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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 0:04:17
I'm really not much of a conversationalist. I'm pretty quiet nearly all of the time. Most days I do not talk to anyone except family.
Interacting with others wears me out immensely. Sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out after an interaction. I keep thinking of all the stupid things I said or did and I would be mortified. Sometimes I force myself to smile and laugh the whole time and then my facial muscles get tired from all the forced smiling. I don't want to keep smiling.
I'm also afraid of being lonely. I'm going to be alone in a giant city. What if the people going don't really want to do things together? I might end up going to a lot of places alone. No one to share my experience with. I might take Piglet with me to keep me company. I did that 2 or 3 years ago when I went to the movies alone. Now I just go to the movies alone without Piglet.
What if I get really homesick? What if the trip is really stressful? Maybe I should take breaks like some others are probably going to do. I'm probably going to be extremely tired for the entire trip. I'm waking up early to take the bus on Fri. I probably won't get any sleep that night because I usually go to bed late and because of the excitement. I probably won't be able to sleep either because I can never sleep in unfamiliar places. I'll be sleep deprived for 5 days. Will I be okay?
Deneb*
Posted by Racer on May 13, 2006, at 1:50:30
In reply to I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip, posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 0:04:17
> Will I be okay?
>
> Deneb*Nope. Not a bit of it. I'll bet by the time you get through the five days, you'll be saying things like, "Math is hard!" and "Britney rocks!" and probably giggle a lot and have a compulsion to vote Republican...
Deneb -- here's some advice from someone who survived 24:
Relax.
The more you think about this, and keep it in your mind, and basically obsess about it, the more nervous you'll get. The more nervous you are, the more likely it is that you will not enjoy your trip nearly as much as you could if you just relaxed!
Rule number one about meeting new people: if you're tense and upset and worrying about whether they'll like you, you probably won't be a very likeable version of yourself. Relax, be yourself, and be prepared to do some things on your own, and some things with others.
Have fun. I wish I were going.
Posted by Estella on May 13, 2006, at 2:17:48
In reply to I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip, posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 0:04:17
Hey. I think it is pretty normal to feel nervous... I'm fairly nervous when I meet new people. I've met a couple people off the boards and I was fairly nervous about meeting them. But then... They were fairly nervous about meeting me too.
But it went well...
I said lots of stupid things.... And I worried about having said lots of stupid things... But then they were probably worried about them having said lots of stupid things (not that I thought they did).
But it is fairly normal to say stupid things out of nervousness... And the number of stupid things I've posted on the boards...
What is wonderful about people (and Babblers in particular) is that people here UNDERSTAND about nervousness and worrying about saying stupid things and stuff like that. And so even if you do say something slightly nutty... I think people understand it is coming from nervousness... I don't know a single person that hasn't made some kind of social blunder at some point... But really it isn't the end of the day... And I really can't imagine that anything would happen that wouldn't be something that you could laugh about later.
It will be fun.
A bit scarey yeah...
But I really think it will be fun.> Sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out after an interaction. I keep thinking of all the stupid things I said or did and I would be mortified.
I don't think beating yourself up is likely to help...
But it can be really very hard not to do it...
I do it quite a lot too...
But I try not to...
Usually... Other people didn't even notice what it is I'm beating myself up for.
Or even if they do... Usually... Other people (and I'm sure Babblers are more likely to be sensitive to this than other people) But usually... People are very understanding and very forgiving. If I see someone make a social blunder... I cringe for them and remember the social blunders I've made. I certainly don't hold it against them or anything like that.You will be fine :-)
> Sometimes I force myself to smile and laugh the whole time and then my facial muscles get tired from all the forced smiling. I don't want to keep smiling.
I don't think you should feel like you need to put on a happy face the whole time. IMO... If you feel a little panicked... Then maybe move back a bit (or it is okay to be quiet for a while... I'm good at that and other people don't seem to mind... Just smile a little if people look a little worried... And it is okay to be quiet if you want to be...)
> I'm also afraid of being lonely. I'm going to be alone in a giant city. What if the people going don't really want to do things together?I have no idea really... But I figure there will be some planned stuff... And some free time. So you will be able to do stuff with people... And you will have some time to yourself to recouperate. While recouperating... Try not to beat yourself up ;-)
> Will I be okay?
yeah you will be fine
((((Deneb))))
Posted by llrrrpp on May 13, 2006, at 9:14:35
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Deneb, posted by Estella on May 13, 2006, at 2:17:48
I have to go to these conferences a couple times a year, and I usually have many of the same things running through my head. A couple of things that help me a lot is that I have to remember that nearly everyone is a stranger, and they are strangers to each other too. It's a perfect situation to practice socializing 101. And the best part is that no one will remember who you are (even if you have your real name on the tag), so there are no repercussions.
