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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on February 2, 2006, at 0:48:42
I was going to post this in the substance use board, but I thought, instead, that I'll post it here.
One of the things that can happen when you stop abusing alcohol is that you start feeling things more deeply because you aren't chemically stuffing your feelings. I think I had one of those experiences today.
You see, I take the local transit bus fairly often, and I see this woman every now and again. She's older, almost 80. We talk every now and again. She used to be a teacher, and she's very proud of the work she did. She had a special talent for helping children who had difficulty learning things. We're both Virgo's. She's told me about her children, her grand children, and even about some of the students she worked with.
I really enjoy talking to this woman. I know her birth date, and so many things about her. I don't know, maybe she's become a grandmother for me as I lost mine some time ago.
Anyway, today she climbed up into the bus, and she was having a bad day. She started talking, and mentioned that she had been to the doctor. They found that she has cancer on or in her pancreas. Unfortunately, her lungs are not in very good shape. She needs constant oxygen. Her pulmonologist said that she couldn't withstand the surgery to take care of the cancer.
I was devastated. We talked again today, but inside I was crying buckets. When I got off that bus, I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I don't want her to die. I don't want her to suffer.I want to keep talking to her, to get to know her better. While we were talking, she was saying that if she wasn't so sick that she might even like to go back to school and update her credentials and teach again. She is the kind of teacher that children remember. She was mentioning today that she had gone to a local town-hall type meeting and this man came up to her and said "You probably don't remember me", but she did, and reminded him of a trick he had played on her in her class.
She's just so amazing. I want to get to know her better. Maybe I'm selfish, trying to hang on to someone I've become quite fond of. It just really stinks that someone so wonderful will have to experience a terribly painful illness. The next time I see her on the bus, I'm going to make it a point to ask her her name.
She's an awesome knitter. She'll be working on projects on the bus, her fingers going a hundred miles an hour, and she's not even looking at what she's doing. She's talking, and looking right at you. I don't know... I just think that she still has so much to offer. There are so many talks I want to have with her. I'm so confused, feeling like I'm selfish, hurting, scared, I don't know. I think I'm feeling this as much as if it were a family member, and I just don't get it.
I spoke to my sponsor, and she says it's partly getting sober, and partly that I'm starting to feel more comfortable with myself and being more open to more people. Maybe.
I can't imagine what her children and grand-children must be going through. Still she's getting around and taking the bus, all on her own. It's amazing how someone you see for a few minutes at a time, maybe a few times a month can have such an impact on you.
--Dee
Posted by Glydin on February 2, 2006, at 8:30:41
In reply to I don't even know her name., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 2, 2006, at 0:48:42
I firmly believe people come into our lives for a reason. I am so sorry about the news of your friend's declining health.
We all have a limited time here and it sounds like your friend has done wonderful things with her life. There is a good lesson there for all of us.
I hope you can get to know her better. Maybe you can both be of help to one another. It sounds like it was meant for you two to meet.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 2, 2006, at 8:57:49
In reply to I don't even know her name., posted by deirdrehbrt on February 2, 2006, at 0:48:42
That is so touching and sad. I'm so glad that you have been able to get to know each other. Could you exchange info and meet for lunch? It sounds like it could be really special.
Best,
EE
Posted by Phillipa on February 2, 2006, at 20:31:27
In reply to Re: I don't even know her name., posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 2, 2006, at 8:57:49
She is lucky to have you as a friend as too often the elderly are forgotten. Have you ever considered Hospice work. Sounds like you could fulfill the need to talk that family members often are either afraid of or don't have the time to do. And I think the lunch idea is wonderful.When working as a nurse I loved to talk with the elderly the stories they told have taught me so much about how times were years ago. One of the questions I always asked was what do you owe your old age to [not in those words of course]Most said they smoked, worked hard in the fields, and had an occasional drink at night. Never gave a thought to cholesterol or excercising. They worked so hard they didn't have time to worry about the things we do either. They always loved to talk. Fondly, Phillipa
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