
I'm sorry about that. I was just feeling upset because with my name changes I don't think that people have been particularly good with not posting anything to identify the poster. You say in the FAQ that people shouldn't post anything to identify another poster. Maybe you mean RL identifications rather than internet identity identifications? I took it to mean internet identity identifications, however. I really thought that would be respected. But I've been disappointed and hurt about that over and over again. I thought things were getting better... But I don't know. Are people allowed to ID people via Babblemail? I just wish people wouldn't do this. Kind of appreciating that people are entitled to some privacy. If they wanted to know whether the poster had a previous name or if they wanted to know the posters RL identity then they should ask the poster directly and that poster should get to decide whether they want to disclose or not.
> IMO, it's not either-or, the privacy of posters is important, but so is their having some idea of who they're talking to.
Why? I thought you said it was important to give people a fresh start if that was what they wanted. It isn't doing that when people are informing others of their hunches or guesses or whatever via Babblemail.
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 2, 2006, at 8:39:26
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by alexandra_k on October 2, 2006, at 3:29:18
It's hard Alex, particularly for those babblers who have a strong voice and a unique perspective, and are well-established on the board.
Ultimately, for such babblers, their identity changes will become apparent, even if we don't explicitely say who it is, we may never treat them the same way that we treat a completely naive babbler either.
Of course, if one truly wishes a fresh start, it should be possible, but only by changing the nature of the language and writing style one uses, the topics one responds to, and so forth.
It's a bane and a blessing to be an individual sometimes. I can cut my hair, and get a new wardrobe, but if anyone knew me well before my makeover, they are probably going to recognize me afterwards.
-Li
Posted by Dinah on October 2, 2006, at 10:32:22
In reply to Alex » alexandra_k, posted by Lindenblüte on October 2, 2006, at 8:39:26
I always get freaked out when someone comes here, is clearly familiar with board history and me, yet the name is new. It makes me very nervous. It makes me very wary. It makes me feel at a disadvantage. And other things that are difficult to put in I statements.
I think a new start would include giving up the ability to claim familiarity.
I really am not sure why anyone who is well known someplace would choose that way to make a new start, not to others in the place they're well known. There are other ways to make new starts. I've made a few here at Babble, and so have others. It took a while for people to see me differently, and maybe some never did, but...
It's kind of like a Mrs. Doubtfire situation, you know? Even though he pretended to be unfamiliar with the family, he still was able to operate with all his previous knowledge of the people involved, while they didn't have that privilege.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 4:00:19
In reply to Alex » alexandra_k, posted by Lindenblüte on October 2, 2006, at 8:39:26
> Ultimately, for such babblers, their identity changes will become apparent, even if we don't explicitely say who it is, we may never treat them the same way that we treat a completely naive babbler either.Thats fine. I just wish that people wouldn't say explicitly who it is. My understanding of the FAQ was that people were requested not to do that.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 4:04:44
In reply to You put that very well » Lindenblüte, posted by Dinah on October 2, 2006, at 10:32:22
> I always get freaked out when someone comes here, is clearly familiar with board history and me, yet the name is new. It makes me very nervous. It makes me very wary. It makes me feel at a disadvantage. And other things that are difficult to put in I statements.
I think that usually people change their names either because they want a fresh start or because they are concerned about having left an internet trail to their RL identity either from the net to RL or from RL to the net.
I think it is important to respect peoples privacy.
> I think a new start would include giving up the ability to claim familiarity.
I agree I wouldn't be happy if a new posting name person followed me around saying 'I know who you are' and stuff like that. But of course the archives are here for all to view. There could well be lurkers who sign up and can claim familiarity even though they have never posted before...
> I really am not sure why anyone who is well known someplace would choose that way to make a new start, not to others in the place they're well known. There are other ways to make new starts. I've made a few here at Babble, and so have others. It took a while for people to see me differently, and maybe some never did, but... It's kind of like a Mrs. Doubtfire situation, you know? Even though he pretended to be unfamiliar with the family, he still was able to operate with all his previous knowledge of the people involved, while they didn't have that privilege.Yeah. I'm glad that way of making a new start worked out well for you. Other people choose a different approach, however. I think we should respect that.
Posted by Dinah on October 3, 2006, at 7:39:26
In reply to Re: You put that very well » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on October 3, 2006, at 4:04:44
I respect it. I just react differently to posters who choose that path. I feel uncomfortable under those circumstances, and my interactions with the poster reflect that discomfort. Although eventually I could probably get over it.
Other posters may feel differently, and respond differently, and that's fine.
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