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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
Forget everything I have ever said.. Its not wortyh it. How ever much you think you've beaten it, its all a load of cr*p.
A soon as you hit that wall. BAM. All the old behaviours come back, and instead of fighting the slope like you used to, you just slip quicker.
All those friends I have sat up with, throught he night, talking them through a crisis. All the friends I have changed plans for, put my problems aside for.
Where are they now? Well, not interested in me, thats for sure. And who can blame them.
I break down and tell my husband. He rolls his eyes and tell me I'm pathetic, I bring it on myself, that I'm just lazy and using it as an excuse not to go to work. He tells me if I want to do it, just go ahead. He doesn't care.
I tell my friend. She tells me to pull myself together. Apparently all will be OK if I rub between my eye brows. Don't make me laugh.
There is no point. None at all.
Life never really changes. Its tricks you for a while. But it never changes.
Nikki
Posted by sleepygirl on January 17, 2006, at 16:52:34
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
Hi Nikki,
I don't really know you, but here goes.......
You sound incredibly disappointed in a lot of ways. It sounds like you've tried hard to believe in things, but it's gotten hard. I sometimes wonder what "the point" is, and sometimes I'm convinced that there is none. It's hard to remember what matters and what's important when you feel like that. It takes a lot to go through it. I'm trying to remember or create "the point" for myself right now, but for what it's worth I hope you find something to grab onto (like us for instance ;-). (((Nikki)))
Posted by sabrina0805 on January 17, 2006, at 17:01:29
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
The husband thing - I understand. The friend thing - I am am battling. I wish I could be your friend!!! Truly!!
Sabrina
Posted by Dinah on January 17, 2006, at 17:11:31
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
((((Nikki)))
How can I help?
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 17:32:15
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
I meant my RT friends.. the ones in my timezone.. the ones nearby..
*sighing*
taking sleeping pill.. if i can sleep maybe tomorrow will be slightly easier..
I saw my GP.. she said that it will opass.. its my body getting used to not having the chemicals from cigarettes.. I know, rationally, this is true. She says it will pass in a month.. I told her I didn't think I would survive a month, and she laughed at me. Said giving up smoking had never killed any before, and it wouldn't kill me. I don't thinks he was *listening* you know.
I called my pdoc. They can offer me an appointment in April.
I don't even believe that having a cigarette will help me now.. maybe it would though..
hmmmmmm
Posted by verne on January 17, 2006, at 18:06:15
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
Nikki,
I know I mentioned magnesium on the other board but what works even better for addictions is meditation. I'm not much of an example because I haven't been doing it.
I never smoked but have met many meditators (mostly TM) over the years who claimed meditation enabled them to quit. When I was heavy into meditating and some simple yoga, I simply couldn't drink or overeat. I don't know why I'm having trouble getting back into the practice.
Meditation gives the body deep rest and relief it may not get even in sleep. I think TM is good but too expensive. Eknath Easwaran and Thomas Ashley-Farrnad have books and CD's on meditation that come close to the TM model. Centering prayer works for some. I don't recommend anything that requires effort or focus though. The idea is to let go.
Another thought is out of the "Borderline Personality Disorder Skills Manual" - "Radical Acceptance" of the way things are. This is almost a meditative technique since it puts us in the moment. We are letting go of judging or evaluating the situation.
And don't make any major decisions at night. That may be a trick my pdoc played on me but it kept me out of trouble. I think our perspective isn't as clear at night.
Hope you're feeling better. Quitting smoking ranks up there among heroic feats in my book.
Verne
Posted by wildcard on January 17, 2006, at 18:46:58
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
I can relate and I do know how you feel but don't quit. You have fought back and did it before, you can do it again. We all slip, sometimes to the bottom but I know you can make it back to the top. You are a wonderful person. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I am alone too. Take care and hang on girl!!!