During the day, people wear nametags, and if you see many people looking kind of shy , hanging out by the coffee and donuts, you can rest assured that if you go and introduce yourself "I'm llrrrpp, and this is the first time I've ever been to this conference" They will usually be so relieved to have a real human to talk to. Idle chat about the city of Toronto, their specialty, where they are from, if they have a restaurant recommendation. And so on, and when the conversation runs dry, you just move on "I have to go to another talk now, good luck with your presentation".
Another thing I do during conferences is I build in a couple of breaks. I find an hour or two during the day, and I go swim in the hotel pool, or go for a walk, or buy some crap at the mall. I find that conferences often have a lot of information, and my poor brain gets overloaded trying to keep up with all the latest research. You should keep in mind that you don't need to remember everyone you meet, or remember every study you hear about. If you meet some interesting person, ask them for their card "I have a terrible time remembering names of people I meet at conferences- do you have a card? I'd love to e-mail you and ask you more questions about your work"
Finally keep in mind that you have something to offer other people. All the psychiatrists and academics get bored with each other, and you have a fresh perspective about what the conference and workshops are all about. The pdocs get sick of talking about work for days on end, so feel free to distract them with interesting observations from an intelligent layperson.
Have fun!
I'm jealous that I can't go. Toronto is supposed to be a great place to hang out :)
Posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:54:55
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip, posted by llrrrpp on May 13, 2006, at 9:14:35
It's okay to be quiet at times, too.
I need to repeat that to myself, btw. :)
gg
Posted by Phillipa on May 13, 2006, at 11:14:11
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip, posted by gardenergirl on May 13, 2006, at 10:54:55
Deneb remember you will finally get to meet Dr. Bob in real life. Love Phillipa
Posted by Poet on May 13, 2006, at 14:03:34
In reply to I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip, posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 0:04:17
Hi Deneb,
We will be doing things together in Toronto. In Chicago we didn't plan any group activities until we met for dinner. We'll talk about what we want to do Sunday and Monday at dinner in Toronto, too.
Poet
Posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 17:28:29
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Deneb, posted by Racer on May 13, 2006, at 1:50:30
>I'll bet by the time you get through the five days, you'll be saying things like, "Math is hard!" and "Britney rocks!" and probably giggle a lot and have a compulsion to vote Republican...
ROFLMAO :-)
> The more you think about this, and keep it in your mind, and basically obsess about it, the more nervous you'll get. The more nervous you are, the more likely it is that you will not enjoy your trip nearly as much as you could if you just relaxed!
Yikes. Now I'm worried about being worried about this. Not good. LOL I'm really excited about the trip and I can't help thinking of how it will go. Maybe instead of imagining horrible things happening, I should imagine myself having a really great time...think it and it will come true. :-) Or, maybe I shouldn't have my hopes too high, I might be disappointed. I dunno... I think things will go all right.
> Rule number one about meeting new people: if you're tense and upset and worrying about whether they'll like you, you probably won't be a very likeable version of yourself.That's a scary thought. I don't always know how to stop worrying.
> Relax, be yourself, and be prepared to do some things on your own, and some things with others.
I will try to be myself. I'm more myself on the boards than in real life. I will try to be Deneb.
> Have fun. I wish I were going.
I wish you were going too.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 17:37:27
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Deneb, posted by Estella on May 13, 2006, at 2:17:48
> Hey. I think it is pretty normal to feel nervous... I'm fairly nervous when I meet new people. I've met a couple people off the boards and I was fairly nervous about meeting them. But then... They were fairly nervous about meeting me too.
So I guess everyone will be nervous. At least I won't be alone. ;-)
> But it is fairly normal to say stupid things out of nervousness... And the number of stupid things I've posted on the boards...
>
> What is wonderful about people (and Babblers in particular) is that people here UNDERSTANDI think that will help a lot, knowing that Babblers will understand. This is one of the reasons why I keep posting my fears on the boards. Babblers in real life should understand too.
> I don't think you should feel like you need to put on a happy face the whole time. IMO... If you feel a little panicked... Then maybe move back a bit (or it is okay to be quiet for a while... I'm good at that and other people don't seem to mind... Just smile a little if people look a little worried... And it is okay to be quiet if you want to be...)
That's good to know. I just don't want people to feel awkward if I'm quiet a lot of the times. I want to make sure people *know* I'm a quiet person.
I wish you could be there with us Estella.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 17:39:46
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Deneb, posted by Poet on May 13, 2006, at 14:03:34
> Hi Deneb,
>
> We will be doing things together in Toronto. In Chicago we didn't plan any group activities until we met for dinner. We'll talk about what we want to do Sunday and Monday at dinner in Toronto, too.
>
> PoetPhew. I was just getting worried because no plans are set yet. LOL I guess I'm not much of a spontaneous person.
Deneb*
Posted by Estella on May 13, 2006, at 23:04:48
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Estella, posted by Deneb on May 13, 2006, at 17:37:27
> So I guess everyone will be nervous. At least I won't be alone. ;-)
yeah.
