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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 5:57:11
It was, in my opinion, a true ‘nervous breakdown', which I experienced in 3/05.
I say that because it was all about 'my nervous system deteriorating', not 'mental deterioration'. My thoughts and feelings were very clear.
I’d been taken off Klonopin w/o titration a few wks earlier. I know. But, I'd been accustomed to Xanax and was unaware of the potency of Klonopin, at that time; or would not have agreed to the P's order.
My best friend .. my FATHER .. had passed away a year earlier and I had just rec’d an email from my mother (out of state) saying she was selling 'HOME'.
I packed a bag and came out to one of my mother’s empty homes in the state I live in. I felt a little comfort just at a change of surroundings and also at being a few miles from my 'supportive daughter's' home. Realizing no one could hear me, something inside me, a pain I guess I'd been trying to control due to the paper-thin walls at my condo, surfaced fiercely. It was grief over losing Dad and now home. I cried like a ‘howling cub’ (It was such an ugly, deep, awful sounding cry that I couldn't believe it was coming out of me.) uncontrollably, nonstop, for nearly three hours. When it began to let up, I was in 'a zombie state'. I called my daughter who lived nearby and said, “I need a bed and a plate of food.” Kindly, she said, “I can do that.” I dressed, went outside and sat on a rock, waiting for her to come and gather me up.
I stayed w/ her for 3-4 days. I was shaky, weak, exhausted but not able to sleep well, and hyperventilating pretty much 24/3-4. I wasn't hungry, but would eat what she put on a plate. My physical strength had begun to fade away as soon as she’d picked me up. It was fading further and the hyperventilating was increasing. It felt as if I was aging 10-15yrs each day. I would move about the house by ‘balancing myself w/ a hand on the wall, chairs, tables, whatever I could for support'. It felt like I imagine a 110-y/o person might feel. I was scared I would fall due to weakness. The hyperventilating was only relieved by what little sleep I could get. When I'd awaken, I'd have maybe five minutes of easy breathing, then it would start up again.
I felt my physical self just wasting away more each day. The shaking was worsening. I was fiercely cold and wrapped up in blankets (in rather warm weather), still hyperventilating, still loss of motor skills. By the 4th day, I realized I was only getting worse, and knew I needed professional help asap. I asked my daughter to drive me to my P and he arranged for a bed at a local hospital.
There I presented with still constant hyperventilation, whole body tremors, severe weakness, inability to walk w/o support, no appetite, a totally flat affect. I had postural hypo(?)tension and sometimes had to sit w/ my head down below my knees to keep from passing out. If the hyperventilating was really strong, I felt 'a pressure on the top of my head', a feeling like the top of my head was going 'to blow off'.I asked my two assigned psychiatrists, “What is a nervous breakdown?”, and they turned to each other and sort of chuckled, before explaining that there really wasn't a definition.(?)
I was prescribed Valium and had nearly immediate relief of all symptoms.It's a year later; still on Valium 10mg 3x day.
Tonight I am feeling 'a bit similar symptoms' as I did a year ago, hyperventilating, inability to relax or sleep. There are some similar circumstances occurring in my life. Some losses.
No one told me what to expect afterwards and I never asked .. duh. I wonder if I am changed somehow; if there was some irreparable damage; if I now have strong precursors to recurrence.
I was so relieved by the Valium ... I didn't bother to ask then. But now I'd like to know.
Now, after going through that, I know the term 'nervous breakdown' is widely misused. I am guilty of misusing it many times myself.
Pls share if anyone has experienced the sort of 'nervous breakdown' I describe above.
If so, did you learn what to expect in the future, or if you had suffered some irreparable damage that should be monitored? Anything anyone can share would be appreciated.
Does someone think there are other kinds of nervous breakdowns?
I think the keyword here isn't so much breakdown, as it is 'nervous'.
I've built a tolerance to the Valium dosage and tonight I'm having hyperventilating, difficulty breathing; it's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I've spoken w/ the crisis line and may call them again. I'm scared, anxious, shallow breathing, rapid heart rate.
morning,cf
Posted by Phil on May 8, 2006, at 6:12:51
In reply to NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING, posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 5:57:11
I'm sorry you had to endure that. Can you contact your doctor today?
Posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 9:59:49
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING » corafree, posted by Phil on May 8, 2006, at 6:12:51
Hi Phil. I only got out of bed (lying there crying and now feeling like more is coming) to come to the computer here.
I don't know who to turn to, as far as any IRL support, besides the county system here that I am 'new' to.
I tried to call the office where the P is and it is still on transfer to the crisis line .. prob' till 9a.