Posted by Phillipa on January 17, 2006, at 19:40:27
In reply to Re: slipping so fast » NikkiT2, posted by wildcard on January 17, 2006, at 18:46:58
Yeah it's rough when no one understands. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 18, 2006, at 6:50:25
In reply to slipping so fast, posted by NikkiT2 on January 17, 2006, at 16:39:58
Thanks everyone.. what would we do with out babble huh?
I can't believe how strong the urge to self harm was last night.. it took me SO by shock.
I've been to see a different GP this morning.. I know my normal one is a complete b*tch, so I went and saw the lovely male one at my practice. He was wonderful.. he hugged me when I cried, and said he was exactly the same when he gave up last year. Said he kept bursting into tears during consultations!! He was just lovely.. and I do feel much better for it.
he said to treat myself well, sleep when I need to, and self soothe..Strangely - I did get my "Borderline Personality Disorder Skills Manual" out this morning. I'm so bad at meditation, but I spoke with one of my bosses this morning (a DBT therapist) and she is going to do some meditation with me tomorrow, as well as some other skills work.
I will sruvve this.. the rational brain knows that, but when the irrational brain takes over, its so hard to beat it back.
Thankyou.. so so much..
*tight hugs for those that like them, and firm handshakes for those that don't*
Nikki xx
Posted by wildcard on January 18, 2006, at 14:02:23
In reply to Feeling brighter, posted by NikkiT2 on January 18, 2006, at 6:50:25
Posted by ClearSkies on January 20, 2006, at 5:24:23
In reply to Feeling brighter, posted by NikkiT2 on January 18, 2006, at 6:50:25
Nikki - I'm glad you're feeling better and that you have a sympthetic GP in your area. Doctor's hugs have great therapeutic properties.
best,
ClearSKies
Posted by Racer on January 20, 2006, at 14:05:32
In reply to Feeling brighter, posted by NikkiT2 on January 18, 2006, at 6:50:25
I'm glad you're feeling better. Reminds me of trying to quit smoking many years back -- after a week, my doctor told me to go back to it! Cross my heart and swear to whatever you believe in -- my DOCTOR told me that I was just too vulnerable to do it.
I've known people who overcame heroin addiction and smoking -- and said quitting smoking was harder.
Does any of that help?
Wellbutrin, though, really does make a difference, and if you don't want ot try that, there have been some articles saying that a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda twice a day will help. I haven't tried that, but will probably next time I try to quit.
Another thing that might help is being held by your loving husband -- not that that works with mine, but he doesn't want to touch me anyway, so...
Sorry you're on this rollercoaster, Nikita. You know you have my best wishes. Even if you ain't been emailing lately... Then again, I ain't been reading much of use. Martha Grimes right now, after a few Anne Perrys.
But I think I finally ordered "The Big Over Easy."
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 20, 2006, at 14:22:20
In reply to Re: Feeling brighter » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on January 20, 2006, at 14:05:32
I will email..
When this stupid horrible damned roller coaster ends..
I promise..
N xx
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 20, 2006, at 14:25:42
In reply to Re: Feeling brighter » NikkiT2, posted by Racer on January 20, 2006, at 14:05:32
So..
I found THE perfect car, and asked them to put it on hold till this evening so I could get the money in cash..
They ring me.. oops.. they sold it. Nothing else on the market in my price range that is what I want..Then I get a call from Mum.. Gran has had a major stroke, and they don't expect her to last the weekend.. So I need to get down there tomorrow morning - on the train..
Then I'm away Wednesday - Friday next week on business, and simply can't face it.. I'm not in a place where I want to be away from home..
Its just too much at the moment..
N xx
Posted by ClearSkies on January 20, 2006, at 15:25:53
In reply to Its raining, its pouring.., posted by NikkiT2 on January 20, 2006, at 14:25:42
I'm so sorry about your Gran. I'll be thinking of you.
One foot in front of the other, Nikki. You can make it through this.
big hugs
ClearSkies
This is the end of the thread.
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