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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
A few weeks ago my guy "friend" and I made out and felt each other up big time. He is engaged to a girl he's dated since they were 14 (he's 22 now, so it's been 8 years.) He's never had sex with another woman but her. Anyway, he has made out with two other women before he and his girlfriend got engaged. But he was engaged when he and I fooled around. I'm not claiming to be innocent in this.
Right now we are not really friends because it's too awkward. I feel bad for the fiance because she has no idea she's about to marry a cheater. I'd want someone to tell me if my fiance was cheating.
Posted by Bobby on August 14, 2006, at 21:55:20
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
My advice is to let sleeping dogs lie. They both could wind up hating you. I know he may have done you wrong--but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet.Find somebody who is better.
Posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2006, at 21:57:57
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
Call me stupid call me whatever. But I married my highschool sweetheart and I knew he was cheating on me when I married him. He also once paid me $20 if I'd go home so he could get together with these two lose girls. And I did it? This was many years ago. I hope women are smarter now. I don't know how to answer your question I'm so much older than you . I stayed married to him for 21yrs. Love Phillipa
Posted by wildcardII on August 14, 2006, at 22:39:30
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
just act like you were the fiancee' and the other girl didn't tell you...it's a hard call but i would wanna know. i'd rather have my heart broken before the wedding and be given the opportunity to decide if i wanted to still be with him. it affects her life too. it takes courage to tell her and you have that...or tell him he has to fess up or you will~it's only right imo. just my 2 cents.
Posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2006, at 22:48:37
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » PhoenixGirl, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2006, at 21:57:57
Wildcard that's a tough one. They could both end up hating PG. I don't believe in them but a lot of guys have stag parties and lap dance and other things before their weddings. And my own Daughters ex-husband my ex-husband his father , the grooms father and all his friends went out to a strip joint the night before and as my Daughter said whatever they did is okay. Kind of a goodbye to Bachelorhood. Love Phillipa ps I don't believe in them but that's me she had no problem with it.Either did my ex's new wife?
Posted by wildcardII on August 14, 2006, at 23:06:52
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2006, at 22:48:37
this is about this girls future marriage plans..that's very sacred to me and many others. two wrongs don't make a right. i would want to know but i guess i'm funny like that. i would want to be given the choice to say 'it's okay'(which i wouldn't),....not have it kept from me. to me, engagement is a promise and promises should not be broken like this one was.
Posted by Racer on August 14, 2006, at 23:08:21
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
No.
For one thing, you don't know if he's already told her.
For another, though, it sounds as though there's more here than any sort of good deed, no? It sounds to me as though you maybe want some sort of pay back? That's not a good reason. It's a really good way to create something for you to regret later in your life, though. I'm not advocating saying nothing for his sake, but for yours, so that you don't end up regretting it later.
Also, while others may not agree with me on this, I don't think one make out session actually counts as cheating. It counts as lousy judgement, but not exactly cheating.
There. My opinion.
Posted by susan47 on August 14, 2006, at 23:58:32
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2006, at 22:48:37
But I notice there's a lot of ex's in the picture, and considering their behaviours, I can't really say I'm surprised. It isn't what I'd choose in a man. Those kinds of guys are okay if a woman needs purely to be enjoyed physically, for sexual purposes, but they're notoriously poor for real relationship, soul-level stuff. And tantric sex .. well, forget that. Won't happen. Will it?
Posted by crazy teresa on August 15, 2006, at 7:13:45
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
What exactly would you be accomplishing by sharing what you've done with her?
Posted by Tamar on August 15, 2006, at 8:03:44
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
I agree with every word Racer said.
And I think the bottom line is that it won't make you feel better, and it will almost certainly make her feel awful.
Cheating is a difficult subject, and different people have very different feelings and thoughts about it. But I generally think it's best to leave people to conduct their relationships the way they choose to, and usually that means not telling people things like this, even if you think they'd want to know.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 8:38:04
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » PhoenixGirl, posted by Tamar on August 15, 2006, at 8:03:44
What kind of friend is this? Will you be bosom buddies with her in 10 years come he*l or high water? Has she been there for you in tough times? Is she closer to you than your family?
If the answer to these questions is NO, than I would not tell her. It will likely come down to a "he said/she said" situation, and your friend will probably stick with her guy and dump you as a friend. Everyone will come out with bad feelings towards you, in the most likely scenario. It's almost like you would be offering yourself as a sacrifice to their relationship, but it probably won't change things for the better.
-ll
Posted by tootercat on August 15, 2006, at 16:53:17
In reply to Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out?, posted by PhoenixGirl on August 14, 2006, at 21:28:21
Hey how does anyone know the fiance is true blue? Regardless it is not your privilege or duty to tell her anything. Don't know that I would want to know from someone who knew that he was engaged me and decided to get intimate with him. Not a very trustworthy source. Sorry to be blunt but think about it. And for someone to saying kissing and feeling up is not cheating is like Clinton saying oral sex isn't really sex.
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 19:40:58
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » Phillipa, posted by susan47 on August 14, 2006, at 23:58:32
Susan unfortunately I had nothing to base my marriage on. My Mother was sick til she died when I was l7. I raised myself. And this was in the free love years. My whole graduating high school class married within a year of graduation and everyone was divorced. We all kept track. No today I would never marry a man like that. It's so sad to not grow old with someone who truly loved you. Fond memories in older years. Love Phillipa
Posted by susan47 on August 15, 2006, at 21:01:22
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made out? » susan47, posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 19:40:58
And here I've been married and divorced twice, three children from the two marriages, never kept in touch with anybody from school these were men I met later and I had a ton too much sexual and psychic experience.. none of it made any diff. in my bad life choices. I still get fooled by people, men in particular, women I have much easier relationships with. Women are pretty much my friends, I can honestly say that. And the ones that aren't are few and far between and I also have a short memory when I want to. And I usually do choose forgiving over anything else. But mistakes with men .. well why the hell are they so easy to make? Because SEX gets involved, and I Cannot say No when I am really turned on.
No.
And men know that.
And they take advantage of it, and take what they want. Sometimes they want more, sometimes less. But whatever it is, I always gave it.
BUT that isn't always the case.
Sometimes people are lucky enough to meet other people who bring out the best in them and they're unselfish and giving and kind ... and whole. I don't know Phillipa, there seem to be a lot of un-whole people around. It's time for me to not attract them anymore. Hahahaha.
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 21:10:34
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made o, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 8:38:04
Well I guess you kindda answered your own question. No sex. And I was always drunk. So no booze either other than maybe one or two. Love phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 21:30:35
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made o » llrrrpp, posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 21:10:34
>> What kind of friend is this? Will you be bosom buddies with her in 10 years come he*l or high water? Has she been there for you in tough times? Is she closer to you than your family?
If the answer to these questions is NO, than I would not tell her. It will likely come down to a "he said/she said" situation, and your friend will probably stick with her guy and dump you as a friend. Everyone will come out with bad feelings towards you, in the most likely scenario. It's almost like you would be offering yourself as a sacrifice to their relationship, but it probably won't change things for the better.
-ll
> Well I guess you kindda answered your own question. No sex. And I was always drunk. So no booze either other than maybe one or two. Love phillipa
Phillipa, I don't understand- can you explain?
-ll
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 21:54:26
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made o » llrrrpp, posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2006, at 21:10:34
Sorry it wasn't meant for you Lurp. Love Phillipa
Posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 22:48:17
In reply to Re: Should I tell my guy friend's fiance we made o » Phillipa, posted by llrrrpp on August 15, 2006, at 21:30:35
This is the end of the thread.
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