Crisis already knows how I'm feeling and said they would call me this morn' to see if I had contacted my P.
Crisis also said they could see that it would be hard for me to live so close (one mile) to my ex-veryabusive-husband.
These things I've held inside, I had children and needed to work, so just held on. Well, they're trying to bust out of me now, and I don't know if I'm strong enough! Maybe that's why I had the first nervous breakdown.
I need to find a therapist that will help me get myself back w/o falling apart.
Knowing what I need isn't enough. I have to be strong enough to get to it. I'm afraid I'm not and that's why I had the first nervous breakdown.
This morning ... I feel physically weak ... sick ... old; weaker and sicker and older than I am!?
cf
> I'm sorry you had to endure that. Can you contact your doctor today?
Posted by Phil on May 8, 2006, at 11:14:13
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING » Phil, posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 9:59:49
Why does the system make it so difficult for people who are suffering to get help.
I'm so p^ssed today because I'm still playing med merry go round and I'm just at my wit's end.
Still, I'm above it somewhat.
I'll say a prayer for you immediately and I know we'll both get better soon.
All the good vibes I have coming your way. I wish I could do more.Kindest regards,
Phil
Posted by Phillipa on May 8, 2006, at 13:27:44
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING » corafree, posted by Phil on May 8, 2006, at 11:14:13
Corafree why didn't you write me? Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart on May 8, 2006, at 15:32:01
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING, posted by Phillipa on May 8, 2006, at 13:27:44
Cora,
I know very what a nervous breakdown is like, there is a point where you just cant take it, many way you can experince it,
1. Out emotionally
2. Psychially
3. Racing Thoughts (usally before one)
4. Having a manic reaction. - that can be out emotionally, overreactiing psychically.Those are those terms that i have experienced.
Im very sorry to here that had that horrible experience. I take Xanax at a moderate doseage.
I had an almost a breakdown when i went into a hospital.
I cant talk much more.
Please take carerj
Posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 18:36:25
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING, posted by Phillipa on May 8, 2006, at 13:27:44
I'm sorry.
As the day is progressing, so is this mess I'm in. Can't hardly make sense to write how I feel.
Had a person here doing some work (handyman) and took my mind off this for a bit; funny how that worked.
When he left, I think I 'slept' for about an hour. But I just awakened and starting hyperventilating right away. I'm eating carbs (or is it protein that helps Lar?) and drinking water.
I've called case manager, P, and crisis line x2. So far, I've been given an emerg. appt. for Weds. I'm going to take a double dose of Valium right now.
Seems only way to inpatient is thru' ER and taking my cigarettes away will throw me into incoherent hysterics within an hour.
It's my children (Oh God .. how I've loved them .. not them .. they won't desert me .. not them!!!) But, they are, and deliberately. They've got this 'tough love' thing going ... thinking it will force me out into this dang desolate desert town where I know no one or places.
They think by visiting me they will be 'enabling me'.
And, two are w/ my ex-abusive u-no-who, and he's 'enjoying this' ... making it humiliating.
I'm making no sense ... I'm having such empty pain in my solar plexus, and SOB, fast heartbeat.
I'll get back to u/babble in a couple hrs.
Thank you for being here .. love u and all, cf
Posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 18:40:43
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING, posted by rjlockhart on May 8, 2006, at 15:32:01
I can feel 'that manic' in my inability to relax.
I've been on Xanax and I could use a fast-acting anxiety med right now.
Have to hold on until Wednesday to see P midday.
cf
Posted by corafree on May 9, 2006, at 13:30:29
In reply to Re: NERVOUS BREAKDOWN - THE REAL THING » rjlockhart, posted by corafree on May 8, 2006, at 18:40:43
It's around noon and I've drug myself from my bed to my chair here. W/ your help and some of you've emailed me directly, I've 'interrupted' what had me scared and felt like another oncoming breakdown! I feel tired this morning, but that's okay; heart and mind aren't racing. I used some taurine last eve which helped greatly. Also, the cognitive reminders 'baby steps' and 'this too shall pass' are here w/ me. I'd hug my computer but it's too dusty.
Up and down ... I've prob' got some of you thinking 'that girl's a hard one to figure'!
From thoughts of 'moving on' to 'simple acceptance' to 'proactivity' ... I think I'll make it through 'another trying Spring' (That's the time of the year when I think I should be BLOOMING just like the freakin' flowers!) w/ a little help from my friends here AGAIN! (And now you're thinking .. haven't we heard her say this before, or, she'll probably be posting another 'cry for help' next week.) And ummm, maybe you're right, ... but I hope that's o.k. You guys haven't let me down before, ever. I hope I give just a bit of what I get here. love,cf
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