> I think that will help a lot, knowing that Babblers will understand. This is one of the reasons why I keep posting my fears on the boards. Babblers in real life should understand too.yes. and i think they will be just as understanding irl...
> That's good to know. I just don't want people to feel awkward if I'm quiet a lot of the times.Okay. It takes (at least) two people to get one of those awkward silences... I used to worry about that a lot. The silence. And so I'd try and think of something to say try and think... And sometimes I'd come up with something a bit odd. What I'm starting to see though... Is that it takes (at least) two people to get one of those awkward silences. They aren't saying anything either. So you shouldn't feel pressured or like you have to break it. Because the other person could say something too...
Besides which...
Silences can be nice.
A smile tends to life the awkwardness a little...
I wish I could go too.
Have a great time.
Posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:19:55
In reply to Re: I'm getting a little scared of my Babble trip » Deneb, posted by Poet on May 13, 2006, at 14:03:34
How about if we get her a bit snockered on Friday night. Then saturday her head will hurt too much to be nervous.
Just kidding. Maybe. Sort of.
Posted by Deneb on May 15, 2006, at 14:28:26
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » Poet, posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:19:55
> How about if we get her a bit snockered on Friday night. Then saturday her head will hurt too much to be nervous.
>
> Just kidding. Maybe. Sort of.LOL Corrupt me! Hehehe...
I need to be more wild. :-)
Deneb (the little angel) 0:)
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 15, 2006, at 18:10:41
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » Poet, posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:19:55
> How about if we get her a bit snockered on Friday night. Then saturday her head will hurt too much to be nervous.
>
> Just kidding. Maybe. Sort of.I've lost track of who's coming in when. Are you going to be in on Friday night? I'll be in town, myself, but I haven't made any plans, yet. I really was interested in seeing Stephen Wright, but I'm open to just hanging out.
Back bacon on a bun is starting to draw me in, too.
And ice cream.
I'm bringing butter tarts. The Magick ones.
Four days. The tock is clicking.
Lar
Posted by Deneb on May 15, 2006, at 21:56:43
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » AuntieMel, posted by Larry Hoover on May 15, 2006, at 18:10:41
> Four days. The tock is clicking.
>
> LarNow it's more like 3 days! I'm excited and scared at the same time. I can't believe I'm actually going to do this!
I'm going to start packing.
Deneb*
Posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 23:05:03
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » AuntieMel, posted by Larry Hoover on May 15, 2006, at 18:10:41
I a m s t a r t i n g t o w o n d e r w h a t i t i s I a m m i s s i n g o u t o n a b o u t t h i s b a b b l e t r i p. I t s o u n d s v e r y i n t e r e s t i n g.
c u r t m
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 15, 2006, at 23:17:17
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » Larry Hoover, posted by curtm on May 15, 2006, at 23:05:03
> I a m s t a r t i n g t o w o n d e r w h a t i t i s I a m m i s s i n g o u t o n a b o u t t h i s b a b b l e t r i p. I t s o u n d s v e r y i n t e r e s t i n g.
>
> c u r t mCute spacing, curt. Or should that be curt spacing?
The annual APA convention is in Toronto this year, and because a previous Babble get-together in Chicago went very well, it was suggested that Babblers might meet up with Bob and each other in Toronto. It's open to any and all, but Bob set up an invitation-only group at Yahoo, so we could share information with other attendees while maintaining a little privacy. It is this coming weekend, Friday or Saturday through Monday. We're also doing a presentation at the APA convention, on Monday morning (voluntary participation by Babblers). It's just going to be everybody hanging out in real life, in Toronto. It's a long weekend in Canada, fireworks, etc. Monday a holiday. If you'd like to attend, you need to email Bob (link at the bottom of every page).
Lar
Posted by Poet on May 16, 2006, at 8:48:31
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help » Poet, posted by AuntieMel on May 15, 2006, at 14:19:55
Excellent idea. After a martini or two, Deneb, will forget her own pseudonym. Perhaps a chocolate one to start with?
Poet
Posted by Deneb on May 16, 2006, at 15:11:35
In reply to Re: Hey, Poet, we can help, posted by Poet on May 16, 2006, at 8:48:31
> Excellent idea. After a martini or two, Deneb, will forget her own pseudonym. Perhaps a chocolate one to start with?
>
> PoetI'm never had a martini before. LOL Actually the only fancy drinks I've had are a peach schnapps and something called a "sex on the beach"?? Oh wait, I've tried vodka with orange juice too.
Chocolate martini? What the... I can only imagine what that is. LOL
LOL Seriously though, I don't think I should drink very much. I'm on three medications. Larry thinks it's a bad idea for me to drink a lot. I don't think it would hurt for me to have one or two drinks at a time though.
Deneb*
This is the end of the thread.